Why would he ever want to hang out with me anyway?
Rubbing both palms on my face completely discouraged, I heard my phone ring. Please let it be him! Please!
I sprang to get it and pouted at the name on the screen. It was Amanda. “Yeah?”
“Hi, Cassie! Is everything okay?” She sounded relieved to hear me.
That depends. If by “okay” you mean I just screwed up any chance to ever talk to one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met, then I am.
“I’m fine.”
“I was so worried about you! You never miss an appointment, and both you and Nathan missed them!”
I scrunched my nose at the sound of his name. “Sorry. We just had to go somewhere.”
Amanda stayed quiet for a moment. “Are you guys okay?”
“Yeah,” I said hesitantly.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”
“Sure. And sorry for standing you up and getting you all worried.”
“It’s fine.” I could picture her grinning. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Same time, okay?”
“Yeah. See you!” My shoulders sagged as we hung up. I played with my phone for a moment, lingering on Nate’s number.
Should I call him? What would you say? Sorry for not remembering? That was ages ago. Ugh.
My eyes flew to where I had my drawing pad. I had given it up when Mom got worse. It didn’t feel right to do something I actually enjoyed when that was going on. It still felt awful. Like I was underserving of it. Slowly, I walked to my bookcase and took it out. My right hand traced one of the last drawings I’d made. It was a white lily, but the edges were darker, like it was withering. Mom’s favorite flower.
My eyebrows furrowed as I grabbed a pencil.
I always missed her. Constantly. A part of me always felt empty. No matter what. Especially at times like this. All I wanted was to have her near so I could ask her what to do. However, I already knew what she would have said: Go to therapy. My eyes were teary as I snorted at that. If she didn’t know what to do or say, she would send you to therapy. Which was a bit ironic at the moment.
With a heavy heart, I started to draw a face. I wasn’t surprised to recognize certain someone after I finished the eyes and lips. There was no point denying my feelings.
I liked Nathan, and I was sure that was pretty clear to him after our kiss.
I wanted to assume he fancied me too. But I just wasn’t sure. A part of me knew he must. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been patiently talking to me since I went back to school. Nonetheless, he was hurt. That was crystal clear by now. I had hurt him without knowing it.
Dad’s voice from the first floor snapped me out of my thoughts. He wanted me to come down for dinner, so I left my drawing on my desk and decided not to tell him anything about my afternoon.
As I approached the kitchen, I heard him talking to Marie, and my stomach clenched. They were chatting animatedly and even laughing. I froze by the door, listening to them.
Eventually, Dad walked out of the kitchen and found me wide-eyed. Instant concern clouded his face. “Hey, kiddo! What’s up?”
I tried to smile at him, but I was sure I grimaced instead. Dad’s blue eyes studied me for a moment before he stepped to the side. Marie was peering over a simmering pot. “Hi,” I murmured awkwardly.
“Hi, Cassie! How are you? Your father told me about what happened.” She shook her head. “I know someone who could help us out. One of my patients’ parents is on the school board. I’m sure they would be appalled to hear something like that happened in their school.” She looked completely at home here, which was a bit unnerving.
“No, that’s okay.” I shrugged and sat on one of the kitchen stools, not really knowing what to do. She smiled at me before asking Dad for the salt.
She was pretty. She had short, brown, curly hair. Her skin was a bit tanner than mine, and her dark brown eyes were almond shaped. She didn’t use makeup and was usually dressed in jeans and loose blouses.
I couldn’t help but compare her to Mom. They were so different.
Mom had always been a bit obsessed with clothes. She had a bad habit of buying too many. At the end of her life, half her closet was probably new. She stopped fussing around with her appearance as the cancer took over her.
It was so weird seeing Marie cooking with Dad. I noticed how warily he looked at me from time to time. Not wanting to just sit there staring at them, I got up and offered to set the table. Dad smiled thankfully as I went to the cabinet and took out the plates.
“What are we having?”
“Marie is making us Bolognese,” Dad said warily. Bolognese sauce was one of my favorite’s dishes, and I’m sure Dad told her about it.
“I hope you like it,” she added softly, glancing at me. My mouth went dry. She’s really trying.
“I’m sure I will.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Dad give her a thumb-up as I finished setting the table. Oh Dad. I helped them out grating the Parmesan cheese as they both talked about their day and stuff.
The pasta was good. It was different than Mom’s, but it was a nice gesture. At some point during dinner, Dad asked her to pass him the salad, but he used Mom’s name. My heart stopped for a moment. My hand froze in midair while my chest constricted.
“Sorry,” Dad added quickly in a low voice. Marie glanced kindly at him. She placed her hand on top of his and squeezed it reassuringly before passing him the salad bowl. Suddenly feeling awkward, I swallowed hard, placing the fork on the plate, gaze glued to my food.
He does miss Mom.
In a way, I knew he just didn’t want to be alone, but was that fair for Marie? I didn’t think so. Then again, they weren’t asking me what I thought, and I needed to respect whatever they decided about their relationship. Swallowing hard, I took a sip of water and continued to eat in silence.
“So, your Dad told me that you have a new boyfriend?” Marie asked me all of a sudden.
My eyes turned to Dad, who was smiling at me like nothing had happened. I shook my head. “He’s just teasing me about it, but no. I don’t.” If anything, I had majorly screwed up things with Nathan.
Nathan’s kiss played in my head once again, and I stared at my food, blushing because they were both looking at me with knowing grins on their faces.
Gosh. Am I so obvious? Can they tell that something happened?
Of course not! Don’t be such a moron. Dad’s just convinced Nate’s into you.
“Did you talk to him?” Dad asked softly, and my stomach plummeted to the ground. I guessed they could see right through me.
“Sort of,” I said.
“Well, from what your dad has been telling me, he seems like a nice boy.” Marie smiled at me reassuringly.
I raised an eyebrow in silence. Nice wouldn’t be the word I’d choose to describe him. Intriguing. Strong-willed. Kind. Handsome. Confusing. I kept those to myself.
“You’re okay, though?” Dad pressed on.
“Yeah,” I stated, shifting uncomfortably on my seat. Talking about Nathan with Dad and his girlfriend—I inwardly cringed at calling Marie that—was beyond awkward. For me, at least.
Marie must have noticed because she changed the subject by asking Dad about his new faculty position. He complied and started to talk animatedly about his new projects.
I shot a small, thankful smile to Marie, who grinned back.
Since I really hadn’t done much while making dinner, I offered to clean up the kitchen as they drank coffee and watched TV in the living room.
While I lathered the dishes, I thought about dinner. Marie was nice. She was. Out of all Mom’s friends, she was my favorite. A smile was always etched on her face, and it was contagious. I even called her “aunt” sometimes. It was just weird seeing her now as Dad’s girlfriend.
After washing the dishes, I called it a night and secluded myself in my room. I checked my phone, hoping to see something from Nathan, but I had three missed calls and a few what happened? texts from Farah. Once
I brushed my teeth, I lay in bed as I called her. She picked up after the first beep.
“Where were you?” I could picture her staring at me with wide eyes.
“Sorry. I had dinner,” I said absentmindedly, dreading her questions already.
“So? What happened, Cassie? Did he apologize for being such a douchebag?” I cringed. He apologized all right. I just wasn’t sure about what.
“Yes?”
Farah took a deep breath, calming herself. With a strained voice, she added, “Care to elaborate?”
“I—” I swallowed hard, “—he kind of, sort of—” I grimaced, “—kissed me.” I closed one eye, expecting her outburst.
“What?” I had to pull the phone away from my ear as she screamed. “And?”
“He apologized.” I bit my lip. “And then he left.”
I heard her slapping her forehead. “Oh my God, how thick could you both get?”
“He seemed hurt.” I sighed and closed my eyes. “And we had sort of kissed before.” I told her about the party. She listened, squealing excitedly once or twice, making me smile.
When I finished, she commented, “Well, it’s clear the guy has been obsessed with you since forever. And it kind of explains why he hates Tom, doesn’t it?”
“Because he’s jealous?” I stared through my window into the night sky. I had completely forgotten why he’d been mad at first. It kind of made sense, though.
“Duh!” I rolled my eyes at Farah’s response. “I love you, girl, but you are thick.”
“I just don’t know. I mean, why did he apologize and leave?” I glared at my reflection in the window.
“Maybe he’s not sure that you like him? I mean, have you done anything to let him know that?”
Scrunching my nose, I defended myself. “I did make Jay drive me to find him, and I kissed him back. That has to count for something.”
She sighed, annoyed. “Gosh. I don’t know who’s thicker between you two.” I snorted at that. “What are you going to do, though?”
“Try to talk to him?” I frowned. What was I going to tell him?
“You should totally kiss the crap out of him,” Farah pointed out excitedly. I chuckled. God, I wanted to.
In the background, someone shouted at Farah. “Ugh,” she groaned. “Mom needs me. I have to go, Cass. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”
“Sure. Good night, Cupid.”
Farah giggled. “Night.”
I lay in bed, replaying Nate’s kiss again. I kind of wanted to slap myself for being so cheesy, but his blazing eyes were etched in my mind, and my stomach clenched just thinking of how he’d made me feel.
God. I was totally obsessed with him.
Dad knocked on my door. “Are you decent?” he asked before peeking his head around the door’s edge.
“People usually wait for an answer, Dad.” I raised an eyebrow as he grinned.
Opening the door, he walked into my room. “Did you have fun tonight?”
That depends on your definition of fun. I shrugged. He sat next to me. “Thank you for trying, though,” he said as he gazed lovingly at me.
“She’s nice.”
“She is.” He stared at the window for a moment, lost in his thoughts. “So, do I need to use my ninja skills on this Nathan guy?”
I snorted. “He’s just Nathan, Dad.”
He shrugged dismissively. “Are you okay?”
“Just tired.”
“You can talk to me, Cass. You know that, right?”
“Yes, Dad.” I rolled my eyes.
He nudged my waist. “No rolling eyes, missy.” He smiled. “Good night, sweetie.” He kissed me on the forehead before leaving.
Sighing, I looked at my phone for a moment before turning off the light and trying to sleep.
Still feeling butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
Chapter Sixteen
The night was long and boring. I hadn’t been able to sleep again. I couldn’t stop thinking about Nathan. At all. I kept replaying his kiss over and over.
Tiredness enveloped me. I was just too exhausted to go running in the morning. I had barely slept a couple of hours when Dad woke me up, startled I’d slept in.
“Honey, you have twenty minutes to get ready! I’m sorry for waking you up this late, but I thought you were out running.” His brows were creased as I blinked at him.
Shit. Twenty minutes! Rubbing my eyes, I got up and started to run around my room, trying to get ready as fast as I could. I washed my face before putting on faded jeans and a red tank top. My old converse were lying on the floor, and I laced them up before walking downstairs.
Dad was waiting for me with a brown paper bag in one hand and a peach in the other. “Eat up. I’ll drive you today, okay?”
I nodded thankfully, grabbing the peach. After eating it, I brushed my hair and put it up in a messy bun while Dad drove to school. Luckily, we reached it only a couple minutes later than I usually did.
“Thanks, Dad!” I pecked him on the cheek before hitching my backpack over my shoulder.
“Love you!” he added, waving at me. I waved back as he drove away.
It was Friday already, and everyone was talking about Tom’s party. As I reached my locker, I saw Farah chatting with Anne. They were both really pretty. One was blonde and had baby-blue eyes and this sort of cute-geek outfit, while the other was red-haired and was wearing something much more hip-hop. They smiled as I came closer.
“Hey, guys!”
Farah watched me in concern. “Gosh. Did you sleep at all?”
“Why?” I opened my locker to get the books I needed.
“You look like crap,” she stated sincerely. “No offense,” she added sheepishly.
I grimaced. “I didn’t bring any makeup to school!”
Anne snorted. “Don’t worry, I’ve got loads if it.” We walked toward her locker, which happened to be next to the girls’ bathroom. We went inside, and Anne took out a large bag and placed it on the sink. Then they looked for things that could work with my skin tone. She gave me some concealer, and I applied loads of it. Trying to look more presentable, I also put on some blush and gloss.
They both studied me for a moment before Anne blurted out, “You look ten times better, Cassie.”
Warily, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I did look changed. Even though I knew they were talking about my blushed cheeks and all, I looked completely different than a few months ago. My eyes were still encased with dark circles. However, they were no longer heavy with sadness.
I wasn’t dressed sloppily in whatever I grabbed out of my closet, yet I wasn’t dressed up like the fake girl I’d pretended to be for the last two years. I was dressed as me. The real me.
And those dark circles? They weren’t there because I was hating myself. They were there because I couldn’t stop thinking about Nathan. The change was sort of refreshing.
However, I couldn’t but feel guilty for being unable to sleep because of a boy instead of thinking about Mom.
She wouldn’t mind, though. I know she wouldn’t. If she was here, with me, she’d be thrilled and even more excited than Dad. Still, knowing that didn’t make me feel any better.
With a heavy heart, I pressed my lips together. “Thanks.” I started to pick up the mess we’d made while Anne watched me quizzically. Farah helped me out and gave me a sad smile without saying anything.
Anne and I walked to our class in silence. I knew she wanted to know what had changed in me lately, but thankfully, she was keeping every question to herself. Dreading the moment we would cross through the door, I felt my feet slow down as we approached our classroom. We finally arrived, and as Anne took her seat on the front row, I walked to my seat, biting my lip.
Nate was there. He was gazing through the window into the distance, completely absorbed in his thoughts. My heart raced as I took a seat. I turned around immediately, already a bit flushed from being near him.
“Hey,” I murmured uncertainly.
> His gray eyes snapped to me. He nodded as I swallowed hard. Gosh. He looked troubled. Hurt, pain, and desperation flashed through his eyes.
I fought the urge to reach out for him, trying, in a pathetic way, to make him feel better. Instead, my lips parted as my eyes roamed all over his face and stopped a little too long on his lips. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I remembered how amazing his kiss made me feel.
Flustered and blushing, I turned around while the teacher greeted the class.
He was giving us a pop quiz, and I totally freaked out because during the last classes, I had no idea what was going on. The teacher started to pass around a sheet with two exercises as I looked at Anne. She was smiling confidently and was completely ready.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I didn’t want to fail this class! Especially now! It was my only class with Nate! Ugh.
Nate whispered from behind me, “Just remember the three rules I gave you, Taylor.” What rules? I couldn’t remember anything but the incessant pull I was feeling toward him!
I was so screwed.
Nate groaned and in a scratchy voice, said, “Mr. Brown? I’m not feeling well, sir. I think I have a bad case of stomach flu. And I don’t think I can get up.”
Our teacher’s eyes widened. He had a known aversion toward germs. “Go to the nurse, Nathan!”
Nate huffed, “Can someone help me out, though?” He got up and leaned on my desk, “Like now, sir?”
“Yeah, just leave the classroom already!”
Nate smiled at me before grimacing at the teacher. He leaned on me as we walked through the classroom. Anne shook her head knowingly as we passed her. As soon as we were out of sight, Nate straightened up and picked up his pace, leaving me behind.
“Nate!” I whisper-yelled, looking at both sides of the corridor to make sure we were alone. “Thank you!”
He didn’t stop or turn to look at me. He just continued to walk toward the back exit. Not sure if it was the wisest thing to do, I followed. As I approached the door, I could already sense the distinctive smell of cigarettes.
“You shouldn’t smoke on school grounds, Rivers.” I raised an eyebrow as I closed the door behind me.
Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1) Page 17