Abby knew better. Her heart hurt for this man, so strong on the outside, so tender where it counted. At the same time, she remembered what Nora had said about her brother being happy lately. Was it possible she and Kimmie were a replacement for the family he’d lost?
Abby let that thought sink in. She was wildly attracted to him—even more since the night of the dinner and that spectacular kiss. But what if he were simply substituting them for what he couldn’t have? Or worse. What if it was all about pity? Now she realized that a man who took too much on his shoulders and tried to rescue the world could be worse than a man who walked away from his responsibilities. She didn’t want his pity.
“Do you ever see your—the boy?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I thought it best to stay out of the picture, not confuse him.”
He loved the child enough to not be a part of his life. Abby was angry with the woman who’d hurt this really good man.
He sighed and picked up his clipboard. “I’m sorry Nora interfered. I’ll talk to her—”
“No.” If there was one thing she could understand, it was the need to protect the ones you love. She admired his sister for that. “She was just trying to help. I’m not upset.” Not about that, at least.
“Good.”
“And I think she’s right about one thing.”
“It always makes her happy to be right,” he said.
“It’s time we take the camping trip so Kimmie can get her badges.”
He frowned. “Are you sure the two of you are ready?”
“Yeah. I am.”
Nora had caught her just in the nick of time. It would be a disaster to let her simmering feelings for Riley come to a full boil. Somehow she had to find a way to stop emotions that were growing stronger every time they were together. If she dragged on this survival training routine any longer, she wasn’t sure she’d survive Riley Dixon. Fortunately, there was a simple solution.
They needed to do the campout before she didn’t care that she might be no more than his latest charity project.
After their evening walk, Riley came inside with Abby and Kimmie. He stood at the bottom of the stairs and leaned on the railing as Abby told her daughter that they were going to do the campout over the next weekend.
Kimmie folded her arms over her chest and put on a stubborn face. “I’m not ready yet.”
Neither was he. When Abby had said she wanted to get it over with, everything in him had rebelled. But he was a soldier. Throwing a tantrum was against regulations. “You’ll do fine,” Riley assured the little girl.
“I need more training. ‘Member what happened the last time?” She looked at her mother, a pleading expression in her eyes. “My legs got tired, then I got tired breathing.”
Abby squatted in front of the little girl. “You can make it this time because we have more stamina. If you’re going to stay in Caitlyn’s group, we’ve got to do it soon.”
“We still have a little time. I’m not goin’ yet and you can’t make me.”
“There’s nothing to worry about, Kimmie,” he said. “I’ll be there and I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Her eyes filled with tears before she turned and stomped up three stairs. Then she stopped and glared over the railing. “I’m not changin’ my mind. And that’s final.”
She stomped the rest of the way up the stairs and disappeared just before a door slammed on the second floor. Riley let out a breath. “Do you think it would help if I remind her that soldiers don’t question a direct order?”
“No.” Abby met his gaze. “It’s not about orders or physical fitness or even fear.”
“Then what is it about?”
Abby clutched her hands together as she glanced up, shadows in her eyes. “Did you see the look on her face when you said you’d be there? She’s getting attached to you.”
How could she know that based on a look? World peace would be easier to achieve than understanding the female mind at any age. In spite of his confusion, the thought pleased him. Because he was getting attached, too.
He’d figured that out when he realized he was inventing excuses to stop by and see them. Them—daughter and mother. It wasn’t just Kimmie. Abby had a way of creeping into his thoughts at the damnedest times. Talking to clients. Mapping out security plans. Shaving. Showering. Sleeping. All thoughts led back to Abby.
“I don’t understand,” he said. “She’s upset because I’ll be there?”
“Kimmie knows when the campout is over, so is her physical fitness training. It will be time to say goodbye to you.”
“That’s not necessarily true,” he pointed out. “We’re friends.”
“Oh?” She walked into the kitchen, then turned to face him when he followed. “You kissed me and I kissed you back. What do you call that?”
“Friendly.”
“You know what I mean,” she said.
“I do. And if you’re worried because of what Nora said about single mothers and picket fences, don’t be. She didn’t mean it.”
“I’m not worried. And yes, she did.”
“Look, as far as I’m concerned what happened is in the past. You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
“It’s not you I’m worried about. It’s my daughter. She’s just a little girl.”
“I’d never hurt her,” he said.
“Not intentionally,” she agreed. “But you can’t make promises, either. And I don’t want you to. I don’t trust promises, from you or anyone else.”
Riley studied her, the troubled expression on her face.
Earlier, when he’d told her about his past, she’d touched him. That simple gesture of comfort had lifted the heaviness around his heart. He’d needed the connection and been grateful for it. Somehow, the pain of the past had brought them closer, but only for a moment. Then Abby had said they needed to get the trip over with. So who was really getting attached to him?
“And you’re not concerned about yourself?” he asked.
“I can take care of myself. I’m a big girl.”
And didn’t he know it. Her kiss had packed enough firepower to give new meaning to a shock and awe campaign. “Don’t tell me this isn’t about what Nora said—”
“Your sister is concerned about you. And you should be grateful for that.”
“I am, but—”
“She made a lot of sense. Basically her message was fish or cut bait. Since I’m not interested in fishing…” She shrugged.
“Nora doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” he said, anger swelling through him. He needed to have a chat with his little sister.
“Yes, she does. The thing is, my feelings are sincere. I’m sincerely not interested in a personal relationship. Once was more than enough disappointment for a lifetime. For me and for Kimmie.”
What the hell was he doing? This was what he’d wanted from the beginning. Complete the mission and slip away.
“So you think Kim is really ready?” he asked, pulling himself back from the brink. “For the trip, I mean?”
“Yes. And in spite of her tantrum, I think delaying any longer will only make it worse when we say goodbye to you.” She folded her arms over her chest. “I’m making an executive decision. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. We’re doing the trip this weekend.”
“Your mind is made up?”
“Absolutely,” she said with complete conviction.
He leaned his elbows on the island between them, grateful that it was there. It reminded him not to take her in his arms the way he wanted to. “Do you ever worry about being wrong, Abby? I mean, when you make up your mind about something regarding your daughter?”
“Every day. But I wasn’t given a choice about raising Kimmie alone. Any more than you were given a choice about not being included in raising Sean.”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t say that to hurt you. Just to make you understand that I have to put one foot in front of the other. I have to trust my ins
tincts and hope for the best. The alternative is to be immobilized where she’s concerned, and that’s not an option.”
“So there are times when you’d rather not be alone to parent her?”
“Every day,” she said again.
“Would you rather her father came back?”
“For my sake, no. But for Kimmie…” She sighed. “Ideally, kids have two parents. The result is an evenhanded upbringing. But it only works if the parents love each other, too.”
Riley thought about his own situation: the chip on his shoulder because his own mother had walked out on him, his adoption and the doubts about acceptance in the family. But there’d never been any question that the Dixons loved each other. After briefly having a son, he’d understood how much they loved him, too. He always knew he’d been lucky to have a home, but now he realized the importance of love in giving that home stability.
He thought about Abby, questioning whether or not his friendship with Barb had evolved into love. He wasn’t sure. Which made him wonder if they would have lasted even if Sean’s father hadn’t come back. He’d cared about that boy, and he cared about Kimmie. He’d told the truth when he said he’d never hurt her. Letting her get even more attached would do just that.
Abby was right. It was time to do this and walk away. Before they got in too deep. Or at least any deeper, he thought, remembering the tears in the little girl’s eyes. She’d been hurt, and so had Abby. He didn’t want to hurt them any more and he couldn’t make the past go away. He was damaged goods and no good to them.
“Okay,” he finally said. “I see your point and we’ll go with the executive decision. I’ll pick you and Kimmie up Saturday morning.”
“Same as last time? Oh-dark-thirty?” she asked with the ghost of her familiar grin.
“Yeah.” He did his best to grin back. “But it’s your job to convince Kimmie to go along with the program.”
“Just leave it to me.”
Leave—so many meanings to a soldier. It was the chance to go home and see loved ones; it was tearing himself away again. He didn’t like taking his leave of Abby and Kimmie. But he was grateful for the reminder that caring too much could cost him everything. Again.
This time when he walked out of her house, he didn’t look back to see if she was watching him leave. He already knew what a temptation that was. He’d given in to it once and wasn’t sure he could resist if faced with the temptation again.
As he drove away, he waited for relief to wash over him. Their association was almost over. But all he felt was a deep and profound emptiness in his gut.
So much for not being in too deep.
Chapter Eight
“So,” Abby said, straightening the place mat handmade by her daughter. She’d drawn three stick people and one didn’t need to be a shrink or an art buff to know it was Kimmie, Abby and Riley. She covered it with her paper plate and muffin. “Are you excited about the camping trip tomorrow?”
“I guess.” Kimmie picked at her own muffin, then took a sip from the boxed apple juice provided by the first grade room mother.
Muffins With Mom was a function designed to involve parents in school, to show the children how much the adults valued learning. Kimmie had brought home the announcement along with an RSVP; a head count was necessary to provide enough food. Along with the place mats, the children made name cards for their mothers. The tables and chairs, scaled down to accommodate six-year-olds, were arranged in a square in front of the teacher’s desk. Personally, Abby liked the smaller size, but she was vertically challenged. How would someone like, say Riley, pour himself into it?
She would never know, but the mental image was priceless. Not so priceless was the fact that just casually thinking about him made her heart beat faster. The clear solution was not to think about him. Yeah, right.
“So, Kimmie, I like your classroom.”
“But you’ve seen it before.”
“I know. When you first started school.” She glanced around at all the walls covered with artwork. “But Mrs. Nolet didn’t have so much on the walls then. It looks really good.”
With the juice straw in her mouth, Kimmie looked around. “I drew some leaves ’cause it’s gonna be fall soon. It’s over there,” she said pointing to a bulletin board jam-packed with papers.
“Will you show me when we’re finished eating?”
“Uh-huh.” When she nodded enthusiastically, her bangs fell into her eyes.
Abby brushed the crumbs off her hands, then took her daughter’s barrette and secured the hair. “There. That’s better.”
“Thanks, Mommy.” She leaned against Abby. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me, too, sweetie.”
“I’d be sad if you couldn’t come.” Her gaze rested on a boy sitting across the table from them. There was a place mat and card in front of the empty chair beside him. “Griffie is all alone.”
“Maybe his mom couldn’t come at the last minute.”
“Yeah.” Kim turned puppy dog eyes on her. “We should ask him to sit with us, Mommy.”
Abby’s throat tightened at the same time as she felt a sudden burning behind her eyes. How had she gotten so lucky? This tenderhearted child was a complete gift. In spite of her vow not to think about him, Riley popped into Abby’s mind. Thoughts of the little boy who’d been abandoned by his mother tugged at her heart. He’d been adopted, but never quite felt he belonged. Then he’d found his own family, only to lose the child he’d come to love.
All of that explained why he hadn’t put up more than token resistance when she’d said she wasn’t interested in a personal relationship. But he was a warrior. She’d expected him to fight for what he wanted. Obviously he didn’t want her, but she couldn’t really blame him. When life kicked you in the teeth, you weren’t likely to smile and give it another opportunity.
What a pair the two of them were, she thought. She’d also told him that her one and only relationship had been enough disappointment for a lifetime. In spite of her best efforts, she was in for more. She knew this because of her profound sadness at the thought of not seeing Riley after this weekend.
“Let’s make room for Griffie,” she whispered to Kim.
They scooted their chairs closer together, then she went with her daughter to move the little boy closer to them. When she had him settled, Mrs. Nolet walked over. The petite blonde looked frazzled. She pushed her wire-rimmed glasses up more firmly on her nose. “Thank you so much for taking Griffin to sit with you.”
“It was Kimmie’s idea,” Abby admitted.
“His mother couldn’t make it. So many moms work, I knew not all of them could be here. That’s one reason I needed the RSVP. To be forewarned so I could put kids without moms with the ones who were coming. But Griffin’s mother didn’t know until the last minute. I’ve been trying to find a moment to sit down with him, but it’s been hectic.”
Abby nodded. “I can only imagine. In the classroom setting, any change in the schedule can create chaos.”
“That’s for sure.”
Abby glanced down at Kimmie, chattering away to the little boy who had finally smiled. “Don’t worry about Griffie. He’ll be fine with us. Just do your thing.”
“Thanks.”
As the teacher started to turn away, Abby stopped her. There’d been something bothering her ever since she’d received the Muffins With Mom notice. “Mrs. Nolet?”
“Yes?”
“Are you going to do a get-together with the dads?”
“In a few weeks,” she confirmed. “Doughnuts With Dad.”
“Very cute,” Abby said, even as her heart squeezed painfully.
“I like it, too. Parent involvement is a key component in the educational process. But I don’t have to tell you that. You’re a teacher.” She glanced around. “Please, excuse me. Now that everything seems to be under control, I’ve got to say a few words to thank the moms for coming.”
“Of course,” Abby said. “Don’t let me hold yo
u up. Griffie’s in good hands.”
“Thanks again.”
She looked at Kimmie and wondered if anyone would make sure she didn’t sit alone for Doughnuts With Dad. Obviously, the teacher had tried to prepare for everything, but stuff happened. Abby knew the feeling. She’d bought Riley to do outdoor activities that she couldn’t handle. An overnight campout. Nothing personal. Now Abby couldn’t get the guy out of her head no matter how hard she tried. Five minutes ago, she’d promised herself she wasn’t going to think about him, yet here she was thinking about him.
Well, she’d learned to be self-sufficient. She could do anything if she set her mind to it. Probably that would be easier when she wasn’t in a heightened state of anticipation at the prospect of spending the weekend with him in a tent. Her. Wimpy umbrella-drink girl was actually looking forward to the campout, but she knew it was all about being with him, not the location.
Once the camping trip was done, so was she. Done with all things Riley Dixon. When she restored optimum mental function, the message might get from her brain to her heart.
It wasn’t Doughnuts With Dad, but fishing with a friend was good, too.
Abby watched Riley and Kimmie by the stream and couldn’t help thinking it was a Kodak moment. This trip was completely different from the last one. The hike in from where they’d left the SUV went off without a hitch. Carrying packs hadn’t been a problem. No stamina or blister issues either. Camp was pitched—or whatever it was called when tents were erected with sleeping bags unrolled inside. Wood had been gathered for a fire and the place was as homey as one could make it in the wilderness.
The time Riley had spent preparing them made all the difference. If only there was some sort of decompression, debriefing or training that would make it easier to say goodbye. Fish or cut bait… They were fishing now and soon it would be time for the cut bait part. Sadness tightened in her chest.
No. She wasn’t going there. She was going to enjoy this spectacular day in early November. But this was Texas where the saying went, if you don’t like the weather—wait a minute. Right this minute, Abby sat in the foldaway nylon chair Riley had pulled from his pack and looked at the clear blue sky, sighing with pleasure. Who knew there was anything to like about backpacking?
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