The others chose typical guy names. Crusher. Viking. Tiger.
Then the officer turned to me. “And you?”
“Olivia.”
April 10
* * * Xuân * * *
I went on my first-day assignment. We were trucked off to some nearby small town. Milton, I think. Alexis was off with her brother, making a pilgrimage to the home of her parents.
We cleared a shopping centre. I don’t know how many zombies I killed. Should I feel something? I don’t… It just feels like a job. There weren’t that many anyway. No one got bit either. This was some kind of test, like a preliminary interview. We weren’t an official civilian team yet.
Soldiers came in afterwards and trucked off supplies from the centre.
I cleaned up afterwards, and I went home. There was a chocolate bar on my pillow.
April 11
It has been an insanely busy couple of days. I have been working non-stop on getting the costumes and props to be stage ready. I know we open on the twenty-second, but I want the cast to be able to rehearse with everything as soon as possible.
The masks look fantastic. I have given the witch the stereotypical green face, but I made it look as if her flesh is in the process of melting off of her bones. The wolf I made look like the wolf Sebastian saved us from by Edehon Lake. His face is snarling, and covered with white and grey fur. Both masks only cover the upper half of the actors’ faces, so they have full movement of their mouths for all the singing they have to do.
We are still working towards socializing the triplets. I took Samantha to play with a lovely little girl named Resa, who lives a few doors down. At first, she didn’t know what to do with her. My daughter has only had her brothers to play with all these months. Their idea of a game is to turn all toys into hitting sticks. This little girl wanted to play with her toy kitchen, and Samantha’s instinct was to whack her over the head with the wooden spoons!
Luckily for us both, Resa’s mother was very understanding when I explained why Samantha was behaving the way she was. We then moved them away from the kitchen to play with Resa’s dolls. Samantha did a lot better with those, understanding that these were “babies,” and should be cared for with hugs and kisses, not hits, throws, or bites.
I would consider this play date to be progress in the right direction. By the end of it, Samantha and Resa seemed to be getting along and having fun with each other. At least Samantha wasn’t crying and hiding from the other child.
Xuân came home from today’s rehearsal with this one question: “Why are actors physically incapable of listening to the simplest of instructions?”
I asked what had happened and she went off on a tirade.
“I told them not to climb on the set since the paint was still drying, and what do they do? Climb on the fucking set! I want to shoot them all and claim they were zombies.”
I poured her a scotch and got her to calm down. She later admitted it wasn’t all of the actors. Just the teenagers playing Little Red Riding Hood, Jack, and Milky White, the cow. She thanked whoever was up there that we had people like Clara, Justin, and a new girl named Lauren who is playing Cinderella. They kept her relatively sane.
Aside from this little incident, I think we’ll have a great show. The cast is talented and enthusiastic, and Loren’s direction is sure and poignant. The band David has put together also sounds amazing. I can’t wait for opening night.
* * * Xuân * * *
Okay, killing zombies is easier than trying to stage-manage (or whatever it’s called) fucking actors in a damned play.
Paint is WET. WET. If I tell you that it’s fucking wet, and there’s a damned WET PAINT sign, learn to fucking read and hear!
I casually mentioned to Alexis, after she scotched me down, that I had heard that the army was looking for zombie defence class teachers and I was going to sign up.
I went home and sat outside with Crypto, watching her play in the grass. It’s the most soothing thing I do any day. Mike came out at one point.
We sat outside together, legs touching, but neither of us said anything.
There was a little doodle of a cat chasing butterflies on my pillow.
April 12
Today has been a very hard day for us all. Captain Woslenko came to our door with the first draft of a book of confirmed survivors and the dead, organized by town of birth, and by family name. The document was the size of a phone book. I put it down on our dining room table and just sat and stared at it in trepidation. I remember wanting to read through it right away, but not wanting to go through that alone. Everyone else was set building or at rehearsal. I decided to wait until they came home so we could all be together to get our answers.
The day just crawled by. I occupied myself by keeping the children occupied. We watched movies together. We played with their blocks. They helped me build a headpiece for Milky White. Finally, the rest of our family came home. Xuân went next door and came back with their house’s copy of the list.
We all sat around the table staring at the first page, not really wanting to read any of the names, but knowing we needed answers. We quickly saw that next to each name was an approximate date of death, and cause. For many of the names, one or both of these were blank.
We all started reading. Xuân quickly found her parents, dead by zombie attack. Two of her siblings were also listed. Dan and Mike already knew their families were gone. I found my sister, dead by zombie attack, but no mention of my niece or parents. David flipped through to find his parents and siblings were listed among the deceased but had no date or cause listed by any of their names. I held him for a long time as he absorbed this news.
“I suspected I would learn as much,” he said to me with a sigh. “It still hurts to learn it though. I’m an orphan.”
“I feel we all are,” I said. “Even though my parents aren’t listed here, I don’t know where they could be.”
Loren kept flipping through the list. With each and every page, he got more and more upset.
“My best friend is gone, our cousins are gone, people I’ve worked with, respected, liked, are all gone,” he said.
I took the list away and flipped through looking for another name. Marilyn wasn’t listed. But I haven’t seen her here either. I have no idea where these people could be. I don’t understand how someone could vanish without a trace.
Loren went back to a page and pointed to a couple of names. “Remember them?” he asked.
I looked and nodded. “They were in a production of Fiddler on the Roof we did together. You yelled at them at every show. They played with the fire sparkers and singed holes in their costumes. You hated them,” I said to him.
“Yeah, but at twelve years old, they didn’t deserve to get eaten by zombies,” he replied.
“No, they didn’t,” I agreed.
Mike got up and went to get our bottle of scotch. He poured us all a hefty dose. “To our lost loved ones,” he said as he lifted his glass.
We all raised our glasses in a salute, each of us with tears in our eyes. We drank to their memories.
I don’t think my children will ever really remember their grandparents or aunts. They will never get to know them now. David has lost his parents; his family is gone. In spite of what everyone else says, I think mine is as well. My sister is gone, and my niece is missing.
Tomorrow, I will ask the soldiers if they could put the word out that there is a three-year-old out there who has family here in the safe zone. We will take her in and help her if she’s still out there.
* * * Xuân * * *
There is a book of confirmed survivors and the dead. The books were compiled by the army and, as they emphasize, are as accurate as possible and there will be updates. If a name did not appear in the survivor or dead book, then they were considered “missing.”
So, there is nothing left in Calgary. My parents are listed as definitively gone, bodies recovered. Same with my sisters. My brother and his family are missing. Most of Albe
rta is listed as missing, but there’s a lot of open space to cover there and places to disappear into in the mountains. Also, the crazy hicks and their arsenals everywhere in that province probably are causing some problems.
I should really, really feel something. But I don’t think I do. I’m living in the moment. I could die at any second like they did. I need to keep going, looking back could destroy me.
As we toasted our lost ones, Mike caught my eye.
He came up that night and we held each other in the bed while Crypto padded around us, happy her people were both there.
We didn’t talk. We couldn’t, not when there was the full-grown elephant hanging out in the corner of the bedroom, in a tutu, gyrating around a stripper pole and shooting tequila from her trunk. Also, my army gear was in that corner.
But it wasn’t the night to talk about that.
April 13
I came in to rehearsal today and brought the children with me. I said it was because I wanted to make sure the masks fit the actors, but after yesterday’s events, I wanted us all to be together.
Before rehearsal began, Loren called everyone together for a moment to regroup. He could see the grief in everyone’s eyes. We had all received the list, and we had all lost people who were close to us.
Most of rehearsal was spent sharing memories of those we had lost. It was a great time of tears, laughter, and bonding. It felt as if we were giving our families and friends the funerals they never got to have. By the end of the day, everyone felt infinitely better and calmer. It was as if a weight had been lifted off of our chests.
On my way back home, as I walked through the streets, I saw several emergency vehicles pulling away from houses. I watched in concern but kept walking.
At home, I prepared dinner and waited for everyone else to come home so we could all eat together. When they arrived, we sat down to dinner and began eating. As we were finishing up our meal, a loud knock sounded on the door. I went to answer it and let in a woman with a harassed look on her face. She came in and gave us all a considering look.
“I am Dr. Kasslinger,” she said.
I offered her a seat at the table, which she gratefully accepted.
“I suppose you saw the emergency vehicles,” she said. “I am afraid that the list was rather shocking to everyone. People feel they have lost everything. They feel hopeless. I am sorry to say that quite a few people have taken their own lives. I am making the rounds to ensure everyone knows that there are people to turn to for help. I am checking on everyone to see if you are all okay.”
“We were upset by the list,” Xuân said. “However, we have each other, and we are fighting to do more than just survive. We want our lives to have meaning, and to be fulfilling. The people we lost would never want us to give up.”
Dr. Kasslinger smiled at us all. “I am very glad to hear that,” she said.
We went on to tell her all about the show we were working on, and she seemed very enthusiastic about us giving the community a distraction like this.
It is upsetting to hear how people have given up on life, just when life is in the process of getting back in swing. I suppose it is easier to feel hopeless when you literally have no one left. I still have my husband, my children, and my friends here. I consider myself very lucky this way.
April 14
In light of last night’s conversation with Dr. Kasslinger, I spent today at a bit of a loss. I keep thinking about how horrible it would be to feel as if you had absolutely nothing left to live for. I came close a few times to feeling that way.
There is a general sense of unease amongst everyone here. After the doctor’s visits to the community, and the news that has spread, we are all watching each other to see our moods. It feels as if we are all in a state of hyper-vigilance. No one wants to go to any more funerals.
The total number of deaths yesterday is holding steady at ten. I believe that is ten people too many. The zombies took so much from us. To lose more people to grief and despair feels like those ghouls have won another victory over the human race.
I took the children to the park today. I felt as if I needed to be out in the sun for a while. It is remarkable how my attitude towards the weather has changed since my time in the tundra. Normally I’d still feel the need to bundle up in April; however, I was perfectly comfortable going out in a long sleeved top and jeans. The kids were all dressed as I was, and we got some strange looks from some parents wearing pea coats and hats.
At the park, I was gratified to see Samantha run over to Resa, who was there with her mother. Poor Ethan and Benjamin were gobsmacked at their sister’s sudden desertion of them. The two of them eventually went off to play on the jungle gym, and actually allowed some other children to join them with little complaint.
I know I should be doing some more work on our show. Show week begins tomorrow, and we will be working hard on the technical things like the lighting and sound design. But I needed a day to just relax, be outside, and spend time watching my children be children. I don’t see anything wrong in that at all.
* * * Xuân * * *
I just watched Crypto wriggle around on her back in pure happiness. I watched for over an hour like I used to watch cat videos for hours on YouTube. She likes carpet, my silly girl. And catnip.
April 15
Oy. The arguing around here has reached a new height of nastiness. My brother is absolutely furious with the theatre, with David, with anyone in his line of sight. He took a look at the lighting set up in the theatre space and deemed it inadequate for what he wanted to convey on stage. He wants to put gel filters over most of them so he can have coloured lights and shadow shapes showing across the stage. Unfortunately, the theatre technicians we have working with us say that they don’t know where those would be. We don’t even know if there are any available anymore.
Loren decided to take matters into his own hands and enlisted Xuân and me to help him search the building for what he wants in order to save his artistic vision. David stayed behind in the rehearsal hall having the performers run the show with the orchestra.
We searched every room and every closet, and found nothing. Eventually, in the basement we saw a locked door labelled “supplies.” Loren was sure that everything he needed was there. As we approached, we heard some muffled scraping and shuffling sounds from behind the door. Xuân used an old credit card to break into the room and we all jumped back as three zombies staggered our way.
We were stupidly unarmed and grabbed whatever we could to fight back as they lurched towards us. I grabbed a nearby broom and thrust the handle through one of the creature’s eye sockets, falling backwards as it fell on top of me. I saw Xuân run into the closet and come out with a pair of scissors she used to dispatch another by stabbing it roughly in the temple. Loren was still struggling as I fought to free myself from my position under the zombie’s corpse. He eventually managed to kill his attacker by jamming the handle of a paintbrush through its eye.
Xuân freed me as soon as it was over, and we went into the closet and found all of my brother’s precious gels. We returned to the rehearsal hall and put everything on the table, completely unaware of how we looked. All I knew was that all the music stopped upon our arrival.
David ran right over to us and grabbed me, looking me over, asking if I was all right. At that moment, I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was a mess, my clothing was ripped, and I was streaked with zombie blood and gore.
We told everyone what had happened. They were completely aghast. We had been told that the building had been swept and was clear. Someone went to go find some of the soldiers and tell them what had happened. David started to rip into my brother and tell him that no element of this show was worth anyone’s safety.
I understand my husband is nervous about having almost lost me, but this is in no way my brother’s fault.
From that point on, my husband and my brother have been fighting over everything. The tempo of one song is stupidly slow.
Loren’s idea for the lighting in another scene is pedantic. David’s way of conducting makes him look like a constipated pigeon. They are acting like immature children and I can’t take it!
Ethan, Benjamin, and Samantha had spent the day at Resa’s house, and when we came to pick them up, the two men were still going at each other. It was getting to the point where they were even insulting each other’s hair. I was ready to lock the two of them out of the house until they settled their differences.
I told Resa’s mother, Linda, what had happened, and she shook her head at the craziness of it all. The kids walked home with me, their father and uncle bickering the whole way there. We got to the front door of our house, and as I put the key in the lock, Ethan turned around and glared at the two of them.
“Stop!” he shouted at them.
“Yeah,” Benjamin said. “You are poop.”
Samantha nodded in agreement.
David and Loren looked at the triplets and suddenly they both started to laugh.
“We are poop,” Loren said.
“Yes, we are,” David agreed. “I’m sorry I said your hair looks like a Brillo pad.”
“I’m sorry I said you look like a Muppet,” Loren said in return.
I think it’s all settled now. At least it is until tomorrow when we load everything into the theatre space and start lighting everything and programming all the cues. Then I fear this may all just start up again. Yikes.
April 16
* * * Xuân * * *
We didn’t talk about it for a couple of days. On a day off from the theatre, I asked him to come with me, to make my own “pilgrimage” like Alexis.
I had a pass letting me in and out of the safe zone. I rented two bicycles, and we got some gear together. I was pretty sure we would be back before dark, but we had some stuff in our packs just in case.
The Bath Salts Journals (Volume 1) Page 18