"And the thing was," she said, "I'd stopped being a memsahib and a stranger, and we had become fellow human beings alive in the universe at the same moment. Something flowed between us, a warmth, a recognition—from holding hands and being together on this long walk at night in the bush. I wasn't frightened—it didn't occur to me to be frightened—not then—because what I felt was—oh, an incredible awareness of the moment and of the sharing ness between us."
She was silent and then she said, "I've never forgotten it, I never will, and what I think I'd like to ask—" She stopped, embarrassed, and then, "I think it might be lovely—could be helpful—helpful to me at least—if for just a minute or two we could hold hands."
No one spoke. Gen drew a deep breath and smiled at Mrs. Cas well, and then Baharían said softly, "But I think— yes—this is a most beautiful idea."
"Corny," sniffed Mr. Gunfer. "Corny as hell."
"Be quiet," Lady Waring told him, and to Mrs. Caswell, with a twisted little smile, "I don't mind."
"Would you prefer I leave?" asked Miss Thorald politely.
"Yes," said Mr. Gunfer.
"No," said Lady Waring.
"I'd like to hold hands and make a circle," Gen said eagerly, and she reached out to U Ba Sein on her left and to Miss Thorald on her right.
The circle was completed awkwardly, with a certain amount of self-consciousness, and then they all looked at each other, hands linked, until Lady Waring said abruptly, as if stung by intimacy, "I think I want to sleep now."
"Yes," said Mrs. Caswell, and as hands parted she added quietly, "Thank you."
But something had changed, thought Gen. She herself felt a little less lonely with these people, and for a moment Mrs. Caswell had been beautiful and would never look so plain again, Miss Thorald had been included in the circle and for that brief span of time the temple had become a temple again.
9
A CANDLE BURNED ALL NIGHT MRS. CaSWELL, released from her griefs and tensions, had abandoned herself to the reading of Vampire Love and Gen, waking from time to time, would see the glow behind the pillar before she slept again. Nevertheless when the darkness behind the wall slits turned flannel gray Gen woke up, catlike, ready and waiting for the removal of the gate, determined to be one of the two who would bring up water this morning.
As intimations of day reached them and the sky grew paler the others stirred and Mrs. Caswell, blowing out her candle, announced that she had finished reading Vampire Love.
"I can't tell you how restful it was," she told them. "Such an exciting book, with this wonderfully romantic hero—it quite took my mind off things. Mr. Gunfer, how did you happen to have it with you?"
He said crossly, "Found it on the steamer. Books in English being hard to come by here, I picked it up. Looks a bloodthirsty piece of trash."
"No, no, it's wonderful escapism," protested Mrs. Caswell.
"Exactly—escapism," he snarled. "Think of the worthwhile books never published or sold, books about life, death, reality, the important things, and you speak of escapism!"
Lady Waring said tartly, "Since the word 'escape' has an especially beautiful sound to us just now, Mr. Gunfer, it scarcely seems a moment to expound on it with such contempt. What's the book about, Mrs. Caswell?"
"A castle in the forest—haunted, Lady Waring," she said eagerly. "This innocent young girl Charmian and her brother stumble across it in a storm, there's a strange old man who warns them away, saying there are vampires— beware—but they pay no attention. But when they find this handsome young man wandering through the castle—his name is Rudolfo—at once they assume he's a ghost or, worse, the vampire, and—"
Miss Thorald said, "Could I read it next?"
"I'll put in my order, too," said Baharían.
Lady Waring interrupted him and held out her hand. "Let me see for myself, if you please." And with a scornful glance at Mr. Gunfer she plucked the book from Mrs. Caswell "s lap and disappeared behind the pillar to settle down and sample Vampire Love.
It was curious, thought Gen, how quickly they had all marked out spaces for themselves in the temple. Instinctively and without consultation the rear of the building had become their living quarters, as if to remove them as far as possible from the hostile world outside and from the surveillance of the guards. It was here they built their fire, boiled their water and ate their rice, and here that they unfolded their blankets and slept. The area near the entrance, of equal size, was used only sparingly, but there was more than this: she noticed that each of her companions zealously guarded the spaces they'd chosen and honored those of the others, too. Mr. Gunfer had established his roots in the south corner while Miss Thorald had appropriated the opposite corner, with Lady Waring and Baharian occupying the long wall between them. Mrs. Caswell liked to sit with her back against the central pillar facing Lady Waring, and therefore this was where she slept while Gen had settled at the edge of the pillar facing U Ba Sein, who spread his blanket next to Miss Thorald along the wall. Once established it had become unspoken law that none of these spaces be violated and Gen, remembering the prison compound in Rangoon, was learning that not only missionaries had a need to make a space entirely their own, even if it measured only six feet by three.
Mrs. Caswell, folding her blanket, called over to Gen, "What's that word again for earning merit?"
"Kutho."
Mrs. Caswell sighed heavily. "I so wish I had paper to write things down."
Mr. Gunfer, following Gen around the pillar, said awkwardly, "You had—I saw—a little crossword puzzle magazine in your bag."
A plea was detectable and Gen turned to look at him, at the thin vulpine face made longer by his pointed goatee, and looking into his eyes it occurred to her that he was afraid—of people, perhaps—and certainly he did not like to ask for anything. "Yes," she said.
The approach made, the preliminaries dealt with, his usual temper returned. "Then to prevent me from going quite mad with boredom, one might ask if it could be borrowed?"
"It's for children," she pointed out. "You know—what's a four-letter word for car and that sort of thing."
"Thank you but I will soon become a child myself if steps aren't taken," he said curtly. "A few more days of idleness and my brain—of which I'm quite fond—will have become too addled even to translate the word car into auto. “
She fetched her puzzle book for him, reminding him to pencil in the entries lightly, so they could be erased, and hearing voices outside she hurried to the door to wait: the gate was lifted inch by inch and then carried away. "May-ela," Gen called out cheerfully to the three guards, and in turn they told her they were fine and withdrew, grinning, to their hut while Gen sat down on the step and hugged her knees, anticipating her few moments of freedom at the river. Presently two of the guards reappeared with water buckets, U Ba Sein joined her and they set out for the river under guard.
It was a glorious time of day, somnolent, slow to wake, tender, peaceful, the birds chattering, singing, fluttering away at their approach. They descended among toddy palms and thorn trees, passing one mimosa tree whose fragrance followed them all the way down the hill. Across the river lay the son green of paddies and in the distance, rising above the dawn's mist, a pagoda interrupted the flowing line of blue hills. It was an hour when the pongyis in the villages would be making their rounds with their black lacquer alms bowls, pausing at each house for gifts of rice or fish, and when the banks of the river at Theingyu would be lined with villagers brushing their teeth or washing their clothes, a garden of colorful longyis spread out on the banks to dry. The guards were silent, the sun had not yet risen but there was a glowing brilliance in the east.
Reaching the shore Gen walked eagerly into the water, grateful for its shock of coolness. She filled her bucket and U Ba Sein's bucket as well and carefully washed her face and hands. The two guards, relaxed, lighted cheroots and watched U Ba Sein as he searched among the debris along the shore. There were no other soldiers to be seen, which was what
Gen had come to learn, and this pleased her. The steamer might have gone but freedom was still possible if she acted at the right moment and if her thamma deva would return and guide her again.
When the guards called to them she walked ashore, her ragged sneakers squirting jets of water. As she handed U Ba Sein his filled bucket he said, "Just see what I found." He held out to her a small block of wood that had drifted ashore. "It's not guava wood—guava is best for carving— but with this you can be a pabu shaya."
"A carver," she mused, surprised again by a rush of pleasure happening at the precise moment that an absence of soldiers was feeding her hopes of escape. "Ceizu tim-bade," she told him, and wondered if once again he was reading her thoughts.
They began the ascent just as the sun rose to warm their backs but the bucket was heavy and the hill was steep, and Gen felt her moment of joy fading. / am not Zawgwi, she thought, who can fly through the air or wave a wand to change matters, I am still Gen and still captive and perhaps even wanting to be free makes me captive.
Baharian stood under the arch waiting to carry their buckets inside. Not far from the door Lady Waring sat reading Vampire Love; Gen and U Ba Sein sank down on the step to rest.
U Ba Sein said with a glance at her face, "There is no pyobyo sinswin—no happiness—in you this morning."
She nodded, "I miss Theingyu," she told him with a sigh. "I miss U Hamlin, too."
At his questioning glance she began, haltingly, to tell him about U Hamlin, about what had happened to her father and of how U Hamlin had helped give him a royal funeral. Opening her thoughts to U Ba Sein, speaking of these matters on the step of the temple connected her past with the present, for she had left parts of herself behind that were sorely needed, and although she was unaccustomed to speaking of important events they pressed hard on her now. But they could overflow only to U Ba Sein, who knew how the funeral pyre had honored her father in spite of his unripe death, and who knew what she meant when she spoke of her thamma deva.
"But my thamma deva has deserted me now," she ended sadly.
They had been speaking in Burmese but now she slipped into English and U Ba Sein joined her. "Deserted you?" he said, startled. "How can you know this, how can you be sure?"
"Because I'm here," she said listlessly.
He smiled. "Yes, you are here," he agreed. "Because you do not like being here you think your thamma deva has abandoned you?"
She nodded. "And there are fears, U Ba Sein, I no longer belong in Theingyu, where people are happy, and I fear I will never belong in America where I'm to go, and this frightens me."
"That is to be expected," U Ba Sein said, nodding sagely.
"Why?" she pleaded. "I don't know who I'll be, I don't know who I am. Even now!"
He said firmly, "You will be—still—a star visitor."
"A what?"
He Smiled, his plump cheeks folding into creases. "A visitor from the stars."
Hugging her knees she said, "Me?"
"Oh yes. It's why you will always be a little lonely. It will be hard for you to belong, Zen, for how can it be otherwise when you come here as a visitor from a faraway star?"
"A visitor," she repeated, groping with this thought. "You mean I do matter—I matter somewhere, U Ba Sein?"
"Very much, yes."
"But—a star visitor from where?"
"It has many names, Zen Penis, but in the English language it would be called Octurus."
"Octurus," she said, pleased. "And I come from there? Where is it, can I see it in the night sky?"
He shook his head. "It's a master star thirty-three light-years from the sun, a place far more evolved than earth, but when you end this life—which will be an important life for you—you will return there."
"So I do have a place," she whispered. "I do have a home."
"You do have a home," he said, and they sat quietly and in peace together until Gen was called inside by Baharian.
Lady Waring, seated not far from the doorway with her
book, called accusingly, "I heard what you told her, Mr.
Ba Sein."
He turned. "Did you, Lady Waring?" "You're a scoundrel but I like what you did." "And what did I do, Lady Waring?" he said, amused. "Gave the child confidence... So she goes to America,
does she! It's no wonder that she's frightened when this country is all she's known." Lady Waring nodded. "You handled that very well, Mr. Ba Sein. Very imaginatively, too."
He said meekly, "Thank you so much, Lady Waring." She said dryly, mockingly, "And I, too, will I go to this star Octurus when my life ends?"
"No, Lady Waring," he said, and excusing himself he walked past her into the temple.
In the afternoon, much to their astonishment, soldiers began bringing up the hill sections of high wooden fence from the village below. They brought them on their backs, and marched away to bring more, while three soldiers remained behind to insert posts into the ground at intervals.
As they crowded the doorway, watching, their guard wandered over and broke into lively chatter that Mr. Ba Sein translated for them. "He says now we can breathe fresh air and walk, for they make us a second khan—a second room."
"But we won't be able to see the river," cried Gen. "Or the sunsets—it's cruel!"
"Let me know when they've finished," said Lady Waring, "I'm returning to Vampire Love. You were quite right, Mrs. Caswell—"
"Oh please call me Helen."
"Quite right about the book, Helen, it's very engrossing and it certainly takes one's mind off things."
When the fence was finished they had lost their sunsets but gained a compound; a gate had been installed at the far end, and the guard hut moved back to a position just six feet in front of it to conceal and guard this single exit. The arrangement apparently held dividends for Colonel Wang as well because two soldiers were relieved from guard duty for the afternoon, leaving only one behind, which was how Gen made her first contact with the outside world.
She had walked into the compound to hunt for grasshoppers—for herself if no one else cared to eat them—and to hunt them before they disappeared from the several patches of high grass in the enclosure. She crept through and around the small jungles of grass, catching them with cupped hands and dropping them into her empty bucket, using her hat as a lid to keep them inside. She had caught six when she became aware of the guard making persistent hissing sounds at her. She crossed the compound to the hut where he sat on a bench under its one window, rifle in his lap.
"You make noises like a mwei," she told him. "Ba loujinoale—what do you want?"
Without reply he turned and pointed behind him, which is when she saw the figure hiding in the shadows between hut and gate. She started to say, "Who—" and then she recognized him. "Ba Tu?" she said incredulously. "Ba Tu, you've found me?"
"You're okay," he said in relief as she went to him.
"Ma Nu was afraid for you, but don't talk so loud, Zen, and stay in the shadow!"
"You've seen Ma Nu? Have you also seen the man I was with on the hill? Is he safe? It's important, Ba Tu, have you seen U Hamlin?"
"He wasn't captured with you?"
Gen's heart sank; he had not been seen, then, but had vanished like mist at dawn; she could only shake her head, wordless.
"I've seen nothing of him, Zen, but when I went back to Theingyu to tell my mother where you were, Ma Nu said there was news of many soldiers in the area where I found you and the stranger. She sent me back to warn you but too late!"
She nodded. "I was captured only hours after seeing you, Ba Tu, but how did you find me?"
He grinned. "Sometimes it is good to be a damya. This chap on guard here is a friend, he was a dacoit once, too, his name is Ko Thein but now he's chosen to be a soldier for a while, we met in the village down the hill and when he told me there were Europeans in the temple I asked if there was a girl here who speaks Burmese and he said yes, a thin one with a funny hat." He laughed. "I said yes, that's Zen, but I had to wait unt
il he was sent to guard you again. I had to see you and make sure you're okay, Zen, but I can't stay long."
She said urgently, "Ba Tu, I have to get out of here— we all have to get out, I grow worried, I must get to Rangoon!"
Ba Tu nodded. "I'll see what I can do. You know Ma Nu will never let me in the house again if I don't help you!"
"What do you think you can do?"
He wrinkled his brow in thought. "There are soldiers everywhere, there would be no way to get you away by land. It would have to be by boat, but—"
"I have money, Ba Tu. The gold watch and money."
"Ah! That will help." His face brightened. "Give me some kyat, I'll put it to good use and see what can be done. How many are with you in the temple?"
"Six."
He said thoughtfully, "For so many people it would need three boats, I think, but how to get you out of here and down the hill to boats I don't know. Six miles to the south— maybe only five—there are no soldiers. If we can find boats to get you downriver—"
"All of us?"
"Okay—all of you," he promised. "Trust me, Zen, you know you are like a thami to Ma Nu."
"Give her a hug for me, Ba Tu."
"You can give me one!"
She flashed a smile at him. "Okay—there! Now I'll get the money for you. Wait!"
"Be quick!"
She sped back into the temple, and because Mr. Gunfer was in the middle of another argument with Lady Waring and with Baharian, she was able to extract from her bag three hundred of her eight hundred kyat. Returning to Ba Tu she slipped the bills into his hand, and having gained time to think she told him, "Every morning two of us go under guard to the river for water, Ba Tu. There's a big rock down there next to a toddy palm—you could hide a message under it and I'd find it when it's my turn to get water."
He nodded. "I can do that but don't expect one too soon. "
With a wave to Ko Thein he vanished through the half-opened gate, leaving Gen excited and pleased.
What a surprising day, she thought: she had learned that she was a star visitor and she had received fresh hope of escape from Ba Tu . . . Returning to the bucket that she'd abandoned in the grass she squatted down beside it; a second later she dropped to the earth and sat hugging her knees while she considered what to tell the others in the temple. The sun beat down on her head and she missed her hat but of course it was holding the grasshoppers captive, she could hear them leaping against the sides of the bucket in their attempts to be free.
The Incident at Badamya Page 9