Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1)

by Gabriela Cabezut

  After crossing through the school’s parking lot, a small smile played on my lips as I neared the entrance. Nate was rubbing his hands together as he waited for me. He had on a gray beanie and a dark denim jacket. His eyes lit up as I approached him. We hadn’t met yesterday since he’d given me time to finish the essay, but we had talked on the phone endlessly last night. And I really wanted to see him.

  “Hey.” I light blush warmed my cheeks as I approached him.

  His lopsided smile appeared. “Hi. Ready to hand in the essay?” he asked as he grabbed my hand. Butterflies erupted in my stomach as I nodded. Just before we walked into school, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me softly. “It will be all right.”

  “I know.” I pecked him one more time before we marched through the hallways. A lot of people did a double take as we passed.

  Nate’s hold tightened as we walked by some football players, and I tried not to look; but from the corner of my eyes I saw Sean nudge Tom. However, I didn’t care what anyone thought about me or Nathan. Especially Tom.

  Farah was waiting for me at my locker. We’d had a long conversation over the phone yesterday, where she had squealed and screamed like a little girl. Still, her blue eyes sparkled mischievously as we reached her. “Well, well, well,” she teased me. Glaring at her for a moment, I opened my locker to get the books I needed for that morning. “You better take care of her, Rivers,” she added in her most serious tone. That brought a smile to my face.

  Nate’s lips twitched as he tried to suppress a smile. “I intend to, Blondie.” He sounded confident, but I could still see wariness in his eyes. My stomach churned. Come on, Nate. Have more faith in us.

  “Hey! Watch out, Rivers! Only I can call her Blondie!” Chris chirped from behind us.

  Farah rolled her eyes. “No one calls me Blondie! I’m Farah, dumbass!”

  “Yeah, but I’m your dumbass.” Chris smirked at his girlfriend.

  Nate shook his head. “Come on, let’s get moving before this turns out into an R-rated scene.”

  I chuckled as he held my hand. “We heard that,” Chris yelled as we walked away.

  “They’re great,” I murmured absentmindedly as we reached our calculus class.

  Nate shrugged nonchalantly before plopping into his desk. “What are you doing tonight?”

  I turned in my seat to look at him. “I’ve got therapy.” Hesitantly, I added, “Are you going?”

  He snorted. “It’s kind of fucked up that we both have therapy, isn’t it?”

  “Great minds think alike,” I stated smugly.

  “Meaning that we’re both fucked up,” he stressed, completely amused.

  I shrugged. “So?”

  His gray eyes gazed at me for a moment. “I’m going.” He cupped his chin, thinking. “You could start your homework while you wait for me. I should probably write you some exercises; because let’s be honest, you’re this close—” he pinched his fingers together, “—to failing. And it’s our only class together, so you can’t fail.”

  I blushed. “I’ve been too absorbed in other things.”

  His eyes narrowed. He leaned closer to me as my heart started to race. “What other things?”

  “None of your business, Rivers,” I brushed him off and turned to the front, suppressing a smile. The teacher walked inside and started class. I was about to start copying what Mr. Brown was writing on the board when Anne waved at me. She wriggled her eyebrows playfully, making my cheeks flush, before I started to scribble away.

  Nate was right. I had no clue what we’d been learning over the last two weeks. In my defense, it had been his fault. I had a major headache as class finished. Why on earth was I considered for calculus in the first place?

  I had no idea what the teacher had tried to explain. Brooding, I walked out with a frown etched on my forehead.

  “Easy, huh?” Nate mocked me as we paced through the hallway. I glared at him. He smiled in response. “I’ll walk you through it tonight, okay?”

  “Yeah,” I sulked.

  He stopped to kiss me lightly on the lips. “I’ll see you at lunch, right?”

  “Obviously,” I said in my duh tone of voice. He chuckled before stepping away.

  When I reached my English class, Farah was waiting for me at the door, beaming. “This is so awesome! We can double date!” She hitched her glasses up her nose. “And maybe we could work something out between Jay and Anne. They’d make a cute couple too!”

  I rolled my eyes. “Farah, you’re cute and I love you, but playing cupid is stupid.”

  Her blue eyes sparkled excitedly. “Just think about it! It would be so much fun!”

  We dropped our backpacks on our desks. “I think you shouldn’t push it, Farah.”

  Pouting, she shook her head. “You’re no fun.”

  Smiling, I glanced around the classroom. My eyes stopped at Marissa, who was looking at us with resentment. When our eyes locked, she looked away.

  What if she was going through something hard as well? I never thought of her as someone with low self-esteem. However, when people looked down on others, it often meant they didn’t think highly of themselves. I didn’t know her. Not even after all the time we shared. Just as she didn’t know me, either. We were both guilty of being indifferent toward one another.

  “What?” Farah blurted out. “Is the queen bitch at it again?”

  “No.” I turned away. “I think there’s more to her than what we think.”

  Farah eyed me incredulously. “I’m hoping you won’t try to befriend her.” She said it like a warning.

  “What if she’s going through something, Farah? Have you noticed how unhappy she seems?” Farah’s brows furrowed. “I was her, remember?”

  She pursed her lips before taking out the summer essay from her backpack. “I don’t think you ever bullied someone, Cass.”

  Tilting my head, I scrunched my nose. “Okay. I wasn’t exactly her. But still, Farah. Maybe she needs a true friend.”

  She grimaced and shook her head. “You are being too nice, Cassie.”

  “I learned to be that way from this overly persistent girl. Although, she was quite annoying too.” Farah rolled her eyes, but a proud smile played on her face.

  Mrs. Clearwater hushed everyone. As she started class, she told us that we had the rest of the period to finish our essays. A few classmates looked relieved and pulled out their notebooks to start scribbling away. Since our essays were already finished, Farah and I spent the rest of the class talking about our weekend.

  When it was time to hand in my paper, I walked nervously to Mrs. Clearwater’s desk and waited for everyone else to hand in theirs. My stomach clenched as I approached the old lady. Biting my lip nervously, I placed the sheets of paper on top of the pile. Mrs. Clearwater smiled at me. As she grabbed the papers to put them away, she tilted her head. “Is everything all right, Cassandra?”

  I swallowed hard. “Yeah,”—a faint smile played on my lips, “—it’s just that I poured my heart out in that essay.”

  Little creases formed around her brown eyes as she smiled. “I’m glad at least one of my students took it seriously. I’ll make sure to read yours first, all right?”

  That didn’t make me feel any better. “Thank you,” I said uncertainly before leaving the room.

  Farah was waiting for me in the hallway. When she heard me approach, she looked up. She smiled reassuringly. My heart warmed. I was lucky to have such an amazing friend as her.

  Lunchtime rolled around, and Farah and I walked to our usual spot under the tree. It wouldn’t be our spot for much longer, since the leaves had started to fall and cold air nipped our skin. Jay and Anne were already there. They were both engrossed in talking animatedly about movies. Apparently, they were both horror movies geeks. Farah sent me a knowing look, and I rolled my eyes.

  “Asian horror movies are kickass in the horror genre,” Jay stated as he opened his bag of chips.

  “Yeah, but Hollywood effects are m
uch better.” Anne raised an eyebrow.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jay dismissed her.

  Farah’s smile widened as she opened her salad’s plastic lid. I nudged her to keep quiet as they kept arguing. “They do have a lot in common,” she whispered to me before popping a grape tomato in her mouth.

  “Farah, stop it,” I admonished as she glared at me.

  “What’s going on?” Nate asked as he took a seat next to me. He frowned when he glanced at my lunch. An apple and a granola bar. “Is that all you’re eating for lunch?” he asked skeptically. I shrugged. “Come on.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me to stand up. “Let’s get something real to eat. I’m starving.”

  “When aren’t you?”

  He smiled. “And you’re having more than a fracking granola bar.” We walked to the cafeteria, where he got a cheeseburger for him and a sandwich for me. He didn’t let me pay.

  “How did it go?” He was talking about the essay.

  “Mrs. Clearwater is going to read it later,” I said absentmindedly as we walked back to our friends. I smiled at Farah, who was more interested in watching Anne and Jay than actually paying attention to her boyfriend.

  “What’s so funny?” Nate asked as we sat on the grass.

  I gestured toward her. “She’s got it in her head that Jay and Anne could be a couple.”

  Nate chuckled and shook his head. He forced me to eat my sandwich as he finished his burger. Then everyone started to talk about horror movies. I wasn’t a big fan of the genre, so I stayed quiet most of the time. Especially when Nathan pulled me in front of him so he could wrap both arms around me as he leaned on my shoulder.

  I was on cloud nine.

  When school was over, I fished out my phone from the bottom of my backpack and started to text Dad to let him know Nate was driving me to Amanda’s. I was on my way to the parking lot to find him when I crashed into someone.

  “Sorry!” I looked up to find Tom glaring at me.

  “You are dating Rivers.” His usually friendly behavior was gone. His eyes were blazing, and his fists were clenched tightly at his sides.

  I stared back at him. “So?”

  Taking a step closer, he towered over me. “I thought you didn’t date.” His tone was vicious.

  “I think that’s none of your business, Tom.” His eyes narrowed before I turned away from him. My heart was racing as I stepped down the stairs, and I took a deep breath as I hurried to reach Nathan’s truck. I didn’t like the way Tom had looked at or talked to me. However, I was pretty sure he was just acting out like the immature prick he’d always been. Nonetheless, I thought about Marissa. She was really into him, but despite everything she’d done to me, she didn’t deserve to be with someone like that. No one did.

  Reaching Nathan’s car, I breathed out, relieved.

  “Hey.” He looked at me quizzically.

  “Are you seriously going to make me do math?” I asked, sulking.

  His lips curved up as he opened the door for me. “Definitely.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “There’s got to be some way to make you pay, Rivers,” I deadpanned as I got inside.

  The boyish smile transformed into a smirk as he climbed inside and started the car. “You know what? You’ve got to stop calling me Rivers. It doesn’t show the love,” he said as we passed the school’s gates.

  I chuckled. “Let’s see. I could always call you Muffin Top.” I smiled sweetly at him as he laughed.

  “Tsk. You are going to be my cupcake, then,” he said, amused, “or Cuddle Cakes or Smooch.” I burst out laughing. “I think I like girlfriend, though,” he added as an afterthought. My laughter subsided as my heart fluttered. “What do you think?” He gazed at me for a moment before his eyes trained on the road again.

  I glanced at the street with a wide smile on my face. “I think that’s the best one, Muffin Top.”

  He laughed. “Yeah,”—he grabbed my hand, “—me too.”

  The car stopped in front of Amanda’s office. Pulling out his math notebook, he started to scribble some things on the last page. “They’re easy,” he said when he was done as he shook his head and handed me the notebook. I looked at the equations and grimaced. “Come on, Smooch, they’re not that hard!”

  “You can’t call me that!” I glared at him as he got out and opened the door for me.

  His lips tugged up in amusement. “I’ll keep that in mind, girlfriend.” He cupped my chin and kissed me for a moment. I beamed at him as he stepped back. “That means that I have every right over you.” He raised an eyebrow.

  My heart flipped. “Are you turning out to be a possessive boyfriend?” I raised an eyebrow mockingly.

  “Definitely.” My heart skipped a beat. His gray eyes darkened as his lips parted. He leaned closer and kissed me again. When he stood back, his eyes were intense as he breathed out. “Come on, you’ve got some math to do.”

  Pouting, I walked to the nearest wooden table. Nate put the notebook on the table and took out a pencil as I looked around the park. I loved how different colors displayed on the trees. I studied the shades, trying to memorize them for a new drawing later.

  “What are you doing?” He’d tilted his head and watched me with curious eyes.

  Shyly, I smiled. “I’m trying to study different color tones.” I rolled my eyes playfully. “For a drawing.”

  He bobbed his head while taking a seat next to me. “Would you show them to me?”

  Averting my eyes, I looked to where a girl was playing with her puppy. “Maybe.” He stayed quiet but placed his hand over mine. His thumb started to draw circles on the back of my hand. “You should go, Nate.”

  He sighed, somewhat annoyed. “Yeah.” Pecking me on the lips, he grinned as he stood up. “I’ll see you in a bit, all right?” I nodded.

  Time passed while I worked on the equations he’d left me. I had to really concentrate on the fracking things. As Nate had said, I didn’t want to fail.

  Then again, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. How he made me feel and how I couldn’t stop smiling whenever I was with him.

  I thought about Mom too. How I would have liked her to know him. My heart sank. I missed her. So much. I still felt like a piece of me was missing. However, Nate made me feel better. So much better.

  Thinking about Mom made me think about his mother too. If he was in so much pain, I could only imagine how she was dealing with it all. I’d heard that losing a child is the worst thing a parent could go through. My stomach clenched as I thought about Dad. How he must have felt after I tried to kill myself.

  If I had the chance to go back in time, I’d do anything to be a better daughter. A better person.

  The hour went by fast. I was just putting away the notebook when Nate walked through the glass doors and gestured for me to join him.

  With that grin that seemed etched on my face whenever I saw him, I complied. “It’s your turn,” he said in his deep voice. I gave him his notebook and climbed the stairs to Amanda’s office.

  She was waiting for me at the entrance. Her brown hair was down and framing her face, and she had on a pink-washed t-shirt and jeans. Her hazel eyes sparkled excitedly as I greeted her. She gestured for me to take a seat.

  “You and Nathan, huh?” She raised an eyebrow after she sat. I shrugged shyly. She grinned and shook her head. “How do you feel about that?”

  “Great.”

  She chuckled. “I bet you do!”

  Taking out a few sheets of paper from my backpack, I handed them to her. “I finished the English essay.”

  Nodding, she reached out her hand and took it. “Do you mind if I read it now?” she asked tentatively. I shrugged, feeling a bit self-conscious, but she was my therapist after all. Her lips curved up. “Great!”

  While she read it, I stood up and looked through the large window. I could see Nate going through the notebook. Probably checking my answers. He is such a geek!

  “Cassie?” I turned to
Amanda and took a seat on my blue couch. “I think you’re being too hard on yourself, honey.” She folded the papers and gave them back to me. “I think you should write a letter to your mother. You need to forgive yourself as well as her. It could help you. You don’t have to show it to anyone. You could even burn it after you’ve written it.”

  I thought about it for a moment. That seemed so final. “I’m not sure I want to move on,” I murmured as I fidgeted with my hands.

  Amanda sighed and looked toward the window. “You need to.”

  My eyes snapped to hers. “Has my father moved on?” He probably has. As soon as that thought popped in my head, guilt washed over me.

  Her lips formed a tight line. “What do you think?”

  I bit my lip. Looking at my shoes, I murmured, “I think he’s trying to…”

  “I think so too.” She stood up and sat next to me. I glanced at her. Her voice was soft as she added, “The thing is, Cassie, you need to love yourself in order to love someone else.”

  I thought about Nathan. “I think I’m falling in love with him.” I scrunched my nose, embarrassed.

  “I’m pretty sure you’re already in love with him, honey!” She chuckled. “But if you want things to work out, you need to forgive yourself.”

  I sighed. “Nate has doubts, you know? Like he has this idea in his head that he’ll end up hurting me.”

  “I know.” She didn’t elaborate, and I guessed it was because it wouldn’t be ethical or something like that. “But he’s working on it. Like you.” She looked at the clock. “Just promise me you’ll think about it, okay?” I nodded before she got up.

  “I’m going to be away for the next two weeks, but I’ll be checking my email all the time. If you need anything, just let me know.”

  “Okay.”

  Her face softened. She beamed at me. “Have some fun, Cassie!”

  My lips tugged up. “I’m drawing again,” I confessed shyly.

  She took a seat on her couch and crossed her legs. “That’s awesome! That means you’re letting yourself enjoy something!” I stared at her. She was right. I’d stopped drawing because it felt wrong to do something I loved so much. But lately, I’d had the urge to pick up a pencil again.