by Dyanne Davis
***
Again Eric found himself standing in the therapist’s office. At least he was going on a regular basis now. “Women, you’re all alike,’ Eric said softly. “You all want a man to talk. Why can’t you understand men don’t need to talk?”
“Maybe you men don’t need to talk, but maybe women need to hear you.”
“It’s my right not to talk. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“It doesn’t mean anything to me, Lieutenant. Like you keep telling me, I get paid either way. But if I were the woman in your life and you behaved in this stern military manner at home, I think I’d kick you out also.”
Eric glared at the woman. She refused to look at him, staring instead at the pad in her hand, making notes, notes about him.
“You think you know me well enough that you can sit in judgment on me?”
“Of course I don’t know you,” the therapist answered. “You’ve being coming here for months and you haven’t said more than a dozen words in all that time. No, Lieutenant, I don’t know you. And I wonder if anyone does.”
Eric clenched his fists in frustration. This woman was irritating. He hated having people ask him personal questions, he always had.
“Your time’s up, Lieutenant, but I’m sure you know that. You never bother to talk until it’s time for you to leave.”
Eric glared at the therapist for the breath of a moment and he sucked in his breath. This wasn’t going to help his marriage. This woman wasn’t the one he should be talking to. No way was he going to confide things to her that Gabi had begged him to tell her. No way. “I’m not coming back,” Eric said without a roar or without glaring. “Thanks,” the therapist muttered and returned to her pad.
***
“Lieutenant, would you like to go out after work and get a drink?”
Eric laughed but without amusement. “No, I don’t think so.”
The sergeant shrugged. “I just heard today my son will be heading off to Iraq in two weeks.” He waited.
Eric sucked in a breath of air before answering, knowing what his friend was going through. “Sure, I think we could both use a drink tonight.”
“Not you, Lieutenant, if you don’t mind. Tonight I think I’m going to need a designated driver.”
“You’ve got it,” Eric answered. Heaven knew the man had been his designated partner for more times than he cared to remember.
It was a funny thing now that Eric thought of it. He hadn’t been back to a club since Gabi had first mentioned the ‘D’ word. Not even after she’d stopped going out had he had any desire to do it. It was strange.
Two hours later Eric had to include other strange things in the same category. Before he’d been determined to push Gabi away, tempted to cheat with other women, to get caught. When he was free to do what he pleased, he no longer had the urge. Now all he wanted was what he’d wanted when he first got on a plane and went to Iraq. He wanted his wife. He wanted his happy life back. He no longer cared if he was addicted to loving Gabi. He wanted to be addicted to loving her and he wanted her to feel the same way about him.
“Hey, Eric, you’ve sort of gotten lost in the last couple of months.”
Eric looked into Jamilla’s eyes. “Hi,” he said.
“Want to dance?” she asked.
“Nope.”
“Come on, Eric, you’re a great dancer.”
“Thanks, but no.”
“Why not?”
Air filled his lungs and left in one gigantic hiss. “I have a wife, Jamilla.”
She came back with, “I heard you two were separated.”
“We are, but it doesn’t stop the fact I still have a wife.” It was time. He’d allowed this woman to hurt Gabi almost as much as he had. That would be rectified tonight.
“It didn’t work, Jamilla, that’s not the reason we separated.”
“What are you talking about?”
Eric watched the way Jamilla’s eyes darted about. He’d always known she’d planted the panties and condom in his car. “The panties and the condom. Gabrielle laughed about it. She thought you were so obvious…so cheap,” he said and smiled, wanting the woman to feel a tiny bit of the humiliation she’d heaped on his wife.
“It was a joke,” Jamilla said defensively.
“Good,” Eric answered, “that’s what we thought.”
“Do you want to dance?” Jamilla asked again. “That last time, I thought we were good together, that we could be very good together.” Her eyes narrowed and she rolled her booty in a suggestive manner, leaving nothing to the imagination.
Still Eric wanted to make her say it. “Are you asking me to have sex with you?”
“Dang, Eric, you don’t have to be so cold, but yeah, I want you to make love to me.”
“I can’t make love to you if I don’t love you.”
“Well then, let’s have sex. Let’s bang some boots, tear the house down. You rock my world and I’ll rock yours.”
“Do you really think I’d sleep with you?” Eric asked softly. “You can’t rock my world, no matter what you do. Only Gabi can rock my world.”
Eric saw the instant Jamilla became angry. She did the neck roll thing and stood back as though she were going to swing on him.
“Well, that wasn’t the feeling I got when you were all up on me in the club that last time.”
“That last time I’d been drinking. Maybe I had considered having sex with you for a minute or two, but it would have been only that, sex. I didn’t have feelings for you then and I don’t now. I’ve never wanted but one woman, Jamilla, and that’s Gabi.”
“But she’s divorcing your ass.”
“And you think that stops me from wanting her?” He laughed. “Even if the divorce goes through it won’t stop me wanting or loving her. And it won’t change the fact that if you strip butt naked and flipped it up in my face that I wouldn’t take it. You’re nasty for being my wife’s friend and trying to sleep with me. And I’m nasty for having encouraged you.”
Eric turned back to the bar and lifted his Coke to his lips. He saw Tracie sitting at a table over from them. He hadn’t noticed her before but now he saw her smile. He gave a semi nod of recognition. At least Gabi didn’t have to worry that Tracie was also trying to knife her in the back.
Suddenly with clarity he hadn’t had in almost a year Eric knew without a doubt what he had to do. He had to talk to Gabrielle, something that was proving harder and harder to do. She’d changed the locks and her cell number. She didn’t want to talk to him since he’d told her he was thinking of asking to be sent back to the war. Still, he had a feeling she’d want to hear what he had to say.
ANOTHER MAN’S BABY 229
Chapter Twenty-One
“Gabi,” Eric said as they both headed for the courtroom with their lawyers. “Can we talk?”
She stopped for a moment and he could feel her struggling with the answer. Her voice came out in breathy little wisps. She was trying hard not to cry, that he could tell because he was having the same problem.
“Can we talk, Gabrielle?”
“When this is over, Eric, we can talk, not now. It’s not going to do any good. You’re not going to change, and there is nothing for us to talk about. But after the divorce maybe we can try to be friends. I’d like that.”
She walked away leaving a hole in the center of his chest. Eric didn’t want to be just her friend. He wanted to be her husband.
“Come on,” his attorney urged. “We have to go in now.” Eric walked woodenly through the heavy doors, glanced at Gabi and her attorney, then took a seat alongside his own attorney. This was killing him. He couldn’t let this happen but Gabi was ignoring him, not giving him a chance to talk.
“Gabi,” he called out to her. She glanced at him, then turned away.
Maybe he would have to let this happen; he didn’t seem to have a choice. He listened as the attorneys got up and spoke their piece. All the time Eric felt a tightening in his chest. Then magically the pressure of
a hand on his spine pushed him forward. “Have faith,” the now familiar voice whispered.
“I killed a man, Gabi.” All eyes snapped on him but Eric was focusing only on Gabrielle. “In Iraq, there was a truck heading for us. We ordered the driver to stop, he didn’t.” Eric stood. “I stopped him. I killed him.” Gabi’s gaze was fastened on his.
“He didn’t have explosives, the brakes had failed on his truck. I killed an unarmed civilian because he had a bad truck and I got a medal for it.” A tremor ripped through Eric.
“Four months later another truck came, identical situation, only this truck was going faster. Again the driver wouldn’t stop. This time I hesitated.” He snapped his fingers. “Only a tenth of a second but hesitation is hesitation.” He noticed that the courtroom had become quiet. Not even the judge was trying to stop him.
“I heard your voice in my head telling me to be careful. I heard another voice telling me to have faith. Right before the truck came barreling toward us I had been thinking of you, how much I loved you, how much I wanted to come home to you. When I spotted the truck and heard your voice, your warning, I knew this truck was the real deal. A split second hesitation, then I fired. I killed the driver. This truck had explosives.” Eric took in several deep breaths before continuing. “It exploded, killing several of my men. Something saved me, and I’ve felt guilty about it ever since, Gabi. I’ve wondered if my hesitation cost my men their lives, if my thinking of you did it.
“I love you so much. I did then and I do now. I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you. I couldn’t tell you all of this.” He shook his head. “You asked if I were trying to die. Maybe so. I’m not afraid of dying; I’m afraid of living without you in my life.”
He was walking toward his wife when he saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. The look in her eyes nearly stopped his heart. She hadn’t stopped loving him. “Can we talk, Gabrielle? We’re going to have a baby.”
“You sure picked a fine time to want to talk,” Gabi answered.
Her knees were weak. She’d heard every word Eric had said and understood the meaning behind them. This was the first time he’d said, ‘We’re having a baby.’ She didn’t know if it meant he believed her, but she knew it meant he was willing to try.
Her poor husband was saddled with so much guilt. She wondered if he’d told his therapist. Gabi wanted to thank the person, whoever it was, who’d gotten Eric to open up. She tilted her head a bit, wondering if the voice would tell her also to have faith. It wasn’t necessary. This time she’d use love.
“Well, Gabi, can we talk? Is it too late?”
“It’s never too late,” Gabi said, rounding the end of the table. He lifted her into the air so quickly that it took her breath away. Then he sat her down and his hands circled her face and held it between his strong brown hands. “Baby, I love you,” he said softly. His lips landed lightly on hers and her eyes closed. She heard clapping and looked behind her at her attorney. She was clapping, tears in her eyes. “Thanks,” Gabrielle whispered, walking with Eric out of the courtroom.
“You sure know how to make a stand on a grand scale, don’t you?” Gabi smiled through her tears.
“I’m a marine, Gabi. When we do something, we do it big and we do it right.” He pulled her tighter. “Can I come home?”
“Yes, but we’re going to talk.”
“And then make love.” Eric nuzzled her neck with his lips, his nose, dismissing the people staring at them with disapproving looks in the hall of the courtroom and in the elevator.
Gabi’s head leaned back into his kisses of its own accord. “Did you mean what you said, that we’re having a baby?”
“Yes,” Eric whispered into her ear, feathering the hair at the nape of her neck, sending sweet shivers through her.
“We’re going to talk a long time, Eric, and I’m going to ask a lot of questions, mainly why you wouldn’t talk to me. I want to know why you’ve been pushing me away. Even with what you’ve said it’s not enough of a reason for us to be here at this point.” She felt his arms slipping away. “When we get home,” she said, bringing his arms back around her.
***
Once home Gabi threw all of the pillows from the sofa onto the floor. Positioning herself for comfort she looked up at Eric grinning down at her. “Come on,” she said, “this is going to take a long time.”
“I’ve told you everything,” Eric said, dropping down beside her.
“No, baby, I know better than that. What you told me was the tip of it. Why did you treat me the way you did for the past year?” He looked away. “This isn’t going to work if you don’t say it, Eric.”
“I don’t want you to know.”
“That much is obvious.” Gabi reached her hand over to touch his cheeks. “Tell me, baby. What else do we have to lose?”
Eric worried his lips with his tongue, then slid his teeth over them, trying to find a way to tell her what he had to say without hurting her more. He sighed, then stared at her, trying to pull enough air into his lungs to tell the horrible truth. “I blamed you.”
Gabi scooted back, trying to get away from him, her eyes wide in surprise. “You blamed me!” She barely stopped the words ‘that’s crazy’ from coming from her lips.
“I know it’s crazy,” Eric said softly, trying his best not to make eye contact with her.
“Did you feel that way when you first came home?” Gabi couldn’t help asking.
“No, when I first came home I didn’t want to soil you.” He stopped and grinned. “Well, at least after that first month.” He shook his head. “I know, baby, I know. You don’t have to say it or look at me like that. I knew it didn’t make a damn bit of sense but it was the way I was feeling. Actually it was more of my blaming the hold you have on me, the way you own my very soul that had me pissed off. I felt like such a punk—a punk who’d put his men at risk.”
Eric reached for her hand and rubbed her hands between his, daring now to look at her. “I couldn’t wait to get home. I couldn’t wait to see you, to touch you, to make love to you.” He kissed her gently on the forehead. “I loved you so damn much that it was a physical ache in my gut not to be home with you. The last tour was the hardest for me to get through. I don’t know why, just that it was.”
“Eric, you’re trying to avoid the hardest part of this. I heard what you said in the courtroom. You said something saved you.”
He fidgeted, wondering if she’d want to have him locked up. It was crazy, just like the voice he’d been hearing. When he didn’t answer Gabi immediately, he saw her wall going back up. There was no room for compromise. He had to tell his wife all of it if he wanted to keep her. He took in a breath and blew it out.
“A hand, Gabi, there was a hand on my spine. I felt it. It shoved me out of the way of the blast. I thought I was dying. I heard your voice. I felt your lips underneath mine. I could smell you, baby, I swear I could. That’s when I knew for sure I had to be dying, but I wasn’t.”
“Maybe one of your men pushed you out of the way.”
“No one pushed me. I asked, and they said no one was behind me, but there was a hand, Gabi. I didn’t imagine it.”
“I believe you.” Gabi took a deep breath and smiled, shaking her head. “I wish you had told me this sooner, like when it first happened. I believe you.”
Eric stopped stroking his wife and stared at her, trying to determine if she were merely placating him. He shivered. “Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“Why? How could you believe this?”
“I knew when it happened about four or five months before you came home.”
Gabi watched Eric’s eyes lift. “I saw it happen. I thought at first I was just dreaming, but I saw it all. I woke up and still I saw it.”
Tears formed in Gabi’s eyes and she clutched Eric’s hands in hers. “I begged God to save you, to put out His hand and spare you. I thought you were going to die. I wrapped my arms around you in my mind. I kissed you and I whispered t
o you and begged my guardian angel to take care of you. At first I felt in my heart that you were dead.”
A shudder began in Gabrielle and she lost her voice. “Baby, I thought you were dead and all I wanted was to die myself. Then this calm, this peace flooded my body and I knew you were alive. Eric, I could feel your lips on mine also. You were kissing me back. Then this tremendous feeling of stillness came over me and I heard a voice whispering to me to have faith. I knew for sure you were not going to die. Two days later you called me and we both started to cry.”
“I didn’t cry.”
“We both started to cry, I remember that. You told me you wanted to hear my voice.” Gabi’s voice broke and she moved even closer to Eric as her arms opened and her husband kissed each hand before taking her in his arms. “I didn’t know you’d heard me, or that you’d felt me.”
“I did and I told you to stop, or you were going to get me and my men killed.” Eric laughed. “I can close my eyes and still feel you there in Iraq with me.”
“Eric?”
“I couldn’t figure out why I’d been spared.” He looked at her in wonder. “You were praying for me, you saw it?”
“Yes.”
“Why not the others? Why didn’t you pray for all of us?”
She just looked at him. It sounded as if he were now blaming her for praying. “Eric, I’ve been praying every day for the troops. I’m still praying. I didn’t stop, not even then. When I saw the truck I asked my guardian angel to protect you. It was a reflex. Are you going to blame me for not having time to phrase it better?” She pulled away, some of his residual guilt filling her. “I’m so sorry about what happened. If I could go back and redo it, I would pray a different prayer.”
For a moment they looked at each other, neither speaking. Eric had not meant to make Gabi feel bad about praying for his safety. That was selfish of him. It was also one of the reasons he’d not wanted to unburden himself in the first place. He smiled finally. “I always knew our love was powerful. I never knew just how much.” At first Gabi didn’t respond, but then she smiled.