‘The beginning is the end is the beginning’, according to Billy Corrigan of the Smashing Pumpkins anyway.
~ Chapter Fifteen ~
When I arrived at Allegory, after a short cab ride to Pioneer Square, there was a line halfway down the block to get in. Popular place I guess.
It reminded me of my days at Stigmata or Helter Skelter in Hollywood; back when they had been cool places to go dancing with my friends. My friends.
I strode alongside the line, feeling sheathed in that whole goddess-like confidence, so foreign to me.
Faces turned my way, eyes followed. I felt—actually felt traces of admiration, jealousy, hunger. How could I feel that without even looking at any of them? Was this something to do with what I was now? Did the others have this?
The doorman let me in without a word, without a cover charge, without checking my I.D. Strange new world for me. I didn’t look all that much different really and I used to be stuck in lines just like this, just like everyone else, waiting for my turn to be admitted, sometimes an hour or more wait time.
Music pumped loudly through the room. An old Cure song, A Forest, but it was a cover version…I think it was Bat For Lashes. It was a great cover of a great song. I felt the urge to move to the dance floor immediately. I fell in with the crowd there, right away losing myself to the music. Now this felt right. Loud music and a dance floor and a swaying horde, was always home. It eradicated everything. A smile of bliss spread across my lips. I felt much better. I felt downright brilliant. All the confusion fell away. I felt now as though everything really would be, could be alright. This new life could be dealt with, could be amazing even.
Song after great song played, endless music, and I danced away the last few days, until my thirst drove me to the bar for a break. I placed my order for an Aviation cocktail; I loved a bartender that I didn’t have to explain it to.
I felt someone close behind me, too close for my liking at the moment. And then there was his voice, before I could even turn to shoo the space-hog away from me, I heard his voice.
“You look like you were enjoying yourself.”
It was Liam, leaning in close to my ear. His words tickled the sensitive skin.
I retrieved my drink from the bar top, laying down a ten note. I could feel his body so close to my back, his energy playing against my skin where it was bare along my shoulders.
Why was he here? A buzzing tremor coursed through me, memories rising. A hunger, raw and sudden, followed closely. I turned to him, making sure my shoulder brushed against his chest. The bar area was packed and I was jostled up against him by someone to my right. How fortuitous. Well, okay…maybe I could have tried harder to stand my ground, but what the heck. Clubs had always been my hunting ground of sorts. The music stirred a primal sense inside me, awakening my blood, all my senses, every cell alive and kindled, beyond anything I’d ever known. Music had always had that power over me. The ability to enhance me, flavor my mood, alter it entirely. It could utterly lead me.
“I always do at a club,” I breathed into his ear. My mouth lingered there a moment before I lifted my violet-blue drink to my lips. I felt him shudder under my hand, where it rested on his shoulder. “Why are you here? Gideon have you follow me?” I spoke just loudly enough for him to hear over the crush of people and the current song playing by Ministry.
I moved away, not waiting for his response, knowing he would follow. And he did. Besides, I already knew the answer. Of course Gideon sent him. At the moment I was beyond caring, taken over by the new song playing, and this whatever it was that seemed to be part of this new me. It felt almost predatory.
A few steps and he was catching my arm, pulling me onto the dance floor. No words from him, just a hot stare. His eyes full of everything he’d been evading.
He pulled me close into him. I skimmed my hands down his wonderfully muscled back. We were lost in the center of the crowd. Lost in our eyes, our touches, the way we moved together with the relentless ambient refrain.
I felt something gathering within me. A heated energy humming under my skin, buzzing all along its surface, and then all throughout me. It felt enlivening, soft and yet electric at the same time. When I closed my eyes I could see it behind my lids—soft golden-bronze, whirling with bits of violet. It was beautiful. It was part of me, it held so much possibility. Would be able to do so much.
He took me by the hand and led me off the floor, his eyes glazed with desire, not breaking contact with me; we made it to a back hallway before he gave into it and pushed me against the flyer covered wall. He crushed his mouth against mine.
Oh. Yes. Finally.
I kissed him back just as hard, just as fervently, running my hands up under his shirt front, over his exceptionally toned abs. I tugged roughly on his waistband, pulling him closer into my body. He pulled my head back, kissing my throat, down to the edge of my bodice. I pulled his face back up to mine. I vaguely noticed people passing us in the dimly lit hall, they paid us no attention. Two people making out, nothing new here.
I looked at him; he was immersed in this, drowning. Why was tonight so different than just a couple of days ago? Or an hour ago, when he would barely look at me? His eyes were fiery, glazed, but alert at the same time.
“Iliana,” he growled my name. Roughly claiming my mouth again. I kissed him back just as eagerly.
Time slipped away, the buzzing along my skin ever present, growing, spreading out from me, spiraling through the air. I could see it through my scarcely opened eyes. It brushed against Liam, caressed him. My eyes eased open just a bit more, drowsily. The light, the energy from me, wrapped around him gently, held him to me. He moaned into my mouth, which made me even more fiery. What was this thing that was happening? What was that light?
I let my eyes slip closed again, savoring this feeling from him and from the humming under my flesh, the closeness of his body. He was pressed hard against my thigh, and I wanted him.
~Milseachd~
I heard the whisper, Gideon’s face flashed in my mind. Solid. Strong.
And I could smell that smoky spiciness of him. It sent a shock through me. What the hell?
I pulled away from Liam, looked around me, half expecting to see him there behind Liam, or nearby.
But no. Of course not. Gideon would never come someplace like this.
Liam turned my face back to him, confusion spread across his features. “What is it?” He asked, his voice thick, huskier than his usual aroused tone.
“Nothing.” I noticed that his ardor was evaporating, sense perhaps taking a hold back on him. No. No. No. I wasn’t ready for that. I wanted this to go on. I kissed him. Repeated softly, “Nothing.” I shook my head.
That light, the energy was receding from him, back to me. I watched as it unwrapped from him, tendrils loosening and unfurling from his body and back to me.
Gideon had sent him here. Liam had not followed me of his own boldness; Gideon had made him do it. I knew it, very distinctly knew. I don’t know how, but that flash of Gideon just a moment ago…it happened again, but fainter this time, and Liam was with him. I saw Liam with him, and I knew without any doubt what their conversation had been.
That feeling, that buzzing electric hum under my skin was fading. Dissipating with the realization that Liam had not come to find me for this, to be here of his own intentions. The snogging had not been in his plan when he’d arrived here. He was only here, because Gideon had made him come here. Nothing had changed really.
I wasn’t feeling the music anymore, not the same way. My thoughts drowning it all out. Liam stopped holding me close. He shook his head, pulling further away from me. There was a shocker. I wanted him, but I could tell by that now-much-too-familiar look on his face that our time was over, the heated spell had been broken.
I went still, preparing myself for his speech about how we couldn’t ‘do this’. Funny how we always managed to start it up just fine though.
I moved away from him, gave him a lingering
look and walked away from him before he could say another word. If he called after me, I didn’t hear him. Ministry was playing; there was no way to hear anything over N.W.O.
I felt a fleeting pull to the floor, a momentary flare of that energy in me, but I passed up the dance floor and headed outside. I wanted distance between myself and Liam. I needed the cold air. It was time to go home. Alone.
I was completely taken aback when he caught up to me.
“Iliana.” He seized my arm, halting my progression up the sidewalk. “At least let me drive you home.” He was completely composed again, as if nothing has happened just a few minutes ago. Of course he was.
I looked around me. There was no way I should try to walk home from here. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I responded instead.
“I’m not letting you walk home…or take a cab.”
I stood my ground. I wanted nothing more than to be in a car with him, unless he was going to be cold.
I looked up the street, for no reason really, other than to figure out what to do, give myself time. I wanted him to know that I was not pleased that he kept doing this. And I was angry that he would not be here right now if Gideon had not sent him to trail after me. That tonight would have, maybe, been a better night if he had not shown up.
No. It would have been a better night. I would not be feeling this, dealing with this and his denial, if Gideon had just left it alone.
I’d be inside, dancing still, in a great mood. Living. Not thinking of Liam, not wanting Liam. Maybe I could have danced with someone else. Someone that had nothing to do with what I was now.
“I can’t leave here without you…”
“I know!” I burst out. “Gideon sent you after me. What is it to him if I’m here? Having some semblance of a life. What is it to him if I want you?”
He just looked at me, not denying it and completely ignoring my admission of desire for him. “My car is up this way.” He waved, not budging from his spot, when what he should be doing, what I wanted him to do, was to grab me up, pull me to him, and kiss me as hard as he had when we were in that dark hallway. He was waiting on me. He gave me an imploring look.
“You’ll be in trouble if you don’t bring me back, right?” He shrugged, but I knew. Gideon had tasked him. Gideon was not one to be trifled with. I contemplated the idea of calling a cab, now that could be a dismal situation. I’d have to call and request one; it could take an hour or more at this time of night. That left me with walking. No. Begging a ride from a stranger here at the club. No. Or accepting Liam’s offer. Shit. “Fine,” I mumbled begrudgingly and began walking to the car.
“Iliana…” he started.
“There’s nothing to say. It’s all been said.”
“Talk to—” he began.
“No,” I stated flatly, shaking my head. I didn’t want to talk. Enough had been said the last time, at his place. “Just take me home.”
The trip back was quiet, and pretty quick. Thankfully. The tension in the car was uncomfortable at best. I could feel Liam wanting to talk.
I was glad it was a different car that we had made the trip from Long Beach in. It was Jeep. Just like I’d thought it would be.
He found a rare parking spot not far from the front of my apartment. Parking around here was tricky.
I was fighting back a strong urge to cry and just wanted out of the car. He killed the engine and began to turn in his seat. I immediately escaped the car, getting out before he could utter a single word.
The chill in the air wrapped around me as I walked quickly away, trying to distance myself from him and wondering if, maybe half hoping, he would come after me.
But he didn’t.
And that hurt too.
I arranged my beautiful dress back on its hanger and placed it in the closet. It had done its job well. I smiled sadly. Just not quite well enough. I sighed.
Now for tomorrow. What did one wear to cull a mhésen? I stared half-heartedly at my assortment of garments. I knew nothing of where we would be going. The only thing I could count on was the rain expected for tomorrow. I pulled out some tight grey jeans—very worn and soft—my brown, knee high, buckle and laced boots; a super soft, tea-stain hued, linen and antique lace blouse. Casual, but still alluring.
I hoped culling and escorting was not a messy job, I’d hate to ruin this blouse.
In the morning, I’d match it with a messy pony and easy-going makeup, and be done with it. Well, I might add my favorite silver cuff bracelet and some drop earrings of a similar style.
For now, I donned some comfy charcoal leggings and a well loved, black and smoke, striped sweater-knit jersey Henley. It had wonderful extra long sleeves and fell to just below my butt. It was cozy and snuggly, just what I needed. My feet were freezing on the cold hardwood floor, so I pulled on some nice, thick socks before heading to the kitchen for some hot tea.
When I opened the cabinet containing the boxes of teas and bags of coffee, I pushed—quite gruffly—Gideon’s cinnamon spice tea clear to the back behind a can of cocoa, and instead pulled out a nice sleepytime tea blend. I put the kettle on to heat and skated in my sock feet off to the bathroom to wash away my sultry makeup, hoping my woebegone feelings would swirl away down the drain with the mascara, eye shadow, and powder.
~ Chapter Sixteen ~
I’m running.
I had my horse, Eyvindur, just moments ago, but I’ve gotten separated from him, pulled off and now I don’t know where he is.
It’s so dark out, so late at night, I should not be out by myself, and fear has my heart lodged in my throat.
The dark ones are here.
They are looking for me.
Rain is pouring down in sheets so thick it’s hard to see very far ahead. I’m pressed against a wall so tightly that I can feel the wood siding digging into my flesh beneath my top. I’m trying to figure out where to go from here. I don’t know the area, this part of the city. I don’t know where to run or to hide. Can I find my way to Elysium? It can’t be far. I think.
I peer around the corner of the house and no one is out there on the street, or on the sidewalk. I can’t just stay here, in someone’s side yard. I have to go somewhere. I’m drenched and I’m shivering and I’m lost. I want to sit down and let the tears take over. I’m exhausted and lost in so many ways, but I know if I don’t move they’ll find me again.
There is no time to cry.
So instead I run blindly, trusting my feet and some sort of extra sense, to take me in the right direction. I keep going until I begin to recognize some of the homes. I’m in Liam’s neighborhood, so Elysium is not much farther.
Then my back is suddenly on fire and I cry out in pain as I’m thrown to the ground, landing in the wet, mushy grass of someone’s lawn. All the air rushes from my lungs as I strike the turf front first. Before I can drag any air into my body I’m flung onto my back and someone straddles my body, pinning me down.
The rain is hammering down onto my face, into my eyes as I try to see the face of my assailant. I’m kicking my heels into the ground, trying to get some sort of traction, trying to push out from under this…thing. I finally draw a breath, but I don’t scream. I should scream for help. But instead I keep fighting.
The deluge lessens and I can see now as her hood falls away, spilling white-blond hair forward and revealing the beautiful face of this woman, the eyes filled with death, my death. In all my gothic, vampire club days I’d never seen anyone this pale—and that’s saying something—and she means me harm, serious, deadly harm.
And I’m suddenly still inside, even though we are struggling against each other, her trying to pin my arms, me trying to push her away. I go still and quiet inside…and I’m gripped by it, this calm, and I feel a sharpness, an acuity of truth…of…some sort of intellect…or wisdom. And then I’m speaking words out loud. Words I don’t know…but I do know. Words that are powerful. Are power.
And I see shock in her dark, bottomless eyes, and disbelief. The
words are ancient. I know they are. And they are not of this world. Not mortal.
They freeze my attacker. And I feel power surge forth from me, like a blast from a furnace. She flies backwards off of me. I should be shocked too. I should be stunned with the power. Stunned by the words that I just uttered in a deep and deadly tone with complete assurance and awareness. Astounded that I just did this.
But I’m not. It was exactly what I had expected from those words.
I get up and I run again, because I know she wasn’t the only one. If she found me, so could any of the others. I need the protection of my Cerberus.
I’m running up the walk to Elysium and there is Liam, walking out the front door. At first he smiles when he spots me, and my heart reacts immediately. That smile makes everything okay. But it falters. His smile fades, and he looks scared. I look behind me, but no one is there. I dart up the steps and crash into him, pushing him back into the entrance. Back into the safety, the sanctuary, that Elysium is.
His arms wrap around me as he slams the door and locks it.
I burst out, words erupt out of me. I tell him, breathlessly, looking into his eyes, my body shaking.
“Something dark is coming.”
~ Chapter Seventeen ~
I woke up hugging one of my pillows, my heart racing with remnant fear.
I quickly shoved the pillow away.
It wasn’t Liam. I’d just been in Liam’s arms and it was where I really wanted to be.
This was so aggravating.
Nightmares, just plain weird dreams, and unrequited.
Well, not love, but something more than just lust. No, not even unrequited.
He definitely requited!
He was just really good with abstaining…sort of. Urgh!
A rough night’s sleep was not what I needed before my first cull assignment.
No Time to Cry (Nine While Nine Legacy Book 1) Page 12