She trembled and closed her eyes, heightening the pleasurable sensation. “Maybe.”
The sound of his retreating footsteps was followed by the crush of leather as he sunk into the beanbag chair in the corner. Silence surrounded them, but she wasn’t inclined to break it, not yet. She needed these precious minutes and he seemed to understand. She pushed back the hair from her face.
If she hadn’t slept with her fiancé, why would she contemplate making love with Mike? She thought of his laugh, his smile, and the way he knew how to listen, then retreat without saying too much. He seemed to respect her feelings, even if he didn’t comprehend the reasons behind them.
In the ensuing silence, she forced her mind to function, and the conclusions she reached were staggering. If she wasn’t in love with him, she was well on her way. She knew the damage emotional involvement could cause, had avoided it this long. Especially with a man like him. So what now?
She swallowed hard and turned. In the shadows, she made out his masculine form reclining on the floor. A seagull screeched in the distance. Mike reached one hand toward her and waited.
She padded across the hardwood floor and stopped in front of him.
“I want you to know what you’re getting into,” he said.
Somewhere during the past few minutes her decision had been made. “I do,” she whispered. They’d been moving toward this moment from the beginning. The outcome was as inevitable as the changing tide. She only hoped they didn’t destroy each other in the process.
“I can’t make any prom...”
She covered his lips with one finger. “I know.”
Looking into her dark eyes, Mike believed her. The knowledge should have lifted an otherwise heavy burden. It didn’t. What did he want from her? he wondered. Better yet, what could she expect from him? He hoped it wasn’t more than he could give.
“Carly?”
She wet her lips. “Have you ever made love on a water bed before?” she asked in a husky voice.
Her velvety words wrapped themselves around him. She had apparently made peace with herself, leaving her reservations along with her inhibitions behind.
He shook his head in response.
“A first for both of us, then.” She smiled and placed her hand in his. “I’m glad.” After shifting her skirt, she knelt beside him and pulled him up from his seat on the floor.
He allowed himself to be led, only until he’d reached a standing position. Then he backed her toward the large bed that beckoned to them. When her calves reached the platform, he stopped and encircled her waist with his hands.
She smiled and lifted his shirt, her soft hands linking behind his back. He dipped his head toward her, but she caught him off guard. In one smooth motion she wrapped one leg around his and pulled him toward her so they tumbled backward onto the bed together. The mattress rocked beneath them in undulating waves. Carly landed beneath him, laughing with delight.
The tinkling sound and the light in her eyes removed whatever reservations had remained in his mind. “Think you’re so clever?” he asked, brushing his lips over hers.
“Nope. I know I am.” She smiled and laughed some more.
He kissed her again, letting her unique scent fill the empty spaces inside him. To keep from crushing her, he rolled to his side and propped himself up on one elbow. Sealing his mouth over hers, he entwined his tongue and feasted until he could barely breath.
They’d never done much more than this, yet each kiss contained more power than the last. He marveled at her ability to reach inside him with nothing more than a touch. What would happen when they came together? The conflagration would probably consume them both.
He wondered if that was the source of her fear, but before he could analyze further, her hand came between them and caressed his arousal through the rough denim of his jeans. His body jerked involuntarily at her touch and the bed swirled beneath them.
“When did you get so bold?” he asked.
“Only with you.” Her hand cupped him tighter.
“Not yet.” He removed her hand and grasped her fingers with his own. “Not if you want this to last.”
“I want,” she murmured. From beneath heavy lids, her eyes fastened on his face. He removed a strand of blond hair from her cheek and kissed her lips.
“So do I.” Reaching behind her neck, he opened the two buttons that held the top of her dress in place. He watched, mesmerized, as he drew the top down, inch by tantalizing inch. Since he’d been given a brief sample before dinner, he knew what lay beneath the light material.
The dress fell to her waist and he sucked in a deep breath. Carly, however, closed her eyes. A rosy color tinged her cheeks. He raised one hand to cup her face. “Hell of a time to get shy, sweetheart.”
Personally she couldn’t think of a better one. “Takes an awful long time for the sun to go down, doesn’t it?” she asked, while silently praying for darkness. She raised her arms to cover herself, but he stopped her by grabbing hold of her wrists and pulling them down gently.
“Don’t. I’ve been waiting too long.” His voice sounded rough to her ears.
She allowed him to draw her arms to her sides, but kept her eyes tightly shut. Whatever she had anticipated, it wasn’t this slow perusal. She no longer felt capable of lighthearted banter, not when she felt so vulnerable and exposed.
“Beautiful,” he murmured, just before she felt wet heat on one breast. In shock, she opened her eyes to see him leaning over her, lavishing undivided attention on her hardened nipple. She gasped at the utter intimacy of the act. He suckled her, nipping and soothing with alternate breaths. Heat, which had begun in her chest, traveled with lightning speed to the juncture of her thighs.
Were these wonderful sensations the same ones she had feared hours earlier? Right now, she couldn’t imagine why. She ran her fingers through his thick hair, enjoying the rasp of his day-old beard against the sensitive skin on her chest.
He lifted his head long enough to turn to the other breast, giving it equal attention. She felt only a moment of cool air on the spot his mouth had abandoned, before his hand began equally skillful maneuvers. Muscles in her stomach clenched as he rolled one nipple between his thumb and forefinger, while working the other with his mouth.
Unable to think, let alone feel embarrassment, she lay her head back on the pillow and gave herself up to sensation. She was only dimly aware when he lifted her up to release the back zipper of her dress, of when she raised her hips to help him remove the barrier between them. The bed shifted and swirled beneath them, causing her to giggle at more than one inopportune moment.
At some point, and she couldn’t remember when, he’d shed his shirt, because her hands now buried themselves in the hair on his chest. He groaned as she worked her way outward. She smiled and licked each nipple in turn.
“Carly.” He gasped her name, warning in his voice.
She blew cool air on his wet skin in response. With another groan, he grabbed her wrists and pinned her backward. The bed rocked beneath them. “You don’t play fair.”
She bat her eyelashes at him. “Was I supposed to?”
“Not if you don’t mind my returning the favor.” He paused for a hot, wet kiss, then made brief work of removing her lace panties. Together they got rid of his jeans and briefs. The bed wasn’t nearly as cooperative, however, and he stood to complete the task.
Laughing, Carly grasped the purple cotton from his hands and dangled the briefs from her fingers. “I’d never figured you for plain white, but this?”
“I told you purple was my favorite.” He bounced down next to her. “But I am glad you gave it some thought,” he said with a grin.
She tossed them aside. “More than a little.” Her hand circled his pulsing length. His sheer size stunned her and she gasped aloud.
“I would never hurt you.”
She lowered her gaze. “I know. It’s just that I’ve never...”
“I know.” He silenced her and eased her embar
rassment with a kiss before reaching for the night-table drawer. “Help me,” he said, handing her the foil packet.
With shaking hands, she complied. Never had she thought of protection as an erotic act. In the future, she’d never think of it as anything else.
Her fears had long since evaporated under his gentleness. He’d touched a place deep inside her. More than her body was involved in the act that was to come. Much more.
He straddled her with muscular legs. His erection nudged at her, barely easing the throbbing ache of desire. She lifted her hips and he eased into her slowly at first and then harder, pushing inside with one hard thrust. She gasped at the initial shock of pain.
“I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. He had nothing to be sorry for. He waited, poised above her. She felt him deep inside her. Mike filled her body but also her heart. She knew it the same way she knew nothing in her life would ever be the same. He paused to kiss her, working his tongue in her mouth as if searching for something greater than both of them.
He began to move inside her, and soon his gentle movements weren’t enough. She wanted him deeper, wanted more from him than she’d ever dreamed possible.
The bed rocked in time with their movements, making it difficult for Mike to take things slowly. Enclosed in Carly’s warmth, he fought against feelings so intense he thought they might drown him. She murmured his name and wrapped her long legs around his waist, forcing him as hard and as deep as he could reach.
He felt her contract around him, heard her cry out, and any control he had maintained shattered along with her. Surging into her, he drove higher. Mike let go, losing himself inside her the way he had always known—and feared—he would.
* * *
Carly lay in Mike’s arms but sleep eluded her. She listened to his deep breathing and cuddled closer to his warmth. She tried not to think about anything but the miracle of them being together, but reality intruded. Eventually she would have to deal with their parting. She pressed a kiss against the back of his warm hand and tried to sleep.
She came awake with a start. Mike’s body had stiffened and his arms tightened around her until breathing became next to impossible. His own breaths came in short gulps and he groaned. She felt the sheen of perspiration covering his body and realized he was in the throes of a violent nightmare. Should she wake him, or let the dream run its course?
“Mike?” She tried to turn, but his arms constricted her movement. “Mike?” she said, louder this time.
Abruptly he released her. With difficulty, she drew deep breaths and rolled toward him. He looked in her direction and turned away.
Her heart thudded painfully in her chest as she realized that he intended to shut her out. “I can’t help if you won’t talk to me,” she said, drawing the sheet up over her bare chest. “Trust me.” She placed a hand on his still clammy skin.
“Seems to me I told you the same thing a little while ago. You didn’t open up.” With his back to her, his words sounded all the more harsh and accusing.
“My mistake,” she admitted.
He seemed not to hear. “You don’t trust me, why shouldn’t I return the favor?”
His words hit her like a blast of cold air, but she forced herself to remain rational, to let the professional part of her look in. She recognized his pain and as a trained psychologist realized he was lashing out at the only available person. It didn’t make his accusations hurt less, but she cared enough to take the brunt of his anger and direct it toward helping him heal.
“You’re wrong, Mike. If I didn’t trust you, we wouldn’t be here now.”
He ran shaking fingers through his already disheveled hair. “It’s not something you want to know.” He swung his legs over the bed and stood, oblivious to his state of undress.
She allowed herself a moment to drink in the sight of his naked body before grounding her thoughts. “If it affects you, I need to know. But I’m not what’s important now. You are, and you need to talk. Whatever it is, I can handle it.”
He stood at the window, gazing into the darkness. “My last assignment,” he said at last. “Rather, my last uncompleted assignment.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’d hitched a ride back from the countryside with a guy in a Jeep. For a while we were the only ones on the road, but as we neared civilization, a bus pulled in front of us.” His hands gripped the windowsill. “Must have made for a bigger target than a small Jeep, because mortar fire hit the back tires and sent the damn thing careening down the side of a ravine.”
He paused, and Carly waited for him to continue. “I jumped out of my seat before the guy could stop. By the time I reached the bus, I heard the screams and smelled gas.” His hand went to his shoulder and he worked the muscles with his fingers. Even from her distance on the bed, she could see how brutally he clutched at his arm.
She gripped the bedsheet, watching as he wrestled with the demons that plagued him.
“We knew we didn’t have much time, but we had to get as many out as we could before the tank exploded. We pried open the bus door. Most of the people up front had taken a direct hit. They didn’t make it.” His voice shook, but he continued. “Most were women. In the end, we managed to pull a bunch of young kids from the bus and get them up the hill. When the explosion hit, I had one kid hanging from my neck screaming for his mother.”
She swallowed, but the lump in her throat remained. And no matter how much she wanted to comfort Mike, the right words wouldn’t come.
“I spent the next few weeks trying to track down this kid’s father. Turns out he’d already been killed. The crash orphaned most of those kids.”
Just like Mike. Oh, God. In a daze, she rose and walked up behind him, placing a hand on the shoulder he’d been abusing. “And this?” she asked softly. She stilled his hand beneath hers.
“Ripped open some muscle getting to the back of the bus.”
She dropped a kiss on his shoulder, her lips coming in contact with new scar tissue. Why hadn’t she noticed it earlier? “It must have been awful.”
“Want to know the worst part? My damned boss was furious that I hadn’t taken pictures. These kids just had their worlds ripped apart and he wanted exclusive photos.” He shook his head in disgust. “Abandoned children and he wanted headlines.”
“Mike...”
“But you know what? He was right. It was my job and I didn’t do it. I couldn’t. Any more than I could go back afterward.” He dropped his head lower, leaning against the window. “All those kids...”
No wonder he was back in the States covering fluff topics like summer hot spots.
“Mike.” She turned him toward her. In his tortured face she saw how difficult the telling had been. Even worse was that he had lived alone with the pain all these months.
“Orphaned isn’t the same as abandoned,” she whispered. “There’s a difference. Not much, I’ll admit, but there is a difference.”
“Tell that to those kids whose parents are gone.” He paused. “Forever.”
Her heart broke for the little boy he had been. “Those parents didn’t walk out on their kids. They were taken by a cruel twist of fate. That may not seem to make a difference now, but in the long run, the knowledge will ease the pain.”
As she said the words, she recognized the irony. In the long run, for Mike, the distinction had meant little. “How long have you had these dreams?” she asked.
He shrugged. “Since the accident.”
“I see.” A period of hell, of equating his own situation with those of the children, of beating himself up for not getting hit instead, for not doing his job. What would it take to vanquish his demons?
The answer, she knew, lay in their parting. He had to return to the profession he loved and prove to himself that he could face his past and his present.
She didn’t fit into the equation. Knowing Mike’s strength of character, the separation would come much sooner than she had anticipated. He’d be doing he
r a favor, but right now it didn’t feel like one.
“Running isn’t the answer. You have to fight this.” Even as she said the words, she knew she was pushing him away. Tears threatened and she closed her eyes against them.
“I know. I just don’t know if I’m ready.”
“You’ll know when the time’s right.”
He nodded.
His hands cupped her face and he brought their lips together. He kissed her deeply, drawing from her both physically and emotionally until she was drained. She leaned into him, brushing her breasts against the hard planes of his chest.
“Carly.” He groaned her name, then lifted her into his arms and carried her back to the bed. “Make me forget,” he said as he entered her.
This time they came together in an explosive combination of want and need. He climaxed first and she followed. Their bodies entwined, Mike still inside her, she rested her head against his cheek.
When he whispered, “Don’t leave me,” she refused to believe the words, choosing instead to reassure him with a kiss.
* * *
The summer sun shining through the window woke Mike first In the harsh light of day, last night’s dreams were but distant shadows. Carly’s long legs were entangled around his, reminding him that there was beauty in this harsh world.
She had been there for him, offering herself when he needed her. He had taken much more than he had been able to give. No one in his life had ever given of themselves, given at their own expense for his benefit. His good mood this morning reflected the genuine concern he’d received during the night.
He stretched his arms over his head, letting his hand come to rest on her bare breast. It had been a long time since he’d felt so at peace. Perhaps he never had. And though reality tried to intrude, he forced it aside. He’d had little peace in his life. He wanted to enjoy it while he could.
Her brown eyes opened and she smiled.
“Morning.” He placed a light kiss on her lips.
“Already?” She yawned. “Seems like we just went to sleep.”
Truly Madly Deeply Boxed Set Page 32