Jacob wanted to nuzzle the soft skin behind her ear and work his way down to those supple breasts, running his tongue over each rough peak. He’d already imagined their rosy color a hundred times since meeting her, but now wanted to strip away every layer of clothing and see for himself. See Zan in all her naked glory. To lose himself in the soft warmth of her caress, to feel her voluptuous body pressed to his. He hardened again.
Now is not the time, he thought.
Zan, however, had other thoughts about timing. Her lips moved over his throat. A little mewing sound accompanied her wandering mouth, breaking down what little resistance he had left. He bent his head and found the spot he desired behind her ear, eliciting a moan from her. As if of their own free will, his hands lowered and cupped her bottom, grinding her hips into him. She pulled her hands free and slid them up around his neck, her fingers played with his hair.
Finally, his mouth found hers. She tasted so sweet. He couldn’t get enough as her tongue teased, slipping in and out. She bit down on his lower lip, sending an intense wave of desire coursing through his blood.
He wanted her. Here. Now. But throwing her down on her tiled kitchen floor held little appeal. Releasing his grip on her bottom, he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her. “Where’s the bedroom?” he rasped, and then found the spot behind her ear again.
“End of the hall…door on the right.”
Jacob moved to leave the kitchen, but the blaring phone startled him, stopping his progress.
“Let the machine get it,” Zan said, before her mouth closed over his.
“Zan, it’s Mother,” a voice said once the machine picked up. “Aunt Bonnie just called me. What is this about some man harassing you?”
“Damn.” She pulled away from him and grabbed the phone. “Mom, hi. …No, no I’m…”
Jacob ran his hand through his hair. What the hell just happened?
Going from zero to sixty was a thrill ride, but going the opposite sucked and left him a bit shaken. He couldn’t remember ever getting so carried away with a woman before. Especially one he barely knew.
Maybe it was time for him to go before things went any further. He wanted her, yeah. But he wasn’t ready for her. He walked into the living room to search for his hat.
Zan followed right behind him. Putting her hand over the mouthpiece of the phone, she whispered, “Please don’t go just yet.” Then she spoke to her mother again.
Ten agonizing minutes later, she hung up and stood across the room from him. “I…” She worried the hem of her shirt that had thankfully dried enough to keep his mind from wandering to it—as much. “I want to apologize,” she said.
“You want to apologize?”
“I can’t believe I acted like that.”
Jacob scratched his head. This was a first for him.
“I hope I didn’t offend you by…by jumping you in the kitchen.” She shifted from foot to foot while he stared at her, speechless. “I’ve never done that before, I… Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked when she finally raised her eyes to his.
“You can’t be serious.” He paced the floor in front of the sofa. “She wants to apologize to me,” he said under his breath. He’d practically taken her in the middle of her kitchen, and she wanted to apologize?
“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.” She walked over to him and grabbed his arm. “Would you please quit pacing? You’re making me seasick.”
Jacob stopped and stood toe to toe with Zan. He wanted to shrug off her touch. Even the slightest feel of her warmth shot his hormones straight down to the nether regions.
“I should be the one apologizing to you. You’ve had a stressful day and I took advantage of you in a weak moment.”
The relief he expected to see cross her face never came, instead her eyebrows folded together and lines creased her forehead.
“A weak moment?” She gaped at him. “You took advantage of me?”
“Well, yeah.” What was it with her?
She took over pacing, moving back and forth the length of the sofa.
“You’re all alike, aren’t you?” She wagged her finger in his face as she passed him on her third lap. “You men are all so arrogant, so…so full of shit!”
“Hey, wait a minute.” Now she was insulting him? Jacob’s desire should have fled, but it flared anew. Damn his hormones.
“No, you wait a minute. Just because a woman kisses a man and they wind up in bed, you assume the woman is submitting. Well, I’ve got news for you, buddy.” She paused in front of him and jabbed her finger in his chest. “I started it. I kissed you first.”
This was going too far. The vein pulsing in her forehead would pop at the rate she was going. “Zan…”
“I’m not finished.” She slapped her hand over his mouth. “I was taking you to bed, got that? Don’t think for one second that I am some kind of meek woman. I knew exactly what I was doing.”
He raised an eyebrow and pulled her hand from his mouth. Oh she did, did she? How often has this happened? How many men had she been un-meek with, despite her earlier admission, “I’ve never done this before?” Oh, really?
“You think I sleep around?” she said as if reading his thoughts. “Get out of my house.” She picked his hat up from the floor and shoved it into his hand. “Get the hell out.”
Zan stomped to the door and held it open. Jacob stared at her for a moment. Gone was the scared woman talking about Dale. Gone was the woman writhing in his arms.
He walked out onto the porch and thought he heard her say, “Weak, my ass,” before she slammed the front door.
Chapter Six
“Dr. Jensen’s office.” Zan rubbed the bridge of her nose as she answered the phone. Five days had passed since the fiasco with Jacob. Every time the phone rang, her hopes soared. But Jacob hadn’t called.
“Zan, honey, how are you?”
She sat up straighter in her chair when she heard her friend’s voice. “Mackenzie? Why are you calling me in the middle of the day? Is something wrong?”
Her friend was near the end of her third trimester and worried whether she’d be a good mother. Zan had tried repeatedly to reassure her she’d be wonderful when her child arrived, but the woman’s hormones and uncertainty battled common sense.
“No, nothing’s wrong. I have someone here who wants to speak to you.”
Before Zan could ask any questions, a tiny wail came over the phone. The baby! “When? Boy or girl? How big? Tell me, tell me!” Zan couldn’t contain herself. She jumped from her chair and danced around her desk, tethered by the phone cord.
Mackenzie laughed. “Slow down, Zan. Well, let’s see. First, her name is Rose. She weighs seven pounds even. And she was born three hours ago.” Mackenzie rattled off the rest of the baby’s vitals. She told Zan of true agony; she’d pushed for several hours.
“Uh yeah, I look forward to doing that myself some day.” Zan shuddered.
Mackenzie laughed then her voice sobered. “I wish you were here.”
Tears welled in Zan’s eyes. “Me too. I’m so happy for you.” Zan sat back down and wrote down Rose’s birth information on the day calendar so she wouldn’t forget. She laughed when she noticed the date. “Leave it to you to have a baby on Halloween.”
“Yeah, well, what can I say? I strive to be differ…rent.” A yawn spread the last word. “Excuse me. Boy, who’d have thunk having a baby would be such hard work?”
“Oh, you know you loved every painful minute,” Zan teased.
“I sure did.”
Little Rose cried again.
Zan smiled. “You better go. Duty calls.”
“And how. I love you, Zan.”
“I love you too. Tell Bill he’d better take good care of you both.”
“Not to worry, he hasn’t left my side since we got to the hospital,” Mackenzie said.
“Never will,” Zan could hear Bill say.
“Bye,” both women said and hung up.
Zan�
��s eyes watered again and tears threatened to spill. Her heart ached in a way she couldn’t understand. She should be happy for her friend and she was. But another emotion crowded it. Jealousy. She was jealous of Mackenzie.
Mackenzie had what Zan wanted. A husband, a baby. Zan could have had both if she’d stayed with Charles. For the first time since she left Fort Worth, she questioned her decision to break off her engagement. She could have forgiven him for his “little indiscretion”. The truth was, she didn’t even care he’d cheated. She was relieved to know he had enough passion in him to be with Tami. Maybe if he’d shared some of that passion with Zan she wouldn’t have wanted to leave.
No, she just wasn’t in love with him. Never had been. She’d been in love with the idea of him, but never with the man himself.
Guilt washed over her. Had she kept him dangling that whole time? Could she have been a better person? Well, yeah, but that wasn’t the problem either. He hadn’t loved her anymore either. If he had, he would have fought for the marriage, and not cheated with a twenty-one-year-old bimbo. He wanted an image of marriage and Zan filled the bill. The perfect little “wifey”. A woman to stand at his side and be the little submissive puppet.
Boy, had he been wrong on that count.
Zan’s thoughts turned full circle and came back to Jacob. She had accused him of basically the same thing.
“Maybe, it’s me.”
“What’s you?”
“AAAGH!” Zan fell from the chair at the deep male voice. She clutched her chest and hoped to hold in the heart that threatened to bust through her navy pullover. From her perch on the floor, she looked up at the dark mass of man above her. “Mr. Cates, you scared me.”
“I noticed.” He chuckled. “Are you all right?” He held his hand out to help her up off the floor.
“Thanks.” Zan dusted herself off and fought the wave of embarrassment that flooded her. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t heard the bells above the door clang when he came in. So wrapped up in her own thoughts, she missed it.
“You okay? You look like you’ve been crying.”
Zan wiped under her eyes. “Yes, sir. I’m fine and I have been crying. But they are happy tears,” she added when his brows scrunched. “My friend just had a baby.”
He nodded, but didn’t comment.
“Was there something I can help you with?” she asked when he did no more than stand there.
“That depends.” He took off his hat and scratched the back of his head. “Can you tell me what happened between you and Jacob?”
“I… What?” Her face heated. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.” Surely, Jacob hadn’t confessed his—almost—sexual escapades to his boss.
“All I know is that boy has been fuming for several days and all anyone can get out of him is ‘damn woman’, pardon my French.” His face broke into a self-deprecating smile. “Hank says he’s been like that since he went to visit you about the Dale situation.” He paused, but when she didn’t elaborate, he continued. “He’s not himself. He’s been yelling at the ranch hands and spooking the horses.”
“Mr. Cates…”
“Willard, please.” He propped his hat back on his head.
“Willard, we had a…disagreement. I’m sorry if I’ve caused problems at your ranch, but I don’t know what I can do about it.”
“Something’s gotta give. Our cattle drive is in two weeks and if he’s still like this, I’m gonna have to leave him behind and he’s the best rider I’ve got.”
And? She wanted to prompt him, but folks in Paintbrush had a way of taking their time to get to a point.
“Can you call the boy, talk to him?” He tilted his head. “I don’t know—something, anything.”
“Willard, I…” He looked so hopeful. Guilt washed over Zan. Maybe she had overreacted. Maybe she did need to call Jacob and apologize or at least explain why she reacted the way she had. “I’ll do my best.”
“Good girl.” The man patted her on the head and left the clinic.
“Good girl?” she said aloud. “God, what am I? Twelve again?”
———
Jacob threw his hat up against his bedroom wall. What a day. First, he smashed his thumb with the hammer as he and Hank mended the south pasture fence. Then he barked at Eric for not saddling his horse quick enough before their morning rounds.
Now, Willard tells him if he doesn’t get his ass in gear, he’ll have to stay behind.
Could his day get any worse?
At the knock on his door he groaned. Yep, it could. “What?” he yelled then threw the door open.
Zan stood on his porch, her eyes wide circles and her freckles a stark contrast against her pale skin. “I, ah…” She turned and ran.
“Damn.” Jacob went after her. “Zan, wait, I’m sorry. Please wait.” He caught up to her and grabbed her arm. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.” He turned her to face him. “I’m sorry.” Despite the bells that sounded in his head, he pulled her into a hug, and stroked her back. Her shoulders heaved with every heavy breath and tore at his gut.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her ear.
Once her breathing slowed and her shoulders relaxed he pushed her back to arms length, but held on to one arm. “Okay?”
She nodded.
“Something wrong?” His senses went on full alert.
Zan shook her head, and didn’t quite meet his eyes. “I…I just came out here—” Her voice shook, “—to apologize to you.”
Stunned at first, Jacob stood silent for a moment. “The last time you tried to apologize we got into an argument,” he said finally. A smile curled the corner of his mouth.
“Yeah.” She smiled too. “I might have overreacted the other night.”
“Might have?” Jacob teased.
“Okay, fine. I did overreact.” Zan’s smile broadened.
He loosened his grip on her arm, ran his hand down to meet hers and linked their fingers. For the longest time, he just stood and looked at her. She looked so beautiful under the moonlight. His gut tightened again. He had missed her so much over the past few days. More so than he thought possible.
A cool evening breeze blew past. Zan, not wearing anything heavier than a long-sleeve denim shirt, shivered.
“Why don’t we go back into my house where it’s warmer?” He tugged her hand and she nodded. “You still haven’t gotten used to the chill here yet, have you?”
“No, I guess not. I’m not used to needing anything much heavier than this back home,” she said as he led her in the house. “I can only remember once on Halloween where my niece and nephew needed jackets but usually shirt sleeves would work.”
Jacob started a pot of coffee, and then sat next to Zan on the couch.
“Nice house. Quaint.”
“Uh, yeah. Just what every guy wants to hear.”
She nudged him with her elbow. “Be nice or I’ll take back my apology.”
“Mmm-hmm. Speaking of the apology, which part did you overreact about? The men-are-full-of-shit part? Or that I think you’re a meek woman?” Jacob asked. “Because you have to know, I think you couldn’t be farther from meek.”
“Thanks. I think.” She laughed and slumped further into the couch.
“I mean it in a good way. You stood up to Dale. Hell, you stood up to me when you thought I was being condescending.” Jacob leaned forward and rubbed her cheek with his knuckles. He needed to touch her, to feel her warmth.
“I didn’t necessarily think you were condescending. It’s just… There’s this guy.” She paused and looked around the living room.
He was grateful she’d stopped talking. Did he want to hear this? Did he want to know about her past lovers?
“Tell you what. Hold that thought while I get the coffee.” She nodded. “How do you take it?” he asked.
“Cream and sugar, please.”
“Sure thing. Comin’ right up.”
Jacob busied himself with the coffee and gave her time to
think about what she wanted to tell him, how much she wanted to share. Despite himself, he did want to know. He wanted to learn all there was about Suzanne Walters. A fact that scared him spitless since he had never before cared that much about any one woman.
Zan accepted the coffee mug he offered her, but didn’t look back up at him. “I was engaged, up until I moved here.”
Whatever he expected to hear that certainly wasn’t it.
“I broke it off with him a few months ago.” Zan stared into her coffee cup.
A sudden, irrational pang of jealousy ripped through Jacob. He hated the thought of her with another man, engaged and committed to someone else. Anger mixed in, jumped into the fray. He sure as hell didn’t want to be her rebound man.
“I found him with another woman.”
She threw him for another loop. What kind of man cheats on a woman like Zan?
“I knew it was over for some time. He did me a favor by cheating. I don’t think I would have had the nerve to move here if he hadn’t.”
“Why?” Jacob finally found his voice. He wasn’t sorry she had moved. In fact, he wanted to thank the man that sent Zan packing to Wyoming.
She looked up at him and shrugged. “It was the first thing I ever did just for me. I was kind of scared relocating like that. So I guess, in a way, him cheating gave me the push I needed.”
“And he was the jerk you were lumping me in with?”
“No…yes. But I didn’t mean to. You’re not like him. He was selfish from the beginning. And I knew it, but I guess I wanted to change him. Or, I don’t know, I think I might not have cared enough what he was like.”
“Then why were you engaged to him?” To be tied down with one person was bad enough if you loved them. Not being in love with them… Jacob shuddered. Granted, he was not a proponent for marriage after his experience, but without love, it seemed like a jail sentence.
“I’ve been asking myself that. I think it was the idea of marriage. My parents have been married for over fifty years. My oldest brother married his high school sweetheart and they celebrated their thirtieth anniversary last August. My other brother’s been married twenty years.”
Second Chances Page 5