Even the clientele seemed more upscale; businessmen, women out for a fun ladies’ night, and tourists with money to spend seemed to be the crowd here.
As they approached the dark wood and gold-accented bar, Josie Lynn saw that Wyatt and Cort were already there. With the parrot. Josie Lynn made sure all the men were between her and the bird as she took a seat, although the icky winged creature seemed far more interested in his drink than anything else.
“So any sign of the Chers?” Drake asked.
“Not yet.” Wyatt said. “But a helluva Lady Gaga impersonator just finished.”
Cort leaned forward to look down the bar at them. “Did you happen to see the Dancing Vagrant?”
Drake shook his head. “Sorry. You’re stuck with the bird for a while longer.”
Cort sighed. “Well at least this time the damn thing didn’t rob anyone.”
No sooner had he said that than a Cher impersonator, this one dressed as Moonstruck Cher, approached them.
“There you are,” she said to Cort. “Do you know that damn bird of yours stole one of my earrings last night? And it was an exact replica of the ones Cher wore to the Oscars in 1988.”
“Of course he did,” Josie Lynn heard Cort mutter and reach for his wallet.
Josie Lynn studied the Cher, then leaned in to whisper to Drake. “He’s one of the five. He was dressed as Believe Cher last night.”
“Are you sure?”
Josie Lynn nodded.
Drake stood up and walked over to the Cher.
“You were at the wedding last night. You crashed it.”
Moonstruck Cher gave Drake a slightly offended look. “Crashed? I don’t think so. We were a gift to the bride.”
As if they realized one of their own was being confronted, the four other Chers appeared from backstage, making a very impressive beeline toward them.
“Great,” Wyatt muttered, “we’re going to end up in a tranny brawl.”
“Well hello, wild ones,” Half-Breed Cher greeted them, hardly looking ready to fight.
Josie Lynn then realized she was talking to her and Drake.
“Wild ones?” Drake said.
If You Could Turn Back Time Cher clucked her tongue. “You two were naughty, naughty, naughty.”
“But so much fun,” Sixties Cher said.
Josie Lynn exchanged looks with Drake. This wasn’t going at all like they thought it was going to go.
“We hung out with you all last night?” Drake asked.
“Obviously,” Cort muttered, handing Moonstruck Cher a wad of cash. “Damn bird.”
“Yes,” Bob Mackie Cher said, “But clearly none of you remember it either.”
“Either?” Wyatt said.
“Brian and I here,” Bob Mackie Cher said pointing to Half-Breed Cher, “ran into a couple of your friends. The ones handcuffed together. And it was clear they didn’t remember partying with us either.”
“So you didn’t drug and rob us?” Josie Lynn said, thoroughly confused.
All five Chers looked appalled.
“Would Cher rob anyone? Please,” said Bob Mackie Cher.
“She is a goddess,” If I Could Turn Back Time Cher stated adamantly. “Not a common criminal.”
Josie Lynn supposed that was reasonable logic.
“Plus, we really are friends of Zelda’s,” Sixties Cher said.
“So who the hell drugged and robbed us?” Drake asked.
“Oh, we can tell you that,” came a voice from behind them.
They all turned to see Johnny, Zelda, and Saxon—and behind them were two people wearing black leather masks with zippers over their mouths and cuffs on their wrists as they were being dragged along by dog collars and leashes. One of the leashes was the one Josie Lynn had used on Waldo, which meant the gator was probably on the loose again.
“Saxon figured out who drugged and robbed us,” Zelda said proudly, and clearly fully recovered.
“Who?”
Saxon peeled back one of the masks on the bound couple, while Johnny pulled off the other.
“Eric,” Josie Lynn said, not totally surprised. But her jaw dropped when she looked to the other culprit. “And Ashley?”
*
“WHAT THE HELL is going on?” Believe Cher asked. “Isn’t that Madame Renee’s daughter?”
Johnny wanted to laugh. He wanted to sit down in a chair and laugh his fucking head off at the sheer ridiculousness of this night, and his life in general. Here he was, standing in a burlesque club with five men dressed as Cher while Saxon revealed the culprits in the Great Wedding Dress and Drug the Vampires Caper. It felt like he’d fallen into an episode of Scooby Doo and he was the dog going, “Ruh?”
When Saxon had called him for backup after Lizette had taken off, he had shown up at Zelda’s and found her with her new husband in the Dungeon, trussing up a couple of college kids like they were Christmas geese. Or worse. Now he was being told that this blond girl, Ashley, who had looked so sweet passing out crab cakes at the wedding, but was hissing defiantly now, was a transgender vampire’s daughter?
Johnny didn’t need his acute senses to smell bullshit.
“You’re Madame Renee’s daughter?” Josie Lynn gasped, standing close to Drake. “But he’s so … old. And so fond of sequins.”
“Doesn’t mean he doesn’t like to boom-boom with a young thing in his room,” Bob Mackie Cher said.
Gross.
“So who drugged the punch?” Drake asked. “Was it these two?”
Neither Ashley nor Eric said a word, but it was clear from their silence that they were guilty as sin. Johnny’s urge to laugh disappeared completely. Not only had Lizette disappeared on him tonight, probably on the first flight back to France, but now he also found out that a kid with daddy issues had drugged a whole roomful of vampires? It was mortifying.
“I saw her do it,” Saxon said. “But since she was the catering assistant, I thought, like, she was supposed to add stuff to the sherbet. But when I thought about it, I realized you probably don’t add pills to punch.”
Johnny looked at Saxon, whose crimped hair was going limp in the humidity, and wanted to slap him upside the head. But he restrained himself. “So why didn’t you black out like the rest of us?” he asked him.
“I didn’t drink the punch. Dude, I don’t do rainbow sherbet. I’m a purist. Orange only. I should have been more specific with Josie Lynn when we ordered it.”
“Poor baby,” Zelda cooed to him. “I’m sorry you didn’t get your special sherbet. We can get some later and I’ll feed it to you.”
Johnny gagged a little in his mouth. Zelda had her foot on Eric’s back to hold him in place after the kid, looking more bored than terrified, had sat down on the floor and was holding his head up with his palm. Johnny couldn’t say he approved of the whole masks-and-leashes approach to the situation, nor was he okay with the image of Zelda feeding Saxon orange goop. He wanted to go home, desperately.
So he decided to take charge of the situation. “Okay, look. Eric and Ashley. You’re fired, obviously. But that’s the least of your problems. We can press charges for drugging us, but we’ll go easy on you and let the whole damn thing drop if you tell us exactly what went down and then promise to never show your face in the Quarter again. Where do you live, by the way?”
“Mid-City,” Eric murmured sullenly.
“So do we have a deal?”
“What do you want to know?” Ashley asked, flipping her hair back and meeting his gaze head-on.
“Is Renee your biological father?” Johnny was just too damn curious about that not to ask.
“Yes. He’s not gay, he just likes to cross-dress.”
Huh. He knew that Renee hadn’t been a vampire for very long, and had wondered why the man had waited so long to cross over. Who wanted to be an old vampire for all eternity? But apparently Renee had been committed to being a dad and had put that before immortality. He had to say he admired the man’s commitment to his daughter, even if she h
ad grown up to be a conniving criminal with poor planning skills.
“So why did you drug us?”
“To rob you and frame the Chers for it.”
Turn Back Time Cher gasped. “What! How dare you?”
Oh my God. Johnny looked to Drake for help, but Drake was too busy undressing Josie Lynn with his eyes to be of any assistance. How come Johnny was the one with the broken heart and the one dealing with divas and morons? This was not his usual role, being the responsible one, and he wasn’t really digging it.
Fortunately, Wyatt stepped in and helped him out on this one. “Ashley, why would you do that?”
“Because my father’s club is going to go bankrupt. It’s not fair. I just wanted to get rid of some of his competition.”
It was twisted and stupid and guaranteed to fail, but Johnny appreciated her loyalty to her family. He personally would do a lot for Stella. “What about the wedding dress?”
“I didn’t take the wedding dress!”
Bob Mackie Cher looked a little guilty. “Okay, that one is on me, I admit it. Zelda and I were in the ladies room powdering our noses and we had a girl moment where we traded clothes. Only I may have slipped out of the reception before we could trade back, because, honey, that leather bustier was the tits.” He held his hands out dramatically. “Eve presented me with the apple and I bit, I am sorry. I couldn’t resist. I’ll dry-clean the damn thing and return it.” He sighed forlornly. “Though it may kill me.”
Zelda cracked a whip in Bob Mackie Cher’s direction, looking furious. He squealed and ran behind Sixties Cher for protection. Johnny felt a headache coming on, one no acetaminophen was going to fix.
“So where does Eric fit into this?” Josie Lynn asked, frowning at her former employee. “Why would you do this to me?”
“I just wanted to hook up with Ashley,” Eric mumbled, rubbing his eyebrows. “I might have, like, a thing for her.”
“Well, I think it’s safe to say Eric has learned his lesson.” Katie reached over and undid his restraints. “Go home, and next time think with your head, not your heart.”
“Babe, I don’t think it was his heart he was thinking with, but another body part,” Cort told his wife with a grin.
“Your sweetness is my weakness,” the parrot squawked.
Stella let out a laugh. “Is the parrot quoting Barry White again?”
Johnny felt like sighing. His heart was broken. Did no one notice that? Or were they all just blinded by bedazzled men and hoodwinking juvenile criminals? It wasn’t every day Johnny found himself in love with a woman, and yet no one seemed to notice.
Once freed, Eric made a break for the front door, abandoning Ashley. So at least Johnny wouldn’t be the only one not getting laid that night.
“Are we all done here?” he asked, waving his arms around. “Has every question been given a stupid answer?”
“I think we need to march Miss Ma’am here on down to her daddy,” Believe Cher said, taking Ashley by the arm. “And have a little chat about what is ladylike behavior and what isn’t.”
As long as it didn’t involve him, he was cool with it.
*
JOSIE LYNN DREADED talking to Zelda and Saxon. She couldn’t have known what Ashley and Eric had planned. But she knew she had to say something. It had been her employees that had ruined their special day.
“Zelda,” Josie Lynn touched the Amazonian woman’s arm. “I’m so sorry this happened, and on your wedding day.”
To Josie Lynn’s surprise, Zelda just smiled.
“Honey, this is New Orleans. I never expected to have a normal wedding.”
“Right,” Josie Lynn agreed, because she wasn’t quite sure what else to say.
“Just like I didn’t expect to find myself married to a real vampire,” Zelda said, smiling at Saxon. “Isn’t that right, baby?”
Saxon put his arm around his wife, looking almost tiny beside her. “She didn’t even believe me until today.”
Josie Lynn frowned, casting a baffled look between the two of them. Vampires? Okay, maybe her employees weren’t the only ones who were nutso.
Zelda gave Josie Lynn a conspiratorial look. “Well who actually expects to marry a vampire? But then again, it appears you are also involved with a vampire, so you understand.”
Josie Lynn stopped gaping at Zelda to stare at Drake. He stood beside the bar, talking to Johnny. A vampire.
Then all the things she’d seen and heard came back to her in full clarity. The way Katie and Stella talked about Drake’s past. Those moments when he seemed from another time. The talk of their kind. The mentions of bats. The blood—it had been blood in the fridge. Even his furniture.
Could it be true?
She looked at him again. She’d fallen for a vampire. And even if it wasn’t true, she’d fallen for a man who very likely thought he was a vampire. She looked back to Zelda and Saxon. They all thought they were vampires.
Oh my God. She had to get out of here. She’d promised herself not to ever have feelings for a bad boy again.
Well, she should have told herself not to fall for madmen either.
*
“YOU HANDLED THAT well, my friend,” Drake said, clapping Johnny on the back. “I felt like I was watching Perry Mason at work. Questions answered. Mystery solved. Even if it was the worst plan for a crime that I’ve ever heard. Framing a tranny gang of Chers. Only in New Orleans.”
“Yeah, only in New Orleans,” Johnny agreed, only half hearing his friend, his thoughts back on Lizette. How could she just leave without letting him explain? Apologize? Beg?
“So I see you got free from the uptight little Frenchie,” Drake said.
“Don’t call her that,” Johnny snapped.
Drake raised his hands. “No offense meant.” He looked around. “Where is she anyway? I’d have thought she’d want answers, too.”
“She’s gone.”
Drake didn’t speak for a moment. “You fell for her, didn’t you?”
“Yeah,” Johnny wasn’t even going to deny it. Or play it down. He had fallen for her. Hard.
“And she just took off?” Drake said, his expression of sympathy making Johnny feel even worse.
“Fucking took off, man,” he said, shaking his head. “Just gone. Goddamn Raven. She wouldn’t even let me explain.”
“Raven? Figures that asshole is involved. Sorry, man.”
*
DRAKE COULDN’T RECALL ever seeing his friend look so upset. Johnny was all about a good time, all the time. He was also about keeping things light. No heavy emotions. No getting too invested. No falling in love.
Drake understood that philosophy. He’d always been the same way. He’d been burned way too many times. But just like Johnny, he’d let that rule fly out the window tonight. He was thoroughly smitten with Josie Lynn and he was well on his way to truly being head over heels.
“Damn,” was all he could say to Johnny, because he understood how the guy must feel. He’d be devastated if Josie Lynn just walked out on him.
He looked toward where she’d just been talking to Zelda and Saxon, but she wasn’t there. And the newlyweds were headed toward the bar. He frowned, looking around to see where she went, but he didn’t see her amidst the opulent furniture and patrons.
“Hey, where’s Josie Lynn?” he asked Saxon when his friend reached his side.
“She left.”
“What?”
Saxon shrugged. “She just suddenly got all weirded out and said she had to go.”
“Go? Where? Why did she get weirded out?”
Saxon looked confused by the barrage of questions. “I don’t know where she went. We were just talking about the wedding and she suddenly said she had to go.”
Why would talking about the wedding make her suddenly leave? Had she headed back to the reception venue to gather her stuff? But why wouldn’t she tell him? Why wouldn’t she think he’d want to go with her?
“What did you say about the wedding?” he asked.
This just wasn’t adding up.
“Just that she didn’t need to apologize for her employees. No one expects a New Orleans wedding to go normally.”
Drake frowned. Why would that upset her? That should have eased her mind.
“I mean, Zelda just married a vampire. Who’s in a vampire band.”
Drake gaped at his flaky friend. “Did you actually say that?”
Saxon thought for a moment. “Yeah, something like that.”
Drake grabbed his friend’s upper arms and shook him. “You told her we’re vampires?!”
“Dude,” Saxon said, looking down at where Drake held him. “You need to work on your Zen, man.”
Work on his Zen. How the hell was he ever going to be Zen again? The first woman he honestly believed he could love with for all eternity had just run off, either thinking he was insane, or thinking he was really a vampire. Or both.
Behind him, he heard Johnny give a bark of bitter laughter. “And just like that. Gone. Dude, we’re going to be a couple of old single creepy vampires living in some duplex together, aren’t we?”
Drake shuddered. He liked Johnny, but yeah, there was no comparison between eternity with him and Josie Lynn.
Chapter Seventeen
CRUEL SUMMER
J OHNNY removed his sunglasses, as instructed by the French version of TSA, and tucked them into his sweatshirt pocket. That had been the longest flight of his life. Literally. When he’d come over from Europe to the States he had taken a boat. He had to admit flying was more convenient, but it had still felt like half his life. The whole time he had been wondering if he was going to get to Paris and Lizette was going to slam a door in his face. Or worse, if he was walking right into a VA trap.
But he’d had to come here. He had to make it right. He’d been sitting around surly for a week and he’d decided the only way to fix the situation was to get his sorry ass on a plane and make things right with the VA. And hopefully right with Lizette. She hadn’t returned his calls, and at the very least he wanted to let her know what Saxon had told him about the infamous night of the wedding.
“Is your suitcase locked?” the customs official asked him. She was a petite woman in her forties, yet she looked like she wouldn’t hesitate to billy-club him.
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