by A J Jarrett
“No.” Ethan drew the word out and glanced over his shoulder at Shane. “You don’t think?”
“I’m only speculating.” Shane shrugged. “But damn, no matter what Ryan says or does, Carson keeps going back for seconds. And the way he looks at Ryan like he hung the freaking moon.” Shane straightened and wiped down the counter top. “It’s sickening at times. I think that Ryan kid needs a swift kick in the butt if you ask me.”
“I agree.” Ethan nodded. “Ryan does have an unpleasant attitude, but I’m not sure if Carson has a crush on the kid.” Ethan looked out the window to see Carson watching Ryan as Ryan helped Kamden hold the baseball the correct way. And Carson did have a dopey grin on his face and his eyes were wide. Oh hell! “Nope. He’s too young.” Ethan said it as if the case was closed.
“Yeah stick your head in the sand like everyone else, but I know what I see.” Shane tossed the rag on the counter. “Carson is more mature then most kids his age. I mean, hell, he spends his free time writing comics. That’s not the normal behavior of a ten year old. He’s like an adult and I’m sure he feels and thinks like one, too.”
“But isn’t he too young to, ya know, have a mate?” Ethan understood the basics of the mating game but realistically Carson was still just a kid. How the hell did a ten year know what they wanted for their future? To make a life-changing decision at such an early age seemed impossible.
“I would think so but look at Eric.” Eric was Devon and Viktor’s younger brother. Ethan had heard the stories from Shane on how much of a pain in the ass the guy had been when he was younger. “Most shifters don’t have the capability of recognizing their mates until they are mature enough to handle it. Eric was sixteen and that was a hard age, but it happens.” Shane shrugged. “There’s no rhyme or reason to all this.”
Ethan pursed his lips and kept his attention on Carson and the other boys. Of all the kids for Carson to like, it had to be that one. “I’m not going to look forward to his teenage years.” Ethan pulled out a twenty and handed it to Shane.
“You’re telling me.” Shane rang up Ethan’s tab, then handed him the change. “I love those boys like they were my own, but I’m not sure I can handle the hormonal teenage years. Going through all that with Eric was bad enough.”
“It’s a good thing Carson has two very caring and loving parents because if you’re right and he likes Ryan, he’s going to need more than one shoulder to cry on.” Ethan waved to Shane and headed across the street.
“No, Carson, you need to throw it like this.” Ryan pulled his arm back and launched the baseball into the air. It whizzed past Carson’s head and rolled into the road. “Now look what you did!”
Ethan was headed across the street, biting his tongue to keep from yelling at Ryan.
“I’m sorry, Ryan.” Carson turned and took off after the ball. “I’ll get it.”
Ethan just made it to the park in time to see Carson run out in to the street. The sound of screeching tires had Ethan running before he knew what he was doing. He leapt over a bench and could see out of the corner of his eye Seth hauling ass toward Carson as well. But Seth wouldn’t make it in time. Ethan saw a streak of red and Carson bent at the waist picking up the ball where it had rolled to a stop, stuck on a manhole cover.
“Carson, get out the street!” Ethan shouted. He could see the driver of the car wasn’t paying attention, looking down at his phone, music blaring.
Carson stood up and turned to see the car rushing toward him. Ethan could see the fear on his young face and he rushed into the road and shoved Carson out of the way. His first thought was relief, then the lights went out and Ethan had the sensation of falling, then nothing.
Chapter Fourteen
“So how much longer do you think?” Holden asked.
“I’d say a week, maybe two.” Viktor picked up a water bottle and took a big drink.
They stopped for the day and Holden was helping put the tools away when his cell phone rang.
“Hello,” Holden said as he took off the tool belt he was wearing.
“Yes, is this Holden Anders?” the female voice on the other end of the line asked.
“Yes. Who’s this?” The hair on the back of Holden’s neck stood on end. Something didn’t feel right.
The lady gave her name then proceeded to tell him that Ethan had been in an accident and that he should get to Silver Creek Memorial as soon as possible. Ethan had broken his left arm and several ribs. She said they were prepping him for surgery to repair the compound fracture to his tibia. She also stated they were closely monitoring the swelling in his brain just in case he needed surgery to relieve the pressure.
His heart froze in his chest and he nodded his head, unable to speak.
“Mr. Anders, did you hear what I said?”
Holden’s legs wobbled and he fell to his knees.
“Holden, what’s wrong?” Viktor took the phone from his hand. “Who is this and what’s going on?” Viktor snapped into the phone.
The last few months with Ethan flashed through his mind. Ethan’s smile, the way he kissed, his touch as he held Holden close at night while they slept. Every single moment in fast forward.
He’s not going to die. He can’t leave me. I won’t let him.
Suddenly Holden got a second wind and stood up. Viktor reached for his arm but he pulled out of his grasp. He went into the house and grabbed a shirt and his keys off the counter.
“Holden, wait up.” Viktor ran after him.
Holden didn’t stop. He let the front door slam as he walked out onto the porch then took the stairs at a run to his truck.
“Fuck, man, stop!” Viktor grabbed the driver’s side door as Holden when to shut it. “You can’t drive like this. Scoot over.” When he didn’t move, Viktor softened his tone. “You don’t have to do this alone, man. Let me come with you. We’ll call the others on the way. Okay?”
Holden’s breath started to come out too fast and his throat tightened. Tears spilled from his eyes. He’d never felt so lost before. When his sister had been murdered, he had the revenge of killing his father to keep him going, but with this? There was nothing to help him get through this. If Ethan died Holden didn’t know what he’d do.
“Okay.” Holden gave a shaky nod, then moved over to the passenger seat.
Viktor drove as fast as possible to the hospital. He called Skyler and Skyler in return called Noah. Noah was at the college teaching a class over the summer break. Then Viktor called Aiden, then Shane. Viktor explained that Shane had seen it happen and was at the hospital. He was dealing with Carson, who was a complete mess. From what Viktor explained Ethan jumped in front of a speeding car to save Carson. Holden smiled at that because that was the kind of man Ethan was. Sacrificing himself to save another.
“Shane overheard the cops talking to the driver. Apparently he was texting and never even saw Carson or knew what was going on until he hit Ethan.”
Holden didn’t say anything. How many times had he himself been texting while driving? Something so pointless and that could have waited. But no one ever thinks this would happen to them.
Viktor pulled into the ER parking lot and threw the car into park and Holden jumped out of the truck. He ran through the double doors and the smell of disinfectant and the cold air had him stumbling to a stop. He hated hospitals. It was a place people came to die.
“Can I help you, sir?” The receptionist behind the desk asked.
“I’m Holden Anders. My partner Ethan Compton was brought in here. Car accident.” He was breathless and his head started to hurt. Why wasn’t she moving faster to find him the answers he needed?
“He’s on the fourth floor. He’s in surgery right now. Once he’s done, they will be putting him in the ICU.” She pointed to the bank of elevators at the far end of the hall.
Holden rushed to the elevator and pushed the up arrow. As the doors opened and he got on, he noticed Viktor was next to him. Viktor put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, but it did nothing
to help the anxiety running through his veins.
The doors slid open and Holden sprinted out of the elevator. He looked left then right, feeling so lost on where to go.
“Uncle Holden!”
Holden turned to his left at the sound of Carson’s high pitched scream. He bent in time to catch Carson in his arms. The little boy buried his head in Holden’s neck and wrapped his arms tightly around his neck.
“He saved me.” Carson sobbed. “He’s hurt all because of me. This is all my fault.”
Holden held on to Carson, feeling like his nephew was the only thing keeping him from spinning out of control. He needed to stay calm. If he didn’t calm down, his wolf would push forward and overtake him. “No, buddy, it’s not. It was an accident.” Holden tried to soothe Carson.
“Carson!” Noah rushed out of the elevator and reached out for his son.
“Dad,” Carson cried.
Holden handed Carson over and fell into a chair. Shane came to sit beside him and took his hand.
“They rushed him into surgery immediately. His leg was pretty bad. They are doing all they can, Holden,” Shane tried to reassure him.
“Yeah, but will it be enough?” Holden muttered. The lights in the waiting area were bright and the white walls made the light reflect as if off of snow, blinding him. Holden shut his eyes, leaned forward, and covered his face with hands. A storm of tears fell from his eyes and he gasped for breath. His body shook from the sheer force. Viktor and Shane sat on either side of him with their arms around him, doing their best to keep him from falling apart.
Holden didn’t know how much time had passed before a doctor in blue scrubs came out to speak to him. He said that Ethan had a compound fracture to his left tibia and they had to put a rod in his leg to repair it. Ethan’s wrist and clavicle also were fractured. There were several contusions and scrapes on Ethan’s skin. The left side of his body suffered the impact of the hit and the majority of the damage was to that side. All those things were minor compared to the head trauma. The doctor said they were keeping Ethan heavily sedated. He used the term induced coma. Ethan was on a ventilator to help monitor his breathing. The purpose of all this was to give Ethan’s body time to heal and the swelling on his brain to go down. The doctor said if it got much worse, they would have to operate to drain some of the fluid.
It all sounded like a foreign language to Holden. All he wanted to hear was that Ethan would wake up and be okay but the doctor said it was a waiting game now. It was up to Ethan and his body.
Holden was finally allowed to go back and see Ethan. His mouth fell open at the sight of his mate. A large tube was coming out of his mouth and led to a machine that made a loud nose as it pumped Ethan’s chest up and down. His right arm had IVs coming out of the top of his hand. Both of Ethan’s eyes were swollen, scratches and what looked like road burn covered the left side of his face. They had strapped Ethan’s left arm to his chest. His left leg was set in a plaster cast stretched out in front of him. It didn’t look like his Ethan laying in that bed.
Holden moved a chair closer to the bed and sat down. He sat on Ethan’s right side so he could hold his hand. It was cold and dry.
“Why?” Holden’s voice cracked. He leaned forward to rest his head on the side of the bed and let his tears fall again. Ethan had to wake up from this. He just had to.
Chapter Fifteen
A warm breeze blew over his face and Ethan opened his eyes. The smell of exhaust and rain lay heavy in the air. He realized he was standing at the French doors that led to the balcony of the apartment he had once shared with Jay.
“What the hell.” Ethan stepped out on the stone balcony and looked out onto the city. Lights lit up the sky and the sounds of cars rushing down the road filled his ears.
Ethan moved in a circle and saw the twinkling lights he had hung up the night he proposed to Jay. The champagne sat in the ice bucket on the patio table. Music played in the background. He did a double take back toward the stereo. “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz played over the speakers. That was his and Jay’s song.
He couldn’t believe it. Everything was exactly the same from that night with Jay. He to be losing his mind.
Ethan brought his hands up to grip either side of his face. He clenched his eyes tight and wanted nothing more than to wake up from this nightmare. The ending was always the same. Jay would say yes and less than a week later he’d be dead.
“It’s not a dream, Ethan.” Ethan slowly turned around to see Jay leaning against the railing along the balcony. “Well it’s sort of like a dream, but not really.” Jay pushed away from the railing and came to stand in front of him. “You were in an accident and right now you’re lying in your hospital bed in a coma.”
Ethan searched Jay’s eyes, trying to remember. “I don’t understand.” He shook his head.
“Some things in life are not meant to be understood, just accepted.” Jay smiled up at him. The glowing lights made Jay’s golden hair shine as if he had a halo around his head. His pale blue eyes had the same obnoxious glint in them. He missed that about Jay, but as he gazed upon his first love he couldn’t help but miss Holden.
“Why am I here?” He looked over Jay’s shoulder at the patio. “Am I dead?”
“Not dead, but in an in-between state.” Jay went to stand back by the railing looking over the city. “This was the happiest night of my life.” He glanced over at Ethan. “I knew after you proposed that life couldn’t get any better. I found the man of my dreams. I had a great job. Everything was absolutely perfect in my life.”
Tears burned at the back of Ethan’s eyes. That night had been perfect, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty because recently he had had so many perfect nights with Holden. Not better, but different.
“Me, too,” Ethan whispered as he moved to stand next to Jay. “I love you so much.”
“No, Ethan.” Jay turned around to face him. “You loved me. It’s past tense now, sweetie. I’m dead.” A soft smile lit up Jay’s face. “There’s no coming back from that and I don’t want to come back. I’m at peace with what happened.”
“How can you say that?” Ethan grabbed ahold of Jay’s biceps and gave him a small shake. “Your life was cut short, all for nothing. A senseless crime that didn’t have to happen.”
“But it did, and no matter how hard you try to reason with it, nothing you do or say will change that.” Jay laid his hand on Ethan’s chest. He could feel the heat seep through his shirt. “I had finally thought you were ready to move on but then once you were hit by that car, your mind instantly brought you back here. To this time and place.” Tears dripped from Jay’s eyes. “It breaks my heart that even your unconscious mind wants to be here. There’s nothing for you here anymore, Ethan. Holden is your future, not me.”
“You know about him?” Ethan felt his face flush with heat. He didn’t want Jay to be hurt by seeing him move on with another man.
“Yes, and I couldn’t be happier.” He snorted. “So imagine my surprise when I saw this was the place you wanted to come back to when you were stuck in that in-between space of the living and the dead. Why would you want to be here, Ethan?” When he didn’t respond, Jay shouted, “Why?”
“I don’t know.” Ethan’s hands shook. “I loved you so much, but I also love Holden. I would never choose to leave him. I’m in love with him.”
“So why, when you are at your lowest, do you want to come back to times like this? Are you ready to just give up? Follow me into the afterlife? For what? So I can feel the eternal guilt of you throwing your life away.”
“Why would you say that, Jay?” Now Ethan felt hurt by Jay’s words. Didn’t he still love him? “If I’m going to die, why can’t I be with someone I know and love on the other side?”
“Because, sweetie, it’s not your time. You need to fight through this and get better.” Jay cupped his hand on Ethan’s cheek. “So many people love you and are praying that you wake up. You have to get better. You have too much living still to
do.”
“But how do I get back to them?” Ethan looked around the patio and into their apartment, but wasn’t certain how to get back to Holden.
“You need to let go. I can see how much Holden makes you happy and it warms my heart, Ethan.” Jay chuckled and wiped a stray tear from his cheek. “I know you were at odds with yourself when you developed feelings for Holden. You were so worried that it meant you didn’t love me anymore, but that’s where you are wrong. The love you had for me is different than the love you have for Holden. Not better or more special, just different.”
“But if all that’s true, then why do I keep coming back here? Even in my dreams I always wind back up here. Even at night when I’m lying in bed, holding Holden in my arms, I still come back to this time and place. Why is that?” It frustrated and confused him. How could he be happy with Holden if his subconscious kept bringing him back here?
“I think it’s because you want to say good-bye.”
“I don’t want to say good-bye.” Ethan tugged on Jay’s hand and pulled him into his chest and wrapped his arms around him.
“Sweetie, it’s not a good-bye in that you will forget me, but it’s a good-bye meaning that you’re ready to move on and build a life with Holden. You’re still part of the land of the living and you deserve to be happy. I can see that Holden does that for you. Don’t let your chance at happiness slip through your fingers.”
“Is this what you want, Jay?”
“Yes,” he yelled. He had his head tilted up at Ethan, meeting his stare. “Watching you and Holden build a life together has made me so happy. My heart doesn’t hurt like it did.”
Ethan smiled through the tears. Hearing that he had Jay’s blessing seemed to make everything better. He had closure on the guilt he had been feeling by falling in love with Holden.
Suddenly the music changed. Another song drifted from the apartment. “I’ll Follow You Into the Dark” played softly on the stereo.
“What’s happening?” Ethan turned back to face Jay.