“Sullivan, it’s Jarrod.” He scooted even closer and curled up against her back. “You’ve gotta snap out of this, okay? We’ve got…” He hesitated as if remembering Eden was in the room. His voice lowered. “It’s snowing. You should see how beautiful it is. You should open your eyes.”
For a long moment nothing happened, and then Sullivan uncurled a hand and reached behind her to find Jarrod’s gloved fingers. “His eyes were glowing,” she said, softly.
Jarrod nodded against her shoulder.
“What was he?”
“An angel,” Jarrod answered. “The real kind.”
Eden took a silent step toward the window, not wanting to startle her, letting them talk. She wondered how far Jarrod would push it, how much he would tell. Sullivan’s shoulders tensed, but Jarrod’s hands were there a second later, massaging.
Eden waited to hear Sullivan argue it, but she didn’t, seemed to accept it as Eden watched, fascinated.
“Are you an angel too?” Sullivan asked. “Is that what the Siders are?”
“No,” Jarrod said.
Eden looked up at the sound of the door opening.
Az surveyed the scene from the threshold and crossed the room to Sullivan. “Hey! Back with us?”
Sullivan gave him a small smile. “Thank you for carrying me.”
She sat up gingerly and slid off the edge of the bed.
Az offered a hand to help her up. “Think nothing of it.”
Suddenly she froze, her hand in his, held above her head. Her grin disintegrated. “You have no gloves. No gloves.”
“Shit,” Jarrod yelled even before he jumped off the bed. Az yanked away, giving her space.
Sullivan backed into the corner like a frightened animal. “Touching me. They were always touching me. Too much.” She wiped her hands on her jeans, sinking to the floor. “I don’t want it. Get it off me!”
Jarrod dropped beside her and grabbed her at the wrists with gloved hands.
“Sullivan, no. Look at me, okay?” She listened, focusing on him, but the low murmur of her words didn’t stop. “Hey!” he yelled.
She froze.
“Az can’t pass you Touch.”
“What?” she whispered.
“He can’t pass you Touch. He’s not like me and Eden.”
She sucked in a breath, drew up her knees as she looked at Az. “You’re like the glowing one, aren’t you?”
“Not entirely?” Az managed. He held his hands out as if it would be some reassurance.
Jarrod turned her head toward him. “You trust me, right?”
She nodded.
“I promise you Az won’t hurt you. He’s a good guy.” Jarrod perked up. “He’s got wings! Big ones.” He turned to Az. “Will you show her?”
“Jarrod!” Eden admonished. She glanced at Az to get his reaction. “Are you sure this is a good idea right now?”
Jarrod glanced at Sullivan, and then back to Az. “Sullivan’s almost as good at keeping secrets as I am.”
Eden couldn’t understand the sudden tension between them.
“Show her,” Jarrod said, a slight command in his tone.
Az pulled his shirt off, crumpled it in a tight ball and stood there awkwardly. He hated the wings, kept them hidden most of the time even though Eden thought they were beautiful. He cleared his throat. His eyes were on Sullivan, gauging her reaction as he unwound the ace bandage from his chest. Eden waited, a little thrill of anticipation winding through her. Slowly, the tip of his right wing peeked out. The girl looked up at him in shock and slowly got to her feet.
“I mean, I thought knowing about Siders was messed up but this is…” Sullivan stepped slowly forward, her hand held out. “Can I?”
An embarrassed laugh broke from Az. “I guess so?”
And then she was touching them, touching the feathers on Az’s wing, the fear gone from her eyes. “That’s just crazy!” Sullivan said, turning excitedly to Jarrod.
When their eyes connected her smile widened, though she shied. “It’s not going to get me in trouble to say I still like my angels in the snow?”
Az shrugged and shot Eden a bemused look. She didn’t return it, watching as Jarrod’s lips skipped across Sullivan’s neck tentatively, up her jaw and met her mouth. Jarrod and Sullivan shared a breath, pressed together in a way Eden would never feel with Az. If she ever dared, gave in, her kiss would be what drove him to Fall.
Her lips would ruin him.
“I’m sorry, I have to go,” Eden managed as she shoved past into the hall.
“Is she okay?” she heard Sullivan ask.
Az answered. “Will you guys be alright?”
And she knew he was coming after her. She headed to the kitchen and threw herself into one of the chairs, blinking furiously. I’m not going to cry, she promised herself, lips pressed together in a tight frown.
“What’s wrong?” Az asked, rounding the corner into the kitchen. His shirt was still off, his abs movie star worthy, and he was gorgeous and special and hers and before she knew what was happening the first of her tears had already fallen.
“I’m just tired.” She couldn’t look at him. She laid her forehead on the table so she wouldn’t have to.
“That’s it?” Az wrapped her up in his arms from behind and the touch of him, the smell of him, his skin against her, made it so much worse. A sob broke from her.
“He kissed her. He could kiss her all the time if he wants!” she cried, wiping furiously at her face.
“What does it matter who he kisses?” Az asked.
“Because he can. He can kiss her. They can sleep in the same bed. She doesn’t have to worry about one wrong brush from her mouth while she sleeps taking him away.” She struck out, knocking the napkin holder off the table. It clattered into the living room and she instantly felt childish for her outburst. “Most of the time I’m okay, I can deal with the trade-off. But sometimes I want you so bad it hurts,” she whispered.
“Then have me.” His mouth found the nape of her neck, his lips soft on her skin, but it wasn’t enough.
“Don’t.”
He didn’t listen, unwrapping his arms from her, his kisses growing more passionate as he made his way down to her shoulder, across it. She gasped as he yanked her chair around to face him, slid himself on top of her lap, straddling her.
“Az, we can’t.”
He cupped his hand across the back of her head, his eyes solemn. He teased her closer, kissed a slow line to her temple. Her breath caught when his tongue flicked across the hollow at the base of her neck. “Of course we can.”
She felt him smile against her skin.
“Is it about the danger?” he asked, transforming his voice into a sexy growl. “You’re afraid?”
He lifted his head slightly and for a moment she was afraid. That her lips were too close to be safe.
“Stop it!” She pushed him hard enough that the chair almost tumbled over with the two of them in it. “Get off me.”
“Give me a second!” Az said. He untangled himself from her and climbed off looking abashed. “What the hell, Eden?”
She knocked the chair back as she stood.
“I could kill you. One kiss.” She sounded out each word. “Without Gabe, I’ll be the reason you Fall. The Bound are here. Luke is here. How much longer before they find me? Take you away? The danger of it’s supposed to turn me on? Fuck off, Az.”
He stared at her in utter shock. “Where’s this coming from?”
Now that she’d started, the confessions burst from her. “You keep acting like you’re fine without Gabe. I don’t know what’s worse, that you could abandon him so quick or that you actually believe you’re gonna make it without him. You’re lying to me again. You promised you wouldn’t.” Her shoulders slumped. “Is this what you’re like without him?”
She looked up when he didn’t say anything. He stood stock still, then broke and grabbed a glass from the cupboard. He filled it at the faucet and took a long draught.
When
he’d finished, he dropped his hands to the counter, leaning against it. “Gabe made his choices long before we ended up on that roof, Eden. They were his to make.”
She shook her head. “If I hadn’t kissed you that day, Luke wouldn’t have taken you, and Gabe wouldn’t have Fallen, and everything would be fine. You can’t make it without him, Az.”
“You really don’t get it, do you?” he said gently. He lifted a hand to her cheek. “Gabe can only do so much. I love you, Eden. It’s you who keeps me here, makes me want to stay. You.” Az moved his hands to her shoulders. “Don’t you get that? I’m trying to do what’s right by everyone and it’s screwing everything up. Madeline was Gabe’s secret to keep. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
She didn’t answer.
“I was in a basement for hours before Luke took me up to the roof.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Eden broke in, but he didn’t stop.
“Every minute hurt worse and this voice in my ear, the whole time it kept whispering how easy it would be to Fall, how the pain would go away. Hour after hour,” he said, stroking her shoulder softly with each word. “But I wouldn’t listen. Because I knew no matter how much it hurt, it would hurt you more if I gave in.”
She sniffled.
“Gabe had nothing to do with me making it through that day, Eden. It was you. It’s still you. It’s always going to be you.”
Her hand rested against his chest, his heart beating strong under her fingers. He sighed and went on.
“If I made it through that day on the roof, I can make it through anything else. They can pressure me, they can try to sway me, but I’ll never choose to leave you. Gabe knew that. He’s counting on it.”
She traced his breastbone down. “I really wish I could kiss you right now.”
“Personally, I think we got the better deal.” Fingertips stole under the back of her shirt, followed either side of her spine up. His hands wandered from her shoulders to her chest and then her hips. “Jarrod can’t touch Sullivan.”
Eden paused. He was right. She looked down at her hand on Az’s chest, the feel of his skin under her bare fingertips. She and Az could have contact all the time, constantly.
He tightened his grip on her, bending back to lift her off her feet and twirled her in a slow circle. She giggled. It felt silly, laughing in the kitchen with her face all splotchy and tears still drying on her cheeks.
And then Az’s smile faded. The fingers that had explored her skin with such need were tentative as he touched her cheek.
“What is it?” she asked, not quite wanting to know, to let go of the moment.
“It’s nothing,” he said, moving his hand away, but she grabbed it. He wouldn’t look at her as she pulled it back up.
The tips of the fingers were flecked black.
Chapter 22
Cold night air. Gabe’s skin was slick so the chill felt good. In the distance, a drunken laugh rang out. From closer came a choked gurgle. Gabe’s hands cramped.
Fingers clawed at his, weakly.
Sweat coursed off him. Between his fingers, flesh. He squeezed tighter. A death at my hands. A dreamy smile drifted over his lips.
“Stop.” A hand touched his shoulder. “You need to stop.”
He winced. Shook his head. Can’t stop.
Everything fell away, foggy and then…
Sudden awareness snapped through him. He gasped, yanked away from the boy’s neck and stumbled.
“Oh, fuck,” Gabe whispered. He watched horrified as the boy swayed, then dropped like a stone. His head hit against the building on his way to the asphalt.
“Gabe?”
He whipped around, panic seizing him. The girl behind him was a stranger. She interrupted. A petite little thing. Needs to be taught a lesson. He froze at the dark skitters threatening to overwhelm him, the punishments he’d dole out. She knows your name. She has to die. She knows your name.
Which meant she wasn’t a stranger.
“Who are you? Where am I?” He shot a quick glance around. Parking lot. Full. He stood between two cars parked nose first against a brick wall, the boy on the ground beside him. The girl blocked his escape. He fought the urge to knock her aside and flee.
“My, my, lover!” Her eyes dropped to the curled body at his feet. No, it wasn’t a body; the boy was still breathing. Barely. “I let you out of my sight for two minutes.” She clucked her tongue, disapprovingly.
Gabe grabbed the roof of a car to steady himself. Everything blurred, the strength running out of his legs. “I’m not your lover.”
“Good,” she purred. “That’s a good start, Gabe. So who am I?”
He lifted his head, shaking it, his eyes squinted in uncertainty. “I don’t…I don’t know.” A name clicked across his brain, but it wasn’t hers. “Az?” His voice came out high and pleading. “Is Az here?”
She shook her head slowly, her eyes full of pity. “Let’s talk about the Sider, Gabe. What did he say? He made you angry.”
He spun, gravel grinding under his boots, staring at the unconscious boy. He opened his mouth to say there was nothing but then a ghost of a hazy memory drifted to him. “He came here because it’s where they always come to sell.” He winced. “Touch. He was selling Touch. The mortals. They’re getting addicted?” He looked up at her for confirmation.
She nodded approvingly. “More, Gabe. We know those things. You were Downstairs, checking on their paths. Do you remember if you found any of the mortals’ paths, Gabe?” A note of desperation crept into her voice, though he knew she didn’t want him to hear it. She needed to know what was happening to the mortals who were addicted. Needed him to find out.
“Their paths, they’re…broken…and I couldn’t find them sometimes. I couldn’t stay long enough.” His voice fell to a whisper as he began to remember more. “In and out. You always say in and out. I had to hurry.”
The scent of sulfur overwhelmed him. He gagged, dry heaving and dropped his elbows to his knees. Flashes of memories crowded his head. “Downstairs. The Siders were all in cages.” The girl moved closer, put a hand on his back to comfort him. “Don’t.” He brushed her away. “You shouldn’t be so trusting. I’m Fallen, Madeline.”
He shot straight. Madeline. She was a Sider. He had known her before, almost as long as Kristen. When he was different, when everything was so different. A mix of sorrow and terror brought tears to his eyes, everything flooding into him at once.
“Please. Please, I want to go Home.” His cry was sudden, ripped through him.
Madeline blinked hard. “When you knew you were going to Fall, that you weren’t going to be able to resist much longer, you wrote me a letter. Do you remember? You told me the things you couldn’t say out loud.”
They were coming to him, fast and clear. He nodded.
“You told me that if you were going to Fall, you wanted to help us figure out what was going on, said that I should have you go Downstairs. Spy.”
Gabe gasped, her words calling up bits of memory. “Luke tricked the Siders. He has them in cages and they can’t pass Touch. They’re going mad! All of them except…One. She’s sick, though. Something’s wrong with her.” He shook his head, trying to focus. “She’s falling apart.” His head snapped up. “Eden. You have to tell Az it’s going to happen to Eden!”
“You told me about this, Gabe.” Madeline squeezed his hand. “I’m trying to help Eden. I promise.”
“It’s so hard to concentrate.” Gabe felt like he was being ripped in two. Dark thoughts bubbled below his consciousness. Pressure building like a steam valve. “Cold,” he whispered.
Madeline skidded back from him, suddenly cautious, digging in her pocket. “Give me just a second,” she said as she pulled out a small orange bottle. She uncapped it and shook out the contents. “We’re out of time. Here.”
She held out her hand, palm up. In the center rested a tiny white tablet. “Put it under your tongue.”
“You’re drugging me?” His c
onfusion lasted only a second. “You’re the one giving me the blackouts.” She dares cross you? Rage crackled through him.
He slid closer to her, around her, until she was the one cornered against the bricks. Doesn’t she realize what a helpless thing she is?
“Gabe, take the pill!” Madeline said.
He could smell the sudden fear on her skin, in the air. It fed his need, urged him. He crept nearer. “You think I’m your puppet? That I’ll do your bidding?”
She turned her face from him, wincing as he pressed her against the wall. “Gabe, stop. You had a note that brought you here. On a business card. I wrote it.”
His irritation blazed. He ached for her screams, to feel her struggle against him. She didn’t react, held perfectly still. Why wasn’t she fighting? He walked his fingers slowly across her throat, the tips sliding over the side of her neck. Squeeze.
“And before that, there was a note you wrote,” she said, her voice quivering. Her pulse jack hammered under his thumb. “It told you to remember what Az said.” He felt a twinge of hesitation, but ignored it, curled his hand around her neck. “What did Az say?” she screamed.
“Trust only Madeline.” The words left his lips instantly.
Gabe froze. A memory lurched to the surface, his hand aching as he scrawled the words over and over, imbedding them in his mind while he was still Bound. He would be too dangerous to be near Az, and Eden would be with Az. Kristen would be devastated, angry. But Madeline could be trusted. She’d gleaned enough experience through Luke to know how to work the Fallen. Never run when they see you as prey. Words he’d written in the letter.
He realized his hand was still on Madeline’s neck and dropped it, embarrassed.
She shuddered in a relieved breath. “Trust Madeline.” She held out her hand again. “And I am Madeline. And I’m telling you to take this. Now.” She pinched the tablet between her fingertips, gave it to him. “Under your tongue, Gabe. You have to trust me.”
“What is it?”
She shook her head, the color starting to return to her cheeks. “I don’t know. But they’re from you. They came with the letter. You said you used to be able to catch thoughts when you were Bound. You didn’t know if the Fallen could, too, and we can’t let them discover what you’re looking for. The pill fades you in and out so you don’t remember me. Don’t remember being Downstairs. What you’ve learned.”
The Siders Box Set Page 41