“Are you ready for the lineup? It’s procedure.”
“Christ. I guess.” My jaw clenches.
Aware that I’m about to come face to face with the kid who took my wife’s life, a bad feeling drops down my spine. Thirty minutes later, my heart racing in my chest, I’m still waiting for the three white male suspects behind the one-way glass. One word and I’ll unmistakably, certifiably be sending a seventeen-year-old kid to years of hell. But I can’t worry about that now. Besides, the kid will probably be better off in a prison cell than on the dangerous streets of this city.
When they enter, I don’t panic or walk through the adjoining door and squeeze the life from the kid, even though I recognize him immediately and he makes me ill. He’s decked out in baggy jeans hanging low on his thin hips, with a gold watch on his wrist that was probably either taken illegally or purchased with stolen money. The kid’s eyes are fearful. The two-way mirror keeps him from seeing me, but still his gaze meets mine. My chest rages with fire and brimstone so deep that I feel it jet through my entire body, yet something in the kid’s expression calls for help.
“Number one. It’s him.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Rhett
And just like that, something new and beautiful begins.
A little over a year ago I was on top of the world. Didn’t have a worry. Loved my job. My life. Every day was a good one. Memories were only for the future. I always considered them something to look forward to. Something beautiful and special.
Looking down memory lane isn’t meant to be the grave, daunting recollections that I try erasing from my head every day of my life. Forgetting someone who left me with so much to remember is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried doing. Striving to erase memories that still creep out of my eyes when I least expect them is nothing I’d wish on another human being.
I’ve been angry. Resentful. Considered ending my life more than once.
The worst experience of my life came close to pulling me into that cold, dark place that I could never return from. I’d wished for it a hundred times. Closed my eyes and hoped to never see daylight more times than I can remember.
Then, Kassidy Johnson appeared on my doorstep. I couldn’t stand to look at her. Couldn’t handle making eye contact. Couldn’t fathom the feelings she brought back to my body. But then something in me, somewhere deep within, told me it was okay. That it was permissible to feel joy again. Her sweet smile. Soft eyes. Big heart. She brought back everything I thought was gone. Cared for me even when I acted like a jackass. Kept trying when I kept failing.
The pain from the past is still raw. Still hurts like hell. But that voice deep inside keeps telling me to move on. Accept the past and aim for the future. With Kass.
My brother, my closest friends—they all know I’m still hurting. Still dealing with waves of guilt so deep and ugly that it’s left me colder inside. It won’t ever cease to exist. The hurt—the guilt—will always be there to some extent.
But I won’t let my remorse hurt another person that I care about. That I love. And I love Kass. More than anything. I thank God for bringing her my way every day and have so many aspirations for our future. Lindy was my first love. Kass will be my last. Maybe I won’t ever be a hundred percent, but I’ll carry on with my life. I’ll see the damn therapist until the end of time if that’s what it takes. I’ll love this woman with everything I’ve got. Lindy will always hold part of my heart. She was my life, and lots of moments remind me of her. But, she’s gone. Kass and I are happy as hell together, and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure it stays that way. Maybe I’m missing a screw, but I just know each and every time I feel that imaginary hand brushing my shoulder, it’s Lindy. Giving me her okay. Sending me her approval to move on.
****
The night passes quickly and I wake up early, give Kass a quick call before she heads for work to tell her I missed seeing her last night, then head to the rink for a rare early-afternoon game against the Sabres. By the time I get home from a fucking nightmare 3-1 loss, I’ve talked to the realtor and given her permission to put a lock box on my door, made another appointment with Dr. McKnight, and called both my parents and Reese just to check in. After a quick trip to the dreadful grocery store, I send a text to Kass.
Can’t wait to see your beautiful face tonight. It feels like a year since I’ve touched you.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Kass
It’s almost 7 PM when I pull in Rhett’s drive. The “For Sale” sign shocks me to say the very least. Weeks after we’d argued and I mentioned his and Lindy’s house out of jealous anger, he listed it with a realtor. I can’t help myself—I feel bad about it.
Practically barreling through the front door, he immediately tilts my chin, our eyes meeting. “Rhett.” My lips quiver as I bite back a sob. “You don’t have to do this. I never meant I expected you to sell your house. This is your home.”
He sweeps a long finger over my lip, staring down at me with so much emotion in his eyes that a lone tear slides down my face. “We need our own place, Kass. One where we can make new memories. One you decide on and decorate how you want.”
Tears dribble down my cheeks. Rhett will always have a special place in his heart for Lindy, and I accept that now. I love him so much, and this hidden sensitive side that very few get to witness is part of what makes him the incredible man he is. “No. This is your home, and I’d never want you to forget what you had with Lindy. She was your wife. You loved her. Please don’t do this because of a silly fight.”
He blinks, taking an unsteady breath. “I never planned on loving again, Kass. Never had any intention of letting a woman’s taste turn into a desperate craving. Or feel so good around me that I needed it instead of just wanted it. But you … and that big beautiful heart. Compassion in your pretty eyes every time I look at you. The magnificent love you make with me no matter how shitty I’ve acted.” He pulls me against him, kissing the top of my head. “You’re the woman I love, baby. I’ll never forget my past. I couldn’t even if I tried, but you’re my future. You, and hopefully a house full of our kids one day, is everything I want. I hope I’m fortunate enough for you to feel the same.”
“Are you kidding?” I force back tears, easing my hand up his torso and pulling his face toward mine. “I love you with everything I am, Rhett. And I can’t wait to have beautiful babies with you one day when the time’s right. You make me so happy.”
He makes a soft sound resembling desire and hope, and in that one moment, every insecurity I’ve ever had is gone. His strength. Desire. Even the jealousy that he swears he’s working on. He is, and will always be, everything I want. And need.
Seconds pass, and the most loving smile shades his face, making my chest feel full. He cups my cheeks between his palms before he drops his mouth against mine and demands entry. The sensation is strong as his tongue slides over mine in deep, hard moves. I feel it through every cell. My lover. My closest friend. My life is going to be everything I ever wished for, and I can only hope to make him half as happy as Lindy did in their short time together. I’ll spend every minute of every day trying.
His lips are still sliding over mine, taking me away from everything else. My body responds the way it has ever since I first laid eyes on Rhett. I’ve never been able to resist him, this urge only growing heavier. His hands are touching me all over, my breasts billowing and turning heavy as my sex grows slick with need. Overwhelming want fills me, and I drop my hand down, stroking the rock-hard thickening in his jeans.
“Take me to bed, Rhett. Our bed.”
His jaw tightens as his body diffuses sensuality. He scoops me up in his arms and carries me to the bedroom where he’s on me the second my feet hit the ground. His hands clench my ass, tugging and squeezing, as his lips cover mine in thirsty, drugging kisses, his tongue plunging hard and deep.
I grip his shoulders and give him a throaty moan of satisfaction, grinding my hips against the stiff erection that
I’m all too urgent for. Our kiss strengthens, turning into brazenly needful deep surges of emotion. Desperate for each other. Striving to be one.
A savage, passionate growl rumbles in his throat and he pulls back. “You’re my everything, Kass. All I think about when I wake up until I close my eyes at night. Nothing makes sense if you’re not beside me.” Tracing the curve of my body, he slides up my torso, capturing both breasts underneath my shirt. His thumbs graze my nipples, coils of merciless lust making me desperate. Fervent need sparks through me.
His hands leave my breasts as he shifts us onto the bed and straddles me. With a tormenting, sluggish move, his hands stroke at my belly underneath my shirt, my body arching shamelessly into every wicked move.
“Rhett…”
“What, baby? Tell me what you want.” His fingers slide up my belly and ease my shirt off. He lowers his head and squeezes both breasts through the thin satin of my bra, his blazing expression driving me almost to the point of crying as tears blur my vision.
Everything is wet beneath my long skirt, and my arousal fills the room as he lowers a hand and strokes me. Teasing. Tormenting. Turning me into a blazing bundle of helpless nerves.
“God, you’re so beautiful.” His erection bumps against me.
“Please.” I arch my back and reach for his jeans. With a quick snap, they unfasten, and I slide my hand across his taut stomach before easing down underneath his boxers. He’s so hard between my fingers. Just like stone. I stroke at the damp head with my thumb, a growl building in his throat. His finger teases my clit before slipping inside me.
With my hand still moving up and down his erection, he reaches behind me and unsnaps my bra, tossing it onto the ground and sealing his mouth over my nipple. The grip is so tight that it sends shooting nerves through my sex.
“I love these breasts.”
Need unfurls between my thighs as the word “please” falls from my tongue again.
“Please what, Kass? Tell me what you want, sweetheart,” he says, earnest and confident. “You want my cock inside you? You want me to make you come?” His fingers move in and out of me in slow, tortuous moves, my muscles clenching with need. “There’s nothing wrong in telling me you want me to fuck you.”
I know what I want. I’m no longer afraid to admit to it, yet the words are still foreign. “Okay. Do it. Hard. Please…”
My voice cracks, and before I get out the rest of the words that I’m uncomfortable speaking, he spins me over onto my stomach and lifts me onto my knees, pulling my skirt and panties down, my bare bottom naked and exposed.
My forehead is against the edge of the pillow and he lifts my hips higher, pushing my thighs apart. A finger teases me as he slides it slowly through the lips of my sex. With a soft moan, my head buries deep into the soft pillow. Every touch of his fingers sends me further into the place that makes me feel like I’m dreaming.
“God, please,” I whimper, feeling his grin against the back of my neck.
He rolls off and strips out of his jeans in two brisk tugs, then bends over me, his erection still teasing.
“Is this what you want, doll?” He slams inside me hard, bumping my cervix so that I’m yelping. His hands gather around me, tweaking my nipples with his thumbs as his breath grows hard and heavy while we lose ourselves and devour each other.
“Touch yourself, Kass,” he orders.
With no hesitation, I reach for my clit and rub, the sound of his breath changing, a sign that he’s already getting close.
“Oh, sweet Jesus. You feel so good. Come with me, Kass. Fuck. Fuck.”
My fingers rubbing at my hard peak, I fall into a heavy climax, everything turning white as my body shudders against his while we both shatter into orgasm.
“I love you so much, Kass. So damn much.” Not moving for several long seconds as our breathing slows, he kisses my neck and eases out of me, pulling me with him as he rolls onto his back.
“Now, we talk.” His smile soft, his expression is suddenly unreadable as I prop up on an elbow.
“Okay. Let’s talk,” I respond softly.
“I remembered something today.” He stares up at me, the look on his face a huge blend of emotion and relief.
“You remembered what?”
After being silent for a long minute, he answers. “Dr. McKnight once mentioned something about colors and how they were substantial factors in trauma cases. At the time, I just thought it was more psychological bullshit, but then she asked if the black and gold colors could be a shirt or tattoo. Still nothing after I thought about what she was saying, but once she had me under again, she told me to look harder. She kept pushing and pushing, saying it was there. Telling me Lindy needed me to see and remember. That’s when I saw the ink. I couldn’t tell exactly what it was, but I knew my memory was coming back. McKee showed me the new mugshots, and it was right there. A fucking lion’s face.”
“A lion’s face?”
Stunned by this sudden breakthrough, we’re both silent for a few seconds, and Rhett raises a hand over his face, inhaling a long deep breath, struggling with emotion.
“Rhett,” I say quietly. “I don’t even have the words to tell you how happy I am for you.”
No response. I press a hand against his chest, his pulse racing. “Hey. Talk to me. It’s okay to be emotional. This has been a long time coming. This is good news, baby.” A beaming depth of emotion covers his eyes, and I lean over, kissing his forehead.
“You showed me those tats on your phone and I felt something. Then you had your eyes lined with that gold shit…” I give him a soft smile, and he reaches for my hand that’s still against his chest. “Then Doc had me under and I saw the ink so I went back to the PD and it was right there in front of me. A damn lion’s face inked on his forearm. It was like a fucking bright light shot off in my head. Bottom line, I remembered every damn thing about that night. Fuck, Kass, these are goddamned kids. Sixteen and fourteen years old when it happened. Their lives are nothing but shit.”
“You can’t do anything about that, Rhett.”
“Yeah, I guess not,” he responds dryly.
Months and months of worrying, guilt-ridden, it’s all coming to an end—as much as there can ever be. Rhett can finally get the closure he needs and move into the next phase of his life. His being shaken that the perpetrators turned out to be kids just proves what I already know—my man has a heart of gold.
After we share another handful of orgasms, I finally slide my eyes shut when I see Rhett dozing off. All I can think of is how happy I am. How much I love this strong, big-hearted man and what I have to look forward to in days ahead.
****
What seems like only minutes later, I’m opening my eyes back up to daylight. Rhett isn’t beside me, only a note and glass of orange juice.
Didn’t want to wake you. I went out for a run. You’re so beautiful when you sleep.
The next thirty minutes are spent feeding Polar and having a cup of coffee while I talk to Darci on the phone, what she’s told me blowing my mind, though not necessarily in a bad way. In the kitchen, with my clothes back on, I’m ready to head home to get changed for work after sending Rhett a quick text that I’m about to leave and need to talk to him about something.
When the back door opens and he steps inside, all I can do is savor and appreciate the depth of beauty in this man. My man! He’s dressed in only sweats and no shirt. Billowy muscles cover his bare upper body, and his sweat-laced hair is pulled underneath an NHL cap with the Hawks’ logo on the front. He’s never looked sexier. It’s impossible to take my eyes off him, but there’s so much more to him than his outer attractiveness. Rhett is strong, smart, caring. He loves his family with all he is.
And he loves me.
How did I get so lucky?
My eyes fog up and I realize I’m crying, shaken more than I realized about Darci’s eye-opening announcement. Rhett sees the worry in my gaze and I suddenly feel guilty for bothering him during his run when I could hav
e waited to tell him the news. He walks straight to me, both hands landing on my shoulders.
“What’s wrong, baby?” he asks, his voice notably anxious.
He’s only inches from my face, but it’s not enough. I throw myself against his chest, and his arms automatically wrap around me. As I sniff back emotion that really makes no sense, he backs out of my tight grip, looking down at me.
“Strictly speaking, that’s just it, Rhett. Nothing is really wrong. I’m sorry if I scared you. I’ve just been panicking since a conversation with Darci this morning, and you’re the only person I want to talk to about it.” I swallow past the nervous lump in my throat.
“What is it, sweetheart?”
“Darci’s selling the salon. She’s giving me a chance to buy before she lists it.”
His eyes narrow, and he stares at me for a few long beats, my chest tightening as I wonder what he’s thinking and if his thoughts are even close to mine.
“You know you don’t need to work, Kass. I have all the money we need, and after one or two more years of hockey, I plan on retiring and going into business with Reese, buying and managing commercial properties. You can do anything you like,” he adds.
“And I love you for that.” I blink up and press my lips against his. “But I’ve worked way too hard to get my clientele where it is. I need to work. I like to work.”
“Then that’s awesome, baby. If hair is something you want to continue doing, I think this is a great opportunity. We’ll buy the shop from Darci.”
His positive words quench the small remnants of my doubt. My heart is pounding with a new kind of excitement, my eyes tearing up with a different kind of emotion. Everything is going to be fine. Just like he promised. I’ve never felt more sure about anything.
And it feels good.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Rhett
The start of something beautiful is often times rejected due to a heartrending ending.
Waking the Lion Page 19