Calculus was my first class. I walked through the hallway passing several closed classroom doors since the bell had already rung. Usually, I would sit in the middle row, but as I made my way into the classroom, I saw all the seats were occupied except for a couple in the back, next to the window. I took the first one, ignoring the curious glances people gave me. I rarely talked to anyone besides my alleged friends. Which was fine now. I really didn’t feel like socializing. My eyes drifted to the front row, where a redhead was already taking out her pencils and notebook. Anne. My last real friend.
I stopped talking to her the moment I learned about Mom’s condition. She called me and tried to reach out, but I pushed her away, just as I pushed away everyone that cared for me. That awful sense of shame came over me, and I averted my eyes.
Someone took a seat behind me, bumping their desk against my chair. “Sorry,” a rough voice said. From the corner of my eye, I saw the same gray-eyed boy from the pizza place. He was sitting right behind me. Nathan Rivers, the guy that wouldn’t stop looking at me yesterday. My stomach clenched. Great.
“I said I was sorry,” he pushed in a low tone. Ignoring him, I looked to the front of the class. Nathan snorted. “Welcome back, Ice Princess.”
My heart plunged. His words cut deep since for the last two years, I’d been ignoring everyone around me. Even Mom. I teared up, and a shaky breath left my lips as I tried to keep my emotions at bay.
The teacher came in and had started to give out the syllabus and the class rules for the semester when Nathan bumped my desk once again. I ignored him.
Since it was the first day of school, the teacher gave us time to talk among ourselves for the rest of the hour. The sound of chatting filled the room, and I couldn’t help but gaze at Anne, who was smiling and talking animatedly with the brunette seated right behind her. At some point, she must have sensed me watching her, because our eyes met, and her cute smile morphed into a scowl as she sent daggers my way. I sank in my seat and turned to the window with teary eyes. I deserved that.
Most of my classes passed that way. It was the first day back, after all. My class before lunch was English. I ambled into the classroom with a plummeting heart. Lunch was coming, and I didn’t want to sit with Marissa or see anyone in the cafeteria. I slumped into my desk, defeated. This is going to be harder than I ever thought.
Nathan’s words echoed in my mind. Welcome back, Ice Princess.
“Are you okay?” Someone asked beside me. A girl with eyes as blue as the sky was watching me, concerned. A new girl. Blonde hair framed her oval face, and thick, black-rimmed glasses outlined her eyes.
I blinked the tears away and gulped down the large lump that seemed to be permanently stuck in my throat. The doctor had told me it was from anxiety and sorrow. “I’m fine.” My voice came out raspy, and I cleared my throat as she watched me incredulously.
“I’m Farah Dent.” Her smile was warm and reassuring. I nodded as she continued, “I just moved here from Colorado.” She trailed off, waiting for me to say something.
I swallowed hard again. “I’m Cassandra Taylor.” I looked to the side. “But you don’t want to hang out with me.”
Somewhat surprised, she raised an eyebrow. “How do you know?”
Because I’m the worst person ever. I’m a lousy friend and an awful daughter. “You’re just better off,” was all I said before turning away since the teacher had started the class.
Mrs. Clearwater made us all write a small essay for the rest of the class, and I was glad she did. The class passed quickly, but my anxiety grew stronger. I even felt sick to my stomach. The bell rang, and I took my time putting my things away. When I walked out of the classroom, the hall was already empty except for Farah, who was waiting for me by the door.
My whole body tensed as she walked to me with a small, defiant smile on her face. “We’re having lunch together, even if it means eating by the bathroom. Which I really hope you don’t do. Because that’s just gross.” She beamed at me. “I’m going to be your friend, even if you don’t want to.”
Since I clearly had no choice in the matter, I grimaced inwardly, resigned as she walked next to me, and continued to talk endlessly about how she could tell I was a nice girl.
I totally tuned her out.
My heart was beating hard, and my chest constricted as we approached the cafeteria. I followed Farah as she walked to the lunch line. Trying to block out the constant staring of the other kids, I grabbed the first thing that appeared in front of me. Farah kept blabbering, oblivious to the staring. She found a seat for us at the back of the cafeteria, and I caught a glimpse of a sneering Marissa looking my way. Why is she looking at me like that?
I couldn’t care less about what she thought, but her stance made me wary. My gaze roamed all around the cafeteria, and people were silent, observing our every move, as Farah continued to chatter. Without really looking at her, I grabbed my tray as I murmured, “I can’t do this.” She was stunned into silence, and her blue eyes widened as I stood and walked away.
My chest was heaving as I walked outside, and my eyes brimmed with tears. I sat on top of the first step of the school’s front stairs and finally let the tears flow.
I can’t do this. I don’t want to be here.
I want Mom back. Tears rolled down as I silently cried.
“Don’t let them get to you.” My heart skipped a beat as I recognized the rough voice. In my haste to get out, I hadn’t noticed that Nathan was leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette. I looked up to see him watching me. In addition to his stormy-gray eyes, he had a strong jaw and an intense stare.
Rubbing my eyes with the back of my sleeve, I sniffed before turning away from him and staring out in front of me again. “They don’t. I’m the ice princess, remember?”
He stayed quiet for a moment before I heard his forceful strides coming closer. “Shit. I shouldn’t have said that.”
You’re right, though. I bit my lip, trying to ignore him. Couldn’t he get a clue that I wanted him gone?
As if on cue, he sat next to me. My whole body tensed. Especially since his body radiated warmth, which was weird and made me feel uncomfortable. I shifted away awkwardly. “What are you doing?” I murmured anxiously.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him passing a hand through his hair. It was dirty-blond with sun-streaked locks of hair. He shrugged. “I’m sitting just like you.”
“Why?” I turned to look at him.
“Because I just feel like it.” His eyes were too deep as they studied my face. Suddenly, I felt self-conscious and turned away from his burning stare.
Grimacing, I looked at my shoes. “I want to be alone.” I worried my lip. “Please.”
“Too bad. It’s a free country, and I can sit here if I want to.”
An annoyed breath left my lips. Seriously? I didn’t want to go back to school. Unlike what Farah thought, I wouldn’t spend lunch in the bathroom. So I glared at the cars in the school’s parking lot, completely flustered at the boy next to me.
“Why are you doing this?” I muttered, peeved.
He ignored my question as I let out a frustrated breath. But I wasn’t crying anymore. Despite my annoyance, it felt nice to have someone near. Someone that wasn’t asking questions or pitying me.
He was just there.
And that’s how we stayed until the bell rang again.
Sighing, I stood up and stared at him uncertainly. I didn’t know what to say. His presence had been reassuring in a way, but it also made me feel uncomfortable. I gnawed on my lip as he gazed at me. Warily, I murmured, “See you,” without really looking at him.
“You know…”
His voice made my steps falter.
He pushed himself up as he stared at me. “I’ve always been around. This is just the first time you noticed.” His gray eyes were dark and serious before he half smiled and trotted inside the school.
My feet were frozen on the spot as I stared after him.
<
br /> Who is Nathan Rivers?
Chapter Three
Summer was ending, yet the weather was still humid. I grimaced as the warm air caressed my bare cheek, and a small trail of sweat ran down my back as I entered the school grounds. Dad had an urgent meeting earlier, so he couldn’t drop me off like he’d been doing over the last few days.
In the early hours of the morning, I thought it would be a nice change to walk to school, but I had forgotten how warm Cambridge still was. I had chosen to wear a white, long-sleeved blouse and was now regretting it. However, my scars were still pretty visible, and I just didn’t want to show them to anyone. They were a dark part of me that I wanted to hide, even from myself.
A few days had passed without any major incident. I’d stayed clear of Marissa and her minions, and I’d avoided that Rivers guy as best as I could.
Or so I thought.
My feet stopped, and my heart started to race as anxiety washed over me. He was there beside my locker, eyeing me with a smug half-smile.
Nathan Rivers made me uncomfortable. There was no point denying it. His gaze was way too intense for my taste, and the last words he’d said still echoed inside my head.
It was just awkward.
I studiously ignored him as I opened my locker. Thankfully, he had leaned on the right side of it, meaning that my door was covering his face. Purposely, I took my time taking my books out. I was so engrossed in my activity that I didn’t notice the other person that walked behind me until he spoke.
“Hi, Cassie,” Tom trailed off, sounding unsure. My whole body tensed as I grimaced. Freaking awesome. Biting my lip, I grabbed my chemistry book and turned to him. “Hi,” I said, a small, fake smile playing on my face. His brown eyes watched me curiously. His blond, straight hair was swiped to the side in the style Justin Bieber wore a year ago. A football jacket completed the whole preppy look.
“Are you mad at me?”
My brows creased as I looked over my shoulder at Nathan. He’d straightened, listening intently to my conversation. I pursed my lips. What did he want? Didn’t he have anything more interesting to do than listen to other’s conversations?
Hiding my annoyance from Tom, I shrugged. “No. Why should I be?” I dropped the book into my backpack. Completely stalling, I kept my eyes on my locker as if I was searching for something. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the large clock on the wall and inwardly groaned, as there were still ten minutes to go before class.
In a low voice, Tom added, “Nothing really happened between Marissa and me.”
Clueless, I turned and blinked at his words. Then I remembered what Meredith, Marissa’s friend, told me. They’d apparently hooked up over the summer. “Whatever rolls your boat,” I murmured nonchalantly. Inwardly, I cringed. Did that even make sense?
Nathan’s snort was pretty evident, and I wanted to hit him in the face with my locker door. Maybe then he’d get the hint and go away.
“But you and I, we’re cool, right?” Tom cleared his throat, tightening his grip on his backpack strap until his knuckles turned white.
Exhaling a deep breath, I meet his eyes. “Definitely.” I wanted to add that I couldn’t care less who he hooked up with and that we were never a couple, but I didn’t. To be fair, I didn’t feel like talking to Tom. I never thought there was anything to explain, to begin with.
Tom’s eyes snapped to where Nathan was standing. He might have been crossing his arms and lazily looking straight ahead, but it was pretty clear he was eavesdropping. Tom’s brows furrowed as he clenched his jaw. He wasn’t stupid, though. You just didn’t mess with Nathan Rivers. People tried to avoid him. For a moment, I wondered if those rumors about him being violent were just that—rumors.
Wanting to end the conversation with Tom, I hitched my backpack over my shoulder as I looked at him. “I’m happy for you guys. You make a nice couple.”
The crease on his forehead deepened. “Oh, we’re so not together.” Annoyance washed over his face. “I wanted to ask you out, officially.” He raised an eyebrow while showing me that megawatt smile of his.
I blinked, somewhat panicked. “Huh.” Gnawing on my lip, I looked everywhere but at him.
Completely unfazed by my awkwardness, he kept pushing. “How about this Friday?”
I pulled my backpack’s strap as I glanced at the clock one more time. Five minutes. Sighing, I shook my head. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
His brown eyes darkened. “Really?” He raised an eyebrow. “Why not? Are you dating him?” He pointed with his thumb at Nathan.
“I’m not dating anyone,” I said curtly. Whoever I dated or didn’t date wasn’t the issue. And I certainly didn’t appreciate the intruding. However, Tom had been nice to me, so I bit my tongue and softened my tone. “But Marissa and you could be a great couple.” I meant it too.
He blinked at me, completely bewildered. “Why?”
Because she’s not broken like I am. “I’m just not good for you right now.” And I’m not worth it. I swallowed hard as I looked down. I exhaled one more time before closing my locker door.
“Sorry,” I said to Tom as I found myself gazing at Nathan’s scrutinizing eyes. The bell finally rang, and I walked away, leaving them both dumbfounded.
During lunch, Farah caught up with me as I walked out of the cafeteria to sit against a wall. Apparently, neither her nor Nathan could take a hint.
“Hi, Cassie!” she chirped as resignation washed over me. She was persistent, I’d give her that. Despite the fact I’d been pretty much ignoring her, she had managed to track me down at lunch period. Every. Single. Day.
Knowing well that she would find me anyway, today I waited for her at the entrance of the cafeteria. It would be less hassle for everyone. Plus, she was nice. She talked a lot, which meant I didn’t have to say much. It was refreshing to be around someone like her.
She pulled out her fruit salad as I opened my granola bar. Cheery as she was, she started to talk about what she had done over the weekend.
In such a short span of time, I already knew so much about her. That she loved reading anything, that she was a lousy singer, and that she couldn’t boil an egg. Her favorite band was Coldplay, and her favorite TV show was How I Met Your Mother. She complained endlessly about her two younger sisters, but you could tell she loved them. Both her parents worked. Her father was a construction engineer while her mother was a nurse. She loved them deeply too. Her favorite color was blue, and she preferred cold weather. She hadn’t asked me questions, and I appreciated that. I wasn’t ready to talk about myself yet.
“Cass, are you busy tonight? My mom told me that we could get pizza and watch a movie.” She grinned at me. “We could hang out and paint each other’s nails. What do you say?”
After everything she’d gone through to hang out with me, I felt like an awful person. Shaking my head, I murmured while creasing my brows, “I’m sorry. I already have plans.”
She looked down, clearly disappointed. “Oh. Okay. Next week maybe?” She eyed me hopefully.
“Maybe,” I trailed off, unsure. Hesitantly, I added, “Thank you, though.”
Farah’s blue eyes watched me for a moment. “Don’t mention it. We’re friends, aren’t we?”
Why would she want to be my friend, though? I wasn’t even fun to be around. Then again, I couldn’t deny it. She was my friend. Even if I was a lousy one. “Yeah.”
A warm smile crossed her face. Her eyes sparkled triumphantly. “We can hang out some other time, right?”
A pang of guilt played in my chest at how excited she was. “Right.”
Farah was truly a great friend, and I needed her. I knew better than to push her away. Plus, she’d been adamant about becoming my friend.
Nonetheless, it was true. I did have plans. I had an appointment with the therapist Dr. Simmons had set me up with. She hadn’t been able to see me over the last few days because she was supposedly the best therapist in town and was quite busy. I think Dad was more excited abou
t her than I was. He had googled her and she had great reviews. To be honest, I couldn’t care less. But I had to go. Going to therapy was part of the commitment with my previous doctor. Plus, I would let down my father if I didn’t try. I couldn’t live with that.
Playing with the granola bar’s wrapping, I took a deep breath. “Thank you, Farah.” She had been looking elsewhere when I spoke. Her head snapped my way, and a heartwarming smile drew across her face. “For putting up with me.” I shrugged shyly.
“Don’t mention it, Cass.”
Biting my lip for a moment, I added in a soft murmur, “I’m not the best friend. Sorry.”
“Hey.” A crumpled napkin landed on my arm. “You’re going through something.” Her eyes softened. “And I hope that one day, you will confide in me.” She hitched her glasses up her nose. “If you want to.”
My chest constricted as I swallowed hard. I wasn’t sure I could utter a word without shedding a tear, so I simply nodded. She nodded back with a sad smile on her face.
A shaky breath left my lips as I gazed at the sky.
It felt good to have a friend.
***
After school, Dad texted an apology since he couldn’t take me to the therapist. His meeting had turned into several meetings and he couldn’t pick me up in time. He was probably quite disappointed since he was so keen on meeting my new therapist, though.
Being home still felt weird. More so when I was alone. I avoided it like the plague. Mom’s presence and the last image I had of her still haunted me every day. So, after dropping my backpack and grabbing a bottle of water, I decided to walk to therapy, even though it meant I’d arrive early.
The afternoon heat was a bit too much, especially with a long-sleeved t-shirt. With time to spare, I reached the therapist’s office. There was a park in front of the building. Large oak trees surrounded the playground. Completely annoyed at my choice of outfit, I trotted to the swings, thankful for the natural shelter provided by the trees.
Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1) Page 3