by M. R. Joseph
The band began to play Buck Cherry's Crazy Bitch.
The lyrics called out to Casey and stabbed her like a thousand tiny knives. He looked directly at her when sang the words: You're a crazy bitch, but you fuck so good, I'm on top of this, When I dream of doing you all night, scratches all down my back, come on...The daggers came in full force out of his eyes and Casey wondered if he really intended the words to speak to her. Could he really think of their time together as just a fuck? Meaningless and cold. Casey's hand went up to her mouth and tears welled in her eyes. Lyla braced an arm on her as the scene before her became too real and painful. She thought about how Tommy was going to get an earful about allowing Carter to sing that song directly to Casey. The message flowed through his teeth as he was enunciating each obnoxious word. When Carter was at the mic, he licked it at one point grabbed his crotch in a suggestive way. Professor Hughes then came onto stage and threw the microphone away from Carter's face and yelled at Tommy and Jake to stop playing.
"Mr. London, you need to get off this stage and leave the premises immediately. This kind of behavior will not be tolerated at this reunion."
Carter gave him the one finger salute and jumped down into the crowd. He stumbled towards the exit doors. He bypassed Casey and snickered at her.
"Casey, do not go after him. He needs to cool off," said Lyla.
Casey wiped her face full of tears and her expression changed from sadness and embarrassment, to good old fashioned, passionate anger.
"Lyla, If Carter London wants to see a crazy bitch, well wait till he gets a load of me."
CHAPTER 13
Brothers
Carter stumbled through the exit of the hotel and tried to hail a cab back to his hotel. He heard the sounds of running heels behind him and ignored them as he stuck his arm out for a cab's attention.
"What the hell were you thinking, Carter?" Casey was behind him speaking out of breath from chasing after him. He didn't turn to look at her. His focus was on a cab.
"Go back inside and enjoy your little reunion with Bo. Just leave me alone." She went and put her hand on his upper arm. He spun around.
"What do you think you're doing? I said leave me alone."
"No, Carter! We need to talk about your little performance in there. How could you sing that song? Those.... those words?"
He had no luck with a cab and he just really needed to get away from her. He crossed the street, almost got run over by a car, and made his way to a park that was across from the hotel. She followed closely behind him. Carter had no idea where he was going or what to do. He knew she was behind him. Every move he made, she was on his heels. He tried to dodge her several times and finally when he moved in a slick basketball type move, she crashed into him.
"Sweet Christ, Casey. Leave me alone! I don't want you here."
"Why, Carter? Give me a reason. What did I do wrong? Is it because I didn't say yes to your proposal? Were you embarrassed because you asked and I wasn't ready? Just tell me why?" He was turned away from her. He leaned his hand against a tree and tried to focus but the alcohol he consumed was clouding him. He turned to her and pressed his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes thinking he was about to come to his senses and apologize. He closed his eyes briefly and then opened them looking into her beautiful eyes. Carter opened his fist and grazed her bottom lip with his thumb. She felt the familiar shiver she only received with his touch. Her eyes closed in temporary ecstasy. He whispered against her lips, his thumb between their mouths.
"Because you are a fucking whore." He took his hand away slowly and clapped his hand in front of him one time as he stepped backwards away from her and her eyes widened. She slapped him across the face with the strength of ten men. Her nails ripped across his skin in the process and big, red, welts appeared on his cheek. He raised his hand to his cheek and pulled it away to find traces of blood.
She was too angry to cry, scream, or run away. She spoke in hushed tones like something was holding back the volume of her voice.
"I hate you, Carter. I hate you with every ounce of my being. You think because you stand on that stage and you look the way you do, you can just treat people this way and not expect them to react to you. You never really loved me. I was an obsession to you, a dream, a conquest. Something you could use and throw away like all the others. If you ever claimed to love me, it was all an illusion. You think you're a God. Overpowering and delusional. If I ever see you again in my entire life, it would be too soon. Forget you ever knew me, because at this moment I loathe you and I WILL forget you ever existed."
Casey stepped away from him and crossed the street back into the hotel. Carter stood there and knew that it was final. She would never enter back in his life. Even if she was his life, it just ended there in the middle of a park, across from a hotel that held their reunion.
Two weeks went by. There was no word from Carter. Casey managed to go back to work. She tried to stay focused but the remnants of that fateful night haunted her. She did her twelve hours, ordered take out, watched T.V. and went to bed. Lyla would come over sometimes and sit with her. She tolerated her silence and her obsessive need to watch the Royal wedding once a day. It was by far the only time she could get a smile out of Casey.
Carter left the hotel he shared with Tommy. He was always out with people Carter didn't know or with Lyla and for some reason Carter didn't want to be alone. He went and stayed at Dom and Eva's house. He thought the one thing that would brighten up each day before he went back on tour would be Haley. He tucked her in every night, read her a bedtime story, left the room, sat at the kitchen table with Domenic and Eva and cried. Sometimes the sobs were uncontrolled. He wanted the pain in his chest to go away. He wondered at times how he would go on. His mom would come and sit with him and hold him in her arms like he was a little boy.
"Carter, why don't you try and talk to her before you leave? How are you going to go on tour for three months without rectifying this?"
"Mom, I called her a whore and dedicated a song to her about being a good lay."
"I've never heard of the song you refer to."
"Trust me when I tell you the words I just used could possibly be out of the bible compared to what the lyrics of that song are."
Jane looked at him with disappointment.
"Oh, baby. I just don't understand how you could do that to her."
"Drunk and stupid mom. To top it off, I find out later that her snake of an ex-boyfriend forced her to kiss him and she shoved him away. I had my beer goggles on and I wasn't seeing clearly." Carter sat back on the sofa and let out a huge sigh. He struggled with the fact that it was hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does.
Jane got up from the sofa they were sitting on and went to make some tea. Haley breezed in from her day at pre-school and immediately went to Carter's lap.
"Unky, I missed you." She kissed his cheek and he melted.
"I missed you too, monkey. Did you have a good day at school?"
"Yep. I made a picture." She pulled it out of her back pack to show him.
"This is beautiful Hales. Who are these people?"
She pointed first to stick figure who had black hair and was holding what looked like a guitar.
"That's you, Unky. This is me." She pointed to the little stick figure in the center with yellow hair.
"Look how pretty you are. And who's this?"
She pointed to a taller stick figure with blonde hair as well and Carter figured it was Eva.
"Is that mommy?" He asked.
"No silly. That's Auntie Case. She is your girlfriend."Jane came out of the kitchen with Eva and looked at Carter and Haley on the sofa. He looked up back at them and smiled back to Haley.
"Can we call her, Unky? I miss her."
Carter was at a loss for words. How could he explain to this little angel that he didn't think she would see her again? She was not going to be in their lives anymore. He felt another piece of his heart break right then a
nd there knowing he was the cause of it.
"Auntie is busy right now helping sick people, Haley. I'm sure you will see her soon," Jane said from the doorway of the kitchen.
Carter looked at his mom with eyes that said not to bring false hope to the little girl. He would most likely regret everything he did and said to bring his life to this point. Next week, they would be leaving on tour for three months. He would eventually be back in Florida and maybe he would run into her somewhere. Maybe he would happen to be at Beach Bums when he got back and see her in the crowd. Would she be receptive if he approached her and tried to talk to her or would she turn a deaf ear and that would be that? He fantasied about it especially late at night when Domenic and Eva had gone to bed and after he tucked Haley in. He swore if he tried hard enough he could smell her, feel her, and hear her laugh. He often closed his eyes and imagined her touching him and the endless shivers he felt when flesh came in contact with flesh. Carter craved it like a drug. He missed her smile. The brightness it gave her eyes. The warmth it gave his heart. It made his soul feel complete but now he felt like his soul was empty. Many nights he laid there feeling a tear drift down his cheek. Gazing up at the ceiling and missing seeing her face above his. Her blonde waves flowing over her shoulders and her bronzed skin shimmering against his. It was nothing more than a hallucination.
Lyla texted Casey to say she needed to come and talk to her and it was urgent. The first thought in Casey's mind was that there was something wrong with Carter. She panicked and began wondering aimlessly around the house until Lyla got there. When she finally knocked, Casey jumped and so did her insides. She open the door to see a very fragile looking Lyla standing there with something clutching in her hands. Casey grabbed her by the arm and pulled her in. Lyla was shaking and crying.
"Lyla, sit down and tell me what's wrong. You're scaring me." Lyla handed her a piece of paper and Casey looked at her confused. With unsteady hands she opened the paper that was folded in half. She read it, looked at Lyla, then back to the paper.
"Lyla, your...your pregnant?" Lyla nodded yes and began to cry again.
"Is it Tommy's baby?"
"Yes," she answered soft and small. "I found out this morning. I'm only a few weeks but I was feeling so tired and sick to my stomach and I'm never sick, so my doctor ran some tests and well..."
Casey leaned over and hugged her friend tightly.
"What did Tommy say?" she asked.
"I didn't tell him yet. They are leaving on tour in a few days and I don't want him to think I trapped him or anything. I will tell him when he comes back. I don't want this to be a burden on him."
Casey looked at her sympathetically.
"Ly, you have to tell him sweetie. He has a right to know. He loves you and although this may be a surprise for him, both of you really, you can't hesitate. Don't go into this half assed. You need to just say it."
"I need to let this sink in for a few days. Case, I need your help. I'm alone and once the guys go on tour, it will just be me and this little tadpole." She rubbed her nonexistent belly.
"Lyla, I love you and I will be here for you and anything you need. I'm here for you, but please tell Tommy before he goes."
"OK. I'll tell him tomorrow." She smiled at Casey.
"That's my girl. Now let's discuss baby names. I am partial to Elizabeth, Victoria, Kate, and Diana if it's a girl." She smirked at her to try to get a laugh out of her.
"You are one sick, twisted bitch, Casey Colbert."
Tonight was the last night Carter would be at Domenic and Eva's. Jane was coming over for dinner and Tommy was coming as well. Carter had talked to him a few times over the past week and they took Jane to lunch. He didn't stay long. He looked tired and distant. Jane and Carter were both worried. Carter let Jane know that the tour manager insisted that all the members of the tour get complete physicals before setting out on the road. Carter settled his mother's worries when he told her that.
The night was heavily humid and thunderstorms were approaching. Haley and Carter loved watching the storms roll in. They got one every night but the novelty never wore off for them. Eva and Jane had cooked a fantastic dinner and Carter had already packed his things. Chole and Jake would pick Carter up at his brother's and Tommy up at the hotel in the morning. The tour bus was leaving from Tampa around ten. First stop when they set out was Boston five days later. They had to do some rehearsing once they arrived and then there were sound checks, press junkets, and dinners with the big wigs in the industry. Even though this dream was a reality for them, Carter wished he was leaving on better terms with Casey. Any terms but it was too far gone.
The family settled down to eat. Tommy was late as usual and they couldn't wait for him any longer. Carter left him a few messages.
"Carter, I hate to bring this up honey but I spoke to Casey today. I called her to see how she was."
He looked up from his plate to his mother. He sipped his beer and shook his head.
"How did I know you wouldn't be able to let this go mom?"
"Just so you know son the conversation wasn't geared towards you. I asked her how she was and if we could do lunch soon. Your name never came up, so like you boys say, don't get your panties in a bunch."
"Fair enough. How did she sound?" He asked anxiously but he managed calmness in his voice as well when he asked.
"Tired. She sounded tired." She gave him a tight lipped smile and reached over to pat his hand.
Carter just nodded and placed his other hand on top of hers. His phone rang and he saw it was Tommy. He answered it.
"Dude you missed dinner and mom's pissed. You better come by and see her before we leave."
"Can't Lond. I'm tied up but ca, ca, can I talk to her?"
His voice was shaky like he'd been out in the cold. The words that came out seemed to come in spurts and there was a lot of interference coming from his phone. He handed Jane the phone.
"Thomas Alexander Lingetti, you missed family farewell dinner young man."
"I know mom. I, I, I'm just not gonna be a, a, able to ma, make it."
"Tommy, are you ok? You sound funny sweetie."
"Ye, yea I'm ok. The air is on full blast in my ho, hotel room. Mom I need to te, te tell you something."
"What is it Tom?"
"I... I lo, love you and th, thanks for taking care of me. You will always bah, bah, be my mom. Ca, can I talk to Ca, Carter?"
Jane looked alarmed at the way Tommy was speaking.
"Tommy, you are my baby boy as much as Carter and Domenic are, and I love you. Why don't you tell me where you are and we can come and see you?" She looked visibly shaken and the phone was now shaking in her hands. Carter took it from her.
"Tommy, Tommy? Are you there. It's Lond man. Talk to me."
There was a moment of silence.
"Lo, Lond. You are my brother. I.. I love you ma, man. Ro, Roman numerals. Check the sho, shoes."
"Tommy, what are you talking about? What shoes? Tommy? Tommy? Answer me damn it!" Carter ran his hand over his hair and Jane started to cry. Domenic came to his mother's side and held her.
"Lond, he, he, help me." The line went dead. Carter looked up at Jane and his eyes were wide and he had a look of dread on his face.
"We need to get to his hotel now. Dom, please drive me." Domenic nodded and headed for the door.
"I'm coming, Carter," Jane yelled out.
"No, mom. Please stay with Eva and Haley. I'll call you. I'm sure he's just drunk and passed out. Everything is fine."
Carter knew in his heart of hearts that something was undoubtedly wrong. Domenic drove as fast as he could without getting them killed. They pulled up to hotel and Carter didn't even wait for his brother to stop the car. He flew out and into the lobby. He went to the elevator and when that was taking too long he dove for the door to the stairwell. He had no idea how his legs were carrying him. Maybe it was the adrenaline or the fear but he made it and ran towards Tommy's room. The door was locked and he banged on it sever
al times.
"Tommy, I'm here. Open up man. Please open the fucking door." There was just silence. Carter leaned against the door with his forehead pressed to it.
"Tommy. Please. Please. I love you brother. Just open the door." He ran his hand across the room numbers on the door. The terror he felt not knowing what was on the other side of that door almost drove him to madness. He stepped back and with his heavy, boot clad foot, kicked the door open.
What Carter saw would forever change his life. Tommy's body was laid across the bed, a belt was around his upper arm and a syringe was in his other hand. His cell phone was resting next to him. He ran to him and tried to pick him up. He felt like his slim frame weighed two hundred pounds. Carter managed to lift him and they both fell off the bed. Carter scrambled to his side and cradled his head. He checked to see if he was breathing and he could hear, very, faint, shallow breaths. Domenic ran up to the door and looked in at his brothers. Carter rocked Tommy back and forth, stroking his purple mohawk.
"Dom, call 9-1-1." He rested his tearful face against Tommy's.
"Help is coming, my brother. It's going to be ok. I'm here. I'm here. Hang on. Please Tommy, hang on."
Casey sat at the nurses station in the E.R. It was a slow night so she decided to look at some brochures on vacation destinations. She needed to get away. She would go away as soon as she knew Lyla was past her first trimester and that she could get along without her for a few days. A call came into the E.R. from the paramedics. One of Casey's workers picked it up, yes'd them, and hung up. She turned to Casey.
"Looks like our dull night just got busy. We have a twenty nine year old male coming in for a possible O.D."
Casey put away her brochures and prepared for the patient to come in. The paramedics pulled into the bay and pulled the patient out of the back.
Casey met them at the door and looked down to see a purple haired, Tommy laying there on the gurney. The paramedics were performing CPR on him.
"Holy Christ. I know him. Tommy! Tommy!" She began to take a hold of his arms and shook him.
Her co-worker took her arms and pulled her aside as the paramedics wheeled him through the double doors of the exam rooms.