“Much better,” I said. “I didn’t drink enough water and I was overtired. But I’m going to rest and I’ll be fine.”
“Well, I’m going to make sure dinner is delivered to your room tonight. I’ll check on you tomorrow since you’re excused from classes,” Livvie said.
“Thanks,” I said.
“Let me know if you need anything,” Livvie said. “You okay to walk to your room?”
“Absolutely,” I said. “I’m great, really.”
I smiled and left her office. My stride slowed as I approached my dorm room. Okay, okay. I still felt a little wobbly. But I was being ridiculous—I needed to pull it together. I put my hand on the doorknob and before I could even turn it halfway, the door flew open and Paige stood there, staring at me.
“Omigod, Sasha!” She hugged me carefully and took my arm to lead me over to sit on my desk chair. “I got a text from Nicole that she heard you fainted. I called you a zillion times and you never answered. Then I called the infirmary and they wouldn’t tell me anything—something dumb about patient confidentiality.”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t call,” I said. “My phone’s back in the stable. I left everything there and went right to the infirmary. Heather actually walked me to the nurse and she stayed with me until I was released.”
Paige sat at her own desk chair and scooted it closer to me. “Heather? Wow. You must have really freaked her out when you fainted. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”
I leaned back in my chair, swiveling it a little. “It’s not your fault. And she was pretty cool about the whole thing.”
“What do you need? Can I make you something to eat or get you anything?” Paige asked.
“No,” I said. “Thanks. I got excused from all of my classes tomorrow and I didn’t even need it. But whatever—I’ll take it.”
Paige nodded at my bookcase. “You can actually relax and spend the whole day reading the new books you got over the summer. And you can watch E! all day. You know they’ll have marathons of something amazing. I’ll be texting you whenever I can to make sure you’re okay. And we can have a quiet night tonight. A movie or something and we can go to bed early.”
“That sounds perfect,” I said. “I love that idea. I’m going to shower and get into cozy pj’s. You pick the movie, okay?”
Paige nodded. “Will do.”
When I emerged from the shower, I towel-dried my hair and braided it. I just didn’t feel up to blow-drying it, and who cared since I wasn’t going to class tomorrow.
I got on top of my comforter and covered up with my snuggly blanket.
“I narrowed it down to two comedies,” Paige said. She held up the DVD boxes. “Preference?”
I covered a yawn. “Either one is great.”
“I’ll surprise you, then,” Paige said. She put in the DVD and before she could press play, someone knocked on our door.
Paige opened it and Nicole, one of my friends from the stable, peered inside, looking at me with wide eyes.
“Oh, Sasha,” she said. “Are you okay?”
I knew everyone was just asking because they cared, but if one more person asked me if I was fine …
“I’m great,” I said. “Paige and I are going to watch a movie, Livvie’s bringing dinner later, and I’m going to sleep it off.”
“Good,” Nicole said, her blond curls falling around her face as she nodded. She handed a bag to Paige. “I grabbed your stuff from the stable,” she said to me. “Your phone’s in there—I know I wouldn’t want to be without mine for a night.”
“Me either,” I said. “Thanks.”
“I’m going to go so you can rest,” Nicole said. “Text me if you need anything.”
“I will,” I said. “Bye.”
Paige and I waved her out the door. Paige got settled on her own bed and before the previews had even finished, I fell asleep.
DISMOUNT. NOW.
WHEN PAIGE’S ALARM CLOCK WENT OFF THE next morning, I started to jump out of bed. But then I remembered that I’d been excused from classes for the day. I dozed on and off as Paige got dressed and ready for class.
Paige picked up her bag and books. “I’ll text you later. Rest today, please.” She stared me down. That was the You better listen or else Paige look.
“I will, I will! Don’t worry.”
Paige left and I did rest. For five minutes—until I was sure she was away from Winchester and on her way to class.
I pulled on my riding clothes and stuck my head into the hallway. It was empty. Everyone was in class. I tiptoed down the hallway, knowing I had to sneak by Livvie’s office. I stopped by her doorway and, holding my breath, listened to see what she was doing.
“Of course I’ll e-mail that spreadsheet,” I heard Livvie say. “Let me check my files.”
I heard her metal cabinet door open and knew she wasn’t facing the door. I peeked, just to make sure, and Livvie was shuffling through papers, her back to me. I hurried by and pushed open the door out of Winchester. When it closed quietly behind me, I knew I’d made it. I probably had at least a couple of hours before Livvie came to check on me.
I walked on the far edge of campus, away from the main buildings and sidewalks so I wouldn’t run into anyone. When I got to the stable, I entered through the side door and checked the whiteboard near Mr. Conner’s office. It said he was at a meeting until nine, and while he was gone, Mike was in charge.
Perfect. If I ran into Mike, I could come up with some excuse why I was riding in the morning by myself. He probably didn’t know that the nurse had told me to rest today.
I gathered Charm’s tack and headed for his stall. I left his tack on top of his trunk and picked up Charm’s tack box.
“Hi, boy,” I said, entering his stall.
With a mouthful of hay, Charm looked up at me, looking a little surprised to see me at this time of the day. Usually, I was in class.
“I know, I’m supposed to be taking it easy, but I’d go crazy if I had to rest all day,” I told him. I hugged Charm and then started grooming him in his stall. “I know I need to practice and just thinking about not riding made me nervous.”
I knew I was trying to justify it to myself why I was breaking the rules by being here. But it was true—it made me feel better to be at the stable and doing something other than sitting in my room. And if I got caught … I’d handle it.
I finished grooming Charm and slipped out of his stall to grab his tack. I led him out the back door to the outdoor arena behind the stable. Mr. Conner wouldn’t be able to see if he came to his office early. Mike was always so busy I doubted he’d notice that Charm was gone for a while.
I mounted and settled in Charm’s saddle. The morning air was still semi-cool, but it wouldn’t be long before it was hot and gross. We’d have to work hard to get through all of the exercises I wanted to and get Charm cooled and groomed so I could sneak back to Winchester before
Mr. Conner got back.
I started Charm at a walk and we made two laps around the smaller arena. I let him into a trot and I sat deep in the saddle. Charm moved easily and I felt him relax with each lap we made. I wobbled a little as we changed directions, but I gripped the saddle tighter with my knees.
Charm asked for more rein and I allowed him to canter. There were no jumps in this arena, so Charm was free to stretch his legs from one end of the arena to the other. I slowed him to a trot, then a walk. Charm wanted to canter, but I was getting tired. I wasn’t going to faint—I knew that—but I was tired.
Deal, I told myself. You’ve got to practice.
I kicked my feet out of my stirrups, crossed them, and urged Charm into a trot again. We made several laps around the arena and I focused on not wobbling in the saddle and on keeping Charm at an even pace. My arms started to shake from holding Charm back. He wasn’t even feisty today—just normal Charm—and I wasn’t strong enough to hold him.
I ignored the pain and started to post. It made my legs burn, but I needed the strength tra
ining. Fainting during another lesson was not an option.
After a couple more laps, I put my stirrups back down and took Charm through figure eights. His body bent through the turns and he became suppler with each movement. I kept my gaze straight ahead, trying to fight off the slightly dizzy feeling. There was no way I was stopping.
After another twenty minutes or so, I wanted to work on my posture. I was so into our practice, it shocked me when I saw someone standing near the fence.
Mr. Conner.
Uh.
Oh.
His arms were folded across his chest and his boots thumped into the arena dirt as he stomped over.
“Dismount. Now,” he said. His eyes were dark and his face reddened.
I dismounted and looked up at him from under the brim of my helmet. “Mr. Conner, I can explain,” I said. “Really, I—”
“Give Charm to Mike and come straight to my office,” Mr. Conner said. His tone was scary low. He turned and went into the stable.
My fingers shook as I loosened Charm’s girth and took him inside. I found Mike filling a water bucket for one of the stable horses.
“Sasha,” Mike said. There was obvious surprise in his voice at seeing me. “What are you doing with Charm tacked up?”
I ducked my head. “I just wanted to practice a little. But Mr. Conner caught me and told me to give Charm to you.”
I waited while Mike finished refilling the bucket and latched the stall door. He took Charm’s reins from me and gave me the look. “You could have gotten hurt—and so could Charm.”
I nodded, but didn’t really agree with him. I was fine and everyone was treating me like I was a little kid. “I know.”
Mike led Charm away to cool him down and I dragged my feet down the aisle to Mr. Conner’s office. He wouldn’t ban me from riding, would he? I hadn’t even thought about that. Then he’d have to tell Mr. Nicholson in the progress reports. Maybe Mr. Nicholson would decide that I wasn’t the right person for the team if I didn’t listen to my instructor.
I gulped and forced myself to knock on Mr. Conner’s door.
“Come in,” he said.
I walked inside and he motioned for me to take a chair in front of his desk. No matter how many times I’d been in his office, I couldn’t help but stare at the ribbons and trophies that lined the shelves behind his desk.
“Sasha,” Mr. Conner said, his face still red. “I don’t even know where to start. I’m appalled at your actions today. You disregarded specific instructions from the nurse not to ride. Do you have any idea what might have happened if you’d gotten hurt?”
His voice rose with every word and I sank deeper into my chair. My face burned and I swallowed.
“You not only risked yourself and your horse, but you put my job on the line,” Mr. Conner said. “I will not tolerate that in my stable. It’s behavior I did not expect from you, Sasha.”
I could barely look at him. “I’m so sorry,” I said. “I felt fine and—”
“I don’t care how you felt,” Mr. Conner interrupted, his voice seeming to reverberate off the office walls. “You were told not to ride and you did.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again, my voice a whisper.
Mr. Conner stared at me for several seconds, making me squirm. “I cannot have a rider in my stable that’s not trustworthy.”
“Please,” I said. “Don’t ban me from riding. That’s why I felt like I had to come. You’re taping the lesson for Mr. Nicholson soon and I don’t feel ready.”
“And riding while you’re supposed to be recovering is helpful?” Mr. Conner questioned. His voice hadn’t lost the sharpness.
I stared down at my lap.
“Go back to your room,” Mr. Conner said. “I will be speaking with Livvie immediately. I’m not going to ban you from riding, but if you ever do something like this again—it won’t just be a ban. You’ll be off the team permanently. We’ll talk about mucking duty when you’re feeling better. Please go.”
I stood and left his office, trying not to cry. I walked a few steps, closed my eyes and rubbed them. Everyone needed to give me a break. People fainted—it happened—and they needed to calm down. The worried phone call from Mom and Dad yesterday hadn’t helped either. They’d wanted to visit to make sure I was really okay, but I’d managed to talk them out of it.
“Sasha?” A familiar voice made goose bumps rise along my arms.
NOT YOUR JOB
Eric stood in front of me, his hands in the pockets of his jeans and his dark brown eyes locked on my face.
“I heard you fainted yesterday,” he said. “Are you okay?”
“How’d you know I was here? And why aren’t you in class?”
“I saw you sneaking to the stable, and when study hall started, I ditched for a few minutes.”
I forced myself not to take a step back. I hadn’t been this close to Eric since Friday. But there wasn’t a trace of hostility in his voice. He looked worried—like he still cared. Even after everything.
I managed to nod. “I’m fine. Thanks. I was just exhausted and dehydrated. But I’m okay now.”
“You sure?” he asked. “You could have been really hurt.”
“I know,” I said. “But I wasn’t. It happened once—no big deal. I should get back to Winchester.”
Eric stepped to the side so I could walk around him. “Sash?” he called after me. “What happened was a big deal. Be careful.”
I paused, mid-step. That was what I missed most about Eric and had tried to forget. He’d always been so caring and there for me when I’d been going through the Jacob-and-Callie mess. I forced myself to start walking again.
I looked back over my shoulder as I walked. “You’re not my boyfriend anymore,” I said softly. “It’s not your job to worry about me.”
I didn’t let myself think about Eric for the entire walk back. I stopped by Livvie’s office, prepared to explain everything, but she wasn’t in. She’d be knocking on my door the second she’d heard what I’d done. I showered, changed my clothes, and grabbed a book that was overdue for a read—My Friend Flicka. I settled back on my bed and covered up with a light blanket.
I tried to stop my brain from going, but all it would focus on was Eric and how he’d cut class to see me. I’d hurt him so much, but he’d risked detention to make sure I was okay. The only way I wasn’t falling apart about losing him was because I knew I’d done what I had to do. And if I moped about Eric, people would know I hadn’t really been into Jacob like I’d pretended.
I still didn’t even know how I felt about Jacob. Everything was so confusing! Eric and I had been perfect together, but Jacob had made me question things.
I opened my book and forced myself to read the words. I don’t know how many pages I made it through before I fell asleep.
FAINTING SASHA
AFTER I WOKE UP, I REALLY DID FEEL BETTER. I did homework, read, and then started to get bored. I glanced at the clock and realized film class started in half an hour. And really it wasn’t a class-class—we did more theater games than work. I was so over people telling me to rest.
Livvie had showed up when I was reading and hadn’t been happy—at all—that I’d gone riding. I’d apologized, pretending to agree with her that it had been dumb and I’d needed to rest. But she was wrong just like everyone else.
I sat up and started getting ready. Livvie hadn’t said I had to stay in my room, so maybe she’d think I’d gone to the caf or something if she came to my room. And if Ms. Scott didn’t want me in class, she’d make me leave. I felt good and the fewer classes I missed, the better. At Canterwood, it took longer to complete makeup work than it did to go to the actual class.
I started to text Paige that I was going to theater class and would see her later, but I canceled the text. She’d be furious if I went to class after I was supposed to stay in my room. I left Winchester and walked to the theater building. I wiped drops of sweat from my forehead and wished I’d worn a tank top instead of a T-
shirt.
I was halfway to the auditorium when Jasmine walked down the sidewalk toward me. If I hadn’t been so tired, I would have run just to get away from her.
“Wow,” Jasmine said. “You’re actually up and walking. I mean, aren’t you supposed to be lying down with a cold washcloth over your head with people coming by every hour to make sure you’re still breathing?”
“Whatever,” I said. “I’m fine and I’m going to theater.”
Jas smiled. “Great strategy. Show up so they all see your pathetic face and they’ll feel even sorrier for Fainting Sasha. Everyone’s already talking about you. Really was a brilliant move.”
“Fainting?” I laughed. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Oh, please,” Jas said, focusing her eyes on me. “You wanted Mr. Conner to feel sorry for you before we taped the lesson for Mr. Nicholson. You’d have the excuse of being ‘sick’ and who’s gonna kick off the new girl if she fainted? I mean, really, I wish I’d thought of it first.”
I shook my head. “You’re ridiculous. How can someone faint on purpose? I could have hurt Charm. If you want to try to faint for ‘attention,’ go for it.”
I walked down the aisle and away from Jasmine. She had no idea what she was talking about and I didn’t need to waste time on her. There were a zillion other things to worry about.
I got to the auditorium and walked down to the rows of seating in front of the stage. I took my usual seat behind Heather. Jacob wasn’t here yet, thankfully.
Heather half-turned her head and when she saw me, she frowned. “What are you doing here? Weren’t you banned from classes today?”
“Yeah, but it’s theater. We’re not going to be taking tests or anything. And I just needed to sleep it off—really. I did that and I’m fine.”
Heather shrugged. “You keep saying that word whenever you’re not ‘fine.’ You really are the biggest dork I know. You had the option of staying in your room all day doing whatever, but you chose to come to class. You’re so weird.”
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