by Chloe Walsh
Ezra didn’t need to tell me twice. I had figured out pretty damn fast that I was the talk of the school when Rita walked right up to my desk at the end of first period Chemistry and announced that I had knocked up her best friend to the entire class before proceeding to call me, and I quote, a good for nothing but fucking my stepsister cheating bastard. Right away the whispering and stares had commenced, and after that every girl at school treated me like I had some contagious disease.
A group of junior girls were huddled near Ezra’s truck, talking to Ian fucking Keller. The moment they noticed us walking towards them, the girls paled and started to move away.
“Get fucking real, ladies,” Ezra snorted in a tone laced with disgust when we reached the truck. “You can’t catch pregnancy,” he added, pulling open his door. His brown eyes twinkled with amusement when he chuckled, “But you can catch the clap, and Keller’s a red flag carrier.”
The sound of the girls screaming and running off actually cracked a smile out of me, but it was the image of Ian chasing after them, protesting his clean bill of health that caused me to laugh out loud.
“Serves that gossiping douchebag right,” Ezra laughed on the ride home. “That guy hasn’t got a loyal bone in his scrawny body.”
“You can sing that one, Z.” I stared out the passenger car window as we passed through the street next to mine, and cracked my knuckles. I was anxious and pissed off. “Do you know he took Kenzie out last week?” Ian Keller made my goddamn blood boil. “And left her on her own at the creek?”
Ezra frowned when we stopped at a red light. “Serious?”
“Wish I wasn’t,” I muttered, disgusted. “I nearly lost my goddamn mind, man...” I paused and inhaled a slow, calming breath. “He knows she’s vulnerable and he still pulled that crap on her.”
The lights went green and Ezra indicated left, onto my road. “What an ass.”
I was about to reply but my words quickly died in my throat when we pulled into my old driveway and noticed Emily and Rita sitting on the porch steps.
“Goddammit to hell,” I hissed, slamming my fist down on the dashboard in front of me before throwing the door open and jumping out. “Is she for real?”
The girls stood when they saw me approaching. My eyes immediately flashed to Emily’s stomach. I guess I was looking for some kind of evidence, proof of a baby, a sign or something. I didn’t see anything. She looked just the same as she always had. Same old Em…
“Simmer down,” Ezra ordered, rushing over to me. “You two need to sit down and hash this out sooner or later.” Shrugging his shoulders, he added, “Why not get it over with, dude.”
I had a million reasons why I didn’t want to get it over with. The main one being Kenzie and the fact that she was right next-door. The second being the fact that I was afraid… I had screwed up colossally with Emily and my guilt over my behavior had morphed me into a fucking coward.
“You wanna give me a ride home, Ezra?” Rita asked in an emphatic tone as she rushed over to my friend. Nodding gratefully, Ezra climbed to his feet and trailed after her.
“Can we talk, Cade?” Emily asked in a croaky tone of voice when I reached her. Her blue eyes were red rimmed, puffy and focused solely on my face. “In private.”
“Sure,” I managed to grind out through clenched teeth after an overly zealous nudge in the ribs from Ezra. I could feel the tension boiling up inside of me like a furnace. That tension threatened to spill over when I sat down on my porch and my ex girlfriend sat down directly beside me.
Emily and I sat quietly, side by side like two strangers, for what seemed like an age before I finally broke the silence. “I’m sorry.” Owning my own mistakes stung like a bitch...but the weight that lifted off my shoulders when I owned up was kind of liberating. I’d treated Emily like dirt ever since Kenzie came home, and even though I wanted to be with Kenz one hundred percent, it didn’t give me the right to ignore Emily.
“You are?” Emily sniffled, twisting sideways on the porch step to face me.
“Yeah, Em, I am.” I sighed heavily as I turned to face her. “You’re hurting and it’s my fault. This shit…all of it is on me. You deserve…”
“Better,” she interjected in a quiet tone. “You broke my heart, Cade.”
“I never meant to,” I offered lamely. It was a pathetic response but it was all I had. “I tried to walk away…to stop it all…Fuck!” I stopped midsentence and inhaled a few short breaths. “Nothing I say will make this better,” I finally admitted. “Verbalizing my reasons and excuses will only hurt you, Ems, and I’ve done enough of that.”
“Why?” Emily asked after a long stretch of silence. “Why couldn’t you want me more than you love her?”
“Why couldn’t you want me more than you love her…?”
Emily’s words struck a chord deep inside of me.
“I’m in love with Mackenzie,” I finally replied, earning me a choked off sob from the girl sitting next to me. I was wrestling with my emotions and my conscience, struggling to form a sentence that wouldn’t hurt her. “And it’s not kid love, Ems. I can’t flip a switch to turn it off.”
Emily dropped her head in her hands and I couldn’t stop myself from putting my arm around her shoulder to comfort her. “But that doesn’t mean that I won’t stand by you,” I vowed.
“You really mean that?” Emily asked, raising her face to look up at me.
“Of course,” I croaked out. “I’m not going to let you do this on your own.”
“Oh Cade,” Emily wailed, throwing her arms me. “I miss you so much.”
“Hey.” I pushed her gently back, keeping her at arms length. “I will be there for you,” I told her in an even tone, meaning every word. “I promise you… but I’m with Mackenzie.”
“You love her that much?” Emily whispered.
“She’s the love of my life,” I admitted, tightening my hold on her shoulder. “You saw how messed up I was when I thought she was dead, but you didn’t feel it – how dead inside I felt when I thought the person I loved most in the world was gone.” I shook my head in despair, willing her to understand me. At the end of the day Emily had been my girlfriend for almost two years. I cared about her enough to not want to see her this way. But I wouldn’t lie again. “I can’t live through that pain again, Emily… I won’t survive it, so as your friend I am begging you to understand where I am coming from.”
“Can’t you just try?” Emily begged, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie. “For me?” she added before taking my hand and placing it on her stomach. “For her?”
“Her?” I whispered, eyes locked on the girl sitting beside me. “It’s a girl?”
Emily closed her eyes and nodded. “Yep.”
“We can make this work,” Emily whispered, covering my hand with hers. “We can get past this. You just have to try…”
“Do you have…” I swallowed deeply, trying to force down the torrent of emotions raging inside of me. “A picture or something?”
“Of the baby?”
I nodded.
“Yes.” Emily kept one hand securely covering mine as she rummaged around in her jeans pocket for a moment. “Here,” she whispered, placing a small square piece of paper in my hand.
If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in the moment I would have heard the familiar sound of a sedan engine as it pulled into the driveway next-door to mine, but I didn’t hear the car. I didn’t hear anything but the sound of my pulse hammering. My focus was solely on the hand I had pressed to Emily’s stomach and the sonogram of the baby in the other.
I exhaled shakily the moment my eyes locked on the sonogram. “This is really happening,” I whispered, more to myself than anyone. “I’m going to be a father.”
My worst nightmares came to life when Emily nudged me in the ribs, bringing me back to reality, and I noticed Mackenzie standing beside her father in their driveway, with her hands folded limply across her stomach. Mitch was glaring at me with a murderous look on his
face. But Mackenzie’s gaze was locked on where I was touching Emily’s stomach and I watched as something faded inside of her – died right in front of me.
“Emily,” a voice called out from behind us and we both turned to see my mother standing in the doorway. “I called your father to come and pick you up – he’s on his way,” Mom announced in a shaky tone, never taking her eyes off Mitch. “I’ve made a fresh pot of coffee. Why don’t you go inside and have some while you wait?”
“Okay,” Emily agreed as she climbed to her feet and hurried inside. “Thank you, Mrs. Mathews.”
The instant Emily had the front door closed behind her, my mother burst into a sprint. “Mitch,” she sobbed as she staggered down the porch steps and across the driveway in a matter of seconds before barreling into Mitch’s uninviting arms. “Oh god, Mitch.”
Mackenzie stood motionless in the middle of her driveway with her blonde swaying against the afternoon breeze. She didn’t look at our parents exchange. She didn’t even turn in their direction. She kept her eyes locked on me. And all I could do was stand like a dummy at the bottom of my porch, fucking hyperventilating at the sight of her. I swear my heart had stopped in my chest.
“Sharon,” Mitch acknowledged coolly, stepping out of my mother’s embrace. “We have a few things that we need to discuss.” With that, I watched Mitch open the front door of his house and gesture my mother inside.
“Daddy, no,” Mackenzie called out in her raspy voice, suddenly sparking back to life, turning her attention to her father. When I noticed it was my grey hoodie she was wearing I could’ve beat my hands off my chest in appreciation. Fucking yes. This was my woman…
“No?” Mitch sounded surprised, freezing in the doorway of their house. “Are you sure?”
Mackenzie tucked something into her pocket before nodding at her father. “You’re right, Dad,” she said quietly. “About what you said earlier…” I stared meaningfully at her father. “I’m saying the word.”
Mitch stared at his daughter for a long moment, something passed between them – something I wasn’t privy to – until Mitch nodded stiffly before following my mother inside.
I watched in utter confusion, as Mackenzie nodded her head and offered her a small smile before looking back up at me, with her hands clasped in front of her stomach, and her green eyes wide and unsure.
I was by her side in seconds.
I grabbed her, probably a hell of a lot more roughly than I should have, but hell, I was so wound up from the very sight of her that I could hardly think straight. “What you saw back there,” I attempted to explain. “It wasn’t…I didn’t…”
“I understand, Cade,” Mackenzie told me softly. “Emily is having your baby. You two have to communicate with each other.” Her eyes were locked on mine, and her face… Jesus Christ, every time that I saw that face, an invisible knife stuck me directly in the chest. I looked at her and I knew – I just knew that I was looking at my future. It was all there, revealed in those piercing green eyes. “I was wondering if you were free for a little while,” she asked in her husky voice. “So we we can talk...”
Fucking yes. “Of course, baby.” I swallowed deeply. “I’m always free for you.”
“Thank you.” Kenz forced a smile, and the anxiety inside of me started to soar.
“Where do you want to go?” I asked her as I led her towards my bike. I didn’t need to ask though. I already knew what her answer would be.
The creek…
SHE WAS FOURTEEN YEARS OLD and I couldn’t take my eyes off that face. Her eyes and that smile. I swear I had never seen anything so… perfect.
I was halfway up a tree, tying a knot in some rope, and hanging off every word she uttered from the ground below me. She was just so passionate about everything and I was passionate about her. But concentrating on the task in hand was not one of her stronger points…
“Damn Kenzie, hold it…steady…steadier.”
“It’s too heavy, Cade,” she puffed. “My hands are sweating…oops!”
“Dammit!” I watched in dismay as the tire I had asked Kenzie to hold dropped into the creek.
“I told you it was too heavy,” Kenzie said defensively as she folded her arms across her chest and glared up at me. “So don’t even think about blaming me, jerk face.”
I rolled my eyes to the heaven and bit back a string of cuss words that were on the tip of my tongue. “You had one job, Kenzie,” I grumbled as I tossed the rope down before slowly climbing out of the tree. “One!”
“A job I couldn’t do,” Kenzie retaliated quickly. “Why couldn’t I have roped the tree?” she demanded when I landed on the ground beside her. “You’re stronger than me, Cade, and I’m the better climber. You should have held the tire.”
“I’ll tell you why you can’t rope that tree, you little nut,” I hissed, pointing at the huge oak tree we were trying to hang the tire from. “That limb we’re trying to rope is over twenty feet from the ground, and you are not climbing that high. It’s not safe for you!”
“But it’s fine for you,” Kenzie shot back, affronted.
Good God I needed the patience of a saint to deal with this girl… “I’m a guy,” I replied flatly.
Why didn’t she get this?
Kenzie’s face turned scarlet red. “That’s so sexist.”
“No.” I shook my head agitated with Mackenzie way more than normal. “It’s not. It means that I value you alive and breathing and will not risk your life. I told you no so let it go.”
I guess it didn’t help matters when she was prancing around the creek in a red bikini that left very little to the imagination. And my imagination was all kinds of vivid when it came to Mackenzie’s body…
“We’re fifteen next week, Cade,” she reminded me. Like I could forget. We shared the same birthday. “I think I’m old enough to think for myself.”
“Which is why I wanted to get this ready,” I informed her impatiently. “Our camping trip. I want everything to be perfect.”
“I’m capable of making decisions for myself, Cade Mathews,” Kenzie pouted. “You don’t own me.”
I raised a brow in response. “Don’t I?”
That comment earned me the middle finger from the girl next door.
Her gaze drifted over me, and when it landed on my bare chest, her green eyes sparkled to life. A red blush crept across her high cheekbones and I smirked. The blush spread further down her neck, under her shirt and now I was the one blushing.
At least I wasn’t the only one affected…
“What are you thinking about?” Kenzie asked, drawing me back to the present.
We were sitting side by side at our usual spot down by the creek. “Just about the day we put that monstrosity up,” I replied, pointing to the other side of the creek at the pathetic looking tire swing hanging limply over the water.
“I remember.” Stretching out her legs in front of her, Kenzie folded her arms across her chest and sighed. “It took us the best part of a day because you couldn’t swallow your pride and let a girl do the hard job.”
I rolled my eyes and pulled her onto my lap. “It wasn’t my pride that kept you out of that tree,” I chuckled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “It was my hormones.”
“I don’t get it,” Kenz admitted as she settled between my legs and rested her back against my chest.
I wrapped my arms around her. “You wore the tiniest red bikini that day.” Our hands met at her middle and our fingers entwined automatically. “I had enough perverted thoughts about you. My fourteen year old self couldn’t have coped with an aerial view.”
Mackenzie laughed then and I felt about ten feet tall. I wanted to keep her laughing – happy.
“Do you see yourself as a father, Cade?” Kenzie asked after a long stretch of silence.
I bent my head so I could see her face. “Honestly?”
She nodded, looking up at my face. “Always.”
“No, baby, I don’t,” I admitted in a torn v
oice. “I fucking hate this. Having a baby is the last thing I want.”
Kenzie’s hold on my hand loosened. “Really?” she croaked out. Her voice was barely more than a breathy whisper.
“I feel trapped,” I confessed. “I’m powerless.” It was the ugly truth. “I’m eighteen years old and the direction of my future has been taken out of my hands.” Lifting her hand to my mouth, I pressed a kiss to each knuckle. “I have never felt more out of control.”
“I need to go home,” Mackenzie blurted out all of a sudden. “I have to get ready for...for uh…my doctor’s appointment.”
“Your doctor’s appointment?” I tried to mask my surprise, but I was pretty sure Mackenzie noticed anyway. “With Anna?”
“Um…yes,” she replied quietly as she slipped out of my arms and climbed to her feet, not meeting my gaze. “With Anna.”
Well I wasn’t expecting that…
BY THE TIME WE MADE IT back to our street, I kind of felt like I had failed some sort of secret test. I mean, Kenz had said she wanted to talk, but the minute I opened up she had panicked and bailed on me. And now I didn’t know what to think.
Kenzie removed her helmet and handed it back without looking at me. “Thanks for the ride, Cade.”
“What’s going on?” I demanded when the silence got the better of me. “Are you upset because you saw me talking to Emily?” I grabbed her hips and pulled her flush against me. Her silence was terrifying me. “I love you,” I vowed. “I’m yours – not Emily’s or anyone else’s, okay?”
“I’m not mad at you, Cade,” she muttered.
“I want to be honest with you, baby,” I admitted, holding onto her shoulders, forcing her to look into my eyes. “I won’t keep anything from you, and I won’t hide our relationship from anyone. This is serious for me – this is fucking it for me – and I don’t want to screw it up.”
Her mouth was so close to mine that I couldn’t stop myself from lowering my face and pressing my lips to hers, gently at first, then the kiss grew harder and hotter and faster until I had her face in my hands and my tongue in her mouth. She kissed me back just as eagerly.