“That sounds wonderful, Evan.”
“Let me go get our plates.”
“No,” she said almost too quickly. She was reluctant to let him go for even a few minutes. She hadn’t seen him for a week and wanted to spend every moment she could with him. “I’ll go with you.”
A wide smile crossed his face, reaching his eyes. “Come on then.”
During lunch Charlie decided Evan was having regrets about their kiss. It wasn’t anything he said, but his lack thereof. He was the perfect gentleman. Talkative, attentive to her, but in almost an impersonal kind of way. A few times she looked up to catch him looking at her, his eyes thoughtful. Then he quickly blinked it away, causing Charlie to wonder if she’d seen anything at all.
She didn’t want Evan to have regrets. She didn’t want the kiss they had shared to be a product of the moment. She wanted it to have meaning, for it to be a result of some deep feeling for each other, not some mistake.
During the past week, she had longed to hear Evan’s voice. But she’d only heard it twice, both times when she gave into her deep yearning to hear his voice and called him. He hadn’t called her. That caused her to wonder, but seeing him today confirmed her suspicions. He regretted it.
Admitting it hurt.
And at the same time she felt a smoldering anger, though not at him per say. It was more a realization that a man like Evan would never seriously look at her. She wasn’t beautiful or alluring or sophisticated. She was plain old Charlie, farm girl from Iowa. She felt like yelling at the injustice of it all. She was so tired of being plain Charlie.
She laughed and smiled at the appropriate moments during their lunch, and, incredibly, her anger subsided. Of course, she was being irrational. She was fortunate to even have such a good person as a friend. She could get over the hurt of his not being interested in her. That was life. Besides, how could she risk their friendship for a romantic relationship? What if it didn’t work out? She could never get over losing him as a friend.
“Do you want desert, Charlie?”
She laughed and shook her head. “I’m about to pop as it is.” She cocked her head sideways and gave him a thoughtful look. “Your eyes don’t look good, Evan.”
Running a hand through his hair, he sighed. “It’s been a long week. I’ve been filling in for everybody who filled in for me while I was gone.”
“I’m sorry, Evan.”
“There’s no reason to be sorry. I wanted to be there for you Charlie,” he added huskily.
His eyes were soft and warm on her face. Her breath caught and for a moment she was speechless.
“Thank you, Evan. Why don’t you come over tomorrow evening for supper? Let me try to make it up to you. Then after we eat we can watch the baseball game on TV.”
He furrowed his brows. “You don’t need to repay me, Charlie.”
“Evan, friends do things for each other. I want to do this for you.” Her voice said she would not accept no for an answer.
When he nodded, Charlie felt like the happiest woman in the world.
****
“Amy, what are you doing here?”
“Can’t I visit my own friend?”
“You know what I mean. You and Rich usually go out on Friday nights,” Charlie clarified as she moved from her open front door to let Amy by.
Amy plopped on the sofa. “I wanted to come see how you were doing. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for your dad’s funeral.”
Charlie sat by her friend and put an arm around her shoulders. “I know you have to work, especially with Rich not working. I know that’s tough and makes it next to impossible for you to take any time off.”
“How have you been doing?”
Charlie sighed. “Ok, but it’s been hard. I still keep on thinking he’s there at the farm. He’s always been there and now he’s gone. It’s really hard to get used to. Just this evening I picked up the phone to call him. Then I remembered.”
“Is there anything I can do for you? Help move stuff? Anything?”
Charlie shook her head. “Evan, while he was up there, took care of all the business odds and ends. I’m keeping the farm, just leasing the property. Evan helped to set all that up. All that needs to be done now is to allow all that’s transpired to fully sink in.”
“What was it like to be up there with Evan for all that time?”
Charlie finally smiled. “You won’t believe it, Amy. I have never seen that side of Evan.”
“Was he a slob? Hell to live with?”
“Far from it. He was so caring, so understanding. He even folded clothes and set the table! And he was there at every step along the way from sleeping with me at night to arranging the funeral.”
Amy held up a hand. “Whoa! Slow down! What do you mean sleeping with you at night?”
“I didn’t tell you?”
“No!”
“It’s been so busy, I guess it slipped my mind. I couldn’t sleep; I was crying. Inconsolable really. The first night, Evan, who was sleeping on the couch in the den, heard me crying. He came into my room and lay down in bed with me and we fell asleep. We did that for the next two nights.”
“Did anything happen?”
Charlie paused to think for a moment. “In the physical sense – no. In the emotional sense – yes. When that happened things seemed to change between us. Really subtly, nothing overt. I’d wake up in the morning with Evan curled around me and I didn’t want to move, I didn’t want our togetherness to end. There was just this feeling that there was something happening between us, intangible, but happening nonetheless.”
“And nothing happened the whole time?”
“Well,” Charlie said reluctantly, “something did happen. We kissed. Just once right before he left. On the lips. I have never been kissed like that before. So sensual, so passionate.”
“You’re talking about Evan? Ice-water in his veins Evan?” Amy asked incredulously.
“Amy! Evan is not a cold person. He’s just reserved. But since he kissed me, I can no long look at Evan as my friend, but a flesh and blood man. It’s a big difference.”
“You’re falling for him.”
Charlie put her head in her hands. “Yes, but I don’t want to.” She looked back up at Amy. “I don’t want to have these carnal feelings for him. He is my friend and I am so confused. I feel like I’m being pulled in two by these conflicting emotions. Which one should I follow?”
“What does Evan say? What does he want to do? Surely you’ve talked to him about it?”
“Evan hasn’t said anything. We’ve only talked a few times since we’ve been back and it was really rushed. I’m beginning to wonder if he considers this all a huge mistake, maybe no big deal at all and is now ignoring it, hoping that it will be forgotten.”
“You know, Charlie, he may be as confused about the situation as you are. Have you thought about that?”
“No.” She looked at Amy suspiciously. “Why are you defending him all of the sudden?”
“I’m not defending him. I’m merely offering a different point of view. Besides, no matter what I think of Evan, he treats you well and makes you happy. That counts for something. You’re lucky.”
“Thanks. What are you doing here tonight?”
Amy sighed. “I needed to get away from Rich. I am getting so sick and tired of him. Now his brother, who’s also unemployed with no inclination of getting a job, is staying with us.”
Charlie shook her head. “Why do you put up with it? You can end it right now. You’re not dependent on him. He’s dependent on you. You can leave anytime and you’ll always have a place to stay here with me. Let him pay the rent on the apartment, pay all the bills you pay.”
“I don’t know, Charlie. I think about it. I even make plans in my head to do it, but I never actually do it. Something keeps stopping me.”
“Well, you need to figure out what that ‘something’ is and then fix it.”
“You know, Charlie, I wish I could find someone like Evan. W
ell, not like him in personality, but someone who would treat me like he treats you.”
“You can find that person, Amy. All you have to do is look.
Chapter 7
It was Saturday night and she was all nerves. Charlie thought it silly since she and Evan were the same two people as a week ago before their kiss. A simple kiss shouldn’t have changed their friendship, but she had to acknowledge that somehow it did. At least on her end.
Evan was her friend and she was afraid having these feelings for him would ultimately have a negative impact on their friendship. She was determined to keep things as they had been. She would ignore these emotions!
But Charlie’s resolve wavered when she opened her door to Evan that evening. As soon as she saw him, she wondered if wanting their relationship to go back to the way it was was realistic or even something she even really wanted.
He looked so handsome dressed in a blue and white striped polo shirt, a suede jacket, and pair of khaki pants, his light brown hair neatly combed, his face freshly shaved, and his eyes as warm as melted butter.
Charlie’s heart skipped a beat and for a moment she could do nothing but stare at him, stare right into his eyes.
“Hi, Charlie.” His smile was bright and eyes appreciative.
Opening the door wider, she stepped aside to let him pass by. “You look nice tonight, Evan.”
He turned towards her as she shut the door. “So do you. I’ve never seen you any lovelier.”
Charlie blushed and looked away from him for a moment, suddenly uncomfortable with the warmth that was so evident in his eyes. “You’ve seen me in this old outfit dozens of times.” She tried to laugh, make light of the physical tension between them, but somehow it sounded odd, forced.
“Dinner’s almost ready,” she called as she walked quickly to the kitchen, feeling the need to put some distance between them. Evan followed, stopping by the small dining table Charlie had decorated complete with a linen tablecloth, a candle flickering in the center, two wine glasses and a bottle of chilled wine.
Charlie watched Evan pick up a wine glass and twirl the stem in his fingers. Out of nowhere a sense of mortification enveloped her. What had she been thinking when she had set that table? What would he think of her?
She rushed into the kitchen, needing to get away.
Evan followed her a few moments later, stopping in the doorway, leaning on the door jam, watching Charlie work.
“It smells great in here.”
She glanced at him, forcing a large smile before she turned around to the stove. “Thanks. We’re having spaghetti and meatballs, salad, and garlic bread. And for dessert I bought a cheesecake.”
“You made my favorite meal.”
“I aim to please,” she quipped, hoping her voice didn’t sound as nervous as she felt. “If you’ll get the wine poured, I’ll fix our plates.”
Evan turned to go.
“Evan?”
He turned towards her, question in his eyes.
“I shouldn’t have set the table the way I did. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“It’s fine. It looks great. There’s no need to apologize for a well-decorated table. My mother would be impressed, and she’s known for setting really splendid tables.”
“It’s too personal.” Why did she keep babbling? Couldn’t she have accepted his dismissal of the situation?
“No. We’re friends. Two very good friends.”
****
During their meal, they sat across from each other, the pale candlelight flickering, casting muted shadows across the table and over their faces, creating a very relaxed and intimate atmosphere. Charlie had suggested extinguishing the candles and turning on the dining room lights, but Evan protested by saying he liked eating by candlelight. He laughed, saying it reminded him of his ancestors and the simpler times they had lived in.
Charlie accepted the explanation, relieved that he wasn’t reading anything into it. She vowed that as soon as Evan left, she would toss those candles in the trash. There would be no next time.
After they finished eating, Evan took a sip of wine and said, “The spaghetti was delicious, Charlie. I’m glad you invited me over tonight.”
Charlie smiled. “I’m glad you came, Evan.” She looked at a clock past his shoulder then back at him. “The baseball game will be coming on in a few minutes.”
His eyes held hers, turning serious and the smile on his face slipped. “I know this may not be the time, but would it be ok if we talked first?”
He didn’t say what he wanted to talk about. There was no need. Charlie knew. They’d skirted around it during lunch yesterday as well as this evening through dinner. The time had come to sort things out and set things straight. “I know, Evan,” she said calmly, though her insides were quaking, her stomach rolling. “Have a seat in the living room while I get this cleaned up then we’ll talk.”
“I’ll help you, Charlie.”
“No,” she stated, avoiding his eyes as she spoke. “It’ll only take me a few minutes. Would you like a piece of cheesecake while you wait?”
“Thanks, but I’m stuffed from the wonderful dinner you made.”
Charlie nodded and started cleaning off the table. She made short work of the task, though she was not looking forward to this conversation. She felt sick.
A few minutes later she entered the living room carrying a plate with a piece of cheesecake for herself. She wasn’t at all hungry, but she thought it might be helpful to have something to occupy her during, what could very well be, a gut wrenching conversation. She had no doubt Evan was going to tell her that it all had been a mistake. What else could he say?
It was silly to even have entertained any other possibility. There was no way that Evan was attracted to her, she told herself. She looked down at her outfit and felt so foolish dressing up for him, so foolish for putting a tablecloth and candles on the table. What had she been thinking?
Evan sat on the floor, his back resting against the sofa. Soft music from her stereo filled the air. She wished she had left it off. The dimmed lights cast shadows around the room. Charlie’s heartbeat quickened when he lifted his green eyes to hers. They were serious, soft, warm and inviting.
For a moment, she felt like she couldn’t catch her breath. Then he then shifted his eyes away from her. “Come sit down, Charlie.”
Feeling excitement one moment from the way he had looked at her and trepidation the next knowing what was to come, Charlie reluctantly sat on the floor beside him.
She held the plate containing her cheesecake with both of her hands to keep them from trembling or doing something even more foolish like reaching out and touching him. How she longed to touch his cheek, to feel the warmth of his skin against her fingertips, to have him look at her like he’d done only moments before. She wanted him to want her, to make her feel like she had when he’d kissed her.
Evan angled his body towards her so he could look directly into her eyes.
“Charlie, I want to apologize for not calling you this week.”
“Evan, you don’t need…”
He put his fingers up to her lips to silence her. “Yes, I do, Charlie. I should have called you.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Honestly, I didn’t know what to say to you.
“That kiss we shared was incredible, at least for me. And since then, I’ve been torn in differing directions as to what to do about it.” He touched her cheek. “I value our friendship so much, Charlie. I don’t want to lose it.”
Her pale skin burned from his touch. “Neither do I, Evan,” she murmured softly. “What should we do?” she forced herself to ask. She didn’t want to hear his answer. She knew what it would be. But they had to get this settled.
“We need to forget about the kiss, Charlie,” he said with regret, watching as a frown formed on her lips. “I want you to know I don’t regret it, Charlie. It’s just that I value our friendship so much. I don’t want to do anything to destroy it.”
She
looked away, bitter disappointment filling her. Though she’d told herself this is what he’d say, it still hurt. She stared at the plate of cheesecake in her hand, willing herself not to cry. It hurt like hell.
She blinked several times to eradicate the tears that had welled up in her eyes before looking back at him. Forcing a smile on her lips, not quite looking him in the eye, she said, “I understand. We have a great friendship, Evan. A lot of people would love to have a friendship as good as ours. It would be silly to do anything to put it in jeopardy.” Wouldn’t it be equally silly not to do anything about how we feel, she thought.
They sat there for several long minutes in silence. Neither knew what to say. Enough had already been said.
Charlie stared down at her cheesecake, her heart heavy, feeling depressed. How could an evening that started out with such promise end so dismally?
She cut off a small piece of the dessert with her fork, tasting it. “Mmmm…”
Evan turned and looked at her with question in his eyes.
Evan watched her slice the cheesecake with her fork and then put the cheesecake in her mouth, her cherry red lips slowly closing around the fork as she pulled it out of her mouth. He swallowed hard.
“This cheesecake is delicious.” She gave a hesitant smile. “Do you want a taste?”
Charlie cut another piece, and instead of putting it in her mouth, she held out the fork to Evan. “You need to try this, Evan. It’s delicious.” A smile played across her lips, reaching her eyes.
He nodded, his eyes everywhere but on her face. “It’s delicious, Charlie.”
“Would you like another bite?” Without waiting for a reply, Charlie cut another piece and held it up to his mouth.
What About Charlie? Page 8