by J. J. Snow
Chang nodded, reading Duv’s expression. “Anger is short-lived madness. They will understand. And the Captain will forgive you. She knows what it feels like.”
Duv hung his head, overwhelmed by the pain and feeling lost. “I need to get rid of the rest of that White Lightening. Maybe you can lock it up until we get someplace we can trade it?”
Chang smiled. “It is no longer within your grasp.”
Duv glanced up to see the old gunny grinning. “What?”
“I put it out the airlock after I had to carry your unconscious ass down here and give you first aid. Think of it as payment for your medical care. Though I don’t do stitches quite as well as Tiny. You’re going to have a rakish scar over that eyebrow that the ladies will love!” Chang grinned even harder until Duv finally managed a small but tired smile.
“Now, rest up. Captain Callum will need Duv Jackson the pilot in the morning if we are to start traveling again.”
Chang sat back down on a chair by the door to read as Duv lay back on the bed. His mind was so full of worry he didn’t see how he would be able to sleep, but he closed his eyes anyway and tried. After a few hours of tossing and turning, though, his light snores could be heard from the bunk. Chang peered over his book at the noise before turning to the next page. He smiled briefly, knowing it was going to be a long night. At least someone on board the ship had managed to find some sleep.
—————
Tiny sat at Ty’s bedside. Reilly had roused her a few minutes earlier to let her know she was going to sleep in her own quarters and to wake her if there were any problems. She seemed worried and distracted, but Ty’s improvement helped to cheer her up a bit. The sergeant’s condition was better now that Tiny had removed the optical blockers and he could see again. But he was still reluctant to sleep and prone to nightmares.
Ty had woken when Reilly left and now lay looking at the door quietly while Tiny worked. He could only sleep if one of them was nearby. Most recently, he had taken to hanging one arm over the edge of the bed, so when they were sitting nearby and he woke suddenly, he could bump them with his hand to know that they were there. The downside of this arrangement was that if he woke in a panic he would grab the nearest object and attempt to beat it to death. Tiny had moved all of the medical gear out of his grasp just to be safe, and she and Reilly had taken to removing their blasters and knives as well.
Tiny was relieved to see Ty’s progress. Ty’s speech had improved, along with his coordination. She had run him through simple motor-skills tests to check for any problems, but so far he had been doing well. In another day, she planned to get him up and walking again. Tiny cued up the computer since he was awake and set up the monitor.
“Sergeant Ty, I need to check your upper-body mobility. Will you please lift your arms like this for me?” Tiny demonstrated and Ty complied, following her directions as she checked the muscle movement in his arms, shoulders, chest, and back for any problems. When she finished, he leaned back into the pillow, watching her type up her notes.
“I think tomorrow you’ll be ready for your first walk,” she noted as she filled in the medical form and read off his vitals.
He nodded. “Great. Maybe you can get me something other than these damn medical gowns to wear so my butt’s not hanging out in the wind?”
Tiny looked at him to see if he was serious. He gave her a sheepish grin.
“I think I have some sweatpants or something in my locker. If it’s okay with you, I wouldn’t mind grabbing a shower either.”
Tiny nodded with a slight smile. “I’ll see if I can find them. We can walk down to the showers in the morning if you feel up to it. Let’s see how your balance is first. I’d like to avoid having you hit your head again.”
Ty grinned and flinched involuntarily at the same time. Certain phrases brought the pain to the surface from his recent trauma. She added a line in the report about this along with a postscript to look into different types of therapies that might help him to deal with the stress.
“Sounds good to me.” Ty paused and then asked, “I will be able to shower by myself, right?
“I can get one of the other men to help you, or if you’d like, we might be able to set up something for you to lean or sit on instead,” Tiny said as she continued to type. “I am also willing to help you if you should need it.”
She glanced at Ty as he sucked in his breath a bit and turned slightly red.
“I think I’d rather it be just me in there. Definitely no other men or you,” he started. “Not that I mind you, I mean since you’re my doc and all, and I guess you’ve seen everything anyway, but it’d just be nice to have a private moment, if you know what I mean,” he finished, rather flustered.
Tiny raised an eyebrow at him. Ty pulled the covers up around his shoulders and rolled over. She smiled to herself, amused that he was worried about who saw him in the shower instead of whether or not he’d be able to even walk that far. It impressed her that he never thought about what he couldn’t do. Instead, he focused on how to get it done. During his first motor-skill tests, his arms were very weak. Instead of focusing on this limitation, he found a way to use the bed to leverage each one to raise it to the level she had asked. Then, when they were done, he continued to work his arms, slowly strengthening them until they could do the task on their own. This was why he was alive now. The man knew no limits. He constantly pushed himself to find a way over, around, or through obstacles. He was a survivor because of his attitude, and she respected him for it.
She turned the system back to monitoring mode, then scooted the chair over by his bed. Like a kid, he spontaneously reached for her hand. She reached back and wrapped her fingers around his, then leaned back, waiting for him to drop off to sleep again.
His question caught her off guard. “Why did you come to get me? I mean, I was a real ass to you when you joined up.”
She eyed him thoughtfully before answering. “The Captain asked me to, and you are part of my crew…and because no one deserves to die like that…except perhaps Alton himself,” Tiny finished bitterly, remembering the seven hundred vids the psycho had proudly displayed for her to admire.
Ty watched Tiny’s face closely and then nodded. “Do you know why I didn’t like you?”
Tiny hid her surprise. “No. Why?”
“I can’t read you. I’m a deception expert, and I can’t read you. It freaks me out. I mean, you showed up and I thought for certain you were going to be the one to try to take down the ship. Not those other two yahoos. You keep everything hidden from everybody. Except for when you got angry, that I could read.”
So that was what had set him off. Her practice of keeping her emotions hidden had triggered his concern. He couldn’t read her, she had skills that were dangerous, and she was an unknown quantity, so therefore a possible threat. Tiny made a mental note for the future to try to show more emotions so that she wouldn’t stand out. That was going to take a bit of practice, especially if she wanted to project realistic-looking emotions that were false so she didn’t give herself away.
Ty rolled up on his side, wrapping the blankets tighter around him while still holding her hand.
“So tell me something about yourself. Where you’re from, what you like to do for fun when you’re not working, about your family…” Ty trailed off as his last remark triggered a reaction.
For the briefest second, a look of sorrow, of longing, flashed across Tiny’s face before she could hide it.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Tiny looked over at the computer. “It’s getting pretty late and you really need to get some rest, especially if you are going to walk tomorrow and take a shower on your own.”
Ty looked thoughtful and a bit disappointed. He nodded somberly and began staring at the door again. After about twenty minutes, Tiny relented.
“I like to shoot. It relaxes me. I prefer distance shooting, because you can’t think about anything else except getting the
bullet to the target. It makes the whole world disappear, and everything gets very peaceful.”
Ty grinned. “That’s why I became a scout sniper. I love distance shooting. Have you ever shot the F-X-thirty-seven-hundred?”
Before long, the two of them were swapping stories and talking over the merits of various long-range rifles and scopes, which worked best at night or in the desert or against armored targets. The hours passed by, and finally Ty began to fall asleep. Tiny yawned as she struggled to get comfortable in the chair, propping herself between the headboard and the wall. Her shoulder was still aching from Duv’s attack, so she took a painkiller to knock off the edge. Soon she was asleep, her head on her good arm to cushion it against the cold metal of the bed frame.
A few hours later, Ty woke to a thump. Startled, he found Tiny still asleep, slumped over, her head just barely landing on the edge of the bed, balanced delicately on the chair in a small, uncomfortable ball. She was the only crew member who hadn’t taken a break since the mission. The pace was finally taking its toll. She looked like she would fall to the floor any minute. Ty reached over and used his arms to pull her up onto the bed. She barely weighed anything. In her exhaustion, she merely curled up again into a ball, leaning back into his chest. Her face looked peaceful in the dim light with her hair scattered softly around her cheeks and forehead, framing it just right. He pulled the extra blanket from the foot of the bed and tossed it over her, then scooted back to leave some space between them. As he started to drift off again, he felt her small form push back, seeking his warmth. Hesitantly, he slung one arm over her, and then softly pulled her in against him. She sighed in her sleep as he buried his face in her hair. For once, his fear of the dark, of sleep, didn’t seem to crush him, and he felt surprised to know this had something to do with her. He fell asleep wondering about it but finding no answers.
—————
“Focus!”
Reilly ducked as Chang launched his next attack, aiming a foot at her head. It had been a rough night and she had barely slept, troubled by waking nightmares that featured the faces of her crew and Jeremy. Finally, she got up and found Chang rumbling around in the kitchen and convinced him to join her for a sparring match in the cargo bay. One corner had weights and a couple mats for working out. Reilly blocked a flurry of punches aimed at her throat and slid along the mat, attempting to catch Chang with a leg sweep.
She was still slow and her balance was a bit off, but she kept up as the gunny put her through her paces. He was an expert fighter and demanded all of her attention, which was what she craved to keep her mind off of her other worries. He aimed a low kick that she blocked with her shin, then another. Reilly countered with a spin and a kick that pushed him back, allowing her to advance. She landed a couple blows, and Chang grunted appreciatively before coming back and knocking her legs out from under her. She rolled and lay on her back as he circled, moving with him, arms protecting her face, one leg up, ready to kick.
As she followed him around the mat, her mind switched back to the fight with Duv. He had been so angry. Reilly had never seen him like that before, out of control. She was glad when Chang had volunteered to take him for the night. She didn’t want to have to stop him again if he decided to go after Tiny. Once was bad enough.
Suddenly Chang grabbed her leg and flipped her, twisting the limb elegantly and forcing her to tap out. He let go and stood over her, both of them catching their breath.
“That was not focusing,” he noted as he helped her to her feet.
“I know, I was thinking about Duv.” She wiped her face on a towel then leaned against the wall. The metal felt cold on her skin, giving her a slight chill.
“He will need some time. We talked last night, and he was ashamed of what he had done. I don’t think it will happen again, especially since I filled him in on Tiny’s role. No, if anything, our concern should be over him trying to kill the Commander when we return.” Chang leaned on the wall next to Reilly, looking up at the steel beams above them as he stretched.
“He might not be alone on that one, Gunny,” Reilly commented dryly. “I’m beginning to think Zain deserves a visit from us. That way, he can explain himself fully in person when we get back and be held accountable for his actions.”
Chang smiled. “You already know he won’t be there. He will seek to avoid that situation by distancing himself and keeping us engaged with missions. Zain will have anticipated Duv’s reaction and by extension your reaction. He will be observing remotely until it is safe or necessary for him to do otherwise.”
“Well, he can’t hide forever, especially since we have at least one Gaiden with us.” Reilly picked up her gear. “Thanks for the match. Don’t tell Tiny I was fighting, okay? She’d be less than happy to hear it.”
“Fighting who? I’ve got breakfast to cook—spam and eggs!” Chang headed up the catwalk with a wave as Reilly grinned and turned to stow her gear.
She finished up and slammed her locker shut to find Duv standing at the foot of the catwalk. She eyed him up, crossing her arms, and waited.
“Captain,” he began cautiously, “I wanted to talk to you. Is this a good time?”
“As good a time as any.” Reilly walked over and sat down on the weight bench.
Duv looked uncomfortable and began to pace. “I kind of lost my mind a bit yesterday. It probably didn’t help that I’ve been drinking…a lot…lately. It’s just been crazy with everything going on with Seth. I never should’ve said what I said to you—”
Reilly looked incredulous. “You’re worried about what you said to me? What about what you did to Tiny? I told everyone up front that this was going to be a tough brief and I asked everyone to listen. I get where you’re at, I even accepted the fact that you came in drunk to my meeting, but I can’t accept that you attacked one of our own. On top of that, I told you to stay down and you still kept coming. What happens when you disobey a direct order in a wartime situation, Jackson?”
Duv’s shoulders slumped. “Punishment could be confinement, hard labor, or death.”
Reilly sighed and rubbed her face. “I have other people here who are my responsibility. They are counting on me to keep them alive, which means they are counting on you to have their backs and to do your job. I can’t afford to have someone on board who is unpredictable, not now. This is all we’ve got, just us, no one else. If we can’t depend on that, then we’re all dead. This situation is no joke. Welch and Alton are not going to just disappear. This is our current reality and I need fighters, dependable, stable troops who aren’t going to crack under pressure, family or otherwise.”
Duv turned red as Reilly spoke, crossing his arms, his face obstinate. He began to speak again, but the Captain cut him off.
“No more excuses! What about Seth? You think this is doing him any good right now? While you were busy getting drunk and wallowing in self-pity, Tiny and I were trying to figure out how to locate him and Chang was working with Marek to get the ship ready. That time you wasted could’ve been spent looking for your son. Or how about looking after your buddy? Ty’s trying to learn how to walk again. Yet you haven’t even been down to see him once! If Callum and Nado weren’t around, would you have been able to do your duties? Or would we be stuck covering for you while you got your White Lightening fix?”
Duv snarled now, angry at her attack. “I didn’t ask for this! To have my family slaughtered, my son turned into a Gaiden, you think this is easy?”
Reilly got in his face as he clenched his fists. “I know it isn’t easy, Duv! We all do. We’ve all lost people and had to make hard calls. But damn! When are you going to realize you have to stop this? You keep piling all of these things up and hauling them around like they are your own personal failures when they’re not! You couldn’t have stopped what happened to your family or to Seth any more than I could’ve stopped Reise from killing Jeremy and Ryan back on Roen.” She stared him down. “It’s not worth keeping score like this. If you do,
you’ll spend your whole damn life tearing yourself apart. Stop kicking yourself in the teeth. Do it for me, do it for Seth, I don’t care. But I’m not going to watch you self-destruct again, and I’m sure as hell not going to let you put the rest of us in jeopardy because you can’t handle the stress!”
Duv stood there, his anger fading into grief as he realized she was right. Right now, he hated her for it, for making him see the truth. He wanted to just let his troubles wash over him, give in to them, stop fighting. He was so tired of fighting. They stood toe to toe, Reilly waiting to see if he was going to give her another go, Duv wondering if he had it in him. Finally, he backed off, looking away, not wanting to meet her eyes.
Reilly watched him for a moment more, just to be certain. “I will drop you on any planet you want between here and the beacon. You’ve more than done your time, and no one would blame you if you chose to go. You still want your job, you find me and let me know. But you make good and sure first, because there’s no going back this time. You pull another stunt like you did yesterday and so help me I’ll airlock you myself.”
She walked past him and started up the catwalk, then paused and looked back. “I’m not giving up on Seth regardless—he’s my family too, and we’re going to find him. We’re going to bring him back home.” Her voice softened briefly. “I’m sorry for your troubles, Duv, truly I am. And whatever you decide to do, we will always be there for you, as much as we can. But right now I need people I can depend on, not another distraction.”
Reilly left him alone in the bay with his thoughts.