by J. H. Croix
My heart gave a hard thump, rattling against my ribs. I wasn’t about to tell Alex the depth of my feelings for her, not just yet. I wasn’t so sure what she wanted.
I held his gaze and nodded slowly. “I get it, but you don’t have to worry.”
Alex shook his head. “Are you going to tell her that I know?”
“Yeah. I’m not stupid enough to try to keep it a secret.”
Alex’s smile was genuine this time. “Oh yeah, because that would definitely be fucking stupid. Anyway, let’s take a look at this,” he said, turning to get to work.
Alex quickly opened up the compartment over the plane’s engine. The plane wasn’t mine but belonged to a good friend who was out of town. He’d asked me to set it up for Alex to take a look at it since Alex was a certified aviation mechanic.
We managed to move past that awkward conversation and got to work. As we were leaving a few hours later, Alex glanced over when we paused between our trucks. “So, tell me, is Holly the reason you haven’t dated anyone as far as I know since last fall or thereabouts?”
Jesus fucking Christ. I wasn’t about to tell Alex the details of our few brief minutes prior to recent events. He didn’t need to know I’d almost fucked his sister in a closet and then in a dressing room at a fundraiser. I was in a bit of a bind. He wasn’t my best friend for nothing. He knew me well. Catching his gaze, I shrugged, apparently my go-to response when it came to trying to talk about Holly.
“Not exactly.”
I stayed as vague as possible. But there was no way in hell I could tell him how embedded Holly was in my thoughts.
He chuckled before he turned away. “Don’t forget what I said.”
I stood there in the cold, the sound of a raven’s call sharp in the sky as it flew above, then my boots crunching on the snow in the parking lot as I turned to walk around my truck and climb in.
Chapter Twenty-One
Holly
After walking into the break room, I sank into a chair with a sigh. “Fuck, I’m tired,” I said, reaching up to tighten my ponytail as I cast a wan smile toward Chris, who was sitting on the other side of the small round table.
Chris nodded with me, running a hand through his hair and sipping his coffee. “Coffee’s fresh and strong as hell if you want some. I’m too tired to stand up and get it for you.”
I laughed as I stood and crossed over to the counter along the wall. “I need the caffeine bad enough to get my ass over here.”
After pouring a cup, I added a dash of cream and sat down across from him again. My shift was over as of five minutes earlier. The ER had been busy all afternoon. There had been two car accidents on the highway outside of Willow Brook. It was icy out today, with just enough sunshine to melt the snow and give the roads a sheen of slickness. We’d have black ice once darkness fell tonight.
“We were lucky. No one died,” I commented.
Chris took another slow sip of coffee and nodded. We sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, each of us nursing our coffee and letting the adrenaline drain from our systems. When you handled emergency room work, you needed your adrenaline to get through it, to keep you focused, sharp, and on top of it. On long days, once it was over, it was a relief to unwind. Sometimes it took hours. After the day I had, I knew I’d be wired tonight, probably for a few hours after I got home.
“So, tell me something good. Any updates on Nate? Or your virginity?”
Although Chris was teasing, he didn’t get under my skin. We had that kind of friendship where we could tease about sensitive subjects because we both knew that the other one understood.
“Well, I managed to lose my virginity,” I offered with a wink.
“You go, girl,” he said with a wide grin. “Was it awful? As a man, I have no perspective on this.”
I burst out laughing. “I would imagine not. I think it’s probably different for you. But no, it wasn’t awful.” I felt my cheeks getting hot because it had been the opposite of awful. It had been amazing.
Chris arched a brow. “It looks like it wasn’t awful at all. So, what now?”
I took a long swallow of my coffee, savoring the flavor and the kick of caffeine my system craved. “I don’t know.” I set my cup down. Simply speaking of it tightened my chest and sent anxiety spiraling through me.
Nate was confusing me because it seemed as if he wanted me to take this seriously. I didn’t think he understood. Ever since my body had awoken to Nate, I was fairly certain he’d ruined me for anyone else. Though I would forever be glad I lost my virginity to him and not someone else, I was terrified of how I felt.
Lord knows what emotions fled across my face, but Chris reached across the table. “Oh hon, you really like him.”
Emotion tightened my throat and tears pricked hot at the backs of my eyes. Giving his hand a squeeze, I snagged a tissue from the box sitting in the middle of the table. “Yeah. I guess so, but it’s stupid. I can’t”—I paused to blow my nose—“I can’t let myself fall for him.”
“Well, you wouldn’t be the first pair of friends to fall in love.”
“Oh my God, it’s not… We’re not in love.”
Chris’s warm gaze held mine, completely serious. “I always thought Nate liked you. Maybe you should just play things by ear.”
“Well, I already am, so…” I shrugged, swiping at my tears.
He drained his coffee and eyed me. “Maybe something will come of it,” he finally said. “But nothing will if you don’t give it a chance.”
I drained my own coffee. “I know.”
Standing, he strode around the table and tugged me into a quick hug. A sly grin curled his lips as he stepped back. “At least you got rid of that pesky virginity. I’m guessing it was awesome.”
Chris always knew just when it was time to shift from serious to funny. I nudged him with my shoulder. “See you later this week.”
“Gotcha,” he called as we walked out together, turning in opposite directions.
I hurried back to the nurse’s station to quickly take care of some last-minute charting for the night. Within a few minutes, I was done for the evening, and the last nurse to leave from the day shift. The evening crew was in full swing now, the hustle and bustle following me down the hallway as I left.
It wasn’t fully dark yet when I got outside. Streaks of lavender and pink lingered in the wispy gray sky. The bracing air hit me, giving me a jolt. When I reached my car, I was surprised to see it hadn’t started. I must’ve forgotten to use my remote start.
Climbing into my little hatchback, I pressed the start button and got nothing but a clicking sound. I pressed it again. A few more clicks came back to me.
“Fuck. Probably a dead battery,” I muttered to myself.
Glancing around the parking lot, I saw there was no one around. My head fell back against the headrest, as I mentally prepared myself to go back inside and sweet-talk someone into coming out to help me jumpstart my car.
Climbing back out, I tugged my coat tighter around me and started walking through the parking lot when a pair of headlights illuminated me. Glancing to the side, I recognized Nate’s truck. I couldn’t help the curl of anticipation that spun through me. I had more important things on my mind, though—namely, for him to help me jumpstart my car.
Stepping to the side, I let him pass where he came to a stop, his window rolling down. “I was just coming to see what you were up to tonight,” he said by way of greeting.
“What I’m up to right now is I need someone to jumpstart my car, and I think you’re the guy,” I replied with a grin.
His eyes crinkled at the corners with his return smile. “Of course I can. Where are you parked?”
I pointed to where my car was on the far side of the parking lot. “Hop in,” he said, nodding his head toward the passenger door.
I was just cold enough to want a short ride across the parking lot. Jogging around the truck, I hopped in. Of course, Nate had reached across to open the door for me.
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“Oh God, it’s so warm in here.” I sighed, hugging my waist and shivering slightly.
Nate’s dark eyes cut to me as he chuckled. Oh geez. I had practical matters on my mind—my car that wouldn’t start—and still, at the look in his eyes, my body revved. Oh my.
Within seconds, he had stopped in front of my car, and we climbed out together. I popped the hood of my car while he got his jumper cables out. Once he had the two vehicles hooked up, he nodded. “Start her up.”
I hit my start button repeatedly once I was in the car.
“Nothing’s happening,” I called, because I liked to state the obvious sometimes.
Nate came over to the driver’s side where I had the door propped open. Resting one of his hands on the roof, he leaned in. “Nothing?”
“Nope.” I pressed the start button a few more times. My car obediently made a clicking sound, yet the engine didn’t start.
When I looked up, his mouth was right there. I moved on instinct, not even thinking about it. Leaning up, I slid my hand around his nape, closing the distance between us and bringing my lips against his.
When I felt his muffled laugh, a sense of joy spun inside my chest. I might have startled him, but he got with the program right away. His tongue slipped inside to tease along mine, and he threaded his hand in my hair, deepening our kiss.
By the time he drew back, I was on fire, gasping and wishing we were anywhere other than a public parking lot at work on an icy cold, winter evening.
“I’ll take you home. Or you can come to my place. Take your pick,” he said.
My lower belly clenched at the sound of his voice. Sanity was not my friend today. In fact, sanity and reason had fled the vicinity.
“Your place.”
Why I chose his place, I didn’t know. Perhaps my tiny, drowned out voice of reason was trying to make sure he didn’t spend too much time at my place, to protect it from being forever colored by memories of him.
“Come on. You can have Alex come out and take a look at your car tomorrow,” he replied.
With his hand warm around mine, I followed him back to his truck. Once we were inside and Nate had started to drive out, I commented, “If I ask Alex to come take a look at it, then he’ll ask how I got home from work.”
Nate rolled to a stop in the middle of the driveway out of the hospital, his eyes sliding to mine. “Right. I’m sure you can just tell him you caught a ride with a friend.”
I didn’t like the look in his eyes. I didn’t know what I saw, but it was something. “Please don’t tell me you told Alex about us.”
Nate leaned his head back with a sigh. “He asked me. After he saw me kiss you in the parking lot.”
Frustration and annoyance swirled inside me. “What did you tell him?”
“Not much, certainly not any of the details. I got a lecture, and he threatened to kick my ass if I hurt you.”
Nate’s gaze was somber. My heart was fluttering rapidly in my chest. Between my desire and the mix of emotions about Nate, about us, I was all tangled up inside. My twin brother was way too damn nosy sometimes.
Nate clearly sensed the potential for my anger and tried to head me off. “Look, he’s my best friend. There’s no real way for me to hide this from him for too long. I told him the truth, that I wanted a shot with you. That’s it.”
“That’s what you told him?” I asked, disbelief coloring my tone.
“Yeah, that’s what I told him. Because that’s the truth.”
“Since when did you want anything more than friends with benefits? With anyone?”
“Since you,” he said flatly, his eyes almost daring me to argue the point.
My mouth must’ve fallen open, which I only noticed when he reached out and tapped his finger under my chin, a sly smile curling his lips. Flustered, I snapped my mouth shut and looked away, taking a shaky breath.
This was everything I wanted, and yet I didn’t trust it. Although I had walked straight through the fire of the crushing pain of that car accident back in high school, when my best friend almost died and another dear friend actually did, one thing I had never quite shaken was the blunt reality that you learned when something like that happened. Life can change in a blinding flash.
Ever since then, it had been hard for me to hang my hopes onto anything, to have faith in anything. Much less, to believe Nate had suddenly changed his colors.
For years, he’d excelled at playing casual. There was never any confusion on anyone’s behalf about what he wanted—sex and fun. I was long past that. I wanted the fairytale, while the part of me that had held myself strong all these years scoffed at the very idea. I was a little conflicted, you might say.
The heat coming from the vents in his truck was the only sound. The sky had lost its last glimmers of color, stars in the deepening darkness glittered above the jagged peaks of the mountains, a dark silhouette against the horizon.
I finally turned back to look at Nate because I was starting to feel like a bit of a coward. His dark brown gaze held mine, steady and unwavering. I didn’t know what to do with any of this. Nate had always been the tease, the joker, the counterpoint to his more serious older brother.
Annoyance flashed, and I grabbed onto it. I suddenly recalled how this entire train of conversation started. “I can’t believe you said anything to Alex,” I muttered.
Nate’s eyes narrowed. “And what the hell was I supposed to say?”
“Well, you didn’t have to kiss me,” I protested.
“Since when did you become a coward?”
Oh, hell no.
“I’m not a fucking coward, how dare you say that?” I retorted, my words sounding stronger than I actually felt.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Holly
Nate cocked his head to the side, arching a brow. As he looked at me, his eyes darkened, beckoning a response from my body. I hated how easily he affected me. Nothing but a look from him could coax the need to kindle inside of me. It was always waiting—a hot burning coal, waiting to be set aflame with a spark.
I didn’t want to think about anything. Not how fast I was falling for him, not how his sudden interest in something other than casual sex was confusing me, not how much it meant that I had lost my virginity to him, none of it. It felt as if a bolt of lightning snapped through the air on the heels of a rumble of thunder. I might not be able to make any sense of my feelings, but I could lose myself in him, in this wild need that exploded like fireworks between us.
I leaned across the console, pausing, my lips perhaps an inch from his. “Don’t you dare call me a coward.”
Nate was quiet, with the air heavy between us. Then, our lips met in a hot, wild, messy kiss. In a matter of seconds, desire took over—strong and elemental, so powerful we practically created our own weather system when we touched. It wouldn’t have surprised me if sparks flew from our lips at the point of joining.
I was burning up inside. I needed him inside of me. Now.
I was jolted out of the madness when there was a sharp knock on the driver’s side window. We broke apart, both of us breathing heavily.
“Fuck,” I muttered.
Nate laughed softly, which only served to notch up my lingering anger from his comment about me being a coward. My anger only fueled my need. When he glanced out the window, shifting in his seat, I noticed it was Dan, one of the nursing assistants at the hospital. I didn’t know him particularly well, but still.
Gossip was like blood in the water in Willow Brook, especially in the middle of the winter. Everyone was bored and restless, and there were no tourists for distraction. I doubted it was possible that the guy didn’t notice we were kissing, although perhaps the misty windows would save me.
Nate rolled down his window. “Yeah?” he asked.
“Just letting you know you’re blocking the drive to the ER. We have an ambulance on the way in a few minutes,” Dan replied.
Before I even thought about it, I was leaning around Nate and asking,
“Anything serious?”
Dan’s eyes widened when he saw me. “Someone with chest pains. You’re done for the night. Go home. Everything okay with your car, by the way?” he asked.
“Dead battery. Nate’s giving me a ride.”
“Gotcha. Well, I’m sure I’ll see you on shift soon,” he said. He stepped back with a wave as the sound of a siren became audible in the distance.
Nate rolled his window up and began driving. Neither one of us spoke for a few moments, while I contemplated whether or not I had just been seen making out with Nate by one of my co-workers in a fucking truck in the parking lot at work.
My cheeks were hot at nothing more than the idea of that kind of gossip, not to mention that my baseline state was hot and bothered whenever I was anywhere near Nate.
“Where to?” he asked again, as if I might have changed my mind.
For a flash, I contemplated telling him to drop me off at home and shooing him away. The problem was, I wanted him too damn much. My panties were wet, my nipples were so tight they ached, and the hum of desire permeated every cell of my body. I was practically vibrating.
“Your place.” He had stopped at the end of the drive that led to the hospital. When I looked toward him, the feel of his gaze alone sent a hot shiver through me. “Well, get on with it,” I muttered.
His laugh was low and gruff, sending goose bumps chasing over the surface of my skin.
Nate lived just a few minutes past downtown Willow Brook. I knew from Alex that Nate had mostly built this place himself with a little help from his older brother, Caleb, and their father. I hadn’t been here in a while, but it was just as I recalled.
He lived in a timber frame style home. Although it was dark out, I knew there was a view of a field with the mountains in the backdrop. The same stream that ran through the back of my parents’ property was running through his. I’d grown up just down the road, a few miles away as the crow flew. Nate’s parents lived next door to mine, that proximity the seed that planted his lifelong friendship with my brother.