by Cece Monét
Maybe this is what happened to people once they were in their thirties – the ache to be a part of their own family bit and sank in hard. They finally thought about their long term futures with the desire to be settled at least to some extent becoming downright relentless. Then again, his own immediate family of origin being gone might have something to do with his specific increasing need to start his own family now too.
Cheng’s mother had died of pancreatic cancer seven years ago and his father, who was significantly older than his mother, thirty years her senior in fact, had died of natural causes about a year later. Cheng didn’t really allow himself much time to think of them these days, but he missed his parents, especially his mother. That was probably another one of the main factors in why working through things with Angela and being able to see Jayden was so important to him right now.
Although things being so unsettled between him and his son’s other parent was continuing to make everything extremely complicated. He also didn’t want Jayden to keep thinking of him as just some random nice man from his mom’s job. Cheng wanted Jayden to know who his father was. However, Cheng didn’t have much experience dealing with small children.
How did he broach such a delicate matter with a four year old? He laughed as he envisioned a Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker revelation moment between the two of them. Well, at least Cheng hadn’t lost his sense of humor.
In preparation for tonight, both Cheng and Angela had left work earlier than they normally would have. This was to say, that it was only 7:00 pm now as he found parking on Angela’s street, instead of after 9:00 pm. Cheng knew this meeting had more significance than any other high stakes business meeting he’d ever had in his life and he was super nervous. Other than the items Angela had emailed him about a month ago, the only real prep he’d had for spending time with his son was doing a Google search to find out just what the hell Yo Gabba Gabba even was.
Cheng rang the doorbell, still uncertain about what to expect this evening. When she opened the door, Cheng could tell that Angela had showered and changed. Now, she looked at home, comfortable and relaxed, lounging in a black stretch velour zippered hoodie and matching pants.
She also wore black flip flops that showed off her cute, hot pink pedicured toes, a drastic change to the severely professional attire she always wore to work and he liked it. He again felt her lure pulling him in, giving him the intense desire to hug her, but he managed to ignore it.
“Hi, please come on in,” Angela told Cheng as she stepped back so he could pass. He removed his shoes and left them on her porch before entering her home.
As soon as he stepped through the door, Jayden came running forward. “Yay! Hi mister. I’m glad you came. I knew you would. Do you want to watch TV or see my room first?” Cheng glanced nervously at Angela, who only smiled casually and shrugged.
It seemed that they were both now at the full mercy of their son. Before he got dragged into his four year old’s world too completely, Cheng opened a small gift bag he’d brought with him. “We can do whichever one you’d like to do first, but before we go, I brought a few things for you and your mother.” He then presented Angela with an assortment of chocolate truffles, exported from Hong Kong. He had a feeling she’d especially enjoy the lemon truffles the best.
“Thanks,” she said quietly as she took the small package from him. He enjoyed that giving her such a small token could make her flush with such tremendous pleasure. He couldn’t help but wonder what her reaction would be if he were presenting her with a ring instead…
Before he got too caught up in that fantasy, he pulled a small box out of the bag and handed it to Jayden. The boy opened the little hinged jewelry box to reveal a miniature hand-crafted jade dragon pendant attached to a thin twenty-four karat gold double stranded rope chain. “Cool! Can you help me put it on?” Jayden asked after he’d attempted to remove it from the box.
Clearly flustered that he was having such a hard time getting the dragon chain out of the box, he silently handed the opened lidded, black velvet covered box back to Cheng. In turn, Cheng dutifully accepted the box back and removed the jewelry from its container before sinking down to his knees behind Jayden to attach the chain to his boy’s neck. As he latched the clasp, he caught sight of Angela watching him.
Her gaze appeared to be approving, but when they caught and held each other’s eyes for what must’ve been too long, she looked away first. Angela was likely embarrassed to be caught staring at her baby’s father. Cheng was getting sick of sneaking glances at the woman who’d already given birth to his son. The very idea seemed ridiculous to him and he knew that Angela was going to have to make a decision soon.
They both knew the ball was in her court since he’d already put what he wanted all the way out there… Before Cheng could dwell on that and ended up saying something that would undo all his disciplined efforts during the last month, he distracted himself by reaching back into the bag and pulling out the last gift he’d gotten. It was a small plush toy, a rendition of one of the characters from Yo Gabba Gabba – the red one with the bumps and one eye.
Jayden’s whole face lit up again. “Muno!” he exclaimed as he took the small toy in both of his hands. “Thank you! He’s my favorite.”
Cheng smiled and ruffled the boy’s curly hair with one hand. “You’re welcome. So what’s next?”
“Um, let’s go see my room. Then we can watch the show.”
“Sounds good. You go ahead and lead the way,” Cheng said as he stood again from his squatting position. He followed Jayden, but glanced back over his shoulder to see what Angela was doing. She was simply following them up the stairs soundlessly. A tiny, almost amused smile seemed to barely touch her full lips. Cheng wondered what was in store for him now.
Chapter Nine
Angela wasn’t sure why she’d been so worried about this evening. After all, Jayden had actually requested his father’s presence here in their home tonight. Cheng also wanted to get to know their son better and so far, so good.
The two guys seemed to naturally have an affinity towards one another, which wasn’t that unusual given that they were father and son. So while Cheng was discovering all about the characters that populated Jayden’s favorite TV shows, books and movies, not to mention getting caught up on all the daily happenings of preschool, Angela snuck away. Cheng was handling himself well and was already playing with Transformer action figures before Angela even made it out the door.
She rested the back of her head against the wall in the hallway. What was she doing? Procrastinating? She had finally made a decision today that she wanted to discuss with everyone tonight. She was just waiting for the right time. She hoped she was doing the right thing and that everyone could live with her choice.
She continued down the hall and went to her master bedroom suite. She could hear Jayden’s shrieks of laughter drifting out from his bedroom as she prepared some things in her own room.
~
As it turned out, having a little boy was fun, absolutely exhausting and well, kind of cool. Cheng had fallen right into a natural role as soon as he and Jayden had gotten into his son’s room. He had noticed when Angela slipped out to give them time alone together, but it was fine with him. Cheng told Jayden stories that he knew from his childhood, where he’d heard international fairytales.
Though he’d been born in Shanghai, his father had been a Chinese dignitary originally from Macau, so Cheng had spent a good deal of time away from China as he’d grown up. He’d been to England, Australia, the US and even various parts of the Caribbean before his father had finally settled into a very cushy government job in Hong Kong. By that point in time, Cheng had been twelve years old, so he’d retained a lot of his cosmopolitan ways from his days globetrotting with his parents.
Having been an only child where he was frequently moved around had at times been both fatigue-inducing as well as isolating. Even once his family had settled in Hong Kong, there were a lot of times that he found
he just couldn’t really relate to the other local kids. Many of them hadn’t traveled very far outside of HK and they weren’t as into global happenings as he was, which often made him feel like an outsider. Being well traveled and understanding global context had paid off though when he’d decided to go into the business world.
Yet the social difficulties of his childhood where his father was frequently off working and his kind, gentle, generous mother had often been his only companion had left a profound impact on Cheng’s adult life. Cheng couldn’t help but think that in some ways, he and his son actually shared similar upbringings as he stared at Jayden now. His boy was jabbering on and on about his Disney’s Cars’ books at the moment.
Yup, Jayden had a dad who cared about him, but that had still been gone most of his life. Also, Jayden was trapped in a multicultural pluralism, trying to find his way in the world and figure out his own identity. Cheng could certainly relate to those issues. He just hoped he could help his son from this moment forward and throughout the rest of his life with whatever challenges lay on the road ahead for Jayden.
Finally, after they’d drawn pictures too, Jayden was ready for a snack and asked if Cheng wanted to go downstairs and watch TV. Cheng agreed and they started for the door. He admired his son’s endless energy as well as his natural charisma and how articulate he was. He was giving Jayden a piggyback ride once they were out in the hall outside of the bedrooms when his son called for his mother. Angela rejoined them almost instantly, smiling up at her baby before they all made their way down to the den.
Cheng helped Jayden down from his shoulders and their son went into the den to turn on his program, before Angela and Cheng detoured to the kitchen to prepare a snack. “Thank you for letting me see and get to know Jayden. Our son’s a great kid,” he told her as she was spreading natural peanut butter on some whole grain bread and he was cutting up pieces of organic bananas to go on their banana roll ups. Angela nodded.
“I would’ve come sooner, but I think everyone needed time to get used to the idea.” Angela nodded again. She was still very quiet and definitely seemed distracted. “I want to tell him that I’m his father. When do you think would be a good time for that?”
“Maybe when we’re getting him ready for bed tonight we can tell him together then,” she said quietly, without missing a beat. It was as if she’d been waiting for that question, had been expecting it and was thus prepared to answer it. Cheng simply nodded himself this time, not really sure what else to say.
~
Angela mostly tuned out the previously recorded DVR show as always, but what she did pay attention to was the fact that she was spending quality family time with her son. Jayden positioned himself in the middle of the comfy L-shaped sectional sofa and gestured for his parents to sit on either side of him, which of course they acquiesced and did. Jayden seemed to be perfectly content as he ate his snack and drank his low fat organic milk. Angela wondered what it would be like if things were always like this.
Soon the show went off and Jayden knew it was bed time. “Jayden, we’re both going to help get you ready for bed tonight. Do you think that would be alright?” Angela asked. Jayden wagged his head up and down vigorously, smiling.
Cheng scooped up and carried their boy up the stairs and Angela again couldn’t help but think she wished he was always around. Had she ever felt like this with Brian? She couldn’t remember a time when a truly comfortable, family vibe existed with her fiancé.
Cheng helped Jayden brush his teeth while Angela prepared his bath. Their son then picked out his bath toys, used the toilet and stripped down before he got into the tub. Kids were so uninhibited she mused as Cheng washed their son’s hair. Angela finished bathing him.
Cheng rinsed and dried Jayden. Then Angela put on his lotion and pajamas before she and Cheng took turns reading the book Jayden picked out for his bedtime story. Tonight’s reading selection was one of their son’s favorites – Bear Hugs.
Angela wondered if kids simply knew some things intuitively. Then again, their son had probably inherited his father’s uncanny ability to be in tune with people around him. Jayden seemed so naturally comfortable with Cheng; it was like he already knew the man was his biological father.
Even the book Jayden had picked out was about a baby bear spending time with both of his parents. After they’d read through the entire book, twice, Cheng closed it and cleared his throat to get Angela’s attention. She looked over at him and nodded. Cheng looked back at their son who was sitting up in his bed adorned in his Elmo jammies and covered in his Spiderman bedding.
“Um Jayden, there’s something that your mommy and I want to talk to you about. Um, you see,” Cheng began, sounding way more nervous and unsure than Angela had ever observed before. She put her hand on his shoulder, in a way she hoped was encouraging. He took a deep breath then just blurted out, “Jayden, I’m your father.”
Jayden looked between the two of them for a minute, his eyes darting wildly from one face to the other. Angela nodded and smiled, letting him know it was true and that everything was alright. At the same time she was very worried about how her son would react to all of this. Then Jayden hopped up suddenly and pounced on Cheng. “Daddy!”
Cheng seemed to recover from his initial shock and hugged Jayden, cradling him close to his chest. Angela felt overwhelmed, but happy and before she knew it, she joined in the hug. She threw her arms around Cheng and Jayden, but Cheng readjusted and held Jayden tight with one arm while he gathered Angela against him with his other arm. She didn’t even care that they were having a sappy group hug; this was a moment she realized now that she’d been waiting a long time to make sure her son had.
~
The three of them stayed locked in that embrace for a long time. So long in fact that Cheng now noticed a change in Jayden’s breathing pattern. Reluctantly, he let go of Angela and carried his peacefully sleeping son over to his bed. Cheng put his little boy down and covered him up.
Angela flipped the light switch, leaving the room in near darkness, except for the illumination coming from a small night light. Then she walked over to the door and Cheng followed her out before the two of them made their way back down the stairs. “Could I interest you in a glass a wine?” she asked as they got back down to the first floor landing.
Cheng nodded, and then proceeded to follow her into the kitchen. He uncorked the bottle she indicated as she rinsed and dried two wine glasses. They both remained silent even as he poured a glass for her and handed it to her before doing the same for himself. They went into the den and he sat on the sectional while she went to her computer.
A few seconds later, he heard a slow song begin to play, but wasn’t really paying attention to it until she came over and sat down next to him then started to slowly sip her wine along with him. When he realized it was Alicia Keys’ “Unthinkable – I’m Ready,” he gulped his next sip of wine. Wide-eyed he looked over at her, wondering if he was reading too much into this or if she was saying what he thought she was saying.
Before he could ask, Angela spoke. “For the last month, I’ve had a lot of time to do some soul searching as well as evaluate every angle I could possibly think of for the pros and cons of being with you or not. I’ve finally reached a verdict,” she said taking another sip of her wine, then pausing. This time Cheng finally noticed. Angela’s engagement ring was conspicuously missing from her left hand.
“I think I knew last month, but I wasn’t ready to go there yet. Then I convinced myself that Jayden was really the deciding factor. If he was okay with all this, I could finally give myself permission to make peace with the past so I could clear the way for our future.”
Cheng put his glass down on the coffee table in front of him. “So straight up tian shi, what are you saying? I want to be clear, so we don’t have any more misunderstandings. So that we never have any misunderstandings between the two of us ever again.”
“I’m saying Cheng that I’m finally ready to be with you.
That I want you, me and Jayden to be a family with all of us finally together under one roof. If that’s still what you want too, that is,” he heard her lack of certainty in the last part of what she’d said. Especially about what he wanted for their future right now and he’d heard the out clause she was giving him in the unspoken writing between the lines.
Cheng searched Angela’s face, but knew she was being sincere. He could hardly believe this. At long last, the moment he’d been waiting for during all those long, lonely years of trials and tribulations was finally here. The only woman he’d ever been in love with finally wanted to be with him as well.
“You have to know that more than anything else in the world, I still want all three of us to be a family too tian shi.” Then he took her wine glass and put it down on the table with his. He pulled her over to him then and kissed her until he alleviated that soul deep ache that had been permeating and reverberating through his entire being for such a long time while he’d been without her.
Chapter Ten
Angela hoped like hell that she had just made the right decision. It seemed a bit too late right now to be second guessing herself as Cheng carried her up the stairs. She knew though, deep in her heart that she had finally made the correct choice for her as well as Jayden, so she decided also not to let self-doubt ruin this moment.
After all, Cheng was actually interested in her. He valued her opinion and let her take lead at home and in their work, including on things that her previous boss would have never allowed, even though they should have been her areas of responsibility and were part of her core competencies. Under her leadership and with Cheng’s stamp of approval, Angela had increased efficiency in their workplace, got them more organized so they had better productivity in their office overall, and could better respond to their customer’s needs.