by Amber Stokes
A small crowd had gathered at the platform, waiting for the train to come to a stop and for its passengers to step into the daylight. Several minutes crawled by like several hours as Elizabeth waited with her heart in her throat—wondering, hoping.
A few people she didn’t recognize stepped down from the train. And then she felt tears gather in her eyes as she saw a man step off and help her ma to the ground. Sarah Anne searched the group of onlookers, and when Elizabeth met her gaze she gave a little cry.
“Ma.” The months that had passed since she left home seemed like a mere trip into town, or perhaps her whole lifetime. Time made no difference as she rushed into the arms of her mother.
She sobbed as relief washed over her and her ma’s tears fell on her head. “My little girl.” The words brushed over her in calming strokes. It was as if no one else was there.
“I’m so sorry, Ma,” she managed, her voice halting and broken. “I’m so sorry I ran away.” The last word came out in a low wail, and she buried her face in her mother’s warm shoulder. She wanted to clarify her apology. To tell her mother she was sorry for not coming home first. For not sending her word sooner. But she couldn’t manage any other explanations.
“I know, dear. It’s all right. It’s all right.” Sarah Anne spoke soothingly, running her hand down Elizabeth’s hair and holding her tight.
Finally, Elizabeth remembered Joe. Pulling away slowly, she offered a wobbly smile and gestured to the man she was going to marry. “Ma, this is Joe. Joe, this is my mother.”
Sarah Anne glanced between the two of them, then stepped to Joe and embraced him. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Joe smiled as he squeezed Sarah Anne. “It’s a pleasure to meet Elizabeth’s ma.” Then he stepped back, grabbed Sarah Anne’s valise, and led the way to the hotel.
Even though Elizabeth knew in her heart that it was hopeless, she couldn’t resist one last look behind her at the train. David never came.
***
Elizabeth had returned to Lake Tahoe thousands of times in her imagination. In her mind’s wanderings, there had been sunshine, cheerful birdsong, and wildflowers lining the trail. Now that she was really making the trip, rain followed their group as soon as they left Virginia City on horseback.
The weather did nothing to calm her nerves, and she knew she was shaking from more than the late-spring cold. It wasn’t really excitement, either. Uncertainty paralyzed her at the thought of being married, of a permanent partnership.
As her horse plodded along, she refused to dwell on thoughts of David.
Glancing around, she did allow herself a small smile at their wedding party, composed of Joe, his brother Seth, Seth’s wife, Sarah Anne, Annabelle, Jacob, and Myghal. Myghal looked about as unsure as she felt. He was, after all, David’s friend.
Jacob rode up alongside her, and for the first time since she had found out about his secret, she offered him a smile. His response couldn’t quite be called a smile, but his features softened and his green eyes brightened a little.
“Joe has been a good friend of mine for years,” he began.
She wound the reins around her hand as she waited.
“He’s a good man, and he would make a good husband.”
“Would?” Her forehead wrinkled in confusion.
He sighed. “I hardly feel qualified to give you brotherly advice, or to intrude on your affairs. But do you really love him? When you first came here almost a year ago, you were smitten with that young man—David, I believe his name was. The one who brought you here.”
“How would you know?” She sensed the venom in her voice and tried to let it drain away. “You were never around,” she added quietly.
He sighed again and swiped his gloved hand across his forehead. “I know. And I’m… I regret what I’ve done.”
“I love Joe.” Was she saying it for his benefit or hers?
“I know. But this David fellow… He came to find out what I was hiding. He was angry because he knew how much I had hurt you. Elizabeth, that boy loved you. You don’t ever get over love like that.”
His gaze sought out Annabelle then, and Elizabeth’s heart warmed. How much of what he had done had been for his wife’s sake?
Thinking about David only hurt her and muddled her emotions, so she asked in a small voice, “What will you do after the wedding?” Jacob hadn’t gone back to work since the fire, but Elizabeth was afraid he might eventually return to it.
He set his jaw. “I’m selling the store and closing down the brothel. I have enough money set aside to take Annabelle somewhere else, somewhere where I can spend more time with her and protect her. I’ve done her wrong by working all the time.”
“I think our parents would have been proud of that decision. And how could anyone not love Annabelle?”
He finally smiled as he sat taller in the saddle.
“Perhaps you could come back to Colorado.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, she bit her tongue and blushed. She wouldn’t be going back to Colorado with Sarah Anne. She would be married and living in the canyon with Joe.
Jacob nodded, his grin perhaps a little wider than before. “Perhaps.” Then he rode ahead to catch up with Annabelle.
***
Elizabeth drew her knees to her chest and looked out over the dark lake capped by the black sky. They had arrived at Lake Tahoe the evening of their second day of traveling, and Joe and Jacob would be leaving in the morning to fetch a preacher from Carson City. In the meantime, Sarah Anne, Annabelle, and Naomi would help her get ready for the marriage ceremony to be held on the shore. Sarah Anne had brought Elizabeth’s first mother’s wedding dress, which she had hemmed and “fancied-up,” as she put it, for Elizabeth.
Tears came to her eyes as she rested her head on her knees, afraid to gaze any longer at the lake—afraid to be reminded of the decision she had made at this very spot months ago, when she had said yes to Joe.
She sensed someone approaching from behind her. Slowly lifting her head, she found Sarah Anne standing nearby.
“Is it all right if I join you?”
She nodded her head, the light from the campfire on the slope enough to illuminate her motions. Sarah Anne sat down beside her. Only distant laughter broke the silence. Elizabeth didn’t trust her voice, and she didn’t think she could explain her irrational worries to the woman who raised her.
After a while, Sarah Anne asked quietly, “Do you remember Casey?”
“Casey?” Her brows lowered in thought.
“You remember. Louisa and Christy’s brother? The two of you used to chase each other through the fields. He was always bringing you home muddy, your hair in tangles.” Sarah Anne chuckled.
Memories flooded her mind, causing tears to burst forth. She did remember Casey, if only barely—more the feeling of contentment than the details themselves. She did recall an afternoon when they’d picked forget-me-nots by the river, and she suddenly ached for those carefree days. Rubbing her palms over her eyes, she finally replied, “I remember. Why’d ya ask?”
Her mother regarded her with a watery blue gaze she couldn’t comprehend. “He’s alive. Returned home last fall. I saw him before I left on the train.”
“Really? But wasn’t he…didn’t he drown?”
“We all thought so. Apparently he survived, and he’s been living in the mountains all this time.” Sarah Anne studied her, waiting for something.
“That’s wonderful he’s alive. His whole family must be so happy, especially after what happened to their pa.”
Sarah Anne set a hand on her arm. “Elizabeth, you met him.”
“Well, of course, when we were little…” Her words trailed off, and her heartbeat slowed. She recalled hands holding a bunch of flowers out to her, hands that had seemed just big enough and yet gentle enough to encompass the flower stems. A brown gaze that always seemed to melt a little at her gladness, that always sensed her emotions and met them with the response she needed. He hadn’t reall
y changed that much, had he?
Her head floated, light and dizzy. “Are you saying that Casey—that Casey is David? That Casey was the one who helped me, the one who…?” She choked on a sob.
Sarah Anne gathered her close as she cried. With a shaky voice, Elizabeth asked, “But how can that be? Why wouldn’t he tell me who he was?”
“I don’t know, dear. Maybe you should ask him for yourself.”
“What?” She pushed back and swiped at her tears with frozen hands.
Her ma’s sweet face was silhouetted, but Elizabeth could still see the truth glowing in her eyes. “Casey looked like he would have done just about anything to get on that train with me. He asked me to tell you that he wishes you well, but what he didn’t say was just as obvious. He loves you.” She paused, searching Elizabeth’s eyes in the dim light. “And I think you love him, too.”
New, hot tears fell down her cheeks, and she shook her head. “How can you know for sure?”
Sarah Anne smoothed a strand of Elizabeth’s hair, brushing her cheek with her thumb. “A mother knows these things, and I had a long train ride to ponder it all. And, dear, ever since I arrived, you’ve looked rather miserable. Not the attitude of a content and happy soon-to-be bride.”
“Oh, Ma.” Elizabeth covered her face with her hands. “I can’t stop thinking about him. But you don’t know the whole story. You don’t know about Jacob, or the David I know…”
“No, I don’t know. But I do know that Casey’s a good man, raised by a good family. One he’s chosen to stay with in order to make things right. To help them.” She stared up at the sky, where a few stars peeked out from the clouds. “You brought him home.”
Homesickness writhed through Elizabeth like a prisoner begging for release. Lifting her gaze to the water—a dark inkwell waiting to be used—she felt her heartbeat quicken. Ever since she had agreed to marry Joe, she’d been caught up in her own emotions. She had been fearful of the future. She had carried bitterness inside her heart toward her own brother. She had forgotten God’s tender mercies as she let herself be consumed by her own plans, her own confusion.
Grasping her mother’s hand, she asked, “Will you please pray with me?”
***
Joe knew even before Elizabeth approached him at dawn that there would be no wedding. He could feel all his plans and dreams slipping through his fingers like the water he splashed on his face as he sensed her standing behind him, waiting.
“Joe? Can I talk with you?”
He remained crouching by the lake a moment longer, wishing with all his might that he didn’t have to hear what she was going to tell him. Finally, he took a deep breath and stood, trying not to clench his fists in anticipation of the anger, shame, and deep sadness he was about to feel.
“Yes, Elizabeth?” With a sudden burst of denial he pushed past her, calling over his shoulder, “We probably shouldn’t talk for too long. Me and Jacob have to get to Carson City soon if we want to have the wedding today. Can’t have a wedding without a preacher.” His attempts at teasing failed miserably, and he knew he sounded just plain ornery. Even now he was losing her, right near where he had first felt the hope of having her forever.
“I…I don’t think…”
“If you have somethin’ to say, then just come out and tell me straight.” Joe turned and crossed his arms over his chest.
Her voice quivered. “I can’t marry you.” She turned her face away, but not before he saw her eyes fill with moisture.
She sniffed, and he could tell she was about to say more. But he didn’t want to hear about David, about how sorry she was, about some false sympathy he didn’t need. He shook his head. “I figured as much. Care to tell me why you waited until now to inform me?”
Her tears almost softened his resolve, but he wasn’t about to open himself up to more heartache when he knew he couldn’t win. He should have seen this coming a long time ago.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t realize… I don’t belong here.” Her words came out confused, as if she were still trying to sort out what she wanted to say. He couldn’t wait for her to make sense of her emotions, though. He didn’t want to know why he couldn’t compete with the likes of David.
“Let’s just head back to Virginia City. You can take the train home from there.” Swiveling to climb back up the rocky shore, he felt her hand on his arm, restraining him. Heat bloomed from her touch, and when he turned to face her again he met her eyes, green like dew-covered grass. Longing swept over him as suddenly as a piece of chocolate hair fell across her cheek. Swallowing hard, he closed his eyes, the pain of rejection constricting his chest.
“Joe, I’m sorry I’ve hurt you. You’re a good man, and I’m so grateful that you’ve been watching out for me.”
He nodded once and then stepped back out of her reach. She might think him a good man, but somehow he wasn’t good enough for her.
Chapter 24
Elizabeth was almost home. She gripped Sarah Anne’s hand, her gaze landing on Jacob and Annabelle, sitting next to each other across the narrow train aisle. Annabelle’s golden head rested on Jacob’s chest, and Jacob’s arm curled around her shoulders protectively, tenderly. They both appeared to be asleep.
A smile rose on her face as she turned to look back out the window, contentment filling her even as nervousness edged in. The summer green of Colorado blurred as the train sped past, but in her mind Elizabeth could see it clearly—the green hillsides filled with wildflowers, David’s cabin surrounded by shimmering aspens, fires brightening the darkness and holding back the night’s chill.
Other, darker images marched after. The mountain storm. The creek water closing in over her head. The bear looming over her. David’s tears as he confessed what he had almost done in her brother’s brothel. Joe’s back as he turned away from her when she confessed she couldn’t marry him.
She bit her lip, searching the passing landscape for answers. What had been the purpose of knowing Joe if it only ended in his heartbreak? He hadn’t even come to see her off at the train station. She didn’t blame him.
A welcome peace stole over her, and even though she couldn’t explain it, she felt sure that somehow the whole journey had been important, every part. All of those steps had brought her here, and God hadn’t abandoned her. In fact, she felt closer to Him now, knowing He had seen the whole landscape and brought her through each trial.
Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply. Please, dear Lord, bless Joe and his family. Please forgive me for hurting them.
Her eyes flew open again at the announcement of their arrival in Golden. Anticipation and uncertainty sent fluttery sensations from her belly to her throat. She turned to Sarah Anne. “Would you mind if I went to see him first?”
Sarah Anne shook her head and whispered, “I understand,” as she stood to grab their bags from the compartment above their heads. “I’ll have Jacob help me bring your things to the house.”
“Thank you, Ma.” Squeezing into the aisle, she headed for the front of the car.
When the train finally came to a halt, she took one last look back. Bolstered by Sarah Anne’s smile, she rushed down the steps. Holding onto her hat, knowing the green ribbons whipped madly behind her, she rushed down the wooden sidewalks of Golden and headed straight out of town. As soon as she passed the last building at the edge of town she ran in earnest. She didn’t know what she was going to do when she got to the farm, but there was no room in her heart or mind for anything but the thought of seeing David again.
Stopping for only a moment, she bent to unbutton her feminine boots with trembling fingers. She could run faster without the fancy footwear.
Clutching her boots in one hand and her hat in the other, she flew, heaving in deep gulps of air as the farmhouse finally came into sight. She was about to head to the porch when she saw him. She knew it was him, sitting by the river farther across the property, where they used to play once upon a time.
“David.” She called to h
im, determined to cover the distance between them as quickly as possible, dropping her boots and hat along the way. This time she hoped she would end up in his arms to stay.
***
Shading his eyes from the sun’s glare, David clambered to his feet, sure his heart was deceiving him. Elizabeth would be married to Joe by now, residing in the desert with his family. And yet there was no mistaking the slight frame running straight for him, nor the light brown hair flying behind her.
“Elizabeth?” He barely whispered the word before she was in his arms, the sweet softness of her drowning him in warmth. He clutched her close, nearly afraid to breathe. Was she shaking, or was he?
Pulling back, he framed her face with his hands, searching her gold-green eyes for forgiveness and love. “Elizabeth,” he rasped in wonder. “What are you doing here?”
Her chest rose and fell, her eyes aglow and her hair as disheveled as it had been when they’d traversed the Rockies. Finally, she replied between breaths, “We started a journey together, David, or Casey, or whoever you are.” She searched his gaze, expectant.
“So we did.” His heart soared, then drummed wildly. “But I thought you were going to marry Joe…”
She ducked her head. “I almost did. I thought I could make it work with him, but I was wrong.” Peeking up at him, she studied his face. “Is it really you?”
He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, understanding what she was asking. “Yes. I’m sorry I never told you. I was still coming to terms with my past…”
Before he could explain further, she stood on her tiptoes and brushed a kiss on his cheek, her breath feather-soft. She didn’t pull back as she whispered, “Want to know something?”
Oh, yes. “Tell me.”
“As Casey, you stole my little heart with your teasing and those forget-me-nots.”
He felt the heat of her blush as she lowered her forehead to his shoulder, and he tucked her into his arms, waiting for her to continue.
“As David, you stole my heart again, and I…I want you to keep it.”