“But—”
“God.” Lilly shook her head. “I was worried for him for like five minutes that he’d be that misgivings-guy you were planning on snapping in two, but this is far, far worse.”
“Lilly—”
“Promise me,” her best friend said, grabbing her hand. “You are going to forget about this man before…before…”
“Before what?”
Lilly squeezed her fingers until they hurt. “Before the emotional moment is best described by The Wreckers’s song, ‘Leave the Pieces.’”
In which the singer implores the object of her affections to leave behind the shards of her broken heart.
The toot of a horn had them both spinning around. A utility vehicle was churning through the sand in their direction, its cargo area stuffed with stacks of white wooden folding chairs. Amber Hathaway sat behind the wheel while her sister Jessie rode shotgun.
They slowed beside Audra and Lilly. “I hope we didn’t startle you,” Amber said. “We’re all-hands-on-deck and running behind on a wedding setup.”
“A second round of the flu is cutting a swathe through the staff,” Jessie added.
“I can help,” Audra offered, without even casting a glance at Lilly. She still loved her BFF but she wanted to avoid a drawn-out discussion of what the other woman considered to be a dead-end romance with Kane. Hopping onto the running board of the vehicle, she smothered a pang of guilt. “See you later, Lil.”
It didn’t take long to realize for whose wedding she helped unfold eighty-seven chairs. Amber and Jessie found it quite charitable of Audra considering bride-to-be Tracy Smith had doubted whether she could get their brother into a dating relationship.
Which, of course, Audra hadn’t.
But the sisters had heard about the encounter, proving true what Kane had told her about hotels being a hotbed of gossip. “She deserved to be taken down a peg or two,” Amber said now, “for trying to rub her impending marriage in Kane’s face because she was mad he broke up with her.”
“I know,” Audra agreed, feeling more than a little stabby herself, thinking about it. “Especially when he’d been honest with her from the beginning that he was only looking for casual. I understand her being disappointed, but…”
Jessie grimaced. “But the be-yotch decided to hit him in his weak spot…a direct shot to that superstitious streak he avoids owning up to.”
“He told you about it then?” Audra asked the sisters. “The curse?”
“We were there when she announced it,” Jessie said. “It was on Kane’s birthday four years ago.”
“But…but…today is Tracy’s wedding day—and also his birthday.”
“Yes,” Amber said. “And don’t think for a second that’s the least bit coincidental. She’s marrying on the anniversary of the day she put a hex on our brother.”
Jessie folded her arms over her chest. “She stood up at the dinner table where he was surrounded by friends and family and said, in this scary and dramatic voice—”
“‘I curse you to be alone the rest of your life,’” Audra finished for her.
“I have no idea whether he truly believes in it or not, though.” Jessie shrugged. “Because he’s always been committed to bachelorhood anyway.”
And then Audra remembered Kane’s own words. I’m no long-term bet.
Meaning that she, Audra, was cursed as well.
Whether she loved him or not, he would never see a future for them.
Finally, finally it was truly sinking in. Kane had been honest with her from the beginning too, right? Then Con had said it, followed by Lilly, and now his sisters. There would be no Audra and Kane no matter how much she didn’t want that to be true.
On leaden legs, she continued with the task at hand. Then, with the wedding venue prepared to the Hathaway sisters’ satisfaction, they urged her to hop aboard for a return to the resort. Audra opted to stay behind and took a seat in the last row of chairs, her gaze focused on the ocean framed by a wedding arch made entirely of driftwood. She wallowed in her dark mood.
That turned even darker when a battered black dirt bike made its way through the sand toward her. On it sat Kane, looking beyond cool in worn jeans, T-shirt, and a pair of mirrored aviator sunglasses.
He looked dangerous and beautiful and unattainable and longing welled inside her even as she tried to tamp it down. She remembered his hand on the back of her neck, his whisper against the skin of her throat, his amusement when they discussed DIY videos. The way he’d praised her flower-arranging in front of her parents.
His concern about what that sigil on his back might mean.
I’ll be discontented all my days.
Audra figured, now, that would be her.
He braked a few feet away. “Hey,” he said with a lift of his chin.
She gave him a jaunty salute, and she hoped it was jaunty enough to cause him to overlook her lack of speech. A damn lump in her throat made that impossible.
“You’ve been having fun catching up with Lilly?”
She nodded. Why was he staring at her like that? And why was he so good-looking and how could she have forgotten that she steered away from the glamorous playboys? Everyone knew they never wanted to settle down.
I’m no long-term bet.
Silence settled between them, both awkward and tense. Audra considered a swim, a flee down the beach, a primal screen.
Then Kane’s mouth twisted in a grimace. “God, Audie, I wish you wouldn’t cry.”
She twitched, and put her hand to her face. Tears. When had that happened?
“He’s not worth it,” Kane said gruffly. “That jerk-off doesn’t deserve one iota of your attention or pain.”
Staring at him, she tried to figure out why he was speaking of himself in the third person.
“I’m sure this,” he jerked his head in the direction of the driftwood wedding arch, “reminds you of that day you were left waiting, but that dickhead shouldn’t get any more of you, you understand? Not your thoughts, not your time, not your tears.”
Oh, he thought she was weepy over Jacob, she realized, instead of the ending of what she’d hoped was the beginning of the two of them, of Kane and Audra.
“It hurts,” she croaked, and clutched her hands to her frozen throat. Maybe she was coming down with something. Or maybe a terminal case of lovesickness started here, robbing you of speech before it robbed you of the happiness you’d thought you could always believe in, the happiness that somehow would find you even if you took a wrong path or two.
That reward for always doing the right thing. Being the good girl.
More hot tears stung her eyes and Kane cursed. Then he hung his head to swear in the direction of his knees. Finally, his head came up again, those mirrored lenses aimed her way.
“I’m in love with you, Audra.”
She jolted, rearing back in the chair and rocking up the front legs. Wh—? Her lips moved without sound.
He shoved one hand through his hair. “Alec told me that’s what you think it will take to get your spirit back—a man with misgivings falling at your feet so you can stomp all over his heart.”
Audra stared, going hot, cold, hot as he shoved the sunglasses to the top of his head and she saw the mix of sincerity and unhappiness written all over his face.
“So it happened, even though I didn’t think it could,” Kane continued. “Even though I didn’t want it to.”
He hauled in a breath. “I love your crazy TV shows and the kindness you showed Birdie and Gordon. I love your loyalty to Lilly and your strength when facing down your ex. I love the beautiful things you create with your hands and the vision you have for your future. I love your body and the idea that you wear sinful underwear beneath a ladylike dress. That you have the sweetest damn mouth that makes me feel like doing the most wicked things. I love the way you care about your parents and your brother and you have a cat named after a dried penis-wearing Viking warrior maiden. But mostly I love…the scent of your hair
at the nape of your neck and the fact that you never want to eat out alone. God, I want that for you…for you to always have a companion to fulfill your every need and to have your back and to hold your hand. I want you to find that man.”
But it wouldn’t be him. That’s what he was saying. Frowning, she sat forward. “Kane…” she croaked.
“Don’t talk. Let me finish.” He rubbed his eyes, then looked at her again. “So here are my misgivings, just to assure you it’s the whole package. I didn’t think I could fall, but I did. But the falling doesn’t change that I can’t be everything for you. I don’t have the forever gene. I’m the opposite of a pleaser, Audra. I’m a please-me. I’m too selfish to make you happy, but I find I’m honest enough to embarrass myself with this confession.”
“Kane—”
He held up a hand. “If your spell for a happy future and a whole heart includes one man who learned he could love on the way to losing the woman he felt that for…you got it. You’re healed.”
And before she could form a cohesive sentence, he spun the bike around and was gone, speeding back in the direction of the resort, sand scattering like her thoughts.
Audra couldn’t stay away from the dinner Kane’s sisters had arranged for his birthday. Leaving an empty chair at the table for what was supposed to be a celebration seemed all kinds of wrong. Maybe it was her goody goody coming out again, but she didn’t stifle the urge and instead made her way to the beach where a long dining table was lit by candles and surrounded by flaming bamboo torches.
Her shoes matched this time, strappy flat sandals worn with a flowing sun dress. Her hair had been coiled in a ballerina bun at the crown of her head.
But mostly I love the scent of your hair at the nape of your neck.
She told herself that she hadn’t chosen the style for that reason, but knew it to be a lie.
Maybe she wanted him to suffer a little because she’d be suffering too, knowing about his feelings and yet knowing he didn’t believe he could be her forever man.
He held those misgivings she’d spoken of so cavalierly to Lilly. Was it karmic payback that Audra had fallen for the very man whose unhappiness was supposed to make her whole again?
She had no doubt Kane would stoically watch her walk out of his life and believe it was the best thing for them both.
At the idea of that she wanted to scream and cry and stomp her feet, but Audra Montgomery would never cause such a scene. So, she continued onward toward the party.
Most everyone was already seated. Kane sat at the head of the table and she noted Birdie and Gordon Welch, Lilly and Alec, Kane’s sisters, an older couple she assumed to be his parents—Amber had told her they were expected—and then…
Polly and Lee Montgomery?
Her mother gestured Audra to an empty seat beside hers and she slid into it because it was far from Kane’s and because why were her parents here as well as why were her parents here?
Her mother answered that right away. “We stopped in after our tour of the local wine country—thank you, sweetheart for the recommendation—and ran into Jessie Hathaway in the lobby. She insisted we join the family for dinner since you were going to be in attendance as well. Isn’t that nice?”
“Very,” Audra asserted, darting a glance down the table at Kane. The torchlight made his expression unreadable.
Servers started placing salads in front of them just as her brother Con and a woman who looked a lot like Alec—she was quickly introduced as his sister Jojo—took the last two empty seats.
Audra applied her attention to her plate, letting the conversation at the table flow around her until it dawned that the talk came exclusively from Kane’s parents. They told story after story, about their travels and about their friends, amusing incidents that centered around the two of them.
As the meal wore on, they never questioned anyone else at the table, including their own children.
They’re the type of people who shouldn’t have kids. They didn’t want to put time into it—into us, Kane had said, and she could see the truth of that.
But he must see himself in them, because he’d also told her, just hours ago, I’m too selfish to make you happy.
Audra’s mother leaned close. “We need to talk,” she whispered. “I’m worried about you. I’m worried about this business idea and I’m really worried about the way you look at that young man.”
The impulse to scream and cry and stomp her feet rose up again. “Mom—”
“Audie. You’re in a bad place. It would be best to come home and give yourself time to get your bearings. Relax and regroup among family before making any decisions. It’s the right thing.”
The right thing. The right thing. The right thing.
She wanted to put her hands over her ears because it seemed as if she’d been striving to do that all her life—the right thing—and it never turned out quite as satisfying as promised.
“You’ll see,” her mother said, patting her hand. “We can drive home tonight—it won’t be too late. How’s that?”
She opened her mouth, the pleaser inside her poised to agree. But those three words kept echoing in her ears. The right thing. She’d always believed happiness was the reward for that, but here she was, wretched at the thought of leaving behind the man she loved because it was the right thing.
But was the right thing what her parents, brother, and best friend thought was the right thing?
Or would she have a better chance at happiness by doing the right thing for her?
So far the evening had proceeded about as Kane had expected. The recent reductions in staff due to illness had precluded his sisters from carrying through with anything crazy. They’d all been too busy picking up the slack.
But the food was delicious, the setting unbeatable, and no surprise, his parents were going on in their usual way that didn’t allow anyone else to get in a word. The guest list, however, had taken him aback some.
He’d not thought to see Polly and Lee Montgomery ever again, though they’d thanked him for being included and extended best wishes before seating themselves at the opposite end of the table. Audra sat with them.
His heart had stumbled as he saw her enter the circle of torchlight. She looked cool and untouchable in a pale gauzy dress, her hair twisted on top of her head. It seemed impossible that he’d caressed her creamy skin with his whiskers and clutched at her perfect body with greedy hands.
That she’d let him.
That she’d moaned for more.
The ringing noise of a spoon tapping a wineglass interrupted his thoughts. He looked over, saw Amber stand up and his parents mouths stop moving mid-self-involved anecdote.
“We have a tradition,” the older of his sisters said. “The three Hathaway siblings, I mean. We usually do it privately, but it’s been so busy at the resort we haven’t had a chance until now.”
He nearly groaned, but he didn’t want to dim that smile on Amber’s face.
“On our birthdays, we tell the birthday sib why we’re glad they’re in the world today.”
“I’m first,” Jessie said, standing. “And I’m glad Kane’s in the world today because he’s always supported my choices and laughed at my jokes—even when they’re at his expense.”
He played shaking a fist at her.
She laughed. “And because he’s a model hotelier and a model big brother and I love working with him every day.”
Blowing a kiss, she sat down. Then Amber began her little speech, echoing much of Jessie’s. Warmth filled Kane’s chest, melting some of the cold lump residing there since this morning’s confession on the beach. God he loved his sisters. For the past few hours he’d been trying to talk himself into that eco-resorts job again, thinking life would be less painful far from Audra, but he couldn’t do it. If he couldn’t have her, he could at least have Amber and Jessie and Alec and Alec’s folks, a family that he’d work to fully attach to now. Because it was an imperative to survival.
He’d commit
to them and so live easier with what he couldn’t have…a family with Audra.
As the other guests gave their own polite remarks, he nodded and smiled but his focus kept straying to the other end of the table where she sat, her head down. Maybe her lips were moving, he thought. Practicing what she might say?
Then it was her turn and Kane’s breath caught in his lungs as she stood, then slipped from her chair to approach him. He remembered another birthday dinner, four years ago, when a woman he’d been involved with had made her own declaration.
Shit. His body strung tight with tension and he braced for whatever Audra might impart.
“I’m glad Kane is in the world today,” she said, her voice loud and clear, “because he’s the man I’m in love with.”
He jolted, and his heart stuttered in his chest. She loved him?
Audra had made it to his side, and she looked down at him, torchlight gleaming against her pale hair, her eyes trained on him. Her beauty brought a terrible ache to his heart. “Kane Hathaway, I want to be your sunshine and your good luck and…and your wife.”
Wife?
Gasps could be heard around the table. Kane stopped breathing.
“And I know you’ll be everything I need. You’ve already been my handyman and my bringer of light and my generous lover. I don’t know what else any woman could ask for.”
She looked at him expectantly now but his brain was reeling and there was no air coming in and he gripped his knees so he wouldn’t reach out to grab and run away with her. “I…I’m not…”
You deserve better than me.
He couldn’t stop his gaze from sliding down the table to where Jim and Leigh Hathaway sat, looking confused or bored or a little bit of both. See, they’re who I come from. They’re who modeled how to be a spouse, parent, family.
Glancing back at Audra, he tried again. “Look. I…” I’m just like them.
“No,” she said, as if she’d heard his unspoken thought. “You’re not. I’m the one who’s selfish. Because I’m not going to walk away with my head down even if that’s what you think I should do. Even if you think that would make things easier for you and better for me.”
Me and Mr. Jones Page 20