Except their expectations for the future. Those were diametrically opposed.
How could she show him that?
The waiter left and they were alone again, with their wine.
Reyna decided to be direct. “You’re looking for things we have in common.”
Kade nodded. “Of course. How else would I make you reconsider?”
“We might have a lot in common that brings us together, but there’s one thing that drives us apart.”
“Our hopes for the future,” he said easily. “You want to be alone, making cupcakes in Honey Hill and driving them to Portland. I could be happy getting my job back and doing what I love every day for the rest of my life, but I want more.” He met her gaze again. “I think you should, too. I think you deserve it.”
“You’re not going to say that I deserve you?”
Kade didn’t smile. “No, because whether you decide to give us a chance or not, I don’t think you should choose to be alone. I think you should fall in love with somebody—although admittedly I’d like that person to be me—and be wildly happy, in addition to making cupcakes that bring joy to others.”
Reyna stared at him, a lump rising in her throat. “I don’t think that’s possible.”
“I don’t think you want it to be possible,” Kade said, then leaned closer, his gaze searching. “I think you’re afraid, and given what I know about you, you probably have a really good reason for that. It doesn’t change the fact that it’s not your nature to hide or be fearful. I think you should reclaim whatever was stolen from you, that you should spit into the wind and take a chance and fall in love.”
It was strange to hear Kade say something so similar to what Chynna had said.
Reyna’s chest was so tight that she didn’t think she could take a breath. “I don’t think that’s possible,” she whispered.
“You, Reyna Tate, are telling me that something is impossible?” Kade asked with skepticism, then shook his head. “It’s not impossible. You don’t want to try, which is a completely different thing.”
There was a sizzling sound as the waiter brought their steaks. They smelled delicious, although Reyna wasn’t sure she was hungry anymore. The steaks were served with little roasted potatoes rolled in butter and parsley, and grilled vegetables. The presentation was very attractive. The waiter confirmed that the steaks were cooked as they liked, garnished them with fresh ground pepper, and then was gone again.
Reyna knew that Kade was still waiting for her reply, but they began to eat. He was giving her time to think, time to decide how much she wanted to tell him, if she wanted to confide in him at all. She admired that about him and admitted that patience was one trait she knew she needed in a man.
Kade had more than one trait she admired.
“Isn’t there something to be said for being once burned and twice shy?” she asked finally.
“Sure. But you’re not the kind of person who accepts no for an answer. You wouldn’t have built a business if you gave up that easily. Why do you give up on this one thing and nothing else? I know you have a reason.”
“What makes you think I’ll share it with you?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” He smiled at her. “But if I’m going to challenge your conclusion about flings and things, I need to go right to the root of it.”
“And do you take no for an answer?”
He sobered. “Yes. Whatever you decide is how it will be. If you say no, I’ll be gone for good.”
Reyna didn’t want to think about that.
On the other hand, she couldn’t think about offering more either.
She put down her fork, feeling even more unsettled than she had earlier.
“I thought you’d say you were going to fight for what you wanted,” she reminded him.
He gave her a shrewd look. “I am fighting for it, Reyna, but with words. Things aren’t made with force.” He held her gaze for a potent moment and she was sure he’d guessed her secret.
She started to eat again, not really tasting the food even though she knew it was delicious. “If this is about getting to know each other, tell me about yourself.”
“Not much to tell. I’m a cop, but you know that.”
“But not why you decided to be one.”
“I always wanted to be a police officer. When we were kids, it was always the part I wanted to play. I used to direct traffic in the house.” Kade smiled at the memory. “My mom said I just liked the idea of the whole world being organized.”
“I can see that.”
“I like being on the side of justice and right. I like being the good guy.”
Reyna nodded. “I can see that, too. You have family?”
“Well, you know my aunt and uncle.”
“Wasn’t Derek a state trooper before he retired?”
“Yes, and he played a big part in my decision. He’s the one who taught me to shoot, too. My aunt was a teacher before she retired. Elementary school, in Bangor.” Kade pursed his lips. “My parents were both teachers in Portland. Now, they’re retired and have moved to Florida. My mom does yoga on the beach and collects seashells, as well as terrorizing her local bridge group and book club. My dad golfs to his heart’s content.”
It was so stereotypical and yet alien to Reyna. His childhood and family sounded wonderful, so much like what she’d wanted for years but never had.
Instead of showing her they were similar, Kade was illuminating their differences.
“Sounds like they’re happy,” she said, feeling as if the evening was sliding downhill.
“I think they are. And I have a younger brother, Thom. He’s the most brilliant, creative, and restless person I’ve ever known.”
Reyna laughed despite herself, mainly because of Kade’s bewildered expression. “What does that mean?”
“Thom doesn’t do anything the way you’d expect. He colors outside of all the lines. He got his degree, for example, but didn’t even look for a job in his field.”
“Which was?”
“Architecture. Instead, he decided to travel. He joined some society, the Travelers Century Club, and was determined to visit a hundred countries as quickly as possible. They list over three hundred, so his next choice after that was kind of predictable.”
Reyna guessed. “He wants to visit them all.”
Kade nodded. “He’s somewhere over two hundred now. There’s probably another batch of postcards in my mailbox.” At Reyna’s glance, he continued. “He sends one from each country and I save them for him. They’re his back-up evidence, since customs officials don’t always stamp passports.”
“So where is he now?”
“Either heading east to Egypt or south to South Africa. The last postcard was from Morocco.”
“How does he finance it?” She halfway thought he’d say that his parents were footing the bill, so his answer surprised her.
“Well, he worked for an ecotourism company for a while, but the problem was that they wanted him to stay in one territory and guide the same trip over and over again. He started to build up his social media accounts while he was there. I think that happened organically, because he’s a really good photographer. One time when he was home, a friend joked that he should do something like in that movie, Amélie, where the stewardess photographed a garden gnome all over the world, and he ran with it.”
“He’s travelling with a garden gnome?”
“No. LEGO Batman and Robin. They’re more portable.”
Reyna laughed out loud. “He sounds like a character.”
“He is.” Kade pulled out his phone and navigated to a webpage, then gave Reyna his phone. It had to be his brother’s Instagram site, because LEGO Batman and Robin were traveling the world. Even better, the toys were posed to create optical illusions—like them holding up the Eiffel Tower. She giggled as she scrolled through the photographs and glanced up to find Kade looking grim.
“Too bad my brother’s so interesting,” he murmured and she smiled tha
t he was jealous.
She handed back the phone. “I’m going to guess that he’s single with a travel schedule like that.”
“My mom wants that to change, for sure.” He met her gaze. “You never know. He might meet the woman who’s the one for him and everything could fall into place.” Their gazes clung for a potent moment, then Reyna frowned and looked away.
“You could check his social media and see which direction he’s headed.”
“I could. I kind of like the postcards, though, and the surprise. Do you have brothers and sisters?
Reyna shook her head. “No. No family left.”
“Hey, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s just life.”
He studied her for a moment, then nodded toward her plate. “The steak isn’t right?” he asked, because she had eaten only half of it.
“Not as hungry as I thought,” Reyna said with a smile. “Thank you. It was delicious.”
“You could probably take it home and use it for a sandwich tomorrow.” He looked disappointed and Reyna didn’t want to insult him, but she knew she couldn’t eat another bite.
“That’s a good idea.”
“Mind if I finish mine?”
“Why would I?”
“Well, you are a goddess who can’t be seen in her bath,” he said. “And a lot of goddesses are also royalty. Thom told me that when you dine with the queen, when she’s done, everyone has to stop eating.”
“Did he dine with the queen?”
“No, but he’s ready.”
Reyna smiled. “I’m just a goddess, not a queen.”
“Could have fooled me.” His gaze was warm with admiration and she found herself blushing.
“Well, it is what my name means.”
“See? I knew it.”
Kade was such a nice guy.
She didn’t deserve him.
Reyna sipped her wine and thought about her conviction of that. Kade was right about her in one way. She didn’t want to try—not because she was afraid of him but because she didn’t want to hurt him. She was afraid of the damage she might do to him. She knew she wouldn’t be able to maintain a relationship so she didn’t want to screw it up, not when the guy in question was so very nice. What was it like to be part of a normal family? Reyna had no idea. She knew she wouldn’t be able to live up to Kade’s expectations of a relationship, because her life had been so different from his. It was only a matter of time before she blew it.
She wouldn’t be the one to break Kade’s heart.
“I don’t think I can manage dessert, after all,” he said when he put down his knife and fork.
“You planned it that way,” Reyna teased, trying to lighten the mood. “Because you think you’re sweet enough already.”
“Maybe I really am.” He glanced up as the waiter headed toward them. “Do you want coffee?”
“No, I’ll just finish my wine, thanks.”
The waiter cleared the table and topped up their glasses with the rest of the wine in the bottle. Reyna started to protest, but Kade lifted a finger. “You need a bit more so we can celebrate this.”
And he offered the wrapped package he’d brought.
“You didn’t have to buy me anything.”
“I know, but I wanted to. It can be an ending or a beginning. Your choice. Either way, it’s yours.”
As soon as Reyna accepted the package, she knew it was a book. Her heart dropped. She felt the thickness of it and the weight, and caught her breath. Where would Kade get a book on a Sunday in Honey Hill?
At Clem’s.
Which meant she had a pretty good idea what book it was.
“You shouldn’t have,” she whispered.
“I did.” He saluted her with his wine. “Go on. Open it.”
Reyna’s hands were shaking as she opened the paper, which smelled exactly like Clem’s shop. The Blue Book of Fairies. She gasped at the sight of it, even though she’d been sure what was inside before she unwrapped it. The book was sealed in clear plastic, just to ensure that nothing damaged it, and she ran her hands over it, wanting to open it but knowing she should wait until it was safely in her library. Her eyes were filled with tears that Kade had guessed the perfect gift and hadn’t even cared about the price.
Reyna’s throat was tight. She couldn’t believe the treasure she was holding in her hands. Kade was watching her, concerned with her reaction to his gift, and she knew that she owed him a lot more than a kiss on the cheek, a word of thanks or even a wild night of sex.
She owed him the truth of her own story.
Then he’d come to the same conclusion she had.
If there was a perfect man in the world, he was sitting across the table from her.
Which meant she had to explain to him just how imperfect she was.
Chapter Six
Something changed.
Kade saw it in Reyna’s eyes.
She’d looked for a second as if she was going to cry at the sight of the book, but then she squared her shoulders and swallowed. She blinked back her tears and set the book down with reverence, unable to keep herself from running a hand across the cover.
Just the way she’d run her hand across him a few times.
“Thank you,” she whispered, then looked him in the eye. “You can’t know how much this means to me.”
“Clem said you wanted it.”
“I do, but he never knew why. Nobody knows why, except one person who’s dead and one who should be.” She swallowed again. “I’d like to tell you, if you think you have time.”
“I have all the time in the world,” Kade replied.
“Once upon a time,” Reyna began. “There was a little girl. She had a mother and father, but no brothers or sisters. She wasn’t lonely because they lived on a military base, and there were lots of other children to play with. She also loved books and learned to read when she was very young. Her grandmother, who lived so far away that she might have lived on the moon, would send books to the little girl. They were beautiful books, filled with illustrations of the characters in the stories. Between the stories and the pictures, the little girl felt as if she became part of each story when she read it. Books were a portal to another world for her, a world that she came to love more than the one in which she lived.
“By the time the little girl was five, her parents fought regularly. They argued all the time, it seemed, and she escaped into the world of her books more and more often. When her mother moved out, she wasn’t sure whether to be frightened or relieved. After that, her life was divided between home with her father on the base and weekends with her mother in the city. Again, she had the sense of different worlds. On the base with her father, she could do whatever she wanted and go wherever she wanted. Her father wasn’t much for schedules and regular mealtimes. They ate when they were hungry. He cooked simple meals, usually in one pot, and they washed up the dishes together. He was always ready to get back to his motorcycles—he fixed them as a hobby—and she always yearned for her books.
“In contrast to the quiet ease of that life, visits to her mother were tightly scheduled and jam-packed events. Her mom lived in Manhattan and had a good job. She dressed in tailored suits, and never left her apartment without looking perfect. She took the little girl shopping, bought her clothes, took her out for meals in restaurants and instructed her on table manners and etiquette. The little girl often thought of the new recruits at the base on their first drills when she was in the city. Worse, there was no time for reading there. The one place her mother never took her was into bookstores.
“She also spent two weeks each summer at her grandmother’s house in the country. It was an old house that had been lovingly maintained, surrounded by a huge garden. Her grandmother—who was her mother’s mother—kept bees and grew vegetables. She made jam and pickles and canned produce for the winter. She cooked food that was totally different from what the little girl ate everywhere else. She had chickens, too. Best of all, one room of her hou
se was entirely filled with books. The little girl was allowed to read whatever she wanted, and she gorged on books for two glorious weeks each and every summer. In some ways, she felt like she was only really alive in that house.”
“Which was where she learned to bake,” Kade suggested when Reyna’s words faltered.
“Exactly!” she agreed and stroked the book. “It was also where she began to love fairy tales, where everything worked out in the end, regardless of how unhappy the characters were at the beginning. Her grandmother read to her from her own collection of fairy tales, starting with this very book.”
Kade nodded, understanding a little more about the volume’s importance to her.
“And so it went until the little girl turned ten. Her father was deployed on a peacekeeping mission and chose to send her to live with her mother in the city. It wasn’t an easy time, since the mother wasn’t accustomed to having a child around anymore and she often worked late. The girl was sent to a school in the city that was entirely different from what she knew. They wore uniforms and they all knew each other already. As the new girl, she was ostracized and often picked on. It was in this period that the girl became both rebellious and secretive. It started with her visiting those bookstores and buying books, hiding them in her room. She went places she wasn’t supposed to go, knowing her mother would never learn the difference. She made friends with other outcasts in the school and learned things that would have horrified her parents.”
“I expect that’s true of most teenagers.”
Reyna smiled. “The only constant was that her grandmother kept sending her books.”
“Fairy tales,” he guessed.
She nodded. “When the word came that her father had been killed, that he wouldn’t ever be coming home again, the mother worked harder and longer. The little girl was twelve. It didn’t seem to her like her story could ever end happily, so she stopped reading. She became more openly rebellious and soon it was mother and daughter who were fighting every night.”
Reyna paused. Kade watched as she turned a spoon on the table and chose her words. He could see that there were tears in her eyes and remained silent, honored that she was trusting him with her story. She frowned at the tablecloth and her words were soft when she finally continued. “She saw her mother die. They were arguing on a Tuesday night, her mother forbidding the girl to see some friend or other and the girl fought back. She threw a dish so that it shattered against the wall and her mother’s eyes flashed with fury. It wasn’t just because the dish was broken. It was because she had made a mess. She stood tall, defiant, knowing her mother would yell even louder. Her mother opened her mouth to shout and raised a finger, but the words never crossed her lips.”
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