by Shawn Inmon
We didn’t have a shower in the house, so I took a long bath and shaved my legs. My hair wasn’t real long, so I didn’t try to do anything too fancy with it. I just washed and blow-dried it. By the time Shawn came over to pick me up, I was ready, but Mom told me to stay back in my room. I think she wanted me to make an entrance. That wasn’t really my style, but there was no use in arguing with Mom about these things, so I sat in my room doing my nails and listening to music.
I heard voices out in the living room and knew Shawn had to be sitting out there waiting for me. As much as Mom wanted me to make an entrance like in a movie, I just didn’t have that in me. Instead, I just walked in and said “Hi.”
My entrance was plenty for Shawn. He jumped up, swallowed hard and quietly said, “Wow. You look… great. So beautiful.”
I didn’t really know what to say to that, so I just said, “You too.”
“Really? ‘Cause I don’t think anyone’s ever accused me of being beautiful before.”
Wise-ass. I shot him a ‘you know what I mean’ look.
As we were leaving the house, Shawn said, “Mom wants to see you in your dress and take a picture of us, so we’ve got to stop there before we leave.”
When we walked into the trailer, Shawn’s mom was in the kitchen doing dinner prep. Even though he had asked me to go to dinner at the Falls Terrace in Olympia, when it came down to it, Shawn didn’t have enough money to do that. Instead, his mom was going to make us dinner and we were going to eat after Prom. I don’t think I’d ever eaten dinner after 6:30 in my life, so eating at midnight seemed a little odd to me, but I didn’t care when or where we ate. I just wanted to be with Shawn.
Ruth told me I looked beautiful and pulled a chair over in front of the heavy red curtains in front of the sliding glass door. She took a Polaroid of me in the chair with Shawn sitting on the arm. The camera spit the picture out, but we didn’t wait around for it to develop before we were in the Vega and heading for school.
We had to get to the dance early, since Shawn was part of the court. Mossyrock did things differently than most schools. They didn’t elect a queen and king of the prom. Instead, they had five princesses. Everyone voted; the winner was the queen, and the rest were her court. They didn’t vote for the boys, so there was no Prom king.
We got there while the band was still tuning up. All the other members of the court were gathered out in the hallway, trying to figure out exactly what they were supposed to do. The queen and her escort would lead off the dancing and then the rest of the court would join in, but they still hadn’t announced who that would be.
I had a few minutes to kill, so I went to the girls’ bathroom. I was sitting in a stall when I heard two other members of the court come in. They used the mirrors to touch up their makeup and I heard one say, “I don’t know why her dress is that color. That’s supposed to be just for the Prom Court.” Meow. I looked down at my dress and peeked through the crack in the stall. Sure enough, my dress and theirs looked pretty similar. I wondered if I had broken another unwritten Mossyrock rule.
I could have hidden in the stall for a few more minutes and waited for them to leave, but instead I flushed the toilet, opened the door, and walked to the sink to wash my hands. I saw the two girls exchange glances, but I didn’t bother saying anything. I just smiled at them sweetly and walked right by without waiting to see their reactions.
I knew it might be a while before Shawn finished his Prom Court duties, so I sat down at one of the big tables in the multi-purpose room to wait for him. Soon we would get to spend the rest of the night together. I looked around at the decorations the Prom Committee had set up. There was a throne and smaller chairs at one side of the room, and lots and lots of crepe paper. Small-town formal dances must have kept the crepe paper companies in business for years.
Eventually, the room filled up and all the lights dimmed. Jim Croce’s Time in a Bottle started to play and Carolyn walked out, having been announced as the Queen of the Prom. She had her arm through Shawn’s, who seemed to be squinting into the spotlight, looking for me. Shawn and Carolyn danced alone for just a few seconds, then the rest of the court and their escorts came in and waltzed. As soon as the song ended, the whole Court was whisked over to the throne to take pictures, after which Shawn was free. He rushed over and kissed my cheek and said, “I missed you.” I knew that was silly. Still, it made me happy. For Shawn, being silly was the norm, and at times like this it was part of his appeal.
Our Prom was just like every other Prom held in small towns across the country, with cheesy decorations, a cover band playing Top 40 songs louder than necessary, and teenagers who normally wore jeans and tennis shoes dressed up in tuxedos and formal dresses. Still, to Shawn and me, that night felt magical, like anything could happen. Or maybe that something good had already happened and we were there to celebrate it.
This was one of the best nights of my life and it passed like a blur. Shawn and I were surrounded by our friends, but we could only see each other. We danced a lot and made sure we never missed a slow song. It was when the band played their version of Billy Joel’s Just the Way You Are that I finally knew what I wanted to do to show Shawn I loved him.
When the dance was done, we got in the Vega and drove the mile home. Our ears were still ringing from the music and we might have been perspiring a little bit from dancing so much, but we were happy.
When we pulled into the side yard, everything was dark in my house, but when I looked through the window at Shawn’s house, the whole inside was glowing softly. When we walked through the sliding glass door, I saw why. Ruth had put lighted candles all over the living and dining rooms. There were no electric lights on, but I could see the beautiful table she laid out for us.
There was a nice tablecloth with a beautiful arrangement of flowers from her garden as a centerpiece. She had even folded the napkins so they looked just like they did in a nice restaurant. Our plates were already out and they were still hot, so she must have waited until she saw us pull in the driveway before she took everything out of the oven and got out of sight.
On each plate was a Cornish game hen stuffed with wild rice, homemade dinner rolls, and a green salad. There was also a decorative glass that had layers of chocolate pudding and whipped cream.
“Will you tell your mom ‘thank you’ for doing all this for us?” I asked. “It’s so beautiful. This is way better than going out to a restaurant somewhere.”
He smiled, reached out, and touched my hair. “I will,” he said. He looked so good with the candlelight in his eyes. He took my shawl and pulled my chair out for me. Everything was so elegant and tasted so good, but I wasn’t really hungry, so we mostly just pushed the food around on our plates and made small talk. I knew we were approaching the end of the evening, and it was time to put my plan into action.
In the background, I heard Always and Forever slowly fade out, then a few seconds of silence and it started again. Shawn’s mom must have set the 45 to play on repeat on their stereo.
We stood up from the table and moved into the living room, where I could hear the music more clearly. Shawn was smiling at me in a way that told me he was very happy, but that he thought our night was done. I could understand that since it was almost 1 AM and my usual curfew was 11:00.
In the middle of the living room, I put my hand on his arm to stop him and said, “Wanna dance?”
His eyebrows shot up a little bit, but his smile broadened and he opened his arms wide to welcome me. I took two quick steps and rested my head against his chest, feeling the boundaries between us start to dissolve. He was still wearing his tuxedo, so in reality I rested my head against his jacket, vest, cummerbund and frilly shirt, but no matter. It was still him.
We danced just like we had the week before at Hollywood Hollywood, holding each other close and circling so slowly. I put my arms around him and pulled him so close to me that it started to feel like we were one person, not two. The song ended, but we didn’t. In the sudden q
uiet, we kept moving, dancing along until the music caught up with us again.
I knew what I wanted to do to show Shawn how I felt about him, but I wasn’t sure if I had the nerve to carry it out. We danced to Always and Forever again and again until finally I knew that if I didn’t do it right then, I wouldn’t be able to do it at all.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed myself away from Shawn and took two steps back. Feeling the butterflies in my stomach more strongly than ever but trusting Shawn and wanting to do something to show him how I felt, I reached up and pushed my dress off both my shoulders at the same time. I felt it slide away and gather in a small pool at my feet.
Shawn’s eyes got huge and he started to sway a little from side to side. I was afraid he might pass out. He took one step toward me, and I thought he might pull me into him again. But instead he held my face in his hands and stared into my eyes for the longest moment of my life. It felt so real, I shivered and felt goose bumps rise, but it was from excitement, not from the cold.
I held my arms out to him, welcoming him as he had welcomed me. He stepped into me and held me tightly against him, me wearing only my bra and panties and him still wearing his entire tuxedo. He took a half step back again like he wanted to both hold me and drink me in. He reached out and touched my face gently and let his hand slide down my neck to my shoulder and pushed my bra strap away. I reached behind me and unhooked it, letting it fall to the ground with my dress.
It felt very odd to be standing in Shawn’s living room, almost naked and him still dressed like he was ready to leave for the dance, so I pulled on the lapel of his jacket. We took four or five stumbling steps toward the couch, with Shawn shedding parts of his tuxedo with each step. By the time we made the couch, he was wrestling with his cummerbund.
I lay back against the pillows and marveled at his face in the candlelight. He looked so happy, so in love, it almost made me cry.
I put both arms around his neck and pulled him down to me. I kissed him with every part of me—my heart, my soul, my body.
“Shawn. I love you.”
“Dawn Adele, I love you too.”
It took a few more twists and turns, but eventually he got completely out of his tux and we lay against each other on the couch with nothing but our skin between us.
I smiled gently at him, then looked as stern as I could manage and said, “But, you know, it’s still ‘no.’”
I knew I loved him, and looking at him left no doubt that he loved me too, but we were way too young for sex. At the same time, I had just stripped nearly nude in his living room on Prom night, so I knew we needed to talk about it. He smiled too, and then looked serious and nodded.
“It’s ‘no’ for me, too.”
And that was that. I wish I could remember what happened for the next few hours, but they seemed to pass in just a few seconds. We lay on the couch, mostly without moving, just enjoying the feeling of holding each other so close. We talked and laughed and stared at each other. I didn’t know it was possible to feel so much.
I think we might have stayed on that couch forever if the world hadn’t interrupted, but it did. I heard a metallic click and knew immediately what it was: Shawn’s mom had opened her bedroom door. We both froze. If she came out into the living room, we were caught.
Instead, the next thing I heard was the happy sound of the bathroom door closing around the corner in the hallway. I jumped up from the couch and grabbed my clothes. We were both scared to death at the thought of being busted, but at the same time, it was kind of funny. I saw a smile pass across Shawn’s face as he crawled naked around the floor, trying to gather up the parts of his tux. Before he had managed to get his pants on, I was dressed and holding my shoes in my hand.
I never wanted this night to end, but I knew I had to go. I saw the first rays of sunlight sneaking in around the blinds. Shawn finally gathered up everything he needed in one hand and was trying to hold his pants up with the other, an image I knew would stay in my mind forever. His panic passed and all I saw in his face was love and happiness.
I smiled at him, kissed him softly one last time and walked across the yard to home.
I Just Wanna Stop
When I walked in the front door, Dad was sitting in his easy chair with his morning cup of tea. Although they hadn’t wanted to let me stay out past nine o’clock a month before, and it was now a few minutes after 5 AM, I wasn’t worried about being in trouble. They knew I was next door, safe, and with Shawn. They trusted him, although I don’t know what they thought we were doing all night.
Dad smiled and said, “You look absolutely lovely. How is it you manage to look so beautiful after such a long night?”
I answered truthfully and with one word.
“Shawn.”
I didn’t want any more conversation to interrupt everything I was feeling, so I just said “’Night,” and made a beeline to the bathroom. I was out of my Prom dress again, in my comfy jammers and in bed in less than two minutes. I wanted to continue to ride the high I was feeling from spending those hours on the couch with Shawn, but happy dreams were irresistible and sleep pulled me in.
Many years later, Dad gave me a poem called Dawn that he wrote that morning after I went to bed. I guess a lot of parents would have yelled at their fourteen-year-old daughter for coming home at sunrise after a dance, but mine wrote a poem about how happy I looked.
The week before, I had been worried about what future I might have with Shawn—what would happen after graduation, how long he would be gone to Alaska, whether we would still be together when he went to college—but that had all faded away. Stripping ourselves naked in front of each other—in more ways than one—removed any doubts or fears I had. It was still hard for me to believe that I’d worked up the courage to drop my dress like that, but I trusted Shawn. I trusted him not to go any farther than I wanted, but even more, I trusted him not to blab. Mossyrock was a very small town where everyone definitely knew everyone else’s business. If Shawn told any of his friends what we did when we were alone, my reputation would be gone forever. He never did, at least until it was too late for secrets.
With just a month between Prom and graduation, it felt like a clock was constantly ticking our hours away. We spent every possible minute together. We started leaving for school earlier and earlier and getting to school later and later. We drove the back roads and listened to music until just before the first period bell rang. After school, I met Shawn by the Vega and we rode home together. I would hurry through whatever chores I had, then meet him in the yard. Most of the time we couldn’t go anywhere on a school day, but it didn’t matter. Just like when we first became friends, we would sit cross-legged on the grass and talk until Mom called me in for dinner.
As soon as I had eaten dinner, I would go to my room and call Shawn on the princess phone that hung on the wall above my bed. We probably would have talked until it was time to go to bed if it was up to us, but that was usually impossible. Shawn’s family was on a party line, sharing a phone line with three other people on Damron Road. Sometimes when they picked up the phone, instead of getting a dial tone, they heard other people talking. Of course, that meant that when Shawn and I were talking, we would sometimes hear the little click that told us that someone else was on the line. If that happened, the polite thing to do was to put the phone back down and try again later. We knew that the little old lady two houses down did not do the polite thing. What she thought she might hear in the endless conversations of two teenagers, I have no idea. Eventually, out of nowhere, we would hear, “You kids get off the phone, now. I’ve got a call to make,” and that would be the end of our night’s call.
We also wrote each other notes. With texting, instant messages and cell phones, I fear that today’s kids will never know the thrill of getting a folded piece of paper slipped to them between classes. After Prom, we wrote each other those notes every day and we would both sign them “Forever.” Eventually, we dropped the quotation marks and just started signi
ng them—Forever. Looking back on it, that seems hopelessly juvenile, but at the time it felt very meaningful to us, like we were crossing another bridge.
As much time as we spent together, I shouldn’t have been too surprised that Mom was beginning to think it was all too much.
“You haven’t seen much of your friends lately, have you?” or “Don’t you think you two are seeing a little too much of each other?” became familiar refrains from her. I ignored them though, and she mostly ignored the fact that I was ignoring her. Shawn’s trip to Alaska loomed like a definite deadline ahead of us. From her point of view, the problem would soon go away.
We had both decided on Prom night that, as intimate as we were, neither of us was ready for sex. I wanted to be a virgin on my wedding night, and I knew that was years and years away. That was easy for me to remember most of the time, except when we climbed that hill back up to Doss Cemetery and parked in our spot. We would open the back hatch of the Vega, take turns undressing each other, and lay under the moon and stars naked for the world to see. Most nights that was enough, and I felt so close to Shawn that it was almost like we shared one mind. Other nights though, just lying naked in the moonlight didn’t feel like enough. We would take turns encouraging each other that it would be all right if we just did it once. Luckily for my virginity pledge, we never both got the fever at the same time and the cooler head always prevailed.
This intimacy might have caused us to lose perspective on public displays of affection—and how my mom might react. One night in late May, after sitting out in the yard and talking, Mom called me in for dinner. As usual, Shawn walked me to my door. As we walked past the Vega, he twirled me around and into him. We lay back against the side of the car and I rested my head on his chest. I felt content and happy, just like I always did when we were this close. I don’t know how long we stayed like that, maybe two or three minutes. I knew Mom would be getting impatient for me to come in for dinner though, so I gave Shawn a lingering kiss and ran for home.