by Trina M. Lee
“I wish I had as much confidence about that as you do. Cinder’s the only reason I’ve been able to achieve anything, so where is he now when I need him most?” I tugged my bracelet and rings off, letting them fall into a pile on the bed.
“Don’t worry about that yet. It’s only been a few hours. I’m sure he’ll show up soon.” Jett stifled a yawn. “Let’s get ready for bed, and then you can tell me all about what you and Arrow were doing in the laundry room right before everyone started freaking out.” She hopped off the bed and began pawing through my closet for a baggy band shirt to wear.
A trip to the washroom to scrub off makeup and floss my teeth meant a pair of awkward moments passing the guys. They were still sitting up in the living room, talking in low tones. I didn’t linger.
“Now.” Jett patted the bed beside her. She’d turned on the bedside lamp and had cozied up beneath the blanket. “Tell me everything. I don’t want to think about bad stuff right before I sleep. I want to hear about you getting handsy with Arrow.”
“We didn’t get handsy, Jett.” I climbed into bed beside her and rolled onto my side, head propped on my hand. “We were just talking.”
“Dude, don’t lie to me. You know I can smell that shit. Skip to the good stuff.” She flapped her hand at me so I’d continue.
Lying to a werewolf was an exercise in futility. I knew that. I don’t know why I even tried. “Ok, there may have been some kissing, and I guess there were hands. And I may have thrown my shirt on the floor.” I spoke in a whisper. “But that’s it. Nothing else happened.”
“What else would have happened?” She matched my low tone. Clutching the pillow beneath her cheek she grinned conspiratorially. “Be honest.”
I didn’t want to spill the details. But seeing as lying was out of the question and she was my best friend, I fessed up. “I don’t think I would have stopped. Pretty sure I’d have done him right there in his laundry room. Which isn’t really the most romantic of settings.”
“Fuck romance.” Jett gave a snort of derision. “That’s not a requirement you know. Besides, it’s just Hollywood drivel. You’ve already got the connection with him. That’s all that matters.”
I closed my eyes and burrowed deeper beneath the blankets. “But I thought I had connected with Rowen too, and look how that turned out. I’m still not over it. What if everything with Arrow is just a tacky rebound?” Sleep began to tug me under. I told myself that I would wake up to find Cinder bustling around the kitchen and that everything would be okay.
“It’s neither,” Jett assured me, sounding like slumber called her too. “You needed him and he was there. And he needs you, and you’ll be there. You haven’t done anything wrong, Spike.”
My voice got smaller until my whisper was barely audible. “Nova said light and dark can’t be together. It’s dangerous.”
Jett yawned and turned off the bedside lamp. “Nova can get fucking bent. He’s a damn demon. He’ll say anything, so you have to take it with a grain of salt.”
I wasn’t so sure about that. If what Nova said was true, then Arrow and I were taunting fate in the worst of ways.
* * * *
The morning brought with it further disappointment. Still no Cinder.
In dire need of caffeine, I padded into the kitchen wrapped in a fuzzy pink robe. Jett still slumbered in my bed, limbs flung all over the place. I’d woken up perched on a quarter of the mattress with her hand on my face. Wish I’d slept half as well as she had.
It had only been about five hours since we’d gone to bed. So I was surprised to find Arrow sitting at the kitchen table, staring at his phone. Sam and Rowen were still passed out on the couch bed, each of them with their own blanket, of course. Rowen’s pink hair was splayed across the pillow. His brow furrowed as if his sleep wasn’t any more relaxed than mine had been.
“What are you doing up?” I kept my voice down so as not to wake the others.
He regarded me with bloodshot eyes. A credit card and a sprinkle of white residue sat on the table in front of him. “I never went to sleep. Too much on my mind.”
I pointed at the cocaine mess on the table as I bustled about the kitchen. “Well, you’re not going to get any rest doing that shit. Take a break. Smoke a J and get some sleep.”
“Maybe later. Too wired right now anyway.” Arrow watched me move about the kitchen with a strange half smile.
“You won’t be any good to us if you’re lacking sleep and relying on coke to function.” I poured milk into the frother for a latte. When he wouldn’t stop staring, I asked, “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
He laughed softly and waved a finger at me. “A bright pink robe? I’d never have pictured you wearing something like that.”
I spooned some sugar into a Beatles’ Yellow Submarine mug and tried not to smile. “No? So what did you picture me wearing?”
His expression turned mischievous. “I’d say nothing, but I don’t want to get slapped. Also, that’s too easy. Maybe a Molly’s Chamber t-shirt. And that’s it.”
A blush crept up my neck to my cheeks. I peered at him from beneath lowered lashes. He’d washed off last night’s smudged eyeliner, and it made him appear older somehow. Or maybe that was the world-weary awareness in his hazel eyes.
“Want coffee?” I asked, because I didn’t have a clever response and my face burned.
“No, thanks. I’m good.” He nodded toward the living room where Sam and Rowen slept. “They’re calling in today. Nobody’s going to work. Probably safer that way.”
I stirred my latte until the foam and coffee swirled together just right. Then I sat at the table across from Arrow. The cocaine remnants were worrisome. It wasn’t my place to tell Arrow how to handle himself, but we needed everyone at the top of their game. Although I suspected he might be worse for wear without it.
“I’m supposed to meet Cinder for a training session this afternoon.” I sipped my coffee. Pure bliss. “If he doesn’t show, then I’ll know something is seriously not right.”
“We’re going to head home later to shower and change. That kind of thing. Nobody will go alone. You should take Jett to the training center. But be back before dark.” Arrow’s hands trembled despite his attempts to quell the shakes. He fidgeted with his phone to keep his hands busy, but I’d already noticed.
“You have to get some sleep, Arrow. I need you to take care of yourself.” I didn’t say a word about the dope. Didn’t have to. We all had our demons. Cocaine was one of his.
He rubbed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, I know. I’ll crash for a bit later. We stayed up talking, and when they went to bed, I just wasn’t feeling it.”
Every sip of coffee made me feel more like myself again. Albeit, a tired and stressed version of myself. “Did something come up in conversation that bothered you?” I could tell something picked at Arrow. Probably the same thing that had been picking at me.
He ducked his head, letting his hair fall in his face. “Rowen keeps asking about things that happened while he was with Dash. I think he’s trying to figure out when exactly something started between you and me. Last night he told me that he knows he has no one to blame but himself, and that if I want a shot with you, I should go for it. But if I hurt you, he’ll turn me inside out.”
I wanted to laugh, but it just hurt to hear that. So I drank my coffee and stifled the rising melancholy. “I meant what I said, Arrow. I don’t want to come between you guys. You’re brothers, best friends. Nothing is more important than that.”
His gaze strayed to where Rowen lay snoring softly. “It’s cool, angel girl. You don’t have to worry about us.”
“Well, I do.” I watched Arrow’s expression soften as he stared at his brother. “You guys are important to me.”
Arrow’s gaze snapped back to me, as if I’d caught him by surprise. Our eyes locked. “I’ll never pressure you to define this thing between us. I can’t even fucking define it. I mean, we don’t have to take it any further.”
He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, trying to pin down his trembling hands. Without looking away and with no hesitation, he replied, “I want you. And I don’t even know what that means. Do I picture us having some sappy happily ever after? Not really. I doubt that kind of thing is in the cards for me. But I know I want to be able to touch you without wondering if it would be ok. Or call you at four am when I’m thinking about you and have it not be weird. I want to have you in my bed when I wake up or be here in yours. Does that kind of sum it up?”
My Beatles mug hung haphazardly from my fingers. I blinked a few times, processing his confession. I glanced quickly into the living room, but nothing had changed in there. “Yeah. It does.” I nodded woodenly, taken aback. My voice threatened to fail me. “Thanks for being honest.”
Even though I didn’t need a refill yet, I went for one anyway. I needed to keep my hands and mind busy. Whatever I’d expected him to say, it hadn’t been so brutally honest and rife with yearning.
“Ok, now your turn. What do you want, Spike?” Arrow waited while I topped up my coffee. Patiently, like he knew I was finding ways to put off answering.
Because I didn’t know what to say. My feelings for him still baffled me. I’d gone months despising him, and one day it had all changed. But it hadn’t happened in a day. Only my realization of it had.
He looked at me like he expected me to crap all over everything he’d just said. I hated that. Having Rowen in the next room didn’t make this easier. I loved him. And I would miss him terribly for a long time. But love didn’t always equal meant to be. No longer did I see that for Rowen and me. Come to think of it, I didn’t see it at all. Because I could barely see beyond today.
And who said I had to? We were in a war here, a battle of light and dark. That had to come first. Our very lives depended on it.
I took a steaming-hot sip of coffee, wincing when I burned the roof of my mouth. “I think I might want that too. But at the same time, I’m not sure what I want. This is all very confusing.”
I nodded toward Rowen, hating how this sounded. I couldn’t convey my feelings because they were all over the place. How could I say it so it made sense to Arrow when it didn’t even make sense to me?
“I get it.” Arrow got up from the table and came to lean on the counter that separated the dining area from the kitchen. “Do you want to cool it? I’ll back off. Although you’re the one that initiated last night.” He said the last with a sexy smirk that made my pulse pound.
Hell yes, I did. And my only regret was the unfortunate interruption.
With the counter separating us, I leaned forward and peered into the living room. “I don’t want to cool it. But I don’t want to rush it. Can we just take things a day at a time? Keep it between us. Just until we know if this is anything more than a laundry room makeout.”
“You want me to be your dirty little secret?” Arrow teased, tugging on the sleeve of my pink robe. “Might be a bit late for that. Cat’s kind of out of the bag.”
I ran a finger over a knife mark in the counter’s laminate surface, studying it far too intently. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
“You’re too fucking nice, Spike. Really. It might just be your only flaw.” Something wistful and almost morose crossed Arrow’s face.
Before I could question it, Sam sat up with a groan and stretched. Joints grotesquely popped and cracked. “Holy shit, Spike, this couch bed sucks.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I was ten minutes late to the training center because Jett insisted on stopping by her place for a few things. Despite my argument that we could stop on the way back, she swore up and down that she couldn’t go another minute without her toothbrush. Seeing as I couldn’t really argue that one, I relented.
Arriving at the training facility, I all but ran inside. The room, filled with mats and an assortment of equipment, was otherwise empty.
No Cinder. And Cinder was never late.
“Don’t melt down.” Jett said, watching my face crumple. “There’s got to be a reasonable explanation.”
“Yeah, Wren. He did something to Cinder. I know he did.” Deep in my gut I could feel it. My stomach hurt. Fear gripped me so hard I had to sit down on a mat. “I’m going to puke.”
“Please don’t.” Jett made a face and sat next to me, wary in case I did actually throw up. “Ok, let’s just say something did happen to Cinder. For one, he’s an angel. He can’t die. And for two, that means he’d need you to keep your shit together now more than ever. So take a few deep breaths and calm down.”
“I don’t think I can.”
Sheer panic took over all sensical thought. Anxiety ran amok through me, and I began to shake. I couldn’t do this without Cinder. I needed him to guide me, to tell me it would be ok when the darkness pressed too close. How would I face Wren without him? And most importantly, where was he? I heard myself babbling nonsensically but couldn’t stop the jumble of panic from pouring out of me.
Jett’s hand cracked across my cheek, and she shook me until I made eye contact. “Spike,” she shouted my name until I was able to nod in response. “Calm the fuck down. You’re not alone. You can do this. And we will find him.”
Somehow I’d kept it together last night when Wren left a murdered woman at Arrow’s party. And I’d stayed relatively calm when he left the blood-spatter pentagram on my balcony. Hell, I’d even held my shit in place when he confronted Rowen and me.
But this… this was where my line was drawn. Cinder was my weakness. The realization of how heavily I relied on him sunk in, and his loss tore me down.
“Spike, look at me.” Jett grabbed my face and forced me to meet her eyes. They’d gone full wolf. “You stink like prey, and that is not what you are. You can’t act like it. I’m here with you. We’ll figure this out.”
Because everything built up inside me needed to escape, I burst into tears. Jett pulled me close and let me cry it out, stroking my hair until the sobs died down. My empathic ability surged at random, tapping into her. Calm and cool, the wolf within her knew better than to dismiss the dangers. But it also knew better than to live in fear of them. Concern and confidence washed over onto me.
The tears stopped, and gradually my panicked breaths slowed. I wiped my eyes with my t-shirt and blinked at Jett. “How bad do I look? I feel puffy.”
“You’re a little puffy. Nothing some cool water won’t fix.” Standing up, Jett grabbed my arm and pulled me up with her. “Let’s find a restroom so you can freshen up. Then we’ll grab some groceries to make a decent supper tonight. If the five of us are going to be stuck together for a while, we need better than takeout.”
I tried to follow her lead, but while splashing water on my red eyes, I started to slip back into that place of panic. “We have to find Cinder, Jett. We can’t just do nothing.”
“And we will. Let’s go back to your place and talk to the guys about it. This has to be a group effort.” She smoothed back some of my hair and used her thumb to wipe a smudge of mascara from beneath my eye.
“Ok.” The light makeup I’d put on earlier had all been cried off. Oh well. Screw it.
Leaving the training facility felt a little like giving up. But Cinder wasn’t coming, and now we had to figure out what to do about that.
A trip to the grocery store this late in the afternoon was risky. The sun would set soon. Jett assured me that we’d be quick, but she didn’t account for the lengthy lines at the checkout.
“Son of a bitch,” she muttered as we tried to find the shortest line.
She’d picked out rotisserie chicken and enough salad fixings and side dishes to feed us for three days. Never trust a werewolf to do the grocery shopping; their appetite makes all the decisions. By the time we’d m
ade it out of the grocery line and stopped in at the liquor store next door for what Jett called ‘appetizers,’ dusk had stolen over the city.
We crossed the parking lot to the Mustang, and right away I felt uneasy. Jett continued along, oblivious. I scanned the parking lot, wishing we hadn’t parked so far from the store. Jett insisted it was the only way to avoid door dings.
Then I saw him. A demon. Black eyes, thus nothing I couldn’t handle.
I hoped.
He watched us from several rows away. Standing between two vehicles he merely stared. And then he was gone.
Because I never traveled outside my home without the Midnight Star these days, I had the sword drawn by the time he appeared in front of us.
Jett jumped and swore.
“You’re not safe anymore, thief,” the demon hissed. “The angel’s seal can’t protect you if the angel isn’t around.”
“Do you know where Cinder is?” Suddenly enraged I advanced on him. Sword in one hand, I reached for him with the other, ready to shake him senseless.
The demon backed just out of reach. “I know where he isn’t. And that’s right here.”
“So you don’t know shit. Let me guess: You thought, if you got to me first and took me out, it would earn you some kind of dark side Brownie points.” Flames danced along my fingertips as I continued toward him. The angle of the Mustang prevented anyone exiting the store from getting a good view.
The black-eyed bastard continued to evade me. Right away I realized it was because of what he’d called me. Thief. He didn’t want me to touch him and steal his mediocre power. The joke was on him. I didn’t need to.
“Maybe I just came to convince you to join our side. I’d rather not kill you, seeing as you could be useful.” He dodged the fireball I flung and retaliated with an energy attack that momentarily stunned me.
Jett left the shopping cart beside the car and joined me. With fists clenched and fangs bared, she was ready to throw down.
The demon looked her over. “Aww, a werewolf. Cute. Haven’t run into one of those in a while.” He flung another energy attack my way.