Then he shook his head and reached out to grasp her arm. He turned to his grandmother with a frown. “I will come back here in a moment to discuss this with you further, Grandmother. But for now I will escort Jane downstairs. She is expected at home, I’m sure.”
Lady Stanton nodded, blinking up with wide, innocent eyes. But as Wesley turned Jane away and lead her to the parlor door, Jane looked back to find Lady Stanton with a sly smile on her face.
Almost as if her bold questions were by design. Almost as if this entire afternoon had been a trap. But for Jane? Or for Wesley?
***
Wesley stood outside the sitting room where he had left Jane alone for a moment while he sent for her carriage. His whole body ached like he had been in a fist fight, his head throbbed and he was finding it very difficult to step inside.
All because he knew he had something to say, something to do. Something he feared… and he never feared anything.
Drawing a calming breath, he stepped inside. Jane spun from the window where she had been standing and stared at him. She didn’t say a word, she didn’t move, she just looked. Somehow that was worse than her usual bubbling words. Her smiles. Her teasing grins. Because it brought home that the relationship they had once shared was gone. Lost to this ruse. Lost to a stolen kiss. Lost to the direct questions of a well-meaning grandmother.
One who he was starting to doubt was as sick as she had led him to believe. This afternoon Lady Stanton had seemed the epitome of spirit and inner strength. But that was an issue to be dealt with after Jane had gone.
He stepped forward and ignored the way Jane jumped in response. “Jane-” he began.
She lifted her hands to stop him. “I didn’t know how to respond when she asked me about my intentions to marry you. I know you want her to believe you have a future ahead of you, that you will be taken care of and loved-”
He shut his eyes briefly. “If you had told her you intended to marry me, she would have taken an advertisement in the Times before supper and had it circulating in society by midnight,” he said softly. “And I would not want that.”
His statement cut her off and when he opened his eyes, it was to see her staring at him, eyes filled with hurt. “Of course,” she whispered, straightening her spine with dignity. “Of course you would not want this charade to go so far. To marry me would be… well, you would not want that.”
He shook his head. “No. I would not want to marry you. Not if all you feel for me is-” He shrugged off the pain. “How did you put it, Jane? A high regard? A sincere friendship?” He barked out a humorless laugh. “You care for me.”
She wrinkled her brow in confusion even as her cheeks darkened with embarrassment to hear her words repeated back to her. “Wesley-”
He didn’t let her finish. “That might be enough for me with another woman. Regard. Friendship. Caring. And… I shall add the one thing you did not share with my grandmother… desire.”
Her lip trembled at the mention of that word, but she didn’t deny it. “But you don’t want any of that from me.”
“No.” He held his breath. “I wouldn’t accept anything less from you than everything, Jane. Perhaps from some other woman, but not from you.”
She stared at him for a moment as comprehension flooded her face. She stumbled back, eyes wide and flushed skin growing deathly pale as she realized what he was asking for.
Her heart. Her love.
Her mouth opened and shut as she searched for words that would not come. Words he longed to hear, but didn’t expect. Not yet, at any rate.
“Don’t say anything,” he warned, moving closer. “Because I don’t want what you say to be something you don’t mean. Today has been trying, confusing for you, I know, between my grandmother and this. I want you to think about what I have said to you. Think very carefully. I want you to speak to whomever you need to speak to.” He drew in a breath. “Including David if necessary.”
Jane swallowed hard, her throat working with the motion.
“Tomorrow night Madeline’s father and mother are holding a ball to celebrate her upcoming nuptials.” Wesley watched Jane’s face carefully, willing her not to wince at the mention of David’s future bride. She didn’t and his heart soared, even though he knew her lack of response could be due more to shock than a lack of emotion on the subject. “You will attend because the ton will talk if you don’t. I will also attend. It will be the last night of this charade.”
“The-the last night?” she croaked.
“Yes,” Wesley sighed. “Because after tomorrow night, you will either tell me if you want to go back into society with your new popularity to guide you… or-or-”
Why was this so hard to say?
“Or what, Wesley?” she whispered and this time she was the one who took a step forward.
“Or we will stop pretending and make this courtship real, Jane. If it cannot be real, then I don’t want any more part in it.”
He reached out and caught her hand. It trembled beneath his touch, but Jane didn’t resist when he gently pulled her closer. He put a palm beneath her chin and tilted her face up. She shivered again and triumph filled him. She might not love him, but by God she wanted him.
Dropping his mouth down, Wes let his lips brush over hers. A little whimper escaped her lips as she leaned in, but he didn’t give her what she craved. He didn’t deepen the kiss, didn’t claim. Desire couldn’t rule whatever decision she made. Because he wanted so much more than mere desire.
Drawing back, Wes ignored the pain that shot through him at the withdrawal. “Tomorrow night Jane. I will expect your answer by midnight.”
Jane nodded slowly, regaining her composure. “Midnight, Wesley.”
Then she stumbled to the sitting room door and was gone.
Chapter 6
“You are very out of spirits tonight.”
Jane jolted at the sound of Felicity’s voice. She turned on her friend with a weak smile. “My apologies. I have much on my mind.”
Felicity’s eyes narrowed and she slipped her hand through Jane’s arm. Slowly, she guided her away from the spinning couples on the dance floor and out the veranda doors onto the terrace. Jane blushed as she thought of the last time she’d been on a terrace at a ball… two nights ago. And that had ended with Wesley’s arms around her, his lips on hers.
“You’ve been out of spirits since the night I found you with Lord Stanton,” Felicity whispered. “But you’ve kept your council far too well. Please, won’t you talk to me now about what has happened? Perhaps I could be of some assistance.”
Jane looked at her friend. Wesley had told her to speak to whoever she needed to speak to, even David, before she gave him an answer to his shocking offer of making their courtship real. But she hadn’t told anyone yet. Hadn’t let a word of their exchange cross her lips, though she relived that conversation and his kiss over and over in her mind.
And the reason she hadn’t shared her tangled thoughts was becoming clearer. The only person she wished to speak to about anything of importance was Wesley, himself.
But she couldn’t talk to him. Because he would demand an answer. He deserved an answer. And she was still trying to figure out how her heart had turned from girlish dreams of one man to womanly desires for another in such a short time. Was there something wrong with her?
“Jane?” Felicity took her hand.
She sighed. “What would you say if a man told you he would settle for no less than everything when it came to you?”
Felicity smiled. “I would tell him he was a hopeless romantic and that I was not prepared to give anyone everything.”
Jane shifted. “But what if you were prepared?”
Her friend’s eyes suddenly focused on her face with sharp recognition. “Wesley told you he wanted everything?”
She swallowed hard. She had to tell someone the truth. She needed to hear some good advice and she trusted Felicity.
“Yes.” Her voice was little more than a whisper. “A
t his grandmother’s home yesterday morning. He told me if he cannot have everything, he wants nothing at all. I’m to give him an answer by midnight tonight.”
She sighed. She hadn’t even seen him this evening. If he intended to come to Madeline and David’s engagement party, he was more than fashionably late. Had he changed his mind?
No, Wesley couldn’t be so cruel. She knew that, if nothing else. He would be here. And he would find her.
Felicity rocked back on her heels, shock reflected in every expression. “We wondered what you said to each other.”
“We?” Jane repeated, eyes narrowing. “Who?”
Her friend waved her hand in the air dismissively. “It doesn’t matter. My goodness, Jane, whatever did you say?”
“I-I didn’t know what to say! Wesley and I have been friends, we’ve perpetrated a trick on the ton together for our mutual benefit, he-he’s even kissed me, but I never thought, never dared to believe, that he could feel anything for me other than friendly affection. Sometimes I thought I saw something more, but I never trusted it.”
“What of your own heart?” Felicity asked. “Do you feel something more for him than mere friendly affection?”
Jane hesitated. That was the question, wasn’t it? The one that had haunted her for a long time, the one she’d been able to ignore until she struck her bargain with Wesley. The one she’d been too cowardly to answer, even for her own benefit.
Her hands shook as she moved away from Felicity. She leaned on the terrace railing and looked out over the dark park in the distance.
“I do care for him. More than a friend.” She sucked in a wavering breath. “I believe I may be in love with him.”
In the next moment, Felicity’s arms were around her and she was squeezing Jane until she could scarce draw breath.
“I’m so happy for you!” her friend whispered as she released her. “Oh, you’ll be very good together. Wait…” Felicity tilted her head. “You don’t look pleased. What’s wrong?”
Jane sighed. “Just a short time ago, I was making plans to be another man’s wife. There were times I thought myself in love with David, even. At least… I liked him a great deal. What if I am simply a fickle debutante? And what of Wesley? His reputation does not show him to be the kind of man who would truly settle down with one woman alone. What if I’m simply a challenge to him and once he has won me, he bores of me.”
Felicity leaned back and her mouth twisted. “Pardon me for speaking plainly, but you are being a complete ninny.”
“What?” Jane sputtered.
“Honestly!” Her friend threw up her hands. “Did you really love David? Or did you just convince yourself that he would have you despite your lack of fortune? I’m sure you cared for him, but did you ever get a thrill when you looked at him? Did you ever lay awake at night thinking about him? Did you ever kiss him?”
Jane folded her arms as blood warmed her cheeks. “No,” she admitted softly.
“And do you feel that thrill, that ache for Wesley?”
She thought of all the sleepless nights she had spent lately. The anticipation that filled her when she knew he would be at a party or ball. She had felt that way for a long time… even before they struck their bargain.
“Yes.”
“And what about deeper feelings?” Felicity continued, unrelenting in her interrogation. “You are friends, are you not?”
She nodded.
“Do you enjoy talking to him? Respect his opinions? Look to him for advice and support?”
Jane thought of all the times she had turned to Wesley. When she needed help after David’s engagement, she hadn’t once thought to turn to her family or even Felicity. It had been Wes that she had sought out. Trusted.
“Yes.”
“Then it sounds like what you feel is based on something real.” Felicity smiled. “A foundation of friendship and respect is far better than what many society marriages build upon.”
“But what about him?” Jane asked. “What about his temperament? His reputation?”
“Bah!” Felicity shook her head. “Anyone who isn’t blind can see he’s only had eyes for you for a long time. I somehow doubt he was running around town asking any woman he flirted with for ‘everything’. Jane, you know him. Better than I. Better than David. Better than anyone, I would wager. Do you truly think he would ask you for something so serious without genuine intentions?”
Wesley’s image, so clear that it was almost like he was really there, came into her mind. His smile. The comfort of his touch as he guided her through a crowd. The sound of his laughter. No matter what, he would never hurt her. Unlike David, he actually had some consideration for the feelings of others. For her.
And he always had.
“He would not hurt me. He would rather hurt himself, I think,” she whispered, tears beginning to gather and tingle in her eyes.
“Then I don’t see what kind of advice you need, Jane.” Felicity shrugged. “You know what you want. You know what you need. It is nearly eleven o’clock. Why don’t you find Wesley? I’m sure he’s here by now.”
Jane met her best friend’s stare as hope and excitement unlike any she’d experienced before blossomed inside of her. Felicity was right. There wasn’t a choice to make. There was only a wonderful life to accept. A life with Wesley.
“Do you think he is?” she asked, turning to look inside. She searched the buzzing crowd, but didn’t find him in her first sweep of the room.
“Yes. Go! Go!” Felicity laughed as she gave her a push toward the doors. “And tomorrow I expect you to come to my house and tell me all about your engagement.”
Jane’s heart leapt as she waved to her friend and made her way into the ballroom. She weaved through the crowd, moving past friends and acquaintances. People said her name, but if it wasn’t Wesley’s voice, she didn’t hear it. This was not the time to be waylaid. Not the time to be distracted by petty-
“Jane!”
As she rounded her way toward the opposite side of the stuffy room, she was brought to a sharp halt as David stepped in her path. His face, still handsome, though somehow softer now that she compared it to Welsey’s, lit up.
“I have been searching for you all evening.”
She forced a smile. This was the last interruption she needed. Although Wes had encouraged her to speak to David, she didn’t want to. Now she knew what she desired. She could let David go without ever saying a word to him.
“Good evening.” She hoped the strain in her voice wasn’t too evident. “This is quite a soiree. My best wishes to you.”
His smile faltered a fraction. “I-er, thank you.”
“Have you seen Wesley anywhere?” she asked as she craned her neck. “I have been waiting for him to arrive.”
“He’s here.”
Her gaze shot back to him as excitement and trepidation hit her with equal measure. “Where?”
David shrugged. “He’s been lurking about in the billiard room all night. Said he was waiting for something. A moment or some such rot.”
She dipped her head as a blush crept to her face. Wesley was waiting for her. The feelings she had been denying swelled in her chest.
“Thank you,” she said as she turned into the crowd again.
David’s hand on her elbow stopped her. “See here, Jane, I would dearly like to speak to you. Could you spare me a moment?”
She hesitated, but could find no polite way to refuse his request. With a sigh, she nodded. “Of course. What is it?”
“The ballroom is far too crowded, let’s go into the library, shall we?”
Without waiting for her answer, he pressed her hand into his elbow and guided her across the room and down the hallway to the library.
Masking her impatience, she drew her hand away from David’s arm and said, “What is it that you needed privacy to speak to me?”
He paced away to lean back against a table near the high bookcases filled with tomes she doubted he had ever cracked.
> “I wished to apologize to you, Jane. If I hurt you with my engagement, I never meant to do so.”
Her thoughts of Wesley faded for the moment as Jane looked at David. He truly did look troubled and her heart melted a tiny fraction. As Lady Stanton had said, he wasn’t a bad man, he just wasn’t aware of the consequences of his actions. If they didn’t cause him pain, he could not fathom how someone else could be hurt by them.
She smiled. “Thank you, David. I appreciate that more than you’ll probably ever realize. But I’ve come to understand that whatever… hopes I had for a future that included you were perhaps best left unrealized. I wish you happiness with Madeline.”
David let out his breath in a sound of relief. “I’m glad of that, Jane. That you appreciate a marriage between us could not have occurred.”
She wrinkled her brow. That wasn’t exactly what she’d said, but there was no use arguing. Now that he’d said his piece, she could go. Just a few steps down the hallway and she would be with Wesley.
But instead of saying his farewells, David pushed away from the table and took a step toward her. “But that does not mean that I didn’t care for you. That I don’t still care for you.”
She tilted her head. He was moving forward, tiny step by step. “We shall always be friends, I’m sure.”
“I hoped for more than that, Jane.” He cleared his throat. “You see, once I am married, I’ll have the means to maintain a mistress.”
She stumbled backward a step. “I beg your pardon?”
He nodded. “You know I always liked you. I could keep you in a very high fashion.”
Her face twisted in horror. “You cannot be serious.”
“I am, I assure you.”
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