by Ana E Ross
She and Bryce had spent time in public with the kids before, but today had been exceptional. Today, she didn’t have to pretend that she was happy. Her smiles were real. Unpretentious. And for the first time since she became Mrs. Bryce Fontaine, Kaya didn’t give a damn what people thought of her marriage. She’d flashed her wedding band with pride instead of trying to hide it, as she’d done in the past. She’d melted into Bryce when he put his arms about her and kissed her openly as they strolled along the Esplanade that ran along a portion of the Aiken River. He’d lingered for the benefit of Lester Cobbs, a relentless local reporter who’d been following them around town. Kaya had no doubt she and Bryce would be the talk of the late-night gossip.
On their way back home, Jason had called to ask if Precious and Ethan could come over for the afternoon. How could she say no when Alyssa had Courtney?
As she watched the children, Kaya couldn’t help but fantasize about the little ones she and Bryce might have one day. They hadn’t used protection last night. They hadn’t spoken about children or any of the important issues normal couples discussed, but she was sure that if he were opposed to the idea, he would have taken precaution. Neither one of them had expected to end up in bed together last night, but there were other methods of birth control that he could have practiced.
A smile ran away with Kaya’s face. Two months ago, when she was thinking of marrying Jack, she’d had no desire to have children. Fate had given her three, and here she was, dreaming of another—maybe two or three more with Bryce.
“A penny for your thoughts.”
She glanced toward the kitchen slider, where Bryce leaned against the frame with Webster in his arms. He’d left her alone on the porch to make some business calls. It was Saturday, and although he didn’t have to go into the office, it didn’t mean he was free from his responsibilities as CEO of Fontaine Enterprises. Kaya was grateful he’d turned off his cell during the day to give her and the children his undivided attention.
“That’s all you’re willing to pay?” she threw back at him. “Word on the streets is that you can afford a lot more. My thoughts aren’t cheap, Mr. Fontaine.”
“Don’t believe everything you hear,” he said, pushing off the door and coming to sit in the chair next to her. He settled Webster on his lap and continued to pet the cat. “Were you thinking about me?”
“You’re so full of yourself.” She transferred Anastasia to her other arm, so the baby was facing him.
Anastasia immediately lit up and started kicking her arms and legs in excitement when she saw Bryce. He had that effect on women, Kaya thought as his nearness began to have a drugging effect on her.
“I’d rather be full of you, or more precisely, have you full of me.” He curled his fingers around a lock of her hair and played with it.
“Excuse me. Child present. Don’t listen to your Uncle Bryce,” she said, placing her hands over Anastasia’s ears. “He has no morals.”
“It’s nothing she hasn’t heard or seen before. Her parents were extremely amorous in front of them. They let their love show, so to speak.” He leaned in and brought his face close to hers. “Like this.” He moved his lips on hers in a warm kiss, filled with passionate promises that transported her back to the mattress on the floor of the master suite.
Her whole body trembled with memories and anticipation.
Finally, reluctantly, he released her. His eyes were warm as he gazed into hers. “I had an excellent time today. It was nice being out with you, holding your hands, watching the smiles on your face,” he said in a voice husky with emotion. “I enjoyed all my women, even this cranky little one.” He bent his head and kissed Anastasia on both cheeks and nuzzled his nose in her neck before capturing Kaya’s gaze again. “For the first time since we’ve been married, it feels like a real family.”
“For me, too.” Kaya’s heart fluttered.
He sighed, sat back in the cushioned chair, and stretched his feet out on the other ottoman. He stared at the kids as they competed with each to make the most perfect snow angel. “They seem like normal kids again,” he said, his eyes sparkling with contentment.
Kaya’s heart ached for him. He looked like a man who was appreciating the moment, but who nonetheless teetered on the threshold of his past and his future, uncertain about which to embrace.
They hadn’t talked about his living arrangements, whether or not he would remain at Hotel Andreas or move into L’etoile du Nord. They hadn’t talked about the four words she’d whispered just before she fell asleep last night.
Why the heck had she told him she loved him? Because you do, the voice in her head replied. It was foolish of her to bare her heart like that.
Kaya still wasn’t certain Bryce had heard her. She was too afraid to ask. If he hadn’t heard her, asking would open up Pandora’s Box. Embarrassment kept her from bringing it up. What if he’d heard her and simply decided to ignore her? He might lie so she wouldn’t feel rejected, but then the matter would be out there and they’d have to deal with it. Awkward.
Yeah, he’d talked to her about Pilar, but that didn’t mean he’d automatically stopped loving his late wife and started loving his present one. It just meant he trusted her, felt comfortable with her. It didn’t mean he loved her. It was best she pretended she’d never spoken the words.
Kaya turned her head as the patio door burst open. A blast of cold air and five very loud, very wet children came rushing through it. Webster leaped off Bryce’s lap and bolted into the house.
“Oh, no you don’t!” Bryce sprang to his feet as the children started to go after Webster. “You’re all stripping down to your clothes before any of you take one step inside.”
Kaya smiled with amused wonder as the children began making a hasty pile of boots, mittens, hats, scarves, and gloves on the granite floor, all the while keeping one eye on the stern-faced giant towering above them. She’d be scared, too.
“I need help.” Alyssa tugged at the laces of her boots.
“Me, too.” Courtney fidgeted with the strings on her hat.
Bryce slid to his knees to help Courtney and Alyssa while the three older children who were done divesting looked on impatiently.
“We want some hot chocolate,” Courtney said.
“And a cookie,” Alyssa added, stepping out of her snowsuit.
“And what’s the proper way to ask?” Bryce enquired, with a playful twist of his lips.
“Pleeeeaaaassseee,” they yelled in unison, jumping up and down.
“I’ll go make the hot chocolate,” Kaya said, transferring Anastasia to her shoulder.
“I can do it, Aunt Kaya.” Jason smiled at her. “You just stay out here with Uncle Bryce and enjoy the view.” He extended his hand toward the thawing lake and the clear blue sky. “I’ll make it just like you taught me.”
Kaya frowned. What was he up to? Enjoy the view?
“I can help,” Precious said. “My mommy taught me how to make hot chocolate, too.” She walked over to Kaya and gazed at Anastasia. “You’re so pretty. You’re so pretty,” she chanted as she started tickling Anastasia’s tummy.
Anastasia squealed with delight and tried to grab handfuls of her hair. Kaya had learned to keep her hair out of Anastasia’s reach. The kid had a killer grip.
“She’s my sister.” Jealous Alyssa rushed over to stake her claim. She threw her arms around Anastasia and started showering kisses on her face.
“My mommy is gonna have another baby. I hope I have a sister. Boys are yucky,” Precious said, stepping back.
“Don’t you love your little brother?” Bryce asked her, rising to his feet.
She sat on the edge of the ottoman, her brown eyes shining with affection. “I do, but he’s annoying, and he bites. See.” She pulled up the sleeve of her sweater and pointed to a red bruise on her upper arm. “He bit me because I wouldn’t let him have Bradie.”
Kaya had met Bradie, Precious’ rag doll that was as dear to her heart as Snoopy was to Alyssa’s.
>
“He’s just trying out his new teeth,” Bryce consoled her. “And he bites you because you’re sweet.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s what my daddy says. But he’s still yucky.”
“I’m a boy. I’m not yucky,” Ethan declared, stepping into her face. “You’re yucky.”
“Hey, don’t talk to her like that.” Jason placed himself between Precious and Ethan. “She’s a girl. You’re supposed to be nice to her. You never yell at girls.”
Ethan glared at Jason. “We never hung out with girls ’til she moved back up here. Now all you do is talk about Precious all the time. It’s no fun playing with you anymore.”
“He talks about me? What does he say?” Precious placed her hand on her heart and flashed her eyes at Jason.
“He says—”
“Hey!” Jason cut Ethan off, his grey eyes flashing angrily at his friend.
Wow, Kaya thought, he really had it bad for Precious. And why not? She was an adorable little girl. So this is what her future would be like if she and Bryce had kids? She loved the sibling and friendly rivalry going on around her. She never had that growing up. She never had friends—only Jack, and he was as protective of her as Jason was with Precious.
Too bad Jack didn’t stay that way.
“Are you and Auntie Kaya in love?” Alyssa wrapped her arms about Bryce’s legs and peered up at him.
Kaya held her breath. “Why do you ask, Alyssa?”
“Jason says you are. ’Cause Uncle Bryce gave you flowers and he was playing with your hair.”
“Yeah, we all sawed it.” Courtney nodded perfunctorily, as she wiped a red, wet nose.
“Oh, you all sawed it, huh?” Bryce pinched her nose.
“They’re gonna have a baby,” Precious announced out of the blue.
“What?” Kaya blinked several times. “What are you talking about?”
“You were kissing. And that’s where babies come from,” Precious stated in a voice of authority.
“Babies don’t come from kissing,” Jason corrected her.
“Yes, they do.” Precious dug her heels in. “That’s how my brother Erik was born. Michelle and my dad were kissing, and Erik started growing in her tummy. And then my daddy and Michelle got married and she became my new mommy.” She threw her hands in the air. “They’re always kissing and now she’s gonna have another baby.”
Kaya thought Ethan looked dazed and confused before he said, “You know, she might be right. Ever since my dad came from England to live with us, he and my mom are always kissing. And now I have two brothers.”
“See, I told you.” Precious swung her head causing her long thick curls to bounce off her shoulders and down her back. “That’s why I don’t let boys kiss me. I don’t want a baby.”
Kaya stifled a laugh as Jason rolled his eyes in boredom and impatience. “Can we just go make hot chocolate, please?” he drawled.
He was such a serious little boy, a trait she’d come to recognize over the weeks. He didn’t talk much, but he observed everything and everyone around him. Bryce had told her that he took after Michael in that aspect.
Kaya had been as naïve as Precious and Ethan at this age, but something told her Jason knew exactly where babies came from. She applauded him for demonstrating restraint and not educating his friends about a subject matter that was best left to their parents to explain. He was a wise little boy, and Kaya loved him with all her heart.
They’d been getting along very well over the past weeks. She’d taught him how to play chess and a couple of card games, and the other night after dinner while Bryce played with the girls on the floor in the playroom, Jason had finally won his first game of Chess. Kaya smiled, remembering the look of triumph in his eyes. Even though she frequently expressed her love to him, he’d never reciprocated. She understood that he wasn’t ready. “Go make the hot chocolate, Jason,” she said, nudging him on the shoulder.
He made a dash into the kitchen with Precious and Ethan in his wake.
“I’d better make sure they don’t burn down the house,” Bryce said. “Come on, little ones.” He extended his hands to Alyssa and Courtney.
“We wanna play horsey,” Alyssa said, tugging Bryce to his knees.
“Girls, as much as I would love to play horsey with you, Uncle Bryce is really tired. He had a very long and enchanting night.” His gaze held a sensuous flame as he smiled at Kaya. “I think I’ve given all I can for one day.”
“I’ll give you a one hundreds of kisses,” Alyssa told him.
“Me, too.” Courtney smiled, sweetly. “You’re nice, Mr. Bryce. I like you.”
“I love you, Uncle Bryce.” Alyssa didn’t let anybody trump her.
“Well then ‘a one hundreds of kisses’ is what he gets,” Kaya said with a grin. He was irresistible to women, no matter the age. “Go on girls, show him how much you love him.” Kaya giggled as the girls jumped at Bryce, knocking him into the pile of wet snow gear. “And make him count every last one of those kisses.”
Anastasia squealed with excitement and reached out her chubby arms to the frolicking trio, wanting to join in the fun.
“No, baby. You’ll get hurt. How about you and Auntie Kaya go play with your toys?”
“Count, Uncle Bryce!”
“Kaya!” Bryce bellowed as she hopped into the kitchen. “Get them off me.”
“Count.”
“One, two…”
Grinning from one ear to the other, Kaya closed the slider on his cries, and left him to the mercy of the girls.
Her heart fluttered with the knowledge that Bryce would make an excellent father one day. He would adore his children and protect them with his life. They would have him wrapped around their little fingers, especially his daughters, she thought recalling several memories of Bryce dancing to the tune of “You Are My Sunshine” with Alyssa on his feet, her little arms wrapped around his legs, and Anastasia clasped to his chest—the way Michael used to dance with his daughters to their favorite song.
Her children would have the father she’d longed for all her life, Kaya thought, her love for Bryce deepening and spreading inside her. He would never abandon them, not for any reason.
* * *
As Kaya removed handful of clothes from Michael and Lauren’s closets, she felt an overwhelming presence of their spirits in the bedroom they once shared.
Yesterday was Youth Day at church and all children, five and over, joined the adults instead of going off to Youth Church. Chris Kipfer the youth pastor had delivered a message entitled, “Let it Go.”
She remembered how attentive Jason had been as he sat beside her, and at one point she’d seen a tear roll from the corner of his eye. He’d quickly wiped it away, at which point Kaya had turned her head and acted as if she hadn’t seen it.
Many times he’d shut himself in this very bedroom for hours, and when he emerged, she could tell he’d been crying, even though she never heard a sound coming from within.
This morning, while Bryce waited for him downstairs, he’d called Kaya up to the second floor. “Pastor Chris said we have to let go of the old so God can bring new things into our lives,” he’d said while they stood outside his parents’ bedroom. “You told me I’ll always carry Mommy and Daddy in my heart. I want to remember them in my heart, not in there,” he’d added, pointing toward the bedroom. “Can you pack up their clothes for me? I already took the stuff that I want to keep.”
“Are you sure, Jason?” she’d asked. “You don’t have to rush this. It’s not like we need the bedroom for anything else.”
“I’m sure,” he’d responded with a nod.
“Okay. I’ll pack up their stuff and put them in storage. When you and your sisters are older, you can decide together what to do with them.”
“Thanks, Aunt Kaya.” He’d paused then said. “I’m glad Mommy and Daddy asked you to come take care of us, and I'm sorry I was mean to you.”
“You were hurting. Never apologize for that.”
> He’d looked at her for long moments then suddenly put his arms about her waist. “You’re a cool aunt. I love you.”
Kaya’s heart had trembled inside her and tears had flowed freely from her eyes as she’d held that little boy close to her. He’d come full circle and had accepted her. They were good now. Solid. A real family. She was so happy she could do this small favor for him.
Kaya opened a shoebox she’d pulled from the back of Lauren’s closet and stared at a red sweater decorated with white snowflakes folded inside. It was old and faded, and the threads around the collar were coming apart.
It was identical to one her father had sent her for Christmas when she was twelve years old. It was the last Christmas gift she’d gotten from him. She’d kept hers too, right next to the one picture she had of her father.
Kaya picked up the sweater and noticed the other items in the box: an old leather wallet, two worn ties, a money clip, a tarnished silver watch—all of which she was certain belonged to her father—and some pictures of him, Lauren, and Lauren’s mother. There was nothing of monetary value, but she would have gladly traded them for the jewel tucked away in that safety deposit box in Palm Beach.
Here were the personal items that her father used, wore, day after day. She touched each item, using her fingers to bridge the years that separated them. How she still missed him.
Her fingers brushed against a white envelope lying at the bottom of the box. Kaya picked it up. It was addressed to her, in Lauren’s handwriting. With her heart pounding in anticipation, Kaya plopped down on the edge of the bed and ripped it open.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
My Dear Sister, Kaya,
If you’re reading this letter it means that I’m smiling down from heaven and that you’ve agreed to care for my precious little babies. Thank you so very much, Kaya. We didn’t get the opportunity to meet on earth again, but I have faith that we’ll meet in heaven one day.