Her husband, her prince, her love, her life, her hope, her dreams, her world, her everything.
PART VIII
HOME AGAIN
She could hear Ben's voice through her pain but it sounded as if it was coming from miles away. The pain engulfed her…searing her as though it were tearing her in half. She bit her lip desperately trying not to cry out. And then it eased and Ben was beside her,
“You're doing great,” he said. “Not long now, just a few more big pushes and he'll be here.”
He sat beside her, his hand gently on her tummy until he could feel the next contraction. He’d been wonderful with her; holding her and massaging her back, talking softly to her, encouraging her and doing everything he could to ease her pain through the hours she’d been in labour.
“Push now,” he said. “Push as hard as you can,” as he moved to bring their son into the world. “One more push. That's all it will take. You can do it,” he encouraged her.
Gathering all that remained of her strength, Charis pushed and suddenly it was all over. Relief flooded over her. Ben held their baby boy for just a few seconds, looking at the perfectly formed features. What a beautiful, healthy baby they had produced. Then he placed the tiny bundle in her arms and for a few minutes they sat together, filled with joy and love for each other and for this precious baby. Returning to his professional role, he moved away to complete the things he had to do as the attending doctor before calling his mother to come for the baby and take care of what needed to be done.
In a previous life, before she’d married her Arab prince, Emily had trained as a nurse at one of London's leading hospitals, and they’d asked her to come and assist. She’d been waiting with Giles in the sitting room, waiting to hear the baby's first cry…waiting to know that all was well.
For months Charis had been afraid that she’d die…felt certain she would die, and was tormented by the thought of her baby growing up without a mother. Ben had constantly assured her that everything was going well. “You're doing brilliantly,” he’d told her, “And our baby is perfect.”
He’d wanted Frank Norris to take care of her and book her into the hospital for the birth, but Charis had refused. “My mother died in a hospital,” she told him. “I won't go there. I want you to take care of me and I want to have our baby at home.” And she became so distressed each time they’d spoken about it that he’d eventually given in to her, but only on the understanding that Frank or Graham were available and standing by in case of an emergency. An ambulance could be at the house within five minutes.
In just a short time Emily was back in their bedroom with her newest grandson cleaned and wrapped and she gently handed him to Charis who gazed in wonder at this child she and Ben had made together. She looked up at her husband with such love in her eyes and smiled, “He is so beautiful,” as she caressed the little cheek and held the tiny finger. “I can't find words to say how I'm feeling right now.”
Ben sat on the bed beside her. “It’s a miracle that never ceases to amaze me. But this is so different from all the hundreds of other babies I’ve delivered. You’re wonderful. I love you more than I can ever express.” He kissed her very tenderly.
“Now, you need to let Mum get you freshened up. I'll take young Paul to meet his grandfather.”
And he took their baby in his arms and carried him from the room.
*****
From the time they knew it was to be a boy, Ben had suggested Charis might like to call him Paul, after her father, and she wanted to include Ben's name, so they planned on naming him Paul Benjamin and had thought of him as such for several months. Ben's study had been moved to one of the spare bedrooms upstairs so that his former study could be used as a nursery for the baby, even though Ben's dressing area would be left there. Charis thought it sweet that the men in her family were already learning to share. Everything was ready to welcome little Paul into their home. Charis had been worried at the beginning of her pregnancy because the first time she had become pregnant she’d lost the baby very early on. She hardly had time to know she was to have a child before it was over. Ben had whisked her off to St. Anne's to make sure that everything was alright. She was home again within a few hours, still groggy from the anaesthetic but remembered Graham's parting advice. “Now my children, no sex for at least twenty-four hours,” grinning as he said it.
Ben was cross with him. “You really do have your mind in the gutter sometimes Graham,” he told him.
But the next day as they were sitting quietly together on the sofa, Charis had been watching the time, and at three o'clock she looked up at him and almost in a whisper she said, “It's three o'clock.”
“Yes.”
“Well?”
“Well what?”
“It's been twenty-four hours.”
“Is that supposed to mean something?”
“Graham said twenty-four hours.”
“You heard that? I thought you were more asleep than awake. If he's not careful I shall put that man's name on my little list,” referring to the 'little list' they’d discussed when they first met.
“But I do want to get pregnant again,” she told him.
“Not so soon,” he replied. “Your body needs to recover from the trauma you've just gone through. No trying for another baby just yet. And I think we'll wait for at least another twenty-four hours before we do anything like unto it. In fact, all my patients would be told to wait at least a week.” He put his arms around her and held close. “We'll have babies, I promise you,” he’d said. “All in good time.”
Now they had Paul and he was perfect. Her fear of childbirth was behind her, at least for the time being. Losing her first baby had given Charis an even greater fear that she may die, but her sorrow from the baby dying she thought was possibly even worse. Rather me than our baby, she’d told herself.
Emily washed Charis and dressed her in a clean nightgown and Ben brought the baby back to her arms, sat on the side of the bed and looked at his wife and new little son and silently gave thanks for the safe arrival of Paul…for his little family. He felt very blessed.
*****
Charis had her miscarriage six weeks before their second wedding anniversary. To celebrate their anniversary, and to keep her mind occupied with something else, Ben planned a trip to the north of England and Scotland. He’d been to Scotland before but Charis hadn’t. He was able to take some time off work, so this time they had a full weeks’ holiday and a long weekend - ten days in all.
First they drove through the Peak District where they stayed at a B&B way out in the countryside. They explored a few of the picturesque villages before heading north again, through Yorkshire and the Yorkshire Dales, stopping at Fountains Abbey, then into County Durham and into the city of Durham itself. They fell in love with the old city, with its cobbled streets and historic Cathedral, before they continued north into Northumberland. Up the coast by the North Sea, to Hadrian's Wall, Alnwick Castle, the Farne Islands, and Lindisfarne and finally into Scotland, spending each night at a local B&B. They visited Jedburgh which had associations with Mary, Queen of Scots, and the old ruined abbey and then on to Edinburgh where they spent three wonderful days exploring the city and being regular tourists. Charis thought they should come back when the Military Tattoo was on at the castle. She’d seen it on TV several times and longed to see it in person. “Maybe next year,” she’d suggested.
All too soon it was time to return home to London. But by then both Charis and Ben had a greater appreciation of their beautiful country and decided that one day, when they had more time, they would explore it more fully.
Ben still continued with his appearances on Helen's ‘Woman's World’. The show ran for three months, twice a year, and in each series he was on once a week for six weeks. It no longer bothered him, but he’d still rather not be doing it at all. He felt it kept him from doing his more important job, caring for his patients, although he'd had great opportunities to give valuable advice to many women
and he hoped he’d made some contribution to them taking better care of their health. He’d been invited to attend a medical conference in New York and to present some of his findings about high risk pregnancies, which was more and more becoming his specialty. So he’d gone and taken Charis with him. They’d spent several days there where he'd received positive reaction to his report. They enjoyed some leisure time, seeing the sights and taking in a Broadway show, and shopping for little gifts to take back to family and friends.
As far as she knew, Henry was still away on some archaeological expedition and although he was out of the country thoughts of him would infiltrate her mind at the most inopportune times upsetting and worrying her. She dropped a glass in the sink when she closed her eyes and saw his face. Constantly looking over her shoulder when she left the house was becoming harder and harder to explain to Ben. David had said that most of the time these things never escalated and were nothing to worry about. She tried to take comfort in his words but it wasn’t easy. She kept her fears to herself and prayed mightily that Henry would forget her.
At the beginning of August Ben arrived home from work, told her he had a surprise for her, took a small package out of his briefcase, and handed it to her. “Open it,” he said, anticipation in his eyes.
Inside she found airline tickets, confirmation of 2 nights’ accommodation in a first class hotel and tickets to the Edinburgh Military Tattoo. The date? Her birthday.
“Happy birthday, my love,” he grinned. “I know it's a little early for birthday wishes, but I thought you might like to have a couple of weeks to plan.”
“Oh, Ben! How can I ever thank you?” she exclaimed as she threw her arms around his neck and gave him a big hug. “You are so kind and so good to me.”
“You can thank me tonight when we go to bed,” he said as he returned her embrace. “But right now I'm hungry. What's for dinner?”
By October Charis knew she was pregnant again. This time she felt positively nauseous, not just in the mornings but all day long. She hadn't felt that way in her first short pregnancy and Ben said that some would say it was a good sign.
“Like many of the old wives’ tales, it may even be true,” he said. “But don’t worry…I'll take very good care of you.” And he had. The sickness gradually eased but never completely disappeared. She gave up teaching at the Music Academy so she could rest more, but apart from that life continued on without much changing. She continued to work in her little garden, she and Ben still went for walks by the river or in the park. They occasionally went to a West End show or to the ballet or a concert. Family members came to visit, or friends came to dinner, or they would go and visit friends. They saw a lot of Jennifer and David, but also Tim and Janet, and James and Helen. They had occasional visits to Hampshire to spend weekends with Emily and Giles, who in turn came up to London to visit them. Sometimes Ben would text her from work and tell her not to start dinner because he was taking her out for the evening, but most nights she cooked for them at home. Ben always made her relax after dinner while he cleaned up in the kitchen and put the dishes in the dishwasher, then they'd sit together on the sofa until it was time for bed. Charis found that being pregnant did not affect her desire for Ben and their physical love for each other continued unabated. As she got bigger, and the baby inside her began to move around, she noticed that Ben became more gentle and tender with her and more considerate with everything he did. He was a wonderful husband and she knew he would make a wonderful father.
Most of the time she managed to remain optimistic through her pregnancy, as she desperately wanted to have children…a family…but sometimes the fear of dying in childbirth gripped her, her mother and grandmother both dead after giving birth. What if it happened to her too? Ben said she was well. He said there was nothing that would happen that he couldn't handle. She was healthy and the baby was healthy so she mustn't worry. And she tried not to, she really did, but every once in a while fear would rear its ugly head and she grieved for her child who would have to live without a mother.
Ben spent a lot of time educating her about what to expect when the time came for her to give birth to their baby. She’d witnessed a birth before, on the plane coming home from Cairo, but obviously having a baby was very different from watching someone else, so he went through it with her several times hoping that understanding what was happening to her body would help ease her fear.
She’d wondered how Ben felt when they discovered they were going to have a boy. He’d made such a big thing of wanting “little girls who looked just like their mother”, so she’d asked him about it.
“My darling girl,” he said. “I already have the most beautiful girl in the world as my wife, and yes, it's true that I would love to have a daughter, or daughters, someday, who look just like their mother. But if we never have any it will be okay with me. Even if we’d never been able to have any children it would still be okay with me. As long as I have you I am the happiest man alive.”
And so he’d calmed her worries as he always did.
Jennifer and David had a daughter, Rachel, now almost a year old. Adrian and Felicity's third child was a girl, too. They called her Jane. Simon and Lorraine's little boy Joshua had a brother, James. Amelia and Charles were expecting their first child, due in another three months. It was another boy. Emily and Giles' family was expanding rapidly so their little Paul had plenty of cousins; nine so far. Charis felt engulfed with warmth and love in Ben's family and now they had begun to create a family of their very own.
*****
Charis loved being a mother. She couldn't believe the miracle of her baby; the tiny fingers that curled around hers when she touched his little hand; the way he nuzzled at her breast as she fed him; the way he watched her and looked at her so intently as she talked to him and his little mouth moved as though to answer her. And her heart ached more and more for her own mother who’d missed all the joy of motherhood. She felt the need for her now, more than at any other time since she was a young teenager. Ben found her crying one evening, when Paul was about ten days old. She’d just put the baby into his cot to sleep after a good feeding and was lying on their bed with her face pressed into the pillow.
”Oh, my love,” he soothed as he gathered her into his arms. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing,” she managed to stutter between sobs. “I'm just being silly again, but I wish I had my mother here. I need her now. I need her to tell me things about being a mother. I'll never manage it on my own.”
“You're not alone, Charis! You're never alone. I know I'm not your mother, but I'm always here for you. We'll do this together. And you're already a wonderful mother. To see you with our baby, the way you take care of him, fills my heart with joy.” And so he comforted her as he had from the first day they were together and encouraged her to talk to him about her mother and her fears until she could put her worries behind her.
Three weeks after Paul's birth she lay in bed waiting for him. She’d fed the baby and he was sleeping peacefully in the nursery. Ben came to bed, took her in his arms and held her tenderly.
She tilted her head up, looking at him. “Make love to me, please?” she asked.
“It's too soon. You need more time for your insides to recover,” he told her.
“It's been almost two months since…since the last time,” she reminded him. “I want you. I want you now.”
“I tell all my patients to wait at least six weeks before resuming sexual relations. I can't ignore my own advice…my conscience wouldn't let me.”
“I can't wait that long so tell your conscience that your wife seduced you,” she responded as she pressed herself close to him.
“You really are wicked,” he replied. “You know that don't you?” he said as she began kissing him passionately until eventually he said, “We really shouldn't but I can't resist you.” He sighed, “So I give in. You can have your way with me.”
*****
Charis watched Ben with their baby. He was so gentle, hi
s hands tenderly holding Paul and taking such good care of him. Whenever he was home he took turns changing his nappy or bathing and dressing him, burping him and cuddling him. They still went for their walks along by the river or through the parks but now there was a baby to take and a pram to push, and Ben eagerly took his turn at that, too.
Paul grew and thrived and learned to smile and make little sounds and then to reach for her and touch her and he grew more and said words and was sitting up and eating baby food. He was sometimes fretful when he was teething but mostly a contented and happy baby. Then he was crawling and pulling himself up and all of a sudden his first birthday was upon them and he was trying to walk and Charis wondered where the time had gone.
Several things had changed in their home; a high chair had appeared and a box of baby toys that were quite often scattered around the floor; a little pile of baby books on the surface of the coffee table. The pram had given way to a buggy which was usually kept in a cupboard under the stairs which now had a safety gate at both the bottom and the top. When Ben got home from work he would spend half an hour every day playing with Paul on the floor of their living room while Charis put the finishing touches to their evening meal. She always fed Paul before Ben got home but they’d put him in his high chair while they ate and give him some grown up food to eat with his fingers and try out a little spoon. After dinner they’d take him upstairs to bathe him and get him ready for bed. The bedtime routine was always the same. Ben would sit and look at a book or two with him and read to him for a little while and then Charis would cuddle him and sing lullabies until he was almost asleep before they put him to bed. And Ben would sit and watch the two of them, his wife and his son, and wonder how life could ever get any better.
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