by Brenda Novak
“We got you something we think you’re really going to like,” Bentley announced. He and most of Dallas’s other brothers were bare chested and wearing sweat bottoms. That, together with their hair standing up and going every which way, served as a testament to the fact that they’d just rolled out of their own beds. They must’ve set an alarm for this and gathered upstairs before coming down. But why?
“Or maybe you won’t like it,” Ryan said. “I told them that if you wanted to be with Emery you wouldn’t have let her go. You know what you’re doing. Who would give up the opportunity you’ve got? You’re going to be rich and famous. But even Seth thought Mom was right.”
Dallas felt his eyebrows come together as he looked from face to face. Climbing and being with Emery wasn’t really as mutually exclusive as he’d made it sound, but he was glad he’d sold Ryan, at least. “What does this have to do with Emery?”
Aiyana stepped forward and handed him a sheet of paper. “Merry Christmas,” she said. “From all of us.”
There wasn’t enough light streaming in from the hall to be able to read what was on it. “What is this?”
Taylor snapped on the light. “Take a look.”
Dallas had to cover his eyes for a second, but once they adjusted he could see that he was holding a boarding pass—and when he read the fine print he understood it was for a flight to Boston that left Los Angeles today at noon. “You bought me a plane ticket?”
“We bought you a second chance to decide,” Seth said.
Dallas wasn’t sure how to feel about this, whether he was relieved because he now had the opportunity to take off and go after Emery, which was what he’d wanted to do since she left, or irritated that those he loved seemed to be undermining his attempt to resist something he wasn’t capable of managing. “Because I made the wrong decision the first time?”
“If I had to answer that solely by the way you’ve behaved since she left, yes,” Seth said.
“This just enables you to reconsider,” Aiyana explained, softening his answer. “In case you regret your decision. Even if you don’t, you could always go to Boston to see Emery—just for a visit.”
Apparently his mother didn’t understand a mere visit was out of the question. He couldn’t go to Boston only to tell Emery that he hadn’t changed his mind.
“I know climbing is important to you,” Cal said. “But I don’t know anything more fulfilling than finding someone to love, who loves you back and makes you happy.”
“Even if I decide to try to have a relationship with her, we don’t know that it will last,” Dallas said, giving them the argument he’d used on himself so often.
“Do you really want to deny yourself the possibility?” Seth asked.
Some things were more important than climbing. He understood that. But what they didn’t understand was that he didn’t deserve to be that happy. Poor Jenny had lost her life protecting him. Somehow grabbing hold of what he felt for Emery seemed too greedy—almost like a betrayal.
“She’ll be better off without me,” he said, handing the boarding pass back to Aiyana.
“See?” Ryan piped up. “I told you. Good thing we got him some other stuff, too.”
“Can we open our presents now?” Liam asked.
With a disgusted shake of his head, Seth started for the door. “How about we go back to bed and start this day over in a couple of hours?”
Aiyana was obviously disappointed, but she didn’t say so. “Okay. We’ll let you sleep.”
They all left, but when they were gone and Dallas was free to roll over and go back to sleep, he felt like throwing up—like the terrified little boy he’d been hiding under his sister’s bed. They didn’t know how deeply that had affected him, that he still had nightmares about it and felt so guilty about Jenny there were times when he felt he could scarcely breathe.
With a curse, he got up and paced across the floor. He couldn’t give in, couldn’t go to Boston. He’d only mess it up. He wasn’t capable of giving Emery what she needed, and he sure as hell didn’t deserve her.
But as the clock ticked away, and he heard footsteps on the floor above him and exclamations from his brothers as they teased and joked and enjoyed the holiday, a small voice—Jenny’s voice—seemed to say: Do it, Dallas. Don’t let what I did go to waste.
Tears streamed down his face as he closed his eyes and tried to listen closer. “Is that you?” he whispered, “Looking out for me again?” and felt such a tremendous warmth go through him that he couldn’t believe any other way.
He sank onto the bed, trying to hang on to what he felt. It left soon after, but he knew what he had to do—what he had to be brave enough to do. “Wait a second!” he called, coming to his feet and charging up the stairs. “Where’s that boarding pass? I’m going.”
They converged on him as soon as he reached the living room.
“Seriously?” Ryan said when Aiyana, her smile wide, handed Dallas the boarding pass.
Seth leaned against the doorframe wearing a self-satisfied grin. “That’s what he should’ve done in the first place.”
Dallas hoped Seth was right. As he headed back downstairs to get showered and packed, his heart was pounding harder than when he was executing a tricky and highly dangerous move high above the valley of Yosemite. They’d awakened him so early because it would take time to make the flight. He needed to hurry.
He was ready within an hour, so he was able to take the time to have breakfast and open presents with his family. Knowing he was going to see Emery changed everything about how he’d been feeling. He was happier than he’d ever been, which still somehow made him feel guilty.
Trying to suppress that reaction wasn’t easy, but he shoved it away as much as he could. After fending off the teasing and many jokes he’d suffered for acting so tough and then caving in, he was laughing when he opened the door to carry out his suitcase. He was going to put it in Seth’s car while his brother finished getting ready, since Seth was the one who was driving him to the airport.
But he didn’t make it past the threshold. There was an older man coming up the walk wearing brand-new jeans and a plaid flannel shirt. With his hair shaved so close to his head and all the changes nearly a quarter of a century had wrought in his face and body, he looked different, but Dallas easily recognized him.
It was his father.
* * *
Aiyana had had such a wonderful week. Her wedding had been beautiful, her honeymoon romantic and relaxing, and, so far, Christmas had been spectacular. She was excited to think that Dallas might finally allow himself to fall in love and grow some roots, especially because she really liked Emery. Aiyana thought she might soon have another daughter-in-law and was singing along to “White Christmas” while helping the twins pick up all the discarded wrapping paper when she heard the angry shouting that brought all of her holiday cheer to an abrupt halt.
“Get out of here while you can still walk!” she heard Dallas shout. “I don’t ever want to see you again. Do you understand?”
“Dallas, hear me out,” came the reply. “I’m not the same man I was. I found God while I was in prison, and He’s changed my life.”
Aiyana’s hand flew up to cover her mouth. “Oh no.”
She knew Cal had heard the same thing, because he looked equally shocked. “He’s here,” he said. “That son of a bitch didn’t honor the agreement.”
Aiyana’s heart jumped into her throat. She’d contacted the prison while she was on her honeymoon to inquire about Robert Ogilvie—what type of man the warden and the correction officers who dealt with him thought he was, and had been disappointed to hear what they had to say. They claimed that he was manipulative, unrepentant and one of the most selfish human beings they had ever known—and that was saying a lot, considering the men they dealt with on a daily basis.
“You’re so full of shit,” Dallas
said. “I could kill you for what you did.”
Aiyana nearly tripped over a chair in her hurry to get out of the house. Dallas had been so happy once he’d made the decision to fly to Boston. Had Robert shown up fifteen minutes later, he would’ve missed him. She couldn’t believe that he would have to face this during the holidays, after all.
“What are you doing here?” she asked when she saw Robert standing—surprisingly defiant—halfway up the walk to her house.
Dallas’s father lifted a hand. “I’m sorry. I waited as long as I could. I’m not here to cause any trouble. I stayed away, like you asked me to, so that I wouldn’t bother you during your wedding.”
Like she’d asked him to? He accepted a thousand dollars to stay away but had still interrupted their holiday. “As if this is any better?” she said. “It’s Christmas morning!”
Dallas whirled around to face her. “You knew he was in town and you didn’t tell me?”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “He came here a couple of weeks ago, but he promised me he wouldn’t try to contact you until after the holidays. I wanted to give you that much time to enjoy being home.”
“I would’ve waited and come in January like you wanted,” Robert explained. “But I was afraid Dallas would leave right after Christmas, and I wouldn’t be able to find him. I’ve waited so long!”
“How can you even say that?” Seth said. He and her other sons came pouring out of the house and were gathered around her on the porch, their faces filled with shock, outrage and anger for Dallas’s sake. “How can you feel any self-pity after what you’ve done?”
“I wasn’t in my right mind when...when that happened.”
“In your right mind?” Dallas echoed. “Your boss had just discovered that you’d been redirecting funds and embezzling from the company! You were going to be arrested and you wanted to run away, start over.”
“No, I was drunk.”
“You did a lot of terrible things when you were drinking. That part’s true. But you weren’t drunk that day. I remember it all very clearly.”
“That’s not true!” he argued. “And even if it was, I’m not the same man I was twenty-three years ago.”
“Oh yeah? What’s changed?” Dallas asked.
“I’m sorry for what I did.”
“I don’t believe that. And your lousy apology won’t help Jenny or Mom, anyway. As far as I’m concerned, you’re dead, too.”
“Forget him, Dallas,” Seth said. “Mom will get rid of him. We have to leave now or you’ll miss your flight. Don’t let him ruin what you have planned today.”
Dallas didn’t respond, didn’t act as though he’d even heard what Seth said.
“Can I just...get your number or something?” Robert asked. “In case you change your mind? I have no one else. I would... I would love to figure out how we can have some sort of a relationship.”
Dallas’s voice dropped to a menacing level. “You’re not hearing me. I’ve had nightmares my whole life because of you. I will never allow you back, never be able to forgive you for what you did. You need to leave.”
Aiyana tried to grab Dallas’s arm as he finished going down the steps of the porch, but he pulled away from her.
Robert backed up, but he didn’t leave. “Dallas, please.”
“He’s not worth it, Dallas,” Aiyana said. “I’m so sorry that I was tempted to believe him. I wanted to believe him, want anyone who’s sincerely sorry to get a second chance. But I was wrong this time. I know that now.”
He didn’t answer. He was too mesmerized by the sight of his father, so she stopped trying to reason with him. “Get off my property,” she said to Robert, “before I call the police. And don’t ever come back.”
“I thought you were good Christian people!” he snapped. “How can you turn me away, treat me like trash?”
“After what you did, you have no business being here,” Dallas said.
“You heard him. You need to leave.” Ryan went down the steps and Taylor, Liam, Bentley and Seth fanned out behind him.
Seeing that they weren’t going to relent, Robert cursed. “I should’ve killed you, too,” he said under his breath to Dallas and that was all it took to ignite the powder keg of emotion that was rippling through the entire family. Aiyana managed to grab Dallas and hung on for dear life, stopping him only because he wouldn’t risk hurting her, but the porch quickly emptied as the rest of her sons went after Robert.
“Call a taxi,” she yelled to Cal and let go of Dallas long enough to get in between Robert and her other boys.
“No,” she told them. “I won’t have this. His life will be difficult enough. Why do you think he’s here? He’s looking for a place to land, people he can live off of, but he can just keep on moving.”
Although it wasn’t easy, she managed to get Seth to help her stop the others, and by the time she felt she had things under control, Robert was walking as fast as possible toward the road, where she hoped the taxi would find him and deliver him to the bus stop so he could get out of town.
“Good riddance,” she said, and tried to herd her boys back into the house before someone decided to run after him. She was so glad things hadn’t gone any worse. But the moment she saw Dallas’s face, she stopped. He was staring after his father with such a bereft expression her heart broke for him.
“Dallas, we have to go,” Seth said gently. “You’re going to miss your flight.”
Finally, Dallas pulled his gaze away. But he didn’t get in Seth’s car. “Who am I kidding?” he muttered. “It’s not going to work.”
Leaving his suitcase on the porch, he stalked to his van, revved the engine and drove off.
“Damn Robert Ogilvie.” Aiyana wished she were the one who’d seen him coming so that she could’ve chased him off before Dallas encountered him.
“Should I go after him?” Seth asked, obviously concerned and eager to do so.
She briefly considered letting him, but decided against it. “He’s an adult. There’s nothing we can do,” she told Seth and the others, who were offering to go, too. “Just give him some space. This is something he has to come to terms with on his own. At least he knows we love him,” she added, and hung all her hope on that.
30
Dallas thought his lungs would burst. He’d never run so hard in his life, but he had to get away from the town, the valley and the people—especially his father. How dare Robert Ogilvie reappear in his life, especially on Christmas! What did the bastard expect would happen when he arrived? Could Robert really have imagined, after what he did, that Dallas could embrace him and move forward?
Never! Robert had killed that possibility when he pulled out a gun twenty-three years ago. Any normal person would know that.
Although he was quickly growing weaker, Dallas forced himself to keep going. Not only did he need to outdistance the town and the people, he had to outdistance the images in his head.
Except that was impossible. He’d never forget the casual way his father had approached the house, as if it was just another day and what he’d done was no big deal. As if Dallas could ever want to see him or associate with him again. As if Dallas would ever betray Jenny like that.
His heart pumped hard and fast as he gulped for air and jumped over a rock, pivoted around a tree and continued up the narrow trail that led to the summit. He was somewhere in the Topatopa Mountains, but he didn’t know where. He hadn’t paid any attention. He’d just abandoned his van somewhere it probably didn’t belong and taken the shortest route he could find to higher ground.
It almost felt as though Robert were chasing him. He’d always imagined avenging his mother and Jenny, if given the opportunity. And yet he’d done nothing, other than shout for Robert to leave. He felt as though he’d let them both down. But if he had done something more, it would’ve hurt Aiyana, someone else he loved, who’d been ther
e, too, pleading with him. The opposing sides—the anger from the past and the desire to heal and be normal—warred with each other until he thought he’d be torn in two.
Tears streamed down his face by the time he reached the top. Staggering to a halt, he bent over, struggling just to remain on his feet. “Jenny!” he yelled as though she could step out from behind a tree. “Jenny!”
He fell to his knees as his own voice echoed back to him and grabbed a handful of dirt, letting it slip through his fingers. He owed her so much that he could never repay, and the fact that he’d done nothing when Robert appeared turned his stomach to acid.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I’m so sorry.” But he knew he was apologizing for more than what he hadn’t done this morning. He was apologizing for being alive, for the fact that she’d felt it was necessary to protect him, for the fact that she might’ve been able to hide or escape herself if she hadn’t been so worried about him.
“God, Jenny,” he cried, his voice growing hoarse. “Every day, I wish it was me instead of you.”
A cold wind whistled through the trees. He hadn’t bothered with a coat, and he was wet, dripping with perspiration. But he couldn’t feel it. In his mind, he kept seeing his father come up the walk, over and over, and wondered what he could’ve done differently to make it so that he would hate himself less.
That was when he remembered Brian saying something he’d tucked away like a gold coin or other precious keepsake: I love you like a son.
Rocking back on his heels, he pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“I was just about to call you,” Brian said as soon as he answered. “But you beat me to it. I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.”
Dallas couldn’t answer. He was too choked up.
“Dallas? You okay? What’s going on?”