“I didn’t do anything.” I said calmly, posing and batting my lashes in the direction of his voice.
“But… you did, you know you did. How? How did you know? No one…”
“Just a hunch. Come on, how long did you think it would take for me to notice all your, let’s call them slip ups?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Don’t play that game with me. I’ve noticed, a lot, that you are… different. I don’t know if you don’t want people to know or if it’s just me. But I wanted to know if I was right.
He was quiet for a moment and I thought maybe he left me here in the dark and I was talking to myself. Until I heard him sigh. “I’ve lived here forever and no one else has ever noticed a thing.”
I couldn’t help but laugh again and faster than any human could move, he was across the room with his arms wrapped around me in the dark.
“I was going to explain everything to you. I told you I had something important to tell you,” he explained, his words muffled against my hair. My laugher died in my thought at his tone. And as strange as it sounds, I got a flash of his emotions, I felt them inside me; fear, love, confusion.
I smiled remembering all the nights I stayed up thinking about the weird things he did and trying to explain them. But regardless of all those things, I loved him anyway. For who he is, whatever he is.
Only one question remained; what is he?
I felt his chest heave a little when he laughed and knew that he had been listening in on my train of thought and I pulled away. “Do you listen to everything I am thinking?” I tried to give him my best ‘I mean business’ face, but I felt very unsuccessful in the dark, even knowing he could see me.
“Don’t look at me like that! And, no. Not you, anyways.”
“What do you mean, not me? What’s wrong with me?”
He laughed again and pulled me back into him. “Nothing is wrong with you. I just… I can hear everything everyone else thinks. With you, I don’t hear anything, unless the emotions are really strong or you think it directly at me. Hence your dramatic experiment a few moments ago.”
I could feel my cheeks getting hot as I moved my face to look toward the ground. Everything that I had felt, thought and was afraid to express to him, about him, he knew anyways. He knew everything! I wanted to scream with the hurt, relief and frustration building in me.
Kamdyn placed a hand under my chin, pushing it up in the direction of his face. “Don’t hide your face. And don’t be embarrassed.”
“But you knew,” I started much louder than I intended. I took a few calming breaths and continued. “…all along. Everything I couldn’t say…”
“And didn’t need to. As much as I would have loved to hear it out loud, hearing you say it in your head at the same moment you became conscious of it, made it that much more meaningful. Because I knew you meant it.”
Just now, I couldn’t think of anything to say. Or anything to ask. Over the last few months, I’ve had nothing but questions, but now that I could ask them and actually, maybe, get answers, I was at a loss. But as far as I knew, I had forever to ask. And right now, all I wanted was for Kamdyn to hold me and not to have to think about anything that has happened or will happen.
Right now is all that is important.
I can ask questions later.
Chapter Fifteen
My mind had no hope for focus today. After everything that had happened with Kamdyn on top of being extremely tired from a bad nights sleep, I couldn’t focus on a single thing the rest of the day. I tried, but everything seemed unimportant and dull. I only had a couple more classes until the day was over, and only one new one, Photography.
I thought it was funny that we had just discovered the darkroom, just as I was about to begin my photography class. But at least I would be able to become more acquainted with the darkroom and actually use it, other than hide out in it with Kamdyn. Maybe then I wouldn’t wonder around the room completely oblivious to my surroundings anymore. One could hope, I guess.
By the time my Photography class started, I was well prepared. Thanks to Halo, I had been able to do the homework assigned the first day of class, which I’d missed. It wasn’t anything completely important, but it was necessary work to do in preparation for taking and developing future pictures.
At the time of Halo’s intrusion, I was beyond irritated that he was there and I would have to deal with him in another one of my classes. But today, I appreciated his thoughtfulness, much to my irritation. Maybe he wouldn’t be so bad after all, if he would stop touching me all the time.
It was an easy class today. Halo and I shared a table, which wasn’t my decision but I could tolerate it, especially since no one else I knew was in the class. Mostly we went over the homework and styles of pictures, projects we would complete and the teacher showed us what we would be learning. It would take a while to perfect, the process of removing the film from the camera, taking the film out of its canister and putting it into a developer all while having your hands in side a bag so no light would get in and destroy it.
I couldn’t wait to try.
As excited as I was about class, I couldn’t help but feel, strange. I could tolerate Halo, but as comfortable as he tried to make me, his presence seemed to fill me with both an unease and a comfort.
So, here I was, stuck with him regardless of any feelings he stirred. For today, at least, he seemed different. He was less tense, and less pushy. He talked to me like I was anyone else, instead of like I was under a microscope. He even walked me to my next class.
“I’m walking that way anyway,” he said at my protest. “So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to have someone to walk with.”
I gave in. Apparently my heart is weak.
At the days end, I walked with Kamdyn to his locker. He leaned down to give me a kiss explaining he had something’s to do after school and left me withh a promise to call later. As he pulled away he flashed me that beautiful smile, the one that makes my heart skip a beat, just before he winked and turned to leave.
I made my way through the winding halls of the school and around the stampeads of escaping students. I managed to make it to my locker without running into anyone I knew and I was relieved.
I crammed all my notebooks into my bag and started for the door. Totally lost in a cloud of thoughts, I didn’t even notice someone waiting for me just inside the entrance to the stairs.
“Going somewhere?”
The sound of her voice was like nails on my own personal chalkboard.
“Stupid question, don’t you think? Maybe you should try thinking before you speak.”
Her eyes narrowed and she stepped closer. “You think you are so smart, don’t you?” She grabbed my arm and squeezed. It was a desperate attempt to keep my attention since she knew she wouldn’t get it willingly.
I turned abruptly and with more strength then I knew I had, I yanked my arm free. “What’s your problem now, Samantha? Because I’m sure you’re going to accuse me of something I didn’t do. Again.”
“Bullshit! Everything I accused you of you did do!” Her arms when flying in the air, in that dramatic way of hers. I rolled my eyes. She stopped then and crossed her arms over her chest, putting her balance on her right leg, the left bent at the knee and turned out. “So tell me slut, why is it that the two best looking guys aren’t good enough for you? Why do you need to latch onto anyone I show interest in?”
He voice was low and calm as she spoke now, but her words hung in the air with icicles clinging off them.
“What delusion are you feeding into now, Samantha? Because, honestly, I guess I’m just not creative enough to keep up. Don’t you have better things to do with your time?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. Last night a very sweaty, clothing not required activity planned when I got a text saying ‘Something important up’, over a half hour after he was expected. Then I find out he was with you! Are you here to force me into abstinence or do you just enj
oy taking what other people have already claimed?!”
“Claimed? Are you serious? They are people, not toys or pieces of property.”
“Whatever. I don’t care what you think. I’m just here to warn you, again, and for the last time. Stay the fuck away from what’s mine!”
“Or what, Samantha? You’ll steal my credit card again? Grow up, Samantha.”
“Oh no, I’ll do something way worse than that. Just push me and you’ll find out. You’re fair competition, I’ll give you that. But just know, I always win. Don’t for one second think you can under estimate me.” She did her usual hair flip, the one you see on every cliché popular girl in every movie, and sashayed down the hall like it was the runway.
As soon as she was out of sight, all thoughts of Samantha evaporated. Whatever she was referring to, which was no doubt Halo blowing her off, was nothing I could control. So I turned and headed for Jayson’s truck, waiting anxiously out in the empty parking lot.
“I was wondering when you’d show.” He pulled himself off his bumper and walked around to the drivers door. “I saw Kamdyn leave five minutes ago, so I knew you two weren’t having crazy sex somewhere in the building.” My face heated in embarrassment, but he went on. “What took you so long, get lost?”
I gave him a dirty look. “Not that that is any of your business…”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said looking grim. “Why would it be my business who you sleep with?”
He was lucky I didn’t have anything to throw at him. But the look on his face was heartbreaking, even if he was fishing. “Right, it isn’t. But if you must know, we haven’t. Yet.”
“Oh,” he said hopping into the truck and a smile returning to his face. It even reached his eyes. I missed that smile, it felt like a while since I had seen it. “I just assumed…”
“Don’t. You know what they say when you assume.” I turned a smiled at him, one I knew didn’t reach my eyes and turned to look out the window as the truck started. We managed to reach the bottom of our schools long driveway when I turned to him again. “And I didn’t get lost. Samantha ambushed me on the stairs.”
Jayson drove as I rehashed my story from beginning to end. I was finding it hard to keep even the littlest of details from Jayson. Good sign or bad?
“She actually said that?” he said jumping from the truck. “A sweaty, clothing not required activity? And she had the nerve to call you a slut?”
All I could do was shrug as we walked into the house. It seemed like that was my response to everything these days.
Jayson made himself comfortable as always, and besides asking to start our homework over and over, he kept bring up my ‘love life’ like it was his business. We ended up so caught up in arguing and his teasing I was caught off guard when I heard a knock on my bedroom door.
I looked over at the clock, my heart pounding. It was only four, not six thirty. Jayson jumped up from the bed, startled and arched a questioning brow at me. I shrugged my answer as me made his way to the door, realizing too late who it had to be. I lurched for the door, too little too late.
He opened the door to see Halo on the other side.
Jayson didn’t spare a ‘hello’ before blurting, “Do you usually just walk into people’s houses, uninvited?”
Halo just grinned at him and without another glance in his direction, or an answer, he brushed past him and over to me.
I will admit I was warming up to him after today in school, but the look on his face as he headed toward me, a look that a guy gives a girl when he knows he’s welcome and admired, made him lose the few inches he gained in my book. He so didn’t earn that look.
“Hey,” he said as he bent down to kiss me on my cheek.
I stood still in confusion by the weird change Halo had taken. Coming over early? Kissing me on the cheek? Did something happen that I don’t know about? What made him so cocky all of a sudden?
“Umm...hey, Halo. You’re early.” I said as he stepped back and put his bag on the floor.
“Yeah, I guess I am. I just…” he looked over at Jayson quick, then back to me. “I just thought we had a lot of work and we could get it done early.”
“Umm… I guess that’s fine. I honestly wasn’t paying too close attention today. Do we have a lot of homework?” The question wasn’t asked to anyone in particular, but Jayson answered.
“That’s what I have been saying since we got home.”
“Oh.”
Jayson gave me a funny look like why did you think I was asking? I shrugged at him. Sorry.
“Why is he here, by the way?”
“Remember, Mr. Hadam made me help him catch up, and we have to share a book until he finds another one for him.” I shrugged again, trying to pack a million words into my actions. Halo stood between us, all crammed into my room. Suddenly the room seemed extremely small. I looked at Halo and Jayson, who were both staring down each other like neither had the right to be here. But it is my room, so I say who can stay or not. I cleared my throat. “Jayson, do you want to stay and work with us?”
Both pairs of eyes shot in my direction as the words left my mouth. Halo’s narrowed and Jayson’s got bigger, as a small smirk stretched across his lips. “Sure as hell do!” he said pushing past Halo to sit closest to me.
I don’t know what it was with the two of them, but the entire time we were working I could feel the hostility all around me. The air was thicker somehow. We ended up working until after eight. Although Jayson was done way before us, he pretty much refused to leave me and Halo alone. Kimber was nice enough to buy a pizza for the three of us, since it was late and, at the time, we still had a lot to do. Jayson ate almost the entire pie by himself, plus more when he had finished his work. I was so busy with what I had missed during class today, I didn’t eat much at all. Halo, too, seemed too busy to eat.
When we had finished, Halo stood up and said he needed to head out. He thanked me for the help and for the pizza, kissed me on the cheek again, and turned to leave, turning back only to narrow his eyes at Jayson before he closed the door.
“I don’t like him,” Jayson said still staring at the closed door.
“Geez, who could tell?” Hope he picked up my sarcasm.
He finally moved his gaze back to mine, and smiled. Plopping back down on my bed and flipping through the channels. “What’s with him anyway? The kiss?” he asked turning toward me as I had a seat next to him.
“I have no idea. It’s a new thing. He has a bad habit of invading my personal space, so… I don’t know what to tell you. He likes to find new ways of surprising me, I guess?”
His eyes constricted, “Invades, how?”
“Huh?”
“Invades… your personal space… how?”
“Jayson, it’s not a big deal. He just… needs to touch people or something. He grabs my arm, stands too close, stuff like that. Nothing like what you’re thinking. Relax!”
“I don’t know if I believe you.” His eyes narrowing accusingly.
“Why would I lie to you? To tell you the truth, there is something very unsettling about him, but I guess I got used to it spending time with him alone.”
“Alone! When?” He nearly jumped from the bed to his feet.
“Jayson, damn it! Stop! Do you honestly think if he tried something he would still be coming here?”
“I don’t think he should be coming here at all.”
“There isn’t any other choice. I have to help him, says Mr. Hadam, and he needs to come here. He has a car, I don’t. He has no room yet in his house, I do. I don’t want to discuss it anymore.”
He humph-ed as he turned away, his gaze back on the TV. We sat in silence for a while as we watched a reality show. But it wasn’t long after that Jayson’s parents called and needed him home.
I finally had some time to myself after a long day of constant chatter. My mind started to race the second Jayson had left. I thought about everything that I went through today with Kamdyn, Samantha, Jayson’s disapproval
of Halo and Halo himself. They all baffled me.
Without anyone to really talk to, I thought of the only other outlet I had.
Today I have more questions than answers. Plus the million or so that I’ve had since I moved here. Most of them revolving around Kamdyn. Today, I managed to answer one, but that one spiraled off into so many others I lost count. So, moving on from my other worldly boyfriend for another time. We can move on to one of the many thorns in my behind. Samantha. Does she ever give up. So makes it like I target her for every action I have. But I haven’t. If it weren’t for her constant attacks and threats, I’m pretty sure I would forget out her entirely.
Halo is another thorn lately that I have no idea what to do with. Maybe I just need to give him a chance and get to know him better. Or is that a really bad idea? I usually get a good read on people when I first meet them. But with him it’s different. I can’t read him at all. He’s like a shadow. I wish my mom was here to give me advice. She was even better than I was at getting a read on someone. It was like her sixth sense. I miss her.
I miss them both.
The one that bothers me the most is Jayson. I just have no clue what to expect from him. How do you react when your best friend becomes too protective or possessive or whatever that was? Give him space? Give him too much detail and watch him squirm and never intrude again? I care about him too much to push him away.
Help.
Maybe my solution will come to me in my dreams. Well, my dreams are now and have never been my answer, especially of late.
I woke up in total darkness. There was no light coming from anywhere, no moonlight, no illuminated clock, to cable box time. Nothing. I could only assume I was in my room, in my bed, but to be honest, I couldn’t be sure. What I was sitting on felt like my bed, like my big fluffy sheets, but I had no real idea. I was too afraid to move much, fearing if I moved too far… Well, I’m not sure what could happen. So I curled up under my covers and wrapped myself with my blanket.
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