Second Chances

by Denise Belinda McDonald

  A huge, wet chunk of snow from his hat plopped right on her face. “Aaah. Geez, that’s cold.” She pulled her hands free and wiped the moisture from her face.

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” She laughed.

  Jacob walked back out to the porch and shook off his hat and then his coat before hanging them both on the coat rack.

  “Hang on.” Zan hurried to the kitchen for a dishtowel to wipe her face. When she came out, Jacob was sitting on the sofa. He patted the cushion next to him. He had that “we need to talk” look on his face, somber and dark. Zan’s stomach crashed.

  With a huge swallow of her fear, she sat at the opposite end, leaving a square between them. She didn’t want to feel his warmth, the heat coming off his body, if she was going to get the brush off. Maybe seeing his old flame reignited long-lost emotions. That Trisha woman hadn’t hid her feelings. She’d had so much hope and desire in her eyes that Zan again almost felt sorry for her—almost.

  Jacob stared at the space between them a moment then scooted halfway across the divider. He reached for her hand. She wanted to sigh as his palm pressed to hers, wanted to melt when he rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. She closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable.

  “I never expected to see Trisha again. Friday night…” Jacob paused.

  Zan opened her eyes and searched his face, looking for any indication of how he felt.

  “I should have told you all about her sooner. You see Trisha and I…”

  “I know some of it,” Zan interrupted. She wanted to stall Jacob’s good-bye as long as possible. She wasn’t ready to let him go even if he did belong to someone else. “Missy told me this afternoon.”

  “Oh.” He looked away from her.

  “It’s a small town, remember? You can’t have too many secrets here.”

  “Unless you’re a Holstrom,” she thought she heard him say, and then she thought of the secret she was hiding from Jacob, the extra trip she had taken before going back to work this afternoon. Now was not the time to worry about that, she scolded herself.

  His grip tightened on her fingers and pulled her from her thoughts. “I doubt she knows everything. Did she tell you that Dale started seeing Trisha behind my back?”

  Zan nodded. Her brows scrunched at the acid tone in his voice. His gaze found hers. His normally peaceful face contorted to an ugly mask of anger and pain.

  “Did she tell you that when Trisha was ready to break up with me Dale convinced her to string me along?” He looked past her, maybe remembering the past. “That I was stupid enough to think I loved her and that she loved me?

  “Did Missy also tell you that Trisha played the game up until two weeks before we were supposed to get married, but she finally got a conscience and came and confessed it all to me and then took off to California?” Jacob’s cheeks reddened and his grip tightened again.

  “You’re hurting me, Jacob.” Zan tried to pull her hand free and for a moment, she was afraid he wouldn’t let go. He blinked a couple of times and released her.

  “I’m sorry.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “I can’t tell you how stupid I felt, Zan, how humiliated I was when she told me she was leaving. Dale had to come back and flaunt it in my face. It took all the self control I had not to bust the man in the chops, but what would that have solved?”

  “Of course you’d feel betrayed. She left you.”

  “That’s not it. I was embarrassed she played me for such a fool.”

  Two people had played with his heart—just because they could. Dale Holstrom was an egotistical, self-righteous jerk, but that was inhuman, tearing apart someone like that. How could he have been so mean? How could someone rip someone else’s life apart and walk away as if nothing happened? To toy with a man’s love for another…

  Her heart plummeted again. Falling to her stomach like a lead weight. “But you loved her.” Why jealousy ripped at her she didn’t know but she had to fight to keep her breathing even and keep tears welling in her eyes from falling.

  “Not exactly.”

  Zan looked at him, confused. “Huh?”

  Jacob ran his hand over his face again. “I didn’t say it to her. Implied it I guess, but I sure as hell never told her.”

  “I don’t understand. That doesn’t make any sense.” Zan started to stand up, but Jacob put his hand on her arm halting her.

  “I said I thought I loved her. But I never told her that.” He took a deep breath. “Neither one of us said the words, but at least as far as I was concerned, liking her enough to want to marry her was a huge commitment on my part. Everyone around us was pairing off and making it official, so it seemed like the thing to do. She could have said no. When she didn’t, I figured one of us knew what we were doing.

  “When she left, I was actually relieved. We weren’t right for each other. It wasn’t until Dale… The only reason I have any feelings about it now is because I looked like a fool. Not because of deep-seated emotion ripping away at me. I knew she did me a huge favor leaving.”

  A wave of emotion Zan couldn’t identify washed over. Pity? Sadness? Relief?

  Jacob didn’t have any sentiment left for Trisha. At least nothing positive. Her heart ached for the man, he had trapped himself in a life he didn’t want. “You were going to marry someone you knew you didn’t love? Why?”

  He nodded. “We were together for three years and it just seemed like the thing to do. Love or no love.”

  “What kind of life can you have with a loveless marriage? That would be so tedious. So stifling.”

  Jacob’s left eyebrow quirked up. “And what about you and what’s-his-name?”

  Charles. “Touché.” She shook her head and couldn’t help but smile. He had her there. “So why is she back now?”

  “Don’t know, don’t care. She stopped being my problem the day she walked away.”

  Zan wanted to comfort him, make him forget the past rearing its ugly head. She leaned across the sofa and circled her arms around his neck, nothing sexy or untoward, just a friendly “feel better” hug.

  Jacob, however, had other ideas. He pulled her to him, almost into his lap. With the barest movement, he set his lips on her with slow, gentle kisses. Zan’s embrace changed. Her hands trailed up and down Jacob’s strong back until she finally laced her fingers through the soft edges of his dark brown hair.

  Her lips parted, inviting him to deepen the kiss, but an odd noise pulled her mind from the passion. It almost sounded like a dog—a puppy really. All the neighborhood dogs were full-grown and their barks sounded low and slow. She leaned back, separating their joined mouths.

  “What was that? Did you hear it?”

  A smile quirked the corner of Jacob’s mouth. “What did it sound like?”

  “Like a puppy. But no one around here has a puppy.”

  “Are you sure?” His grin grew mischievous.

  The box next to the back door wiggled. It sounded like the barking was coming from there. “Jacob—you didn’t?”

  “Didn’t what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “What’s in the box?” she demanded with a smile, and stood up from his lap.

  “Open it and see.” He leaned back on the sofa and lifted his arms over his head, stretching.

  Zan rushed over to the box and pried away the top. Inside, a ball of brown and black fur wiggled and waggled, yipping with excitement. “You got me a puppy.” She couldn’t keep the squealing out of her voice. She’d never had a dog before.

  She stuck her hand inside to pick him—or was it her—up, but was attacked with a warm, wet tongue. She giggled at the sheer delight of the little furry creature. Using both hands, Zan reached in and pulled the puppy up in the air—a boy.

  “What’s his name?” She examined him. He had a tan coat over most of him except for a thin black strip that went from his neck to the end of his tail along the spinal column.

  “It’s your call. He’s your dog.”

 
“I can’t believe you got me a puppy.” She tucked the dog under her chin and hugged him. His warm body pressed to her chest and she could feel the rapid beat of his little heart. He wiggled his head loose and licked her cheek. “I’ve always wanted a dog.”

  With the pup secure against her chest, she walked over to Jacob. “I love him.” She kissed him, as did the frisky animal. “Thank you,” she giggled, then deepened the kiss, warming her to the core.

  “If you keep kissing me like that, I’ll buy you anything you want,” he teased.

  Zan raised her eyebrows. “Oh really?”

  Jacob laughed. “Uh-oh, I’m in trouble now.” He pulled her back down to his lap. “Seriously, you told me once you were lonely out here all by yourself, so I thought you might like to have a friend.”

  I would rather have you, she thought.

  “So what’ll it be?” Jacob rubbed the puppy between the ears.

  “Huh?”

  “Do you think he looks like a Harry? Always a good name for a dog. Lyndel—that’s who I got him from—says he’s pure mutt, both mama and dad are mutts.”

  “I think—” she rubbed behind the pup’s ear, “—I think he looks like a Clyde.”

  “Clyde?” Jacob’s forehead scrunched in a comical expression.

  “I like Clyde. Don’t you?” She held the dog up in front of her. The dog didn’t bat an eye, but his tail waved furiously. “See he likes it too.”

  “Well, I guess Clyde it is. Welcome home, Clyde.”

  ———

  After dinner—his favorite meal cooked to perfection—Zan insisted on taking Clyde out into the backyard despite the snow. She said she wanted to start his housebreaking right away. What was Jacob supposed to say? It wasn’t his house. He wouldn’t have to clean up after the dog.

  He entertained the notion of the two of them living together, in one house, where he could touch her—shoot, just hear her, see her—whenever he wanted. He really liked that idea. Would she want a life with him, the happily ever after and a white picket fence? Would she even consider him as husband material?

  Whoa, husband?

  Where had his mind just gone? He swore after his own mother’s defection and then especially after Trisha left, he would never consider the possibility of marriage. It was too big a risk. His pride couldn’t take the rejection. He would never marry. With Zan, though, he wanted it all—so much so it hurt. He wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. To just be together.

  He hated that she was going home for Christmas and would be gone for a week. But she had to see her family. He knew how much she missed them all. Even with Quint living in Paintbrush, Jacob couldn’t help but notice the wistful look in her eyes whenever she spoke about them. As much as he wanted her to stay, he also wanted Zan to be with her family—and be happy.

  Damn, how convoluted was that?

  “I guess that’s what people mean when they say, ‘if you love something…’” He shook his head. “Not quite the same thing.” Just the same, the uncertainty and anxiety plagued him. “Don’t go borrowing trouble.” Zan would come back to Paintbrush. She had a life here now, a job, a home—a dog. She would come home to him.

  Wrapping his arms around his chest to ward off the cold wind, he stepped out the back door and went in search of his woman and her dog.

  He found the pair darting around the backyard, the pup chasing Zan as she filled the air with giggles. She was so beautiful. Even playing in the snow with Clyde, she was the most gorgeous woman he’d ever seen. She was all his—or could be if he’d get his ass in gear, but that fear was deep and holding on with every inch of nasty past-humiliation-and-pain claws. He needed to exorcise those demons before he let Zan slip through his fingers.

  “It’s cold out here. Need a coat?”

  She waved him and picked up the dog, wiping the snow away from his underbelly. “Nope. We’re done.” Walking toward Jacob she asked, “What am I going to do with Clyde when I go home?” Her mouth pulled down as her smile faded.

  He hadn’t considered that. “I’ll keep him for you.”

  “He won’t be any trouble?”

  “I live on a ranch, Zan.” He laughed. “We’re overflowing with animals.”

  She gave a tentative look at the pup, and then she slid her free arm around Jacob’s waist and snuggled. “This is the most wonderful gift I’ve ever gotten before. Thank you.” She lifted her head and found his mouth, despite the fur ball wedged between them. “Can you stay the night? I don’t know if I’ll get to see you again before I leave Saturday.”

  “You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried,” he said with a huge grin.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Zan hated plane rides. She broke out in a cold sweat and her breathing tapered to a shallow trickle of air, but to go home for Christmas and still have time to spend with everyone, flying was her only choice. She closed her eyes and thought of all the family she would get to see, and she couldn’t wait to meet baby Rose, Mackenzie’s now almost-two-month-old daughter.

  She looked over at her nephew, sound asleep. How could he sleep when they were flying miles above the ground? Granted, he could sleep just about anywhere and in any position. When they were children, she would go on vacation with her brother and his family. In her brother’s van, she and Amy would sit in the captain’s chairs in the middle. Quint would sack out on the bench along the back doors. As he grew and his legs got longer, he would scrunch himself up in odd positions, some which defied comfort, yet he always slept.

  She tried to relax, knowing that once she was back at her parents’ house her life would be chaotic—but a good chaotic. The entire family, sans Aunt Bonnie, was coming for Christmas. Her uncle Ritchie and his wife were on their way from Midland with her cousin Doug and their grandfather. They planned to stay with Trevor since his house was larger than their parents’. Christmas morning the house would be teeming with people and Zan would be hard pressed to find a quiet spot.

  She smiled. Definitely chaotic, but it was the kind of chaos she loved.

  “…now be making our descent into Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport. The temperature…”

  Zan stiffened and gritted her teeth. Quint stirred and rolled his neck from side to side. He looked at Zan and she wanted to kick him for the smug smile that quirked up the corner of his mouth.

  “We’re almost there.” He patted Zan’s clenched hand on the armrest.

  She managed to nod, but for her to speak would have taken a miracle. When the wheels touched down and jostled her, she let out a huge pent-up breath.

  “You okay?” Quint’s voice was laced with concern.

  “Peachy.” Her voice cracked and she had to clear it. “Yeah, I’m much better now that we’re on the ground.”

  Quint looked like he wanted to say something but he held his tongue. It wasn’t until they had their bags and were sitting in the car Zan rented for the week that Quint spoke. “So what’s the deal with you and Jacob?”

  “What do you mean, ‘the deal’?” She took her eyes off the road for a moment to look at Quint. “I don’t know. We’re dating, I guess.” Could she honestly say their relationship was anything more than dating? Neither had made any promises to the other. Neither had asked anything of the other.

  “Is that all? I mean you two seem pretty serious. After Charles…” He trailed off. “I didn’t think you would be so quick to get into another relationship.”

  “It’s not the same thing,” she said quickly. Too quickly. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the incredulous look on her nephew’s face.

  Zan pulled onto the highway. The traffic was so much heavier than she had grown accustomed to in Wyoming. The countless cars around her were by no means a traffic jam by the Dallas-Fort Worth standards, but back in Wyoming it would have been a major gridlock. It took getting used to.

  “With Charles…” She wasn’t sure how much to tell Quint. The two had never really had secrets between them so she went on. “I wasn’t in love
with him. I was settling, I think, because I was afraid of not finding the right person.”

  “But you’re in love with Jacob?”

  “I, uh…” Was she?

  “And how does he feel?”

  “What is this, Quint? Why are you so concerned all of the sudden? You’re acting like my dad, or rather your dad.”

  “Hey, that’s low,” he said, but with humor in his tone. “I’m just making sure you’re not setting yourself up for another heartbreak so many miles away from home.”

  “Paintbrush is my home. I appreciate your concern, but I am a big girl. If Jacob and I don’t work out—not that I am looking to get married anytime soon—I’ll be okay,” she said. “I managed to pull through my break up with Charles.”

  “That’s not quite the same thing. You broke up with him.”

  Something in his tone worried her.

  “Do you know something I don’t?” She asked the question as a joke, but the pit of her stomach clenched.

  “No. But what does a glorified ranch hand have to offer you.”

  “Quinton Randolph Walters, since when have you been a class snob?” Zan fought to control the car when she nearly jerked it into a semi. She wanted to look at him, to stare him down, but her heart hammered in her chest as someone honked at her. Plus, traffic grew heavier as they approached Fort Worth and she was afraid to take her eyes off the road. “I cannot believe you just said that.”

  “Watch the road.”

  “Quint.”

  “Zan.” He mocked her tone to a T. “I didn’t mean it like that—exactly.”

  “Then what the hell did you mean?”

  “Just that, he knows your former fiancé was a doctor. Surely he doesn’t think he can compare providing for you with the wages he makes on the ranch.”

  “First of all—” she let go of the steering wheel with her right hand and ticked off the reasons wit her fingers, “—I don’t need a man to provide for me. I have a perfectly good job and I can take care of myself. Second, Jacob’s bank account is of no concern of yours. Third, you make a living off being a ranch hand…”

  “And a volunteer firefighter,” he interrupted. “They do pay me a little for that.”