by Brenda Novak
Aiyana made a sound of disgust. “I’d like to have a talk with Ethan Grimes.”
“So would I,” Dallas piped up.
“Maybe Dallas should pay him a visit,” Aiyana said with a frown. “Someone has to stop him.”
“It isn’t Dallas’s problem,” Emery pointed out. “And you shouldn’t be thinking about this, anyway. Not now. Please, enjoy your wedding day. It will only make me feel worse if this disrupts it in any way. I’ll see you there.”
“You don’t have to come,” she argued. “After what you’ve been through, you should stay here and rest. You have the day off and the house to yourself. Sleep. Recover.”
Emery wished she could let herself do that, but she was too grateful to Aiyana. She couldn’t miss the wedding, not if she could feasibly make it. “Are you kidding? I’ve been looking forward to it all month. I’ll be there.” She wasn’t sure how, but somehow she’d manage it.
“Okay, well, Dallas and Seth will go over to the Blue Suede Shoe and bring your car back, just in case. Even if you don’t come, at least you won’t have to worry about anything happening to it.”
“Can I get your keys?” Dallas asked.
Emery gestured at the dresser. “They’re right there. Thanks for doing that.”
“No problem.”
He scooped them up as Aiyana said, “Really, though, don’t put yourself under too much pressure.”
“I won’t,” she lied, and forced what she hoped was a reassuring smile.
Aiyana squeezed her hand as she got up.
“You look beautiful, by the way,” Emery told her. “Your hair turned out great.”
“Thanks. Cora came over first thing this morning and curled it. She did my makeup, too.”
Cora and Aiyana seemed especially close. “She did a wonderful job.”
Dallas lingered after his mother left. “Are you really going to try to come to the wedding?”
She nodded.
Their eyes met and held, and she felt the longing she’d been trying to avoid tugging on her once again. She couldn’t seem to squelch it no matter what she did, which just went to prove she’d let things go too far even though she’d known she shouldn’t.
“You don’t have to,” he said.
“I want to.” She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but he didn’t seem happy. “Is there something else?”
“Yes. Will you give me Ethan’s phone number?”
“No.”
“I’m just going to talk to him.”
“No,” she repeated, unequivocally.
“Dallas?” Aiyana called up. “Will you come lift this big punch bowl into the back of my car? It’s ridiculously heavy and somehow it didn’t make it over to the ranch yesterday.”
He shoved away from the doorframe. “Coming,” he called down. He cast Emery a final, miserable glance and left without another word.
She thought that was the end of it, but about twenty minutes later, she received a text from him: I miss you.
She stared at those words. That was what he’d wanted to say when he was in her room. He just didn’t know how, and she understood why. He couldn’t say anything to follow it up, not what she most wanted to hear, anyway. It was as simple as it sounded, and she’d be stupid to construe it as meaning more.
It’ll pass, she wrote—and prayed what she was feeling would pass, too.
* * *
The entire town turned out for the wedding. Dallas had expected it to be a big event, but he was still surprised by the number of guests who flowed onto the ranch like an engorged river. It was a testament to the number of lives Aiyana and Cal had touched.
Dallas smiled as he watched his mother greet each guest as though he or she were the most important person to have arrived and chuckled at the thought that she probably did the same thing with her sons—made each one feel as though he were her favorite.
She had a way with people and loved being around them. He, on the other hand, preferred to be out on the rock face alone, the sun beating down on his back, the sweat dripping into his eyes. He tried to remember the fact that he would soon be back in his element, no longer under the obligation he felt, for Aiyana’s sake, to be more social. Because he could never match her genuine enthusiasm. He didn’t feel comfortable in large crowds; all he wanted to do was retreat.
He stepped into the shadows so he could have a cold beer without having to smile or chitchat. He was gathering his reserves for the actual ceremony and the reception afterward, which he already knew would seem interminable, when Seth walked up. “Hiding out?” he asked drily.
Dallas loosened his collar. He rarely wore a tie, let alone a tux. “Basically.”
Seth grabbed a glass of champagne off the tray of a passing waiter. “Great. I’ll hide out with you.”
“I think almost every one of us would rather face a firing squad than host a wedding,” Dallas mused.
Seth’s eyes roved over the crowd as he responded. “Of course. Take a look at the kind of children she adopted.”
He was referring to the fact that they were all broken in some way, and since it was true, Dallas couldn’t argue. Leave it to Seth to turn such an unflinching eye on reality. Dallas preferred to avoid such harsh truths. But Seth was an artist. He couldn’t seem to ignore the things that made life so difficult. On the contrary, he noticed every damn nuance. “She looks happy,” Dallas commented, watching Aiyana on Cal’s arm as they made their way through the crowd.
“She is happy. And no one deserves it more.”
“What about you?” Dallas asked.
Seth had been about to take a drink but held his glass in midair as he cocked one eyebrow. “What about you?” he asked, turning the question on him without answering.
“Well, I haven’t settled into conjugal bliss like Eli or Gavin, but I just signed on with Xtreme Climbing Apparel, so I’m finally making some real money from climbing. And I’m managing—day to day.”
“Managing day to day,” he repeated. “That sounds reasonable. I’ll say the same.”
Dallas straightened as soon as he saw Emery walk in. She’d made it. She’d come even though she had the perfect excuse to stay home. He couldn’t help admiring her for it. She looked beautiful, too, in a satiny black dress that fell to her ankles paired with a white blazer. She also wore a scarf to cover the bruising on her neck.
Following his gaze, Seth nudged him. “What’s going on between you and our mother’s pretty guest?”
“Nothing,” he replied. “Why do you ask?”
His brother started to laugh. “Apparently, ‘nothing’ doesn’t mean the same thing to you that it does to me.”
“I like her,” Dallas admitted.
“So do Liam and Bentley, but they can manage to look away.”
“I explained it last night. Her ex-boyfriend is giving her a hard time,” he said, his nose in his glass, since he was about to take a drink. “And I feel a little protective of her, that’s all.”
“You were beside yourself when she didn’t come home last night, and you were even worse once you knew she’d been hurt,” he pointed out.
“I was worried. And it turned out I had reason to be.” He hated the defensive note that’d crept into his voice. It gave away the fact that he was a little more invested than he was willing to admit. But he couldn’t help it.
“Have you slept with her?” Seth asked, point-blank.
Dallas shot him a withering look. “That’s none of your business.”
He laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
There wasn’t any point in trying to deny it. Seth missed nothing.
“Is it about sex, then? Is that all that’s going on between you?”
Dallas opened his mouth to reply but couldn’t find the right answer. It was all about sex—and yet sex had almost nothing to do with
it.
When he hesitated, Seth said, “I’ll take that as a no,” and put his empty glass on the nearest table. “So here’s my best advice. If this woman is different from all the rest—if she’s the one who can fill the empty spaces inside you—don’t let her go. Because I’m here to tell you that kind of woman doesn’t come around very often,” he added softly, and Dallas knew he was speaking of his late wife when he walked off.
24
Emery heard several women in the audience sniff during the ceremony. Aiyana wasn’t a young bride, but that made it even more meaningful. After spending most of her life as an unmarried woman, working hard and making it all on her own, she was finally getting the happy-ever-after so many people dream about.
To Emery’s surprise, she began to relax and was quickly caught up in the magic of it. She was glad she’d come instead of curling up in bed and feeling sorry for herself. It was Christmastime—a time she normally loved—but she’d been so consumed with her problems she hadn’t paid much attention to the beauty of the season. The wedding served as a reminder of all the little things she should still be grateful for in spite of her recent painful setbacks. There was music. The laughter of young children. The hope of better times ahead. The memories of Christmases past. The enduring love of family and friends.
Those things were what made Christmas what it was, she reminded herself. The holidays weren’t only for those who had it easy. They provided a chance to rejoice amid difficulty. Maybe Emery didn’t have everything she’d had before, but she had a friend in Aiyana, who’d taken her in when she needed it most. And she had a friend in Dallas, who’d been trying hard to protect her. They didn’t owe her anything; she was lucky to have them. And, yes, she and Dallas had let things go too far, but even that had been wonderful while it lasted.
She also had the hope of better times ahead and the love of her mother, if not her father. If she really couldn’t handle her own problems, her mother would stand by her just like she was standing by Grandma. Not everyone could count on that kind of loyalty.
And her father might get his head straightened out, eventually.
Susan slipped in late, and yet she made several people stand up to let her through so she could sit by Emery, which made Emery feel accepted and welcome—as if she belonged. When she’d first arrived today, she’d worried that her presence would create too much of a stir. There was the sex video, then the bar fight, then the police asking everyone if they’d seen the man who attacked her. She didn’t want to distract from Aiyana and the celebration.
But her concerns had proved to be unfounded. The wedding seemed to be a time-out from regular life. Everyone was so happy for the bride and groom it pulled them together as a group and kept them focused on what mattered most.
“It’s gorgeous in here,” Susan whispered. “Who knew you could do so much with a tent?”
Emery studied the lights that had been strung overhead, the stand of real Christmas trees—three in varying heights—in one corner, decorated with silver ribbon and big glass balls, and the six-tiered cake not far away, with pink poinsettias adorning the frosting. “They’ve done an amazing job,” she agreed.
The decorations weren’t the only remarkable aspect. Emery had never seen a wedding line quite as large or striking as Aiyana’s. Aiyana’s eight sons stood beside her—all of them in the prime of their lives and looking so handsome in their tuxedos. Cora and Savanna were there, too, sharing the role of maid of honor. On his side, Cal had four friends he’d known for years, together with one man who worked for him, three kids he’d adopted from a previous marriage and his brother, who’d come from San Diego to serve as his best man.
Without the tension and worry that had held her in such a tight knot since the trauma she’d experienced last night, Emery found herself smiling dreamily as she listened to Aiyana and Cal exchange vows. She was happy—happy for them if not herself—and she refused to think beyond that.
Susan nudged her. “Don’t look now but someone can’t keep his eyes off you.”
Emery looked over to see Dallas watching her with an inscrutable expression. Her pulse quickened when she saw him, and she knew in that moment the truth she’d been trying to avoid. It was too late to save herself where he was concerned. She’d have to get over him along with everything else she had to do in order to rebuild her life.
But she couldn’t bring herself to regret having slept with him.
Instead of overriding her natural inclination to single him out, as she’d been doing since she’d last left his bed, she allowed herself to meet and hold his gaze as she remembered what it was like to touch him, to taste him.
What she was feeling must’ve shown on her face because his eyebrows came together, and his gaze drilled into hers as if he was trying to read her mind. But then the priest instructed Cal to kiss his bride and the moment was lost as the wedding ceremony came to an end.
While those in the wedding party gathered for pictures, everyone else settled in to celebrate. The reception immediately followed, but Emery told herself she wouldn’t stay for much of it. Aiyana would understand if she didn’t make it through the whole thing. Before she’d left home, Emery had taken some ibuprofen to help with the soreness of her neck and head, but it was beginning to wear off.
After spending twenty minutes chatting with Susan and some of Susan’s friends who were sitting at their table, she stood and was just reaching for her purse, so that she could go, when Dallas intercepted her.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked.
The quartet providing the music was playing “Make You Feel My Love,” and several couples were already on the dance floor.
Emery knew she could use the excuse of what’d happened last night to decline—that she wasn’t capable of being on her feet—but when she hesitated, he held out his hand and said beseechingly, “Dance with me.”
* * *
Being in Dallas’s arms proved to be as intoxicating as Emery knew it would be. She never felt more alive than when she was close to him, and it had been that way since he’d first walked into his mother’s kitchen and taken her by surprise. She was afraid everyone in the room could guess how she felt about him.
But so what? She and Dallas were going their separate ways soon. She might as well let herself enjoy this moment. He was what this Christmas had brought her, and even though what they’d had couldn’t last, she’d always remember him fondly.
“Seeing you walk in today took my breath away,” he murmured in her ear as she settled against him. “That’s how beautiful you are.”
The warmth of his hand at her back seemed to travel through her clothes and skin, seep into her bones and begin to circulate through her bloodstream. “I’m glad I came,” she said. “It’s been good for me to get out and to think of someone else, for a change.”
She assumed they’d keep everything polite and superficial and leave it at that, so she was surprised when he grew serious. “I’m sorry for how things ended between us, Emery,” he said. “But you deserve more than I can offer. You know that, right? I’m just not capable of being like Cal and so many other guys who can settle down and be steady and content. I wouldn’t be able to make you happy even if I tried.”
“Because you’d always be wanting to leave.”
“Probably,” he admitted.
“I understand. You love to climb, you’re great at it and you have been given a fabulous opportunity. I would never want to stand in the way of you achieving your goals.” She was trying to let him go gracefully. She didn’t want him acting out of guilt or obligation, for God’s sake.
But instead of relieving him, as she’d intended, what she’d said seemed only to make him more agitated. “I wish things were different,” he said with a troubled scowl.
Letting her hands slip up to catch his face, she tilted it so that he had to look at her. “Since I’m in love with you, so do I.
”
What she’d said surprised her as much as it did him. Those words had come out spontaneously, but they’d also come from her heart, and that felt good. Honest. Regardless of anything else, they were, at least, true.
“What did you say?”
She dropped her hands and looked away, but she couldn’t take the words back. Somehow, she didn’t even want to. “You heard me.”
“But...you can’t mean it.”
She could see several people around the room watching them, but she merely smiled. “I do. But don’t let it freak you out. You can only feel what you feel. You can’t make yourself love someone in return. I understand that.”
“If you love me—why the hell have you frozen me out?”
“Because I had to at least try to save myself.”
“Emery—”
“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “I’m not trying to put you on the spot. I just... I needed to tell you how I feel. It’s—I don’t know—satisfying to let it out, to quit trying to kill it or hide from it or deny it. There’s no shame in loving someone, even if they don’t love you back.”
He stopped moving. “Are you sure? We haven’t known each other for very long.”
“We’ve known each other since we were kids,” she corrected, and insisted he start moving again.
“I should’ve said we haven’t spent a lot of time together.”
“I can’t explain how or why it happened, especially so fast, but it is what it is, and I can’t change it. It’s terrible timing when I’m dealing with so many other things, so I’m not any happier about it than you are.”
“I care about you. I really do. I—”
“Don’t,” she broke in again. “I don’t want platitudes. While I appreciate that you’re trying to be nice, what you feel is so much less than what I want you to feel that it can’t be any solace, if that makes sense.”
He opened his mouth and closed it again before he finally said, “Any guy would be lucky to have you.”