“You did nothing together?”
“Nothing!”
“You must have been lonely.”
“Yes, at times, but I had my church family and my job that I love, so I was okay. I love the woman I’ve become, and my difficult marriage helped to shape me this way.”
“Did you ever regret the marriage?”
“There were times when I wondered why I ever did marry Wesley. He was so cold and boring. But he wasn’t that way in the beginning. He is a very intelligent man, a chartered accountant, and has done very well in his career, but the more money he made, the colder he became. No, I don’t really regret the marriage. When I look at my children, I thank God. He gave me ‘beauty for ashes’.”
“I admire your faith in God. You are one remarkable lady.”
“Thank you. Without God, I’m nothing.”
Carlos became quiet and Tricia’s mind strayed to those lonely weekends, and the marriage that brought her no happiness. She also thought of the divorce that had shattered her self-esteem and made her feel like a failure. She wondered what she would have done without God and her church family.
Carlos’ sudden laugh interrupted her reverie.
Smiling, she asked. “What’s all that about?”
“I was thinking, that perhaps you should write a wish list for Santa. Who knows, you may get to see a Broadway show.”
“I don’t believe in Santa, not anymore, and don’t tell me that you do.”
“That’s the sad part of being a grown up, we lose that simple blind faith, that childlike trust. Tricia, there’s a Santa in all good people. It is in those of us who show kindness, compassion, and love to others, not only at Christmas, but all year.”
“When you put it that way, how can anyone not believe? I might write that wish list after all.” She giggled. “Should I leave milk and cookies by the fireplace too?”
“Ha! Ha! Now that’s the spirit.”
The drizzling continued and it was getting dark. Carlos pulled a pair of glasses from the console of the car.
“I need these,” he said, as he placed the glasses on his face.
“You look even more handsome in your glasses.”
“Tricia, have you ever met someone and you felt as though you knew them before?”
“Yes, that’s how I feel about you, I can’t believe we’ve just met,” she replied turning her face to look at him.
He stole a quick glance at her, and a gentle smile formed as he said, “That’s exactly what I mean. I feel like I’ve known you all my life.”
A playful smile spread across her face. She passed her hand along his right cheek. “Maybe you have. Maybe we met in another life?”
Carlos continued driving, paying careful attention as the road was becoming slippery. Tricia closed her eyes and was deep in thought when a sudden jerk startled her. Carlos reached over and touched her hand. “Sorry, that careless cab driver ahead changed into my lane without even signaling.”
“I sometimes think that cab drivers are the worst drivers of all. Thank God you were able to avoid an accident there.”
“Yes, thank God.”
She realized that the near mishap made her a bit nervous. When Carlos gently patted her hand, she knew that he’d noticed. She cleared her throat. “I can’t believe that Christmas is less than two weeks away. Will you be spending Christmas with your daughter?”
“I normally would have, but Christina, my sister, Gina, and their husbands are going on a Mediterranean cruise and won’t be back until January second. Denise and Richard have invited me to have dinner with you all.”
“Oh that’s so wonderful. We’ll be having a full house, because Denise’s parents and some of our relatives will be joining us. It’ll be just like the old days, my happier days.”
When they arrived at the house Carlos walked her to the door, and when they entered the foyer he kissed her gently on both cheeks. Tricia hoped he did not feel the dancing and hear the music that her heart was rendering.
That night thoughts of Carlos would not leave her head, and she could still feel the burning on her cheeks from his kiss. It was hours before she finally drifted off to sleep.
On the days that Tricia and Carlos had no plans for an outing or shopping, Carlos would call Tricia, and she found herself looking forward to his calls. They talked about current events and whatever came to mind. Tricia realized that, more and more, she was becoming the person she used to be a very long time ago. She found her sense of humour returning, as they shared many jokes and laughed like two teenagers.
***
Five days before Christmas, Carlos and Tricia went into Manhattan. After hours of shopping and with parcels packed in both arms, Tricia stopped, looked at her watch and said, “It’s after five. I’m tired and hungry and I can’t go another step. Can we call it a day? That is if you’ve nothing else to purchase?”
“We can stop now, but how about dinner?”
“Yes, dinner it is, but this time it’s on me.”
“No Tricia, I’m paying and there’ll be no argument.”
“But at least…”
“No buts. I’m a DaSilva and no DaSilva man invites a lady to dinner and doesn’t pay for the meal. Call us old school, but that’s who we are.”
Laughing, she said, “My goodness, you are old school.”
He winked at her. “Good, then it’s settled?”
They sat chatting and sipping cocktails while waiting for their meal to arrive. Tricia’s cell phone rang. She glanced at the number on the screen. “Carlos, I have to take this call. It’s Katrina. Please excuse me.”
Carlos nodded and continued sipping his cocktail. Tricia smiled throughout the entire conversation with her daughter.
When the brief conversation ended, Tricia said, “Katrina was calling to let me know that they’ve arrived safely in St. Lucia and all is well. She said it’s a beautiful sunny day – twenty seven degrees Celsius. I could surely use some of that warmth right now.”
“So could I.”
“Would you like to see pictures of my children?”
“Sure!”
She opened the pictures on her cell phone and showed Carlos.
“Tricia, your daughter is beautiful, just like her mother. I can’t imagine someone so beautiful is still single, but then again, it seems to be a choice for many today.”
“Well, she was supposed to be getting married soon, but her fiancé cheated on her and she broke off the engagement. She says she’ll never forgive a cheater and she sure as heck wouldn’t marry one.”
“That’s too bad for them both. Maybe he didn’t mean for it to happen. Perhaps he just made a mistake?”
Tricia looked Carlos straight in the eyes, her own eyes blazing. “Made a mistake? A one night stand could be called a mistake, but an affair that lasted almost a year is cheating, plain and simple, Carlos.”
He swallowed hard, and the muscles in his jaw tightened as he ran his fingers through his hair. In a very low voice he replied, “It could still be a mistake, something that just happened.”
Tricia shifted in her chair. She did not respond right away, but pulled a tissue from her purse and blotted the beads of sweat that had formed on her forehead. She could feel her hair going frizzy from the sweat and she gave a deep sigh, thinking that she should have worn a hat. She composed herself and spoke slowly as she looked into his face, which was drained of colour. “It didn’t just happen. It lasted until Katrina discovered his double life. He obviously didn’t love my daughter.”
Carlos took a few sips of his drink. “Not necessarily. Just because a man cheats on his wife or girlfriend, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her. Men do strange, silly things. We just don’t think things through like you ladies do.”
Tricia’s fiery brown eyes again widened as she stared into Carlos’ face. He looked down at his glass and his face muscles seemed to tighten as though in a knot. He took the napkin from the table and mopped his face, as Tricia replied. “That’s no exc
use. Any man who cheats on me will be kicked to the curb. I’d never put up with that, nor will my baby. Katrina was right to call off the wedding!”
His face folded like a crumpled piece of paper.
“Let’s change the subject, please.”
She shouldn’t have mentioned her daughter’s broken engagement, Tricia thought. She hated remembering the pain Katrina experienced because of Brian’s infidelity. It opened old wounds for her, too. Carlos’ pale face and his taut expression made her realize that he too was uncomfortable with the conversation. But why? Her intuition told her that something was not right, but she was afraid to find out. She could only handle so much in one day and was relieved to be off the subject.
“What are your plans for the next few days?” He asked, his voice almost a whisper.
“I promised Denise that I would finish decorating the house and help with whatever else she needs done over the next couple of days. I also plan to do some gift wrapping and I want to surprise them with some home cooked meals, too.”
“So when will I see you again?”
“I suppose it won’t be until Christmas day.”
Their discussion left Tricia agitated and she was finding it hard to get back to calm. His reaction to her news about Katrina disappointed her. Good thing, she thought, that they would not see one another so soon again.
“I’ll miss you, I really will.”
She managed a smile as she said “You know you can always call me, but it’ll only be a few days. I’m sure you’ll survive.”
They drove home in silence as she recalled their conversation in the restaurant, and why it made Carlos so uncomfortable. She convinced herself that men always take the man’s side in those kinds of situations, and that consoled her.
When they arrived at the house Carlos helped her with her packages and walked her to the door, as usual. Inside, they both placed all their packages on the floor and stood there staring at each other. His big brown eyes softened her heart. She wondered what it was about him that so intrigued her. They stood like that for seconds until Carlos took both of her hands in his and looked into her eyes. She shivered. Carlos then pulled her close to him and kissed her on her forehead. She felt his body tremble as she wrapped her arms around him.
“Tricia, I... have a wonderful night, and sleep well.”
“You have a good night also, and thanks for a lovely afternoon, and for dinner.”
She closed the door behind him after watching him walk to his car. As she walked away from the door, she rested her right hand on her chest, hoping to control the heavy pounding of her heart.
Tricia spent the next few days catching up on her reading, and doing chores around the house for Denise and Richard. Each day she made sure that they had a healthy meal when they got in from work. She found herself humming carols as she worked. Being in New York with family made her feel loved and appreciated. Richard had been right about her making the trip. She was enjoying the change and was glad she took up his offer to spend the holidays with them in New York.
***
On Christmas Eve, Tricia and Denise were busy preparing meals for the big day ahead. Richard was at work and was supposed to be bringing Thai food for dinner. When Denise told Tricia that she was craving Thai, Tricia teased, “You know my dear, when I was in the early stages of pregnancy with both my children I had some weird cravings. Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“I wish there was something to tell. Sometimes I think I’m never going to have a child, and it’s causing some stress in our marriage.”
Tricia hugged Denise and said, “If the good Lord wants you to have a child you will, in His own time. Is Richard blaming you?”
“Oh, no! I’m the one who feels that it’s my fault, and so it’s making it even harder. I was adamant that we pay off most of our college debts and have a home before starting a family. Now I wonder if it’s too late. I’ll be thirty-five soon, and that could be risky. I feel I may have made a bad decision. Richard says I should stop blaming myself, but I can’t help it.”
“Denise, honey, Richard is right. Worrying will make it more difficult. You must try to relax. Many women have had healthy first babies even at age forty, you know that. I know a couple at least.”
Tricia kissed Denise’s tear stained face before continuing, “You know you can always adopt. Have you considered that?”
“Yes, we’re giving it some serious thought. Auntie, having you here is such a blessing. You’ve brought laughter into our home again, and I don’t feel as stressed since you’ve been here. Thank you so much. I’m sorry, though, that Richard and I have been working so much that we’ve not had time for you, but at least we have the next couple of days off to be with you.”
“Oh no Denise, I’m fine, I enjoy Carlos’ company very much. He’s such a gentleman.”
“Yes, he is a gentleman. Richard and I really love him and we’re glad to be friends.”
“We’re becoming friends too, and I’m glad that I got to meet him. He’s kind, gentle and treats me like a lady. He opens doors for me, and when we stop for a meal he does not sit until I have. He carries my packages, and do you know that at times I have to insist that I pay for my own shopping?”
“I can believe that.”
“I have to be honest with you Denise, sometimes I feel guilty because I’ve been secretly glad that it is Carlos showing me around and keeping me entertained.”
“Oh, please don’t feel guilty. Carlos is charming and really good company. You two have a lot in common, and I’m sure he’s more fun than Richard and me.
“I do love being with him, but there’s something that’s puzzling me. Do….”
“Denise, Auntie, dinner’s here!” Richard interrupted.
“Hi honey, I didn’t hear you come in,” Denise remarked. “Here let me take those from you. Auntie, grab some plates for me please.”
As Tricia proceeded to place the plates on the table Denise asked, “What were you going to say just now?”
“Never mind. It was nothing, really.”
At midnight Kirk and Katrina called from St. Lucia to wish everyone a “Merry Christmas.” It was the first Christmas Eve in a long time that Tricia had not gone to Candle Light service and hearing her children’s voice brought back memories of the three of them all attending the service. She missed that special family tradition.
***
On Christmas Day, Tricia wore her favourite red dress and fixed her hair in an upsweep which she thought emphasized her best feature, her eyes. Before coming downstairs to join the party, she took a look in the full-length mirror that stood in the hallway. Tricia stared at the person she saw, and loved her. A smile spread across her face, as she, with grace and poise, descended the stairs ready to receive her relatives.
Uncle Mac and Stella arrived first with their special macaroni pie and cornbread. Mavis contributed potato salad and stuffed roast pork, a recipe that she learned from her Trinidadian ex-husband. There was Denise’s parents’ contribution of grilled salmon, pineapple baked ham and candied plantain. Tricia and Denise cooked a turkey, island spicy shoulder of lamb, and made Bajan styled pigeon peas and rice, braised vegetables, a garden salad and coleslaw. There was also homemade ginger beer, and two special West Indian beverages - mauby and sorrel.
Everyone was dressed in their best clothes and it was just as Tricia pictured it, with all the kisses and hugs and so much love in the room. Joy filled her heart. After acknowledging her relatives in the room, Tricia headed for the dining room and was busy setting the table when Carlos entered the room holding a bottle of wine in each hand. He looked like a handsome prince in his black suit, white shirt and red tie. He approached Tricia just as she looked up from placing the gravy bowl in its place on the table.
“Where shall I put these?” he asked.
“Here, give them to me.”
As he passed them to her, their hands touched and they both looked at each other and smiled. Tricia’s heart skipp
ed a beat and with unsteady hands, she placed the bottles of wine in their place, and once again faced Carlos.
“Tricia, you look so beautiful today. Red is definitely your colour, and I love your hair up like that.”
“Thank you. And you look very dashing. One could almost call you ‘Prince Charming’.”
“Ha, ha! Then, you’ll have to be my princess!”
Tricia smiled and Carlos took a couple of steps closer to her. She turned to face him, and noticed a tremor on his lips, and his face flushed red.
“Tricia.”
She trembled as he breathed her name.
“I’m sorry, I behaved terribly last Tuesday. I should have shown some empathy and sympathy when you spoke of your daughter’s broken engagement. It must have been a difficult time for her and for you as well. I was insensitive to your pain, and I’m so ashamed of myself. Can you forgive me?”
“Yes, it was a difficult time for both of us. Katrina’s heart was broken, and so was mine because I couldn’t fix it. Anyway, she’s fine now, and we both know that God has someone better for her, and He’ll send him in His own perfect time. I was disappointed at your reaction, but I forgive you. What kind of Christian would I be if I didn’t?”
His jaw relaxed, and he reached out and took her hands. She squeezed his, and smiled.
“I missed you,” he whispered.
“Dinner’s served!” Denise announced walking into the dining room followed by a parade of relatives. Richard rang the dinner bell to get everyone’s attention, and as the room became silent, he said. “We’re honoured to have so many loved ones here and most of all to have Auntie Tricia, who came all the way from Canada. We’re honoured, too, to have Carlos, a very treasured friend, join us. Now it is our custom to have the eldest person in the room say the grace before dinner, but Dear Auntie Stella has a sore throat and laryngitis, so Carlos will do us the honour today. Let’s all bow our heads as Carlos gives thanks to the Lord.”
At the end of the prayer everyone joined in a chorus of “Amen”
“What a wonderful prayer Carlos. Where did you learn to pray like that?” Tricia asked.
“As children, our parents dragged us to church, almost kicking and screaming. They taught us love for God and others, and they put the fear of God into our hearts. I’ve strayed at times, become a lost sheep, one could say, but I always came back to the fold.”
Walking Through and Other Stories Page 18