Austin helped her carry the boxes and put them in her small entryway. “Well, that’s it. Call me if you have a question about the work.”
They were standing close, so close she could reach out and touch him with little effort. She was reluctant to let him go. “I know you have to get up early for another business trip tomorrow, but do you want a quick cup of something? Maybe a bite to eat?”
“Sure.” He smiled and took a step closer. “Stop me from falling asleep on the way home, I suppose.”
“Wouldn’t want that.” Their eyes met and held, and Liana had difficulty swallowing.
The next minute his arms went about her, and they were kissing. One hand pressed into her back and the other into her hair. Liana’s arm went around his neck.
The ringing of the bell brought them apart. “Liana?” called a voice from outside. “You home?”
“It’s Christian.” She ran a hand through her hair, touching the spot where Austin’s hand had been only a second before.
The bell rang again. “Hello,” Christian said, his voice muffled by the door. “I know you have to be home. I see the light.”
“He has a key,” Liana told Austin.
“Better answer then.”
She sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
Liana crossed the two steps to the door. “Coming.” She opened the door, and Christian pulled his hand back from the knob, a key glinting in his hand.
“I was beginning to worry,” he said.
“Why?”
“Because I thought you said you’d be home before now. I was here earlier, and you weren’t here.”
“I’m a big girl, Christian,” she said dryly. “But we’re late because Austin had a meeting in Utah on the way back.”
“Oh.” His eyes widened as Austin appeared behind her. “Hello, Austin. I thought I recognized the truck out there.”
“Hi.”
“We just got here,” Liana said, not liking the calculating way Christian stared at her. “We were going to have a drink. Want to join us?” She stepped back so he could enter.
“Okay.” Christian smiled blandly.
“You know what, guys?” Austin said. “I think I’d better cancel. I have an early flight and with such good company, I might stay longer than I should.”
Liana nodded, keeping her face straight even as disappointment seeped through her.
“Thanks again for keeping me company, Liana,” he said. “I’ll be in touch.”
“See you.” She watched him saunter down the walk before shutting the door and facing her brother.
With his arms folded over his chest and his feet crossed, Christian leaned against the wall, regarding her gravely. By the set of his square jaw, Liana knew she was in for a grilling.
“What?” she asked, letting her annoyance show in her tone.
“You were going to have a drink with Austin?”
She shrugged. “Or something to eat. We’ve been traveling all day.”
“Uh-huh.” Uncrossing his legs, he took a step toward her. His hand reached out and wiped the skin above her top lip. “Your lipstick is smeared.”
“Like I said, it was a long drive.” She felt the muscles in her left eyelid retract several times in succession, signaling a need for sleep. “So do you want a drink or not? I’m exhausted.”
“I’ll let you sleep.” He stepped toward the door and put his hand on the knob. “But I did find out about that supposedly minor car problem you mentioned.”
“How?”
“Copy of the work order on your table.”
She glared at him. “Since when did you start snooping in my house when I’m not home?”
“It’s called trying to help. You should have come to me. I could have gotten you a better deal. I know people.”
“So I’ve heard. That’s what got me into Austin’s accounting mess and made me lose my job, remember?”
“You’re better off without it.”
“That still doesn’t excuse you for snooping.”
“I wanted to make sure Austin wasn’t putting undue pressure on you.”
“I’m a big girl. You don’t have to look out for me.”
“I introduced you, and I feel responsible. I—look, do you think it’s a good idea to get involved with him?”
Liana found it difficult to be exasperated when he had her best interest at heart. “I don’t know,” she said softly. “What do you think?” She could hardly believe she asked or that she was even thinking of Austin in future terms.
He shook his head. “I don’t want to see you hurt again.”
She knew what he wasn’t saying. Her past attempts at relationships had always ended badly. Each time she’d tried to let down her guard, tried to open herself to commitment but found herself incapable of growing close to any of them. After a short while, each moved on. Worse, when the initial sting of rejection had faded, she realized that she didn’t care. She had never really allowed herself to love them. Her emotions were safe, unable to escape her tight rein of control.
Like they had today with Austin.
Suddenly she was very grateful Christian had shown up. Without his interference, she might have made a mistake that could not be erased. As it stood, there was still time to distance her emotions from Austin and his family.
She stepped toward Christian. “Thanks for checking up on me.”
He hugged her. “Hey, Banana, what are brothers for?”
“For painting me a picture for my birthday.”
He grinned. “That, and taking you to get your car tomorrow afternoon. I called the guy, and it should be ready then.”
Liana was touched. “Okay.” She opened the door for him.
“Goodnight.” He waved and started down the walk.
When he disappeared, she stayed on the tiny porch, lifting her eyes to the bright stars in the sky. For a brief moment, she recalled another sky, just beginning to darken, and how she had felt flying under it.
Going to her suitcase, she withdrew the photograph of her parents from the side pouch. They were smiling for the camera, but their eyes were focused on each other over Liana’s head. As a teen, she’d dreamed about how much in love they must have been that they couldn’t keep their eyes off each other for even the brief snap of a photograph. Was it true? She wished she knew.
“Why did you and your sister fight?” she asked her mother’s image.
Maybe Austin was right. Maybe it was time to learn the truth.
CHAPTER 14
Diary of Karyn Olsen
Friday, April 29, 1966
I want to die. I don’t know how I’ll go on—I really don’t. My dad’s dead, and my sister has made a play for my boyfriend. Worse, he let her. I still don’t understand how it happened. My friends and I had a barbeque to celebrate Angie’s birthday. We asked Mom if we could have it at her house because the backyard is perfect for this sort of thing. Travis was there, of course, and Clari came over as well. I should have known something was up the minute they looked at each other. But I didn’t. How could I be so stupid? How could I miss the way his eyes followed her around?
When it got dark and we were all inside watching TV and eating popcorn, I noticed Travis was missing. At first I thought he’d gone to the bathroom, but he didn’t come back. I found them sitting on the back porch—kissing like newlyweds! My heart seemed to fly into millions of little shards.
How could they do this to me? How? I must have yelled the words because Clari was looking all shocked, and Travis said something about us just being friends. Friends? How could he say that? Then Mom came out and said that Travis and Clari had seen each other a couple of times since Daddy’s funeral, even went on a few dates. What, I’m supposed to feel happy to know that they talked a few times before making out behind my back?
I feel so betrayed. He never kissed me that way—never. What’s wrong with me that he could fall in love with Clari and not with me? I hate her. I hate them both! I le
ft the party then without saying good-bye to anyone, and I’m never going back. I don’t want to see Clari or Mom ever again.
On Friday morning, Liana checked her cell phone messages and found that she had several from people who needed help with taxes. Elated, she immediately called them back and set up a time to meet. Maybe I won’t need Austin’s job much longer, she thought. Not that she wanted to give up the job just yet—the charity’s records were proving interesting—but she wanted the option to back out if necessary. Never again would she put all her eggs in one basket, especially if that basket were owned by a boss whose goal justified any means.
She dug with renewed enthusiasm into the boxes she had brought from Wyoming. Several times the phone rang, and she answered eagerly, telling herself her excitement stemmed from the possibility of another customer. Most of the calls were from telemarketers, but even when it was another tax job, she found it difficult to hide her disappointment.
Finally she recognized the truth: She was hoping to hear from Austin.
Noon came and went and still no call from him. “What am I waiting for?” she asked aloud. “If he did call, what would I say? Uh, about last night, Austin. We were both tired. It was no big deal. Let’s forget it.” She stopped and snapped her fingers. “Or, I made a bet with Christian, you know. Thanks for helping me win.” Liana groaned and threw herself into her easy chair. As if to mock her, the phone rang again. She grabbed it.
“Lara? Hi, honey, it’s Mom. You called this morning? I got your message, but I think the answering machine needs to be cleaned or something because I couldn’t understand exactly what you said.”
“I want to come over for a visit tonight, if you’re not busy.”
“Well, we do have plans for a movie and dinner. But we can go tomorrow if it’s important.”
Liana grimaced at the ceiling. “It can wait.” Her questions had already waited for twenty-five years. One more day wouldn’t matter. “What about tomorrow?”
“That’ll work. About what time?”
Clarissa always did her heavy cleaning on Saturday mornings, so Liana knew later would be better. “About two—is that good?”
“Perfect. Or why don’t you come a little earlier, and we can have lunch?”
“Okay, one, then.”
“See you tomorrow, honey.”
“Bye, Mom.” Liana hung up, feeling very tired. Despite her desire to learn the truth, she was glad for a day’s reprieve. She needed to plan what she would ask Clarissa. Would she have the courage to speak openly? For some reason there was a dread in her heart that terrified her.
“I hope I am not opening Pandora’s box,” she said to the empty room.
* * *
As Liana sat at the table in her parents’ house across from her adoptive mother, her feet felt cold. Where’s a good dog when you need one? she asked silently, thinking of Jellybean’s warm fur. Strangely, she found herself missing that dog and had even bought a pound of jellybeans last night at the grocery store. Alone in her condo afterwards, she’d eaten half of them before finally putting them in the cupboard out of sight.
“Ever thought about getting a dog?” she asked Clarissa.
Clarissa shook her head as she set a plate of finger sandwiches in front of Liana. “Dogs take too much work. I’ve raised three children, thank you very much. It was the best thing I ever did, but I’m enjoying my freedom too much to go back to cleaning up after a dog.”
She smiled as she spoke, but her answer hit Liana hard. She’d practically raised the boys before I came to live here. Did she resent me?
Liana had harbored this secret worry all through her growing up years, though she had never actually put a name to it before. Swallowing hard, she lifted her glass of juice to get rid of the bitterness in her throat.
“Besides, dogs shed. They destroy things.” Clarissa smoothed her long red print skirt before she sat opposite Liana. “I’m afraid I’m much too set in my ways to get an animal. We did have a dog once when the boys were small. Kept him in the backyard until he ruined it with his messes and his digging. Then we put him in a pen, but that made him restless. He kept jumping on Bret and knocking him over every time we let him out. And Christian . . . well, he didn’t like to get dirty unless it was with paints. So we gave the dog away.” She smiled, eyes focused faraway on something Liana couldn’t see. “His name was Wizard, of all things. The boys cried when we gave him away, but it was for the best. That dog was much happier with the farmer we gave him to.”
“I never knew,” Liana said. How much else had she missed?
“You weren’t even born yet.” Clarissa took a tiny bite of her sandwich and swallowed it. “The boys barely remember him. They were too small.”
Liana had finished several finger sandwiches. The thin turkey meat ones had gone down easily, but her mother always put too much mayonnaise in the tuna. She took another gulp of juice to wash the taste from her mouth. “That’s what I want to talk to you about, sort of. About the time before I was born. I’d like to know what happened between you and my—my—” She had been about to say “real mother,” but with the constraint of long habit she couldn’t. “Between you and your sister.”
Clarissa’s hand froze in midair. For a moment she looked like a statue, immaculately dressed, each blonde hair perfectly arranged. Only the sandwich, lifted halfway to her partially open mouth, was out of place, an incongruence that Clarissa would have intensely disliked had she been the one watching.
She recovered her poise quickly. The hand with the sandwich lowered and picked up the napkin instead, dabbing at her mouth, hardly disturbing the red lipstick. Setting the napkin on the table, she folded her hands together in front of her plate. “I knew this day would come,” she said. “I always knew it. But I expected it much sooner. Perhaps when you were a teen.” Clarissa’s forehead creased, and her eyes took on a sadness that bit into Liana’s heart.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Liana felt compelled to say.
Clarissa’s face immediately changed. “You aren’t the one doing the hurting,” she said firmly. “What happened between your—your mother and me was my doing, my fault. I wish it could have been different, but I can’t change things now. It’s far too late.”
Liana didn’t speak, nor could she look away. Clarissa’s blue eyes had locked onto hers, fixing her in place. The tiny lines around those eyes were more distinct now, too, as though preparing for heartbreak.
“You deserve to know.” Clarissa shook her head, the movement barely perceptible. “I only wish there was more to tell you. I wish . . .” She closed her eyes, and Liana was free to look away. Still, she kept watching Clarissa’s face, wondering at the unconcealed suffering she saw there, a feeling that seemed equal to the one rising in her own chest.
Clarissa pushed back her chair. “Come with me.”
Liana met her around the table, allowing Clarissa to take her hand. Tears stung her eyes, and her heart pounded like thunder. Clarissa led her past the family room and down the hall to her own bedroom. Since Clarissa and Travis had always insisted on privacy, it was a place Liana and her brothers had not often gone. The room smelled of lilacs and the orange oil Clarissa used to clean the furniture. Sunlight slanted through the window onto the floor.
“Sit here.” Clarissa indicated the bed.
With a longing glance toward the padded rocker next to the bed, Liana obliged.
Clarissa went to the closet and pulled down a small metal box from the top shelf. She sat down on the bed next to Liana, setting the box between them. Liana watched as she worked the combination lock.
“This is all I have of my sister.” Clarissa lifted the lid as she spoke, her voice choking. “I loved her so much. I wish . . . I wish. . . .” Whatever her wish was would stay a mystery to Liana because Clarissa couldn’t finish the sentence. She took a deep breath and drew out a paper and a passport. “These were with you when you arrived from India. Your original birth certificate and the passport the American e
mbassy there gave you after your parents died.” She handed the documents to Liana. Lara Clari Schrader was written clearly on both, but Liana felt no connection to the name.
“So you adopted me.”
Clarissa blinked, and a single tear slid down her left cheek. “Of course we adopted you. My sister and her husband would always be your parents, but I felt very strongly that no child should ever have to grow up without someone to call Mom and Dad.” Clarissa reached for another paper inside the metal box. “I also have a letter from a doctor at the hospital where your parents worked. He was the one who called to tell me what had happened. He wrote to me once after you’d come to live with us.”
Liana accepted the proffered letter. A paragraph jumped out at her: Has the child spoken yet? If you could write me a letter, I would like to know if all is well, if she is adjusting to her new life.
Liana still felt no connection to the little girl she had been. That life seemed almost to belong to someone else.
She looked up slowly. “Was that the first you knew about me?”
Clarissa shook her head. “No. Karyn had sent me a letter before, when she was pregnant.” Reaching into the box, she removed a worn envelope. Her hand trembled, and her eyes threatened more tears.
Liana reached eagerly for the letter, but Clarissa held it to her heart. “First, you need to know a few things. Your mother knew Travis first. She met him at school and fell in love. I didn’t know it. I thought they were just friends.” Her eyes pleaded for understanding. “He drove her to our dad’s funeral, and from the moment I met him I felt something . . . different. It’s hard to explain. During the next weeks, we ran into each other many times.” She smiled, though her eyes glittered with tears. “He told me later that he planned those meetings—he must have found out information from Karyn about where I might be. And then we fell in love.”
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