In the aftermath of their friends’ death and funeral, Dan and Mike have made it their mission to make our lives as comfortable as possible. For them, this means the house. They have used the SUVs the past two days to collect several large piles of logs and drag them back to the compound. I have left things in their hands for now, and they will be building behind the trailers and sheds. They say that the ground back there is best to form a stable foundation for our home. Since it will be a bungalow, it only needs to be marginally taller than the garage, and they seem to think we can get the outside walls up in a week.
They have thrown themselves so thoroughly into their work that it worries me. I know it’s only been a couple of days, but we can’t let any member of our group lose focus or control. Olivia seems convinced that this is only temporary, and it is part of their natural way to grieve. I think she sees we are all having trouble coping. She and I had a long talk this evening and we all had the same reaction at the funeral. This was the first time we actually had an outlet for all we have lost. We all watched that burning pyre and saw our own friends and families on there. She sees this house as us reclaiming our future and building a new life out here. She thinks this will be good for us all. I am agreeing with her for now, but I am definitely keeping a close eye on us all.
* * * Xuân * * *
He says work will be good for him. Working on the new building will help; he can’t stand inactivity either and being idle means being alone with just your thoughts. He throws himself into the construction work so as not to think about the two men in the car or the others that he might have left behind.
Some might think that’s bad, not letting your grief out like that. But isn’t that what I’m doing? Isn’t that why he and I go out quietly to patrol the perimeter and outside, but really to kill any zombies or bandits we may find? To let “it” (rage, grief, inactivity, homicidal tendencies) out?
I guess that may be weird therapy, but so far, it works.
January 26
We have cleared the ground as best we could and laid the first logs to form the base of our new house. It is amazing that clearing the snow until we had a hard, flat surface took the most time. Maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised—I mean this is going to be the foundation for our home. Considering how the entire building is going to be built on this surface, it should be the best it can possibly be, right?
I spent the day taking shifts helping with the work and watching the children. We were learning how to count and making some great progress. No one who spent the entire day working wanted to stop. This whole project has lit a fire under us, and I think we will finish in record time.
I took it upon myself to make sure everyone was eating and took adequate breaks, in spite of all of their protests. I had to keep reminding them that it was not safe to spend so long outside in minus fifty-five-degree weather. It’s just not safe. I succeeded for the most part, but when the sun went down, those who had been working at the time came in half-frozen.
Tomorrow we start building up our walls until we get to the point where we put in the floor. The whole basis for log cabin construction is a floating floor of sorts that rests on part of the walls. Then we continue building upwards and onwards!
January 28
We have the building down pat. The collection of the materials is taking time. Each log has to be gathered (as in, we usually have to cut down a tree and strip the branches off of it), and we are not surrounded by forest. Our fuel consumption is higher than ever due to this, and we have to be careful, but everyone seems so gung ho about the house, and the enthusiasm is infectious.
We made great strides the past couple of days. Our floors are down, and we built up the walls by one more log height. It was decided that we should put up the inside walls at the same time, to be a part of the outside ones. They will be much sturdier that way.
I took the children in to see where they would be living, and they ran around on the floors laughing hysterically. I told them that this would be our new house, and they were delighted with that.
Standing in the middle of the wide-open floor, I was struck by how great this would be. I could picture everything coming together in my mind. I could see where the fireplace would go, where the kitchen would be, and the bedrooms and the bathroom, and I was so excited for it all to finally be finished. I now understood how my mother must have felt when she saw her own house come together from scratch, from designs she once had in her head.
I’m still not sold on the plan to build in the dead of winter. The days are so short and so cold, it seems foolhardy. But everyone needs this so badly. We need to be busy. We need to dream and to create; otherwise, we may just go mad out here.
January 30
The walls are halfway up now. We all seem to be working at breakneck speed. I don’t know what the rush is. But with six able-bodied adults, we have accomplished quite a bit in such a small amount of time. When we have finished putting up the walls, we will build the roof; in very much the same way we built it on the garage. We will have to put it up in stages and are trying to come up with a sort of pulley system in order to do so.
Today Dan and I had a talk where I voiced my concerns about the winter build. He brought up a valid point. He said that with the temperatures so low, there is no way we will attract any zombies since there seem to be none to attract. We are making so much noise with our tools and our yelling at each other that if there were any ghouls wandering around, they would definitely have found us by this point. I have to say that he is right about this. However, in the grand scheme of things, which is more dangerous—death by frostbite, or by hypothermia, or by zombie? They are all very real and very valid threats.
January 31
Today was a glorious day. The walls are up! Walking through the house is like walking through a maze. Tomorrow we start constructing the roof. It’s amazing what people can accomplish through real teamwork and communication. We have had our blow-ups along the way. Mike called David an idiot for not listening and dropping his end of a log; David called him a moron for not telling him which way to turn, and he dropped what he was holding. But these are very minor spats. We seem closer than ever thanks to what we have done.
Most of our communication is full of laughter and good-natured teasing. I like that we are showing the triplets how people can get along. They are even following in our example. They share better. Ethan no longer sees every single toy as a hitting stick he can use to beat up his siblings. They don’t bite each other or pinch each other as often. Sure, they still fight, but what siblings don’t fight with each other? If the fighting stops entirely, then I’ll worry something was seriously wrong with them.
Our plans for the inside rooms include putting up doors where they’re needed, recycling the kitchen cabinets and shelves from one of the trailers, and taking the sink, stove, and fridge as well. We are going to make our own doors, and we are taking the toilets and showers from both trailers. We have studied how the wiring and plumbing work in the trailers and it seems like a fairly basic system that we can copy in our house. There will probably be a fair amount of trial and error before we get everything perfectly functional, but I have faith that we can handle it. In the meantime, since it will all be exposed, I have to police the children, and tell them that wires aren’t for eating.
Once we get everything inside, we will take the windows from the boys’ SUV, put them in the house so we can see out, and actually get some daylight inside the house. We will also start the construction of our hearth and fireplace. I volunteered to do that, and while people were gathering logs, I was gathering stones. I have this picture in my mind of how I want it to look, and while we were gathering building materials, I found this round, flat stone that would be perfect for the base. Everyone worked to get it back to the compound, and today we put it right where the fireplace will be. Tomorrow I start creating, while others work on the roof. The kids are going to help me. We are going to mix a mortar out of sand, lime, (things we’d broug
ht with us. Xuân had made some comments about it being good for body disposal. I’d thought she was kidding) and water, and use it to bind the stones together. I think the kids have wanted to be a part of this process, and this is a way they can be.
February 1
Well, I can now add, “Don’t eat the mortar,” to my list of things I never thought I’d have to say to a child. It was slow going, but we built a good chunk of the fireplace today, and yes, they tried to eat the mortar. Ethan was the worst culprit, but Benjamin and Samantha weren’t that much better.
The others made great strides in building the roof, and we think we’ll have it up in soon. Tomorrow will be more of the same, with more fireplace being built, and the roof being worked on (hopefully). When the roof is up, we need to continue the fireplace up to it, build through a hole in the roof, and make it into a chimney. It’s all coming together so beautifully. It’s starting to feel like home.
David thinks our fireplace looks so great. Dan is planning on building couches and a coffee table out of the branches that we cut off the logs, and I am going to make cushions, much like I made the quilt. We’re going to be pretty comfortable here.
In a few days, the children are going to be turning two years old. We’re planning a bit of a party, and I have been saving ingredients so we’ll be able to have a proper birthday cake. I think they deserve one. They have been so great in spite of everything, and they are going to get a proper birthday celebration.
February 3
The past two days have been exhausting, but we got the roof up. We had to do it in pieces, but it’s there, and it’s stable. I should know, I went walking around on it with Mike as we cut the hole for the chimney. That’s done, too. Now it’s time for doors, kitchen, plumbing, and wiring. We’ve used the mortar solution to seal the area around the chimney, but surprisingly, the little house seems fairly snug. We’ll see if we need to add to the walls to keep it warmer.
Tomorrow is window day. We’re doing windows first, so they don’t infringe on the kitchen or bathroom plans. Mike refused to go to bed until he pulled his car apart, and the windows are sitting in a neat pile inside our home.
The kids couldn’t go to bed until they saw the house and all we’ve done. Their one comment was that it was too dark inside. I told them this would be fixed when the windows were in.
February 4
Let there be light! We have windows, and although they look a little silly due to their shape, they do their job beautifully. We also have a door on the front of the cabin, and on one bedroom and one bathroom. We have decided that we shouldn’t waste time making all the doors. We are already repurposing so much of the one trailer, why not all of it?
We have also pulled apart Xuân and Olivia’s kitchen, and that has been installed. Dan spent a good chunk of the day on the roof, installing their solar panels onto the cabin, and the oven and fridge are plugged in. We have accomplished this with an extension cord going through a small hole in the roof that has been caulked. Their electric fireplace is in, sending heat down the corridor to the bedrooms and bathrooms, and plugged in the same way as the stove and fridge. Their bank of shelves is in place next to the fireplace, and they have already put their beds in two of the bedrooms. They have officially moved in. They have water, as we got the sink working, but both bathrooms will be done tomorrow. Looks like it will be a joint birthday/house warming party! This is going to be amazing!
* * * Xuân * * *
I am having recurring dreams/fantasies of chocolate cupcakes with double chocolate ganache frosting and Guinness chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting. This means my mental state is fine if somewhat unfulfilled food-wise.
February 5
So our bedrooms don’t have doors, but I couldn’t care less at this point. We do have a small closet, though. That’s fantastic.
When we officially moved in, the first thing I did was move our mezuzah from the trailer’s door to the door of the house. The others didn’t mind. I wanted something to mark this as our home. We all kissed it as we crossed the threshold. It felt so ceremonial and complete. This is a real house. We built this. It is ours.
Today I baked a cake, in what felt like a real kitchen, for the triplets’ second birthday. We sang Happy Birthday to them and had a party in front of a roaring wood fire, and slept in what felt like a real bedroom.
When Sebastian first saw his new home, he didn’t know what to make of it. He ran from one end of the house to the other, full of joy and with more energy than I have seen from him in years. It was as if we had a puppy again. I don’t know where he’s going to sleep. We did bring in his wolf skin rug, but he seems thrilled he can claim a spot on our bed once more. Chances are, that’s where he’ll end up.
Crypto has already made herself at home. She moved in with An, Mike, and the others. She and Sebastian had a bit of a tense moment as they became reacquainted. Crypto has been strictly a house cat this winter and hasn’t seen our dog in months.
Benjamin said that the house was the best present ever. Next year, Samantha wants a castle for her birthday. Ethan agrees. I think we may have accidentally spoiled them. We moved the trailers so we could have a clearer view of the gate through our front window. But we are home now. This idea has worked out incredibly.
For their birthday dinner, we ate roast goose and salad. But the pièce de résistance was the cake. I had been saving a box of cake mix with a frosting mix since we left Toronto just for such an occasion. Everyone was so thrilled. A real chocolate cake! Granted I had to tweak the recipe and use goose eggs, but it worked.
We made the kids paper crowns to wear as the birthday boys and girl and had an amazing time. We did karaoke and watched Ponyo on the laptop. It was an amazing day.
To be honest, this wasn’t at all what I’d wanted for their second birthday. Months ago, I’d dreamed of a party with all their little friends in an indoor playground with pizza, cake, and loot bags. We’d then go home and open their presents surrounded by their grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Today there were no presents, no pizza, and no grandparents. But the children were happy, and I suppose that does count for something.
* * * Xuân * * *
I must be fucking psychic. Chocolate cake today!
February 6
We are working on building doors for the remaining bedrooms which happen to be the triplets’ rooms and ours. We definitely need doors. By morning, our bed contained David, me, Ethan, Benjamin, Samantha, Sebastian, and an ornery cat. I was unimpressed.
Mike has spent the day in the dry goods shed. Doing what? I don’t know. Xuân said he had a project in mind that involves all our empty cans. He was a great help during the building process, in spite of the fact that his hand is not quite back to a hundred percent. I think he’s trying to make himself useful since Dan is in charge of the doors and volunteered to make furniture. I found out today that back home, Mike was a graphic designer, while Dan built sets for local theatre companies. It’s weird that I never thought to ask them before now. I guess I’m just in the mindset that we are all just survivors now. What and who we all used to be doesn’t matter anymore. If I do go back, and the world pulls through this, what will I do? Will I use my teaching degree? Will David once again produce theatre? Will Xuân fundraise for charities? Will Olivia be a psychologist? Will those careers even be necessary? I think Olivia’s certainly will.
We set up both tables in the main room to function as one long one, and it’s nice to be able to sit around all together, instead of having some of us standing up or eating on the floor. I finished two cushions today. They take a lot less time than the quilt did, and the kids are lounging on them as if they’re feather beds right now. It’s cute.
So far, the two electric fireplaces are adequately heating the house. I’m relieved that this is the case. I shouldn’t be so surprised. It’s not that big a dwelling. The main room is twenty feet by twenty feet, and each bedroom is nine feet by ten. However, after living with four or five people and a pet i
n one hundred and seventy-seven square feet, this certainly feels palatial. We are revelling in the space we now have. I consider this venture a complete success.
February 8
I can’t believe I forgot about my own birthday. I have been so focused on the important days for everyone else that I forgot about myself. It’s so strange, especially since my birthday was always one of my favourite days before all of this. I was always that obnoxious person sending “Guess What I Want This Year” e-mails, and leaving catalogues with entries circled in them all over the house.
I woke up this morning completely oblivious. At first, I was confused because I was alone in my bed. I got dressed and went to the kitchen where, to my surprise, everyone was there already with breakfast ready and waiting for me. What shocked me most of all was the fact that there was an actual, honest-to-goodness chandelier hanging over our table.
Turns out that Mike had created this amazing work out of all the empty cans and hung it over the table in time for my birthday. It was absolutely incredible. It doesn’t have working lights, but it just serves to make the space more complete, more interesting. I love it.
For my birthday, we also finished the remaining doors. David and I actually get to sleep in privacy. This is the best present ever. We also had a lovely meal, and the kids made me cupcakes (or so I’m told). It was fantastic.
February 9
We took a good look at our fuel supply and realized it was quite a bit lower than we had feared. It was decided that we would now walk when we go to the lake and go out hunting. We can no longer rely on our vehicles for these things. In fact, I will go so far as to say that we were pretty lackadaisical about just driving everywhere. We were thinking like we did back home, where we could just hop into the car to go to the corner store. It’s a very stupid way of thinking. We have a finite supply of gas, and we need to hoard it. If we ever were forced to leave, we would have to have the means to do so, and we would never last long on foot.
The Bath Salts Journals (Volume 1) Page 10