by Bry Ann
My appetite was stabilizing slightly, but I was still pretty hungry all the time. I was chewing a mouthful of food when X walked in the room.
“Finally, she comes out hiding,” he said with a smirk.
I turned bright red. “You don’t need to tell your parents I was hiding.”
“Oh, babe,” he said, laughing. “We all knew. We had a bet going on when you would finally come down the stairs. At eleven in the morning, I won the bet because I said you wouldn’t come down unless I physically retrieved you.”
I moaned out of embarrassment and X just laughed.
“I want to take you out today,” X finally said as we all finished up our breakfast. We all need to talk, but tonight, I want to go out just you and me.”
I looked at his parents, slightly embarrassed that he was saying this in front of them. They both looked down and kept reading to give us some privacy.
“You mean like a date?”
“Yeah, that’s what this would be,” X said as he leaned against the door frame. “You in?”
“Mm-hmm. Sounds good,” I all but whispered. I felt so warm inside.
“Wait, you’ve never been on a date, have you?”
“No, I haven’t,” I said under my breath.
His parents look up at me, surprised.
“Never had a chance, you know?” I clarified.
“That’s crazy. Well, no pressure, your first date and all,” X joked, but it was clear that made him nervous for some reason.
“There is no pressure. I’ve never done anything, so you could walk me down the street and I’d be happy.”
“Are you a puppy?” He laughed.
I rolled my eyes and laughed too.
“I fucking promise I can do better than that.”
“You curse a lot, you know.”
“Yeah, it’s part of my charm,” he said with a wink. “Now let’s get going.”
I rolled my eyes but smiled. “Thank you for breakfast,” I said to his parents as I bounced out the door with X.
I got in the passenger seat like I always did, but this time I felt different, lighter. He turned the radio up, and we drove for about ten minutes before I finally decided to ask where we were going.
“X, where are we headed?”
“You’ll see.” He paused; then looked at me seriously. “Can I ask you something? I want your honesty.”
“Sure, of course. You know I have word vomit, so you’d probably get it anyway, whether you wanted it or not.” I gave him a small nudge to try and ease some of the tension that he was now visibly carrying.
He barely smiled. “When I went upstairs to get you this morning, you said something and I was just curious how much you meant it.”
“What?”
My head was now flying through everything I said that morning. I felt my heart pounding in my chest as I continued to stare at X, waiting for him to speak. He wiped his palms on his black pants and continued staring straight ahead.
“You said something this morning about me being ‘scary.’ You said that’s why you didn’t just talk to me about how you felt and instead decided to hide in bed all morning. Do I scare you?”
The concern in his eyes was beyond apparent. X had three moods that I’d seen, four sometimes. There was angry, cocky, indifferent, and in life-or-death situations, worry. It was very rare for X to look vulnerable, but he did at this moment. Whether he knew it or not, he was letting all his feelings hang out. I immediately grabbed his hand to comfort him.
“X, you are an intimidating man. You’re over six feet, solid muscle, and have black hair that hides your face, and virtually black eyes. Not to mention, you are a professional fighter with anger problems, but that can all be an asset. I view it that way. You command respect, and you should do something with that, something good. Use your background and your intensity and start something. I will add that you don’t scare me. You intimidate me, but not for the reasons you think. I hate making you angry. I hate hurting you. I hate all those things because I care and I’m scared of losing you or hurting you, not the other way around.”
He paused and thought deeply for a few minutes. “You’re so eloquent, you know?”
I laughed. “Thanks! Now seriously, where are we going?”
“I told you you’d see.” He took his eyes off the road for a second to wink at me.
“Fine.” I crossed my arms over my chest stubbornly. “I guess I’ll see.”
He grinned.
About twenty minutes later, we pulled up to this farm with a bunch of trees surrounding it. X got out of his Porsche without saying a word about where we were. I quickly followed him out of the car. He was already way ahead of me, walking towards this small wooden building.
“Um, aren’t we on a date?” I called out to him. “I’m not an expert, but aren’t you supposed to be doing this with me!”
He turned around and threw me a mocking smile. The minute I finished speaking, he stopped and held the door open as he waited for me to get inside.
“Better?” he said as I shuffled past him.
“Umm yeah, but where are we?” I said as I looked around this strange little shop.
The place looked straight out of the Wild West. It was filled with horse gear and the woman running the front desk was a full-on cowgirl.
X laughed and put his hand on my lower back as he walked me to the desk.
“Hey, Ginger,” X said with a huge smile.
He knew this woman. She was older, probably mid-forties with tan skin that had seen way too much sun. She had curly red hair that she hid with a cowboy hat and a big, rowdy smile. She looked at X curiously, then realization hit her face.
“Axel?” she yelled. “Oh my boy, you are all grown up and looking damn handsome!”
I looked at the two of them. Who was she? Where were we?
“Thank you, Ging,” he said with a warm smile. “I’ve missed you a lot.”
“It’s so good to see you,” she said, rounding the desk as a tear almost slipped from her eyes. “You’ve done very well for yourself. Pro boxer? Four titles, huh?” she said, giving him a rough nudge.
“You’ve been keeping up with me?” he said with a proud smile.
My heart was already warmed by the closeness of their relationship.
“Of course,” she said. “You are like the son I never had. When everything happened...well, I feel for you.”
“Thank you,” X said. Then he looked down. “I’m sorry I cut you out. It wasn’t your fault, and I just left. I’m sorry.”
“No!” she said with a firm country accent. “Don’t you do that. You’re here now.” She grabbed his shoulders and smiled. “But if you leave me again without a goodbye, I’ll fucking kick your ass.”
I gasped, and both of them turned to me. It was as if they both just became aware of my presence in the room. She instantly let X go.
“And who are you, young lady?” She took a step towards me and eyed me curiously.
“Hi,” I said through the knot in my throat. “I’m Aly.”
She looked at my hand like it was some foreign language, so I dropped it.
“I’m Ginger; most people just call me Ging. I run this place here,” she said, extending her arms proudly.
“And what exactly is this place?”
She turned to X and frowned. “You know her?”
“Yeah.” He laughed.
“And she doesn’t know where she is?” she said, raising an eyebrow. She looked offended.
He walked over to me and put an arm around my shoulders proudly. My cheeks turned bright red.
“Here’s the thing about Aly, Ging. If I told her what this place is and what we were going do, she’d get herself all worked up. She’s been quite sheltered. Think Rose from Titanic.”
“You have a lot of references for me, don’t you? Dobby, Rose, a puppy…” I mumbled under my breath.
He laughed and Ginger looked at us. There were tears in her eyes.
“X, you�
��re going to fucking make me cry. You’re okay.”
I looked around, confused.
“Trying to be,” he said as he walked over to her and patted her on the back.
“So two for an hour?” She rounded the desk and began to type stuff into the computer.
“Make it two hours,” he said, holding up two fingers. “Allows for some time to talk.”
“Got it!”
“Okay! Where the heck are we?!” I said loudly, crossing my arms over my chest in frustration.
Ginger laughed. “So you aren’t as much of a wallflower as I thought.”
I scrunched my face. That offended me, but X caught it right away.
“Oh, Ginger, Aly is no wallflower,” he said, laughing. “She’s closer to a bomb than a wallflower.”
Ginger looked at me and shook her head. “Well, let’s go get them.”
X started following Ginger out the back door, and I ran to catch up.
“Get what?” My question was immediately answered when we walked into stables that were filled with the sounds of horses neighing.
“What are we doing?” I said with increasing panic in my voice.
“Told you she’d panic,” X said, turning to Ginger with a smile.
We all stopped in front of a stall and faced each other.
“I can’t ride a horse,” I said, stepping back. “Are you crazy? And who knew you could ride a horse!”
“Oh, Hun,” Ging cut in. “Axel is the fucking horse whisperer. Spent half his childhood here.”
I looked at him in shock. “You did?”
“Yeah, I’ll tell you about it when we get going.”
“X, I can’t ride a horse. I’m not kidding! You can’t make me. Go, enjoy yourself. I’ll be here when you get back.”
He ignored me and went over to one of the stables and immediately began petting the face of one of the horses and talking to him softly. He was a completely different person here. He was gentle, soft. I stared at him with my mouth open in shock. He was transfixed with this horse, and I was transfixed with him. Ginger came up next to me.
“Good, isn’t he?” she said quietly.
“Yeah,” I said, breaking my gaze. “He’s so gentle.”
“He’s a complicated man, that Axel.”
“How do you know him so well?” I asked.
“Axel spent a lot of time here growing up. Here, school, Sarah, and fighting. Never felt like he fit in. Always felt angry that kid, but for some reason, Sarah and the horses helped keep him calm. I became like his crazy aunt or something. He’d talk to me. After Sarah, you know, I never saw him. Then he went to juvie and became famous, and well, I’ve missed him. I think the real question here is how do you know him?” she said, cocking an eyebrow at me. “I know Axel well enough to know he’s only let like five people in his life enough to see him like this…” She gestured to where he was tending to the horse. “So get talking.”
“Um, well, I…”
Before I could say anything, X was by my side and turned to Ging with a smile. “Aly will spill her whole life story to you before getting to the point. How about you help us get on the road and then make us one of your bomb-ass meals, and when we get back, I’ll catch you up.”
“You’re a bossy little asshole, Axel,” she said with a smile.
“You love me,” he shot back casually.
“Well, Axel, despite the years, I’m sure you know what to do. Pick your horse and get her set up. I’ll help Aly.”
“Ging,” X said. She turned to him, taken by his serious tone. “When I say Aly’s been sheltered, I mean really fucking sheltered. She’s been through a lot of shit, so really help her, okay? She’s scared, and I want her to love this as much as I do.”
With that, he walked away and left both Ging and me staring at him in shock. She shook her head and looked at me.
“Okay, I’ll take you to Panter. He’s a giant teddy bear. He’s older and will cause you no problems. Follow me.”
I nodded, and she walked me to the far end of the stables. She opened the door; I took five steps back as I felt my hands begin to shake. Despite the adventures of the past couple of months, I’d spent all my life in church, in prayer, at work, or home. Even in Seattle, other than that one bad night at the arena, I worked and spent most of my time at the local church. I had never been around animals.
“It’s okay, Hun,” Ginger said as gently as I think she was capable of. “Panter won’t hurt you.”
I took a few steps forward. “Look, X is just being protective. You don’t have to help me or be nice or whatever. I’ll be fine. If it means this much to him, I’ll get on the horse and go out there.”
Ginger glanced over at me and assessed me thoroughly. “Listen to me, young lady. If Axel cares enough about you to give a shit, then he really freaking cares. If Axel says you’ve been through some shit, then you must have been through a hell of a lot of shit because sympathy is not one of his strong suits. I’m getting the feeling there’s more to you than meets the eye and if you care about him enough to do something that scares you, then I like you too. So follow me, and I’ll help you get situated.”
With that, she took Panter’s reins and started walking him out of the stables. I followed and ran through everything she said in my head. Was she right when she said he cared about me a lot? I wanted to pretend I wasn’t so thrown off by what she said, but I was. I still didn’t feel good enough for a guy like him. I couldn’t help but feel this was all some rush brought on by circumstance. There was no way he’d care about me when we got out of this bubble we were in.
When we walked out, X was standing by a horse at what looked like the beginning of a trail. When he saw us, he walked over.
“You got it from here, Axel? I know it’s been a while,” Ginger asked him.
“I got it,” he said. “Thanks, Ging.”
She looked at him. “You’re different.”
“Only in the best ways,” he said with a wink.
“Okay, maybe not that different,” she said with a laugh as she walked away. “I’ll get lunch started.”
“She’s great,” I said after a long pause.
“Yeah, I love her.” He took my hand and began walking back over to Panter. When we reached the horse, X walked off and grabbed a stool. “Step up on the stool,” he said, turning to me.
“Axel, I…”
“On the stool, Aly.”
Reluctantly, I got on the stool. My legs were shaking as X ran through how to get on the horse and what to do when I was on. I tried swinging my leg up like he said, but my leg was too short. I tried to jump and pull myself up by the saddle, but I kept sliding off. Ginger was right because this horse was so patient and didn’t budge despite how annoyed he probably was. I was growing to love him already. On my fourth try, I huffed and put my hands on my hips, annoyed.
“Fuck this,” X said. “Stay here.”
He stormed off and grabbed his horse. I was curious where he was going, but I didn’t move. I just stood on the stool by the horse. I stayed frozen in place, scared the horse was going change its mind and decide it didn’t like me. When the horse proved it wasn’t going kill me, I set a hand on its neck and it turned its head towards me. I flinched. But then looked into its deep auburn eyes. The horse looked at me so gently that it almost made me cry. I put my hand on its face and started stroking it.
“You are so nice,” I whispered.
In that moment, I felt more at peace than I had felt since I lost my sister. It was almost like everything that had ever happened to me was put aside for a moment. I petted the horse and just kept whispering things to him. If I didn’t know better, I’d think the horse really understood me.
“You’re a natural at that,” X said from behind me.
I was so enthralled with the horse that his voice caught me off guard. I tripped over my feet and fell backward off the stool and into the dirt.
“Jesus, Aly,” X said as he ran towards me and helped me to my feet.
“You were having such a beautiful moment.”
“I know,” I grumbled as I wiped the dirt from my knees.
“You’re bleeding.”
“Barely, I’ll be fine.” I looked up. “Where’s your horse?”
“You sure you’re good?”
“I’m fine.”
“Okay, then get back on the stool.”
I got on the stool and X came on with me. I looked at him. “What are you doing?”
“Helping you,” he said as he grabbed my waist and placed me on the horse.
I gasped the minute my feet left the ground, but he got me up there easily and helped me get situated. He told me to scoot all the way forward and hold the knob that was on the saddle. I did. Then X reached over me and swung his leg around, grabbing the reins effortlessly from my grasp.
“What the heck are you doing?”
“Riding with you,” he said matter-of-factly. He shook the reins, and the horse moved forward, just like me and Axel were.
I had originally planned on Aly and me riding separately down to the creek, but after witnessing her trying to get on the horse half a dozen times, I realized she didn’t have any idea what she was doing. I put my horse away, and when I came back, Aly was petting her horse Panter so lovingly it made me stop. It did something to me watching her connect with horses the way I always have. Horses had always calmed me and made me feel loved. It was clear they did the same for her. Of course, the minute I said anything, she fell backward on her ass, once again proving she was a walking oxymoron. I helped her on the horse and then jumped on the back to make sure she didn’t fall off of the thing.
It didn’t take very long for me notice how badly she was shaking. I subtly moved my hands down the reins and felt her pulse. It was through the fucking roof.
“Aly,” I asked as we made our way down the trail. “Are you really this scared of riding? You seemed comfortable with the horse a few minutes ago.”
Her whole body stiffened. “I’m...I’m not nervous.”
“Aly, your heart rate is…”
Then it dawned on me that I was an asshole. It wasn’t the horse or the riding; it was me. It was us riding together.
She’d probably never been this close with a guy before. The creek was at least two miles down the road. Her body language indicated she was now not only nervous but highly embarrassed. As much as I wanted to touch her and how fucking hard it was for me to keep my distance from her, this was not how I wanted her to feel on her very first date. I hopped off the horse and swung the reins out to the front.