Wrecked (Stories of Serendipity #8): #8

by Anne Conley

  When he’d finished with the lullaby, he transitioned into Amazing Grace, filling it with improvised trills and bridges, jazzing it up a little bit, but it chased Renae away. He saw her eyes shutter before she turned and walked away.

  Oh well. Baby steps.

  He continued playing for himself until he wasn’t angry anymore. Breaking down the instrument, he wiped it carefully, soothing himself with the repetitive motions of cleaning his horn as he put it away.

  Jason ambled into the kitchen, seeking out Renae to apologize. For what, he wasn’t sure. Maybe for buying such extravagant gifts when apparently, all she wanted was a gift card. He wanted to make things right between them. He was tired of walking on eggshells, having awkward conversations.

  The scent of oranges filled his nostrils as he made his way closer to the kitchen. Renae was peeling oranges onto a cutting board, juice squirting everywhere, Renae oblivious. She was concentrating on something, her fingers deftly digging under the skin, while her teeth tortured her bottom lip, turning the natural pink hue white. He was suddenly overcome with need. The sight of her moist lips under her teeth brought images of her face that night and memories of the sounds she’d made. Her gray eyes looked far away, thinking of something besides the oranges. She was peeling mindlessly, thinking of something else, and Jason would give anything to get inside her head.

  His entire body suddenly tightened into a spring being pushed together, and he realized that at any moment he could be released, flying anywhere. That’s what this woman did to him. There was no way he could go around pretending he didn’t want her.

  He must have shifted or something because her attention was drawn to him, and she smiled as her face cleared of whatever she was thinking about.

  “Hey there,” she offered.

  “Hey. I’m sorry about getting mad about the presents.” He might as well come clean. “It’s not like we’d set rules or anything, and I probably shouldn’t be getting you jewelry.”

  She set down the orange she was working on and wiped her hands on a dishtowel. “It’s okay. The bracelets are lovely. It’s me who should apologize. I didn’t think at all about your gift, honestly. I should have, but I didn’t, and when I saw what you got us, I was embarrassed about it. I’m sorry. It was totally thoughtless.” Her voice softened, and the longing surging through Jason was undeniable.

  He tried to play it off. “Hey, you’re gestating. I hear that makes women forgetful a lot.” He spread his hands in supplication. “No big deal. I promise.”

  She smiled again, warmly this time, and turned back to her oranges. There was a large pile next to her still needing peeling, so Jason rolled up his sleeves and started helping.

  “What are we making?”

  “It’s a tradition in our family to make ambrosia with the fruit in our stockings for Christmas. At least that’s what Mom always calls it. When she was a child, they grew up poor, and the only fresh fruit they ever really got was in their stockings at Christmas. So she started making a fruit salad out of it after they opened their stockings. Kelly really liked oranges and cherries, so I started making this when Kelly was a baby. It’s one of her favorites. I make it every year.”

  “What’s in it?” Jason was eyeing the enormous bowl half filled with already peeled oranges as he started peeling one.

  “Oranges, shredded coconut, and maraschino cherries. Mom used to make it with everything, but this is what I make it with.”

  “Sounds good.” He’d finished peeling and reached for another. “Aren’t you making a lot?”

  She chuckled, a deep throaty sound that went straight to the base of Jason’s spine. “It’ll get eaten. You just watch.”

  They peeled in silence for a while, Jason thoroughly enjoying just standing next to Renae, helping her peel. He could smell her cinnamon lotion or whatever it was that drove him crazy, and listening to the soft noises she made unconsciously was doing things to his body he couldn’t describe. She would sigh contentedly or grunt lightly when a drop of orange juice would hit her face, or sneak a little piece of orange into her mouth and moan appreciatively.

  They finished peeling, and he watched her cut the oranges into large chunks before adding a couple of bags of shredded coconut, then an enormous jar of maraschino cherries before stirring the mixture.

  “Now to make room in the fridge for this big bowl. After everything sits together for a couple of hours, it’ll be yummy. I made some for you to take to Joe, too.”

  “Thanks.” Not wanting this rare moment of companionship to end, he offered, “Do you have anything else you need help with? Or can we sit and have a cup of tea?

  “Tea sounds nice.”

  He’d seen a Christmas tea set in the kitchen and went in to rinse it out while the water was going on the stove. After finding a tray, setting everything out on it and filling the teapot with water and tea bags, he carried the tray into the living room. Renae was sitting on the couch, her feet propped up on the coffee table in front of her.

  “Have you decided where the nursery will be?” He was trying to find neutral ground. He was dying to just talk to her without antagonizing her.

  “Well, it was going to be your room, but I can’t exactly get started on it with you in there.” She drug her feet off the table and looked at him. “When is Joe going to be going home?”

  She didn’t sound accusatory. She sounded genuinely curious, her beautiful gray eyes wide with the question. Jason realized then he was probably really cramping her living situation, being underfoot all the time. He’d known that already, of course, but this was the first time he’d felt a little bad about it.

  “It’ll probably be close to three more weeks.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I really am excited about being a father, and I really do want to help you, Renae.” He felt a strong, almost overwhelming sense of protectiveness toward her. He turned his body on the couch so he was facing her, one leg propped in front of him. She had an edge to her posture, a tension he longed to ease. He softened his voice. “I’m not mad anymore you kept the pregnancy from me. I sort of understand where you were coming from, especially after seeing you spending time with Kelly. But I don’t want to miss anything else, and I want to help you, take care of you. I see everything you do for other people, and I want to do something to help you.” He wanted to do more than that, but he wasn’t going to tell her. He knew she wouldn’t take it well. “I’ll sleep on the couch if you want to start decorating the nursery.”

  “For three weeks?” Disbelief shone in her eyes and her gaping mouth. The pink maw was tempting him, but he knew he had to rein in his libido. This was an important conversation, and they were having it without being antagonistic with one another, for which he was thankful. It was almost the way it was before.

  Gesturing magnanimously to the overstuffed couch they were both sitting on, as large as a pick-up truck, he smiled. “Sure. I’ve slept in worse places.”

  “Well, I’m sure it won’t come to that. I’m not getting rid of the guest bed yet, and there’s plenty of room for a crib and stuff in there with it. But I’ll be losing the bookshelves and the knick knack shelves, and putting in a changing table and a rocking chair. I have six more months. I don’t need to get rid of anything just yet…”

  “Are you going to paint?”

  “Yeah. I was thinking a soft yellow or a green, something unisex. I don’t like little pink rooms, although blue is nice, even if it is a girl. What do you think?”

  He was surprised she’d asked his opinion. It showed she was opening up to him, to his points of view. Maybe she would eventually let him in, let him be a part of her life.

  He shrugged. “I’m not a fan of pink either.” Her answering smile sent joy coursing through him. “I think your choices sound nice.”

  “What do you want?” She asked him shyly. “A boy or a girl?”

  “Honestly? I’ve thought about both. I would love to have a little boy to share stuff with, that’s what comes to mind first, but I th
ink that’s because I had a brother, and that’s what I’m most comfortable with. But a little girl would be awesome. I could learn how to do hair and color coordinate and paint nails. And if she’s a little tomboy, I get the best of both worlds.”

  They talked more about the baby and plans for the room. Renae had kept Kelly’s baby things in storage, but had given them to Dalton and Alyssa when they’d had little Milo. So she didn’t have anything at the moment. She would ask for the stuff back, except with Alyssa pregnant, they’d need it again.

  “I can buy the baby some furniture,” he said softly.

  “I didn’t realize you’d gotten the shop running so smoothly that you’re already turning a profit?” She was teasing him, that twinkle in her eyes, and God, it felt good.

  He shrugged with a soft smile. “No. But I’ve got my cards. This is what they’re for. An investment in the future. I can sell one or two of the smaller ones for some baby stuff. No problem.” Of course, he thought with a twinge of bitterness, he’d need to buy two sets of everything, one set for her house, and one for his.

  “I can’t ask you to do that.”

  He remembered Kelly’s parting words right then, about her next charm commemorating their wedding and the idea that he wouldn’t need to buy two sets, that he’d live here with her and his baby, shook his body to the core. This could be a permanent arrangement. A forever arrangement. He realized at that moment, watching her look at him, he wanted nothing more than to make Renae his.

  “It’s my baby. I want to.” I want to marry you, I want a wedding. I want it all, not just visitation rights. He realized the conversation was coming to an end, if he said anything of that aloud, she would get prickly again. So, as he rose, he kissed the top of her head. Softly he said, “I would, you know.”

  And then he went to bed.

  Chapter 26

  The next day was busy with Kelly getting her stuff packed up to take back to school. Renae loaded her up with baked goods for her dormmates, extra blankets to combat the aging building’s heating system, and a case of Dr Peppers. Her ice chest for the two-hour road trip was loaded with drinks and snacks, and Renae was obsessive about her cell phone being charged for emergencies on the way.

  Jason had been really helpful. After his morning errand to go check on Joe, he’d come back to help Kelly load her car, putting in boxes of her gifts, her luggage, and the cooler. He’d also stuck his head under the hood to make sure her oil was okay and all of her fluids were full. Renae couldn’t help but be appreciative of that. She’d never thought to check her daughter’s car was roadworthy even though it had never caused problems in the past.

  “Thank you, Jason,” she said softly as he shut the hood of the car.

  “No problem. Complacency breeds issues especially with motor vehicles.” He winked at her, and ruffled Kelly’s hair before going back into the house. Renae caught herself wishing things could stay this way forever. Kelly seemed to be a nice barrier between the two of them, and she was a little afraid of what would happen with her gone especially after their conversation last night.

  It had been so nice to just talk to Jason about the baby without any finger-pointing or blame. But his parting comment had caused more questions to arise, questions she wasn’t sure she wanted answered. Because then, she would have to make some decisions on her own, decisions she wasn’t sure she was ready to make. Regarding the two of them.

  “Mom? Can I talk to you before I leave?” Kelly was leaning on the hood of her car, sunglasses perched on top of her head, her hair thrown into a messy bun. Renae’s heart ached at the sudden sense of adultness exuding from her daughter.

  “Of course. What’s up?”

  “I meant to bring this up when we had more time together, but the chance never came up, and I’ve got to say it before I go…”

  Dread filled Renae’s stomach. What could her beautiful daughter want to talk to her about that was so important? Was she pregnant? In some sort of trouble?

  “It’s about Dad.”

  “Okay…” Dismay pooled in her stomach. She had avoided Kelly’s questions for most of her life, managing to put her off, but she knew Kelly, as an adult, would want answers eventually. But in the driveway?

  “I grew up here, Mom. It’s a small town, and I heard things. You never really wanted to tell me the truth, and I understand your reasoning behind that. I’m not judging you at all. So I asked Grams, and she told me all about him.” She reached out and took Renae’s trembling hands in her own. “So I know everything about that night. And before. I know what sort of marriage you guys had.”

  “I didn’t want you to grow up hearing bad things about your father from me, Kelly.”

  “I know, Mom. And I respect that choice immensely. That took a lot of courage for you to do that. It would have been so easy to just tell me what an asshole he really was. But you didn’t.”

  “I wanted you to think of your father differently, I guess.”

  “I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, Mom.” Her gaze darted to the house and back. “I’m telling you this because I want you to know I think Jason is different. He’s not like Dad. I think he loves you and would do anything to make you happy. You should let go of whatever is holding you back and let yourself be happy with him.”

  Let go. She stared at her daughter spouting this wisdom like she had suddenly grown another head. Slowly, she nodded, unable to come up with a reply. Kelly pulled her into a fierce hug and Renae felt the tables turn again like that night in the kitchen when she’d told her she wasn’t superwoman and needed to let Jason help her around the house.

  “When the hell did you grow up?” Tears threatened to spill down her cheeks, and her voice was thick.

  “I love you, Mom, and I want to see you happy. It’s time for you to be happy.”

  She watched Kelly fold her long legs inside her car through blurry eyes, and waved as she backed down the driveway and out of sight.

  Standing there, tears falling down her cheeks, Renae was lost in thoughts of her grown daughter leaving her, and she didn’t notice Jason come outside. Not until he threw his arm over her shoulder.

  “It’s hard watching her leave?” His soft voice was a murmur in her ear, and it brought everything rushing to the surface. All the memories of her and her daughter together, the two of them against the world, in their own little self-made cocoon.

  She turned to him, burying her face in his chest and let out the sobbing wails she had been holding inside since the first day she’d sent Kelly off to college. She clung to his flannel shirt as he wrapped his arms around her and held her while she cried. Words failed her, she couldn’t explain what was going on, she just sobbed uncontrollably into his strong, hard chest while relishing the feel of his arms wrapped around her.

  Those days were over. The days of caring for Kelly, dressing her, bandaging her boo-boos, teaching her how to ride a bicycle, helping her pitch for the softball league, enduring her guitar practices, watching her dance in the living room, carrying her to sleepovers. They were all gone. She was alone now, and her daughter was grown and gone.

  An image of the Jeffers from church entered her mind, unbidden. Their frailty, drawing strength from one another, their love for each other during times of crisis. She wanted that with Jason so badly but felt like she didn’t deserve it somehow. She couldn’t explain it, but it made the tears come harder. Words about wise women versus the foolish woman came next, probably a logical progression from the Jeffers and church. The sermons proclaiming her a sinner weighed on her. She had tried so hard to do everything right after Cody died, but it all seemed to be slipping through her fingers. All of a sudden she wanted things she’d never wanted before, and they all seemed so unattainable.

  She cried. She cried for her sins, for Kelly, for the baby, for Cody, for the Jeffers, for everything that suddenly came crashing down on her. All of her own choices.

  “Shhh. It’s okay, Renae.” His whispered platitudes washed over her, calming
her in a way she couldn’t explain. He gently turned her and led her into the house, never once unwrapping her from the comforting envelope of his arms.

  “She’s a grown woman now…” Renae managed between sobs.

  “I know. You did an amazing job raising her, and you have to let her go now. That’s got to be hard.”

  “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” Sniffing, she pulled away from Jason to find they were inside, and he had a huge wet spot on his charcoal gray shirt. “I’m sorry.” She must look awful, her eyes were surely puffy and red, and she probably had snot dripping down her face. She went to wipe her nose with the back of her hand, and Jason pulled a bandana out of his back pocket to hand to her. She blew her nose, and stuffed it into her own pocket, unwilling to give it back. For some reason, she found she had an undeniable need to keep a piece of him.

  Burying her face in his chest again, Renae inhaled his warm scent. She didn’t want him to let go of her. She was enjoying his nearness too much. Renae fit against his warm body perfectly with his arms wrapped around her and his shushing noises in her ear, against her hair. She realized she didn’t want him to ever let go.

  She finally pulled herself together, her sobs subsiding into small sniffles, and after one last blow on the bandana hankie, she reluctantly extricated herself from his grasp.

  “Thank you. For being here,” she mumbled softly.

  “Any time, Renae. I mean it.” She looked up into his piercing blue gaze and saw a wealth of emotion there: tenderness, support, and something else. Something unfamiliar, yet nice. She felt like he would do anything for her, and his words from last night floated up from the recesses of her brain. ‘I would, you know.’ Did he mean what she thought he meant? Would he marry her? But did he love her? If not, it was out of the question.

  “I’m a little embarrassed. I’ve never done that before.”