by B. T. Narro
I swallowed a gulp of air. I’d heard Swenn make jokes, and this didn’t sound like one. As clueless as I was about many things, I knew a false smile when I saw one.
“I’m taking you all the way, but you have to tell me the truth right now about your mother’s money. How much does she have? Don’t lie, and I won’t be mad.”
Relief of letting out the truth warred with my fear of what he would do. “There was about thirty silver and closer to two hundred pits.”
“I knew it.” He seemed satisfied, as if he’d just solved a riddle. “I can tell you’re not lying to me now. And where is this money?”
“In the table by her bed. Top drawer.”
“You should’ve taken it! I have to go back to Cessri after this. Keep that in mind. This ride is worth more than you’ve given me.”
“I’m sorry.” I wasn’t, but I was scared.
“Even worse, your mother’s never going to visit you if she has all this money. She doesn’t need you. You barely help her with her work. So why would she come to stay with you and your father unless she needed money?”
My mother did need me. She loved me. Anger started to push away my fear. “Why didn’t she just come with us now?” I’d already asked, but I wanted to hear his answer again. This time I was ready to argue.
“I already told you this has to be a secret to work.”
“We could’ve convinced her to come.”
“No, we couldn’t have.” I was surprised that he didn’t sound as if he wanted to punch me. “You need to trust me, Neeko. Adults don’t think like you do. She wouldn’t have come no matter what we said, and she wouldn’t have allowed you to go. This is the only way. You miss your father, don’t you?”
“I don’t. I miss my mother.”
“You do miss him. You’ll find out as soon as you see him. You have to trust me.” I could see his hands clenching as his voice became harsher. “You’re not old enough to understand.”
“I want you to take me back. Please, Swenn. Please, you’re going back anyway. Just turn around right now.”
“We’ll be there in a few hours! I’m not going back now.”
“I miss my mother.”
“Shut your mouth. You’ll see her soon.”
I never saw her again.
We reached Lanhine, and Swenn stopped just inside the city boundaries.
“You’re getting off now so I can go back.”
Terrified, I held back tears. “But this isn’t my house!”
“So walk there.”
“I don’t know how to get there!”
“Ask people.”
“Please don’t leave me.” This was a horrible idea, probably the worst of my life—I knew full well by then. I didn’t even care to see my father anymore. I didn’t care if I never became a man. I missed my mother. I started to cry. “Please, Swenn.”
He cursed. “Don’t start that.”
“Please.” I couldn’t stop crying. I wouldn’t get out of the carriage, even though he was glaring at me.
“Get out, and give me the key to your mother’s house. You won’t need it anymore.”
In that moment, the key became my most prized possession. “Why do you want it?”
“Isn’t that obvious? She’s not going to believe me when I tell her you paid me to take you to Lanhine. But when I show her the key, and I tell her you gave it to me without a fight, she’ll understand everything. She’ll come to see you. Then your family can be together.”
“I don’t want to be here.” I squeezed the key tight in my hand. “Let me come back with you!”
“No.”
I wailed louder. “Why not?”
“Why do you always have to ask?” I could tell he intended to hurt me, and I cried even harder. He grabbed my hand and pried the key out. “Go find your house! Your father will be there. Go!”
The mention of my father did help. Maybe I missed him after all? But even so, how was I supposed to find my house? I barely remembered what it looked like. I certainly didn’t know the address.
“Do you know where it is?” I asked.
“Why would I know, stupid? Get out.”
I didn’t move. He climbed over the divider to sit beside me. His teeth were clenched.
“Neeko, get out now!” He shoved me. I knew if he wanted to, he could lift me up and throw me out.
“All right. Stop. All right!”
He took his hands off me, and slowly I climbed out. He came around to the front of the carriage and started to turn the horse around. I crawled back in, ducking down and hoping he wouldn’t notice me. My heart pounded. The carriage stopped.
“Get out now!” he screamed.
“You can keep the money,” I tried. “Just let me stay while you go back.”
“I don’t have enough food.”
“We can buy more before we leave.”
“No. Get out!”
“No!” I yelled back.
I heard him coming around. I squeezed my body into the space for the rider’s feet, putting my face between my knees.
He started to kick me. I covered my head to protect it, but each blow hurt more than the last.
“Stop!” I pleaded. “Stop, that hurts!”
He kicked me harder. I couldn’t stand the pain as I kept screaming for him to stop.
“Get out!” He lifted me by my shirt and tossed me out. “It’s going to be far worse if you try getting in again,” he warned.
I sat in the dirt and wept as I watched him go.
“Swenn left me with no food or water,” I told Aunt Nann. “It was late in the evening with night approaching quickly. Scared of being stranded in the dark, I ran. Luckily, some people in Lanhine have decent hearts. When they saw a child screaming and rushing through the streets with his arms flailing as if disconnected from his body, they stopped to help. I eventually found my father. He was in a whorehouse.”
Aunt Nann had begun to cry when I told her Swenn demanded I give him my key. By now, she was sobbing almost uncontrollably. “I should’ve known it was Swenn.” I fetched her a cloth. “Thank you, child.”
“Do he and Eizle still live here, Aunt Nann?”
“I wish I knew. I’d kill him myself if I could.”
Sadness hit me like a hammer. Tears ran down my face. I wiped my eyes quickly, hoping half-blind Aunt Nann wouldn’t notice.
“None of it would’ve happened if it weren’t for me.”
“Oh, child. Don’t say such things.”
We were silent for some time.
“How do you know what happened?” she asked me.
“Jon and I had a neighbor named Wylen.” I almost said he was a better father to me than Jon, but the thought alone left me stricken with guilt. “Wylen taught me how to be a carpenter, Aunt Nann. It’s how I’ve made money.”
“No doubt you make a lot more than Jon.”
I nodded.
“Doesn’t surprise me. Did you stay with him after you found him?”
“I did. But Wylen mostly raised me. He and his wife couldn’t have a child of their own. They were generous, Aunt Nann. But then Wylen passed, and his wife moved.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
“Jon passed as well.”
The news startled her. “When?”
“About a week ago. I left the morning after.”
“I’m not sure what to say about him, child. Did he change? Was he a good father to you?”
“He tried.”
“Well, I know Faye did a fine job. The evidence is right here before me. But Neeko, you still haven’t told me how you found out about her, unless you came back without visiting Aunt Nann?”
“I haven’t been back until now. I learned what happened because of Wylen. After I found Jon, I waited for my mother to find us. As the days went by, I thought she might’ve been too angry with me to come. I meant to return to Cessri, but I didn’t have the means to do so. I couldn’t walk here alone, and neither Jon nor I had money for a carriage. W
e talked about walking together to Cessri, but Jon always found some reason that stopped him. I think it was about six years ago Wylen told me he was going to Cessri to visit family. He knew how I’d left things with my mother and checked on her for me.”
“Was he a dark man…a fancy man with one of those timepieces?”
“So you met him, Aunt Nann?”
“Yes, he came asking about Faye. I told him everything I knew…at the time. Did Swenn say anything to you that would indicate he did it on purpose?”
“Swenn is pure evil, Aunt Nann, but I don’t think he planned to kill my mother. Not when he had no reason. She must’ve caught him stealing her money.” I felt the tears coming back. “And I gave him the key. Gods, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone back to that day he offered to take me to Lanhine and thought about all the things I should’ve said. I was weak to let him trick me.”
“Don’t let those thoughts torment you. He’s the one at fault, not you.”
It helped to hear that.
“I saw him around for years after Faye died, but I can’t say if he’s still here. I don’t get out and see much anymore. I don’t even know if Eizle’s still living in Cessri.”
Someone knocked on Nann’s door.
“Who is it?” she shouted.
“A friend of Neeko’s.” Her voice sounded familiar, but I couldn’t quite put a face to it.
I opened it to find a young woman standing there. She looked familiar, too, yet I didn’t recognize her. Her face appeared innocent, as though she were incapable of doing anything wrong. Long black hair cascaded down over her shoulders, freshly washed and still damp. I found it soothing to look at her.
“Is that you, Neeko?”
“Gods! Shara?”
She laughed. “You look so different with new clothes and a face that isn’t covered in soot.”
I could’ve said the same about her.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Aunt Nann was thrilled to meet Shara, embarrassing me in the process.
“This pretty young lady came with you from Lanhine?”
“Yes, madam, but it’s not what you think.”
Aunt Nann squinted, stretching her neck forward to get a good look at Shara. “And why not? Are you taken by another man?”
Shara laughed nervously. “No, madam.”
“Please, Aunt Nann. It’s—”
“All right, all right.” She waved her hands. “Can I at least offer you some tea, Shara?”
“Thank you, madam, but unfortunately I don’t have time. I have a job I must get to. Neeko, will you accompany me there?”
“I…will.” I didn’t know why she was being so formal or how she knew Aunt Nann wanted to be called madam.
“Offer the lady your arm!” Aunt Nann whispered with subdued fury, possibly embarrassed I hadn’t already done so.
I extended my elbow. Shara wrapped her arm around mine and flashed a smile at me.
“I’ll be back later tonight, madam,” I said.
“Not too late. I go to sleep early.”
“Yes, madam.”
“Goodbye, madam.” Shara waved. “A pleasure to meet you.”
“You as well, dear.” Aunt Nann closed the door behind us.
Shara didn’t unwrap her arm as I expected her to. “I have to admit something to you,” she said glumly. She extended her forefinger and stuck it against the underside of her chin, looking down. “Shara heard your story. She was outside listening.”
“Oh.” Strangely, I wasn’t perturbed.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what? My mother’s death or that you were eavesdropping?”
“Sorry for both.” She finally let go of my arm.
“I’m not upset,” I told her. “But why talk about yourself as if you’re talking about someone else?”
She shrugged. “Feels better when I’m embarrassed. Gives me some distance. You should report Swenn to the guards! The man should spend the rest of his life in a prison cell.”
“No evidence.” I didn’t want to discuss Swenn. Just hearing Shara say his name made me want to vomit.
She seemed to understand from my tone. We fell silent. I noticed we were walking in the direction of Pig Belly’s Inn. “What are you doing at the inn?”
“One more thing about Swenn first.” She held up her same finger and moved it under her chin, showing me puppy eyes.
I grumbled.
“Last thing, I promise. I understand you’re going to look for Eizle here, right?”
“I am. I doubt he’ll be able to come with us, but even if that’s the case I’d still like to see him.”
“Come with us…I have some bad news about that. Remember my note?”
Right. Her grave news. “You’re not coming with me?” It felt as if I’d been stabbed in the heart.
“I can’t.” She sighed. “I just can’t.”
“You can.” Everything came back to me, then. The battle. Separating from Shara and the boy. The red priest slitting Callyn’s throat. Nearly dying from thirst. “What happened when you ran off?”
She pushed out her palms. “First, answer a question so I can be prepared: If we see Swenn here in Cessri, what will you do? What do you want me to do?”
I let out a long breath as I thought. The easiest answer came first. “I certainly don’t want you doing anything.” I looked at her waist for her sword and didn’t find it. I figured she’d left it with her other belongings. It would’ve looked strange on her, considering she wore a dress now. “I don’t know what I would do right now, but I’m sure I’d know if I saw him.”
She patted her hip. “I had to sell the sword for food.” She smiled at me. “I liked your note, didn’t know you’re a poet.”
“If you knew how long it took me to come up with that rhyme, you’d feel embarrassed about calling me a poet.”
She giggled.
“Shara, I can—”
“Neeko,” she interrupted.
My hand came over my face. “Sorry, I forgot. I can tell you’re trying to avoid telling me why you can’t come to Glaine.”
All sense of joy was gone as she bit down on her cheek. “I should’ve listened to you about Tyree.”
“He stole from you!”
Anger crossed her face. It was a startling sight to see innocence broken so abruptly.
“He took everything while I slept. He took the entire bag of food and even the coin purse from my pocket! He left me with nothing. I never would’ve thought a child would do something like that, especially after I helped him.” She grabbed my arm. “Did you really know he would do that?”
“I had an inkling.”
“How?”
“Signs, clues, some I’m sure I didn’t even consciously notice.” I couldn’t help but think back to Swenn. There were so many warning signs, but I missed all of them. “I suppose I’ve learned to detect deceit over the years.”
“So this is why you left me our first night? You thought I was deceiving you?”
“Is that why you’re not coming to Glaine? I won’t do that again. It was wrong.” I’d grabbed her shoulder without realizing it.
“No. It’s because I have no money! Tyree is the reason I can’t go to Glaine. All I have now are some clothes. To make it to Glaine we need horses. And I’ll need a fair amount of money for food and water. I don’t even have an extra pair of shoes anymore. I can’t possibly travel without them.”
I took out my coin purse. Shara was coming with me. I didn’t care how much it cost. After almost dying of thirst, I was convinced I needed her.
“Don’t.” She pushed the purse down before I could open it. “Even if you still have forty-five of your fifty silvers left, it might not be enough for both of us to make it.”
Fifty silvers? Oh, I’d forgotten I lied about how much money I had. This was why I usually refrained from telling lies. I never could keep track of them like Swenn could. I thought about revealing the truth as she continued.
“I’ll just stay in Cessri and work for a few years. Then I might go north, or I might just stay here if I have enough for my own house. Not sure if I’ll ever make that much. I’ll probably have to meet a man with money.” She sighed.
As much as I wanted to tell Shara that I had enough for both of us, I refrained. If she knew how much money I had, she easily could spend it all. She’d want the best horse available, and who knows how many extra pairs of shoes she’d claim we both needed. There were other ways to convince her to come with me. I could buy the horses and food. Surprise her. She wouldn’t be able to refuse. Yes, that was it.
“Will you come inside?” she asked. I didn’t realize we’d arrived at her inn. “I have a little time before I need to start work, and I want to give you something.”
I followed her in. “You shouldn’t give me anything.”
“It’s useless to me now anyway.” We went up the stairs to the second floor. She took a key from her pocket and unlocked a door. The room was barely large enough for her bed and her wardrobe. That was all there was. The yellowed walls were bare, the dusty floorboards had no rug to cover them, and there wasn’t even a window.
“The owner said he would clean out this dust.” Shara shook her head. “With my lungs, I can’t be in here long with it like this.”
“This is where you sleep?”
“Unfortunately. Will you wait outside? I need to change.”
I stepped out and closed the door. I was confident I could convince her to come with me, even without telling her I had more than two dalions. No one knew, and I liked it better that way. I’d especially kept it hidden from Jon.
He’d been annoyingly fickle. At times, he cared more about saving a pit than he did about eating. Other times, he’d piss away three silver in a night gambling. I started to remember what those first few weeks with him were like, but I stopped my mind before it started down that path.
Shara opened the door. She’d changed out of her dress and now wore a long skirt the same color as her dusty floorboards. Her white undershirt didn’t come up to her collar, letting her shoulders show where they weren’t covered by the straps of her black bodice. She certainly looked like a waitress. “There’s no mirror in here. Can you check my hair?”
“Check it?” I didn’t know what she meant.