by Susan Stoker
Bailey blushed. She almost hadn’t answered the phone when she’d seen it was Grace, but felt bad about trying to avoid her. When she’d heard Grace sniffling and sounding scared, she’d told Clayson she had to go and simply left. The vehicle she’d been working on was still only half-done, but it didn’t matter.
Changing the tire and making sure Grace didn’t get gouged was nothing for her. But the hug Grace had given her when they’d arrived back in Castle Rock had meant the world to her. And when Logan had found out what she’d done, he insisted on taking her and Joel out to eat, and every time he saw her, he thanked her again.
“And when Alexis asked if you wanted to go hiking with her, you went, even though I know it’s not your thing. She blindsided you by wanting to talk about the Inca Boyz, but instead of shutting her down, you let her say what she needed to say. I don’t know what you talked about, but she told Blake that she’s felt lighter since your talk. That she isn’t alone anymore. That while Blake could empathize with her, you knew what she’d been through. That’s fucking amazing,” Nathan said in a low, urgent voice, and Bailey knew he was feeling emotional because he didn’t usually swear all that much.
“Alexis has talked to therapists for a while now, and no one has been able to help her as much as you did on that one hike. And you earned Blake’s trust that day. He wasn’t completely sure about you, since you were a part of the Inca Boyz for so long, but now he’d defend you to anyone who dared say anything derogatory about you.”
“He would?” Bailey asked in a small voice.
“Of course. But the point I’m making here is that you are in no way out of any of our leagues. We’re just people, Bailey. We all have histories, some better than others, but we’re all just muddling along, trying to do the best we can at this moment. Look toward the future, not at the past.”
Bailey didn’t say a thing, just let his amazing words soak into her psyche. She was trying to change her beliefs, but it was hard. She’d been a second-class citizen in the eyes of the Inca Boyz, and one of their whores for so long, she wasn’t sure exactly who she was outside of that.
Nathan tipped her chin up with one finger and looked down into her eyes.
The desire and want was easy to read in his eyes. She’d seen it before—of course she had—but tonight was the first time she wanted to do something about it. Bailey still wasn’t sure about a lot of things in her life. Until she knew for a fact Donovan wasn’t looking for her, or had forgotten about her, anyone who hung around her was in danger. She’d tried to tell Nathan that last month, and he’d merely rolled his eyes and said, “As if that would scare me away.”
It should, but of course it hadn’t. When she’d brought up his nephews, and how they might be in danger, he’d asked, “Do you think Logan would let anything happen to his kids?”
When he put it that way, she had to say no, but she still worried. She’d hate herself even more than she did now if Nate, Ace, Grace, Alexis, his brothers, or even Felicity got hurt because of her.
“Kiss me?” she breathed. It came out more of a question than a statement, but she’d heard Nathan say often enough in the last couple of months that they were just friends that she’d wondered if she was imagining the look in his eyes that said he wanted her.
Nathan’s breathing immediately sped up, and he licked his lips, but he didn’t protest. He didn’t ask if she was sure. It was as if he decided to take the opportunity she’d given him before she could change her mind.
Slowly his hand moved from her chin to the side of her neck, his hand sliding into her hair, and he held her tenderly, but immobile. His eyes met hers briefly before moving down to her mouth. Then his lips were on hers. Bailey couldn’t help the small whimper that escaped. It was as if she’d been struck by lightning. Goose bumps broke out on her arms, and she immediately brought her hands up from between them and clasped them around his neck.
This was no gentle get-to-know-you kiss. It was carnal and passionate. Their tongues dueled, their teeth knocked together as they licked and nipped at each other.
Moving so she was straddling his thighs, Bailey refused to let him pull away from her as the kiss continued, not that he was trying very hard. His hands went to her hips to hold her steady on top of him, and hers went into his hair and clutched him to her by the back of his neck.
The kiss continued, and Bailey inched her hips forward on his lap, pressing herself against the erection she could feel against her core. Just when she was ready to tear both their shirts over their heads so she could feel his skin against hers, his palms moved from gripping her hips and encouraging her to grind against him to her back. One high, one low.
It was the low one that made her freeze in his arms. His hand was large, and she could feel his fingers against her side as he pressed her into him. But his touch reminded her of the marks on her skin. How she shouldn’t be encouraging Nathan. And why.
The second she stiffened, Nathan backed off. Resting his head on the back of the couch, he stilled completely, but didn’t move either of his hands.
Bailey shifted, trying to dislodge him, but he held on.
“Why don’t you like me touching you?” Nathan asked quietly, but she could see the rage in his eyes. His jaw ticked as he clenched his teeth against some extreme motion.
“I . . . I don’t mind if you touch me,” Bailey semi-lied. She liked when he touched her in some places, just not her lower back.
“The hell you don’t. I’m not an idiot.” Nathan pressed his hand on her lower back, and she stiffened even more. “Did that asshole rape you?”
Bailey sucked in a breath. God, sometimes she forgot how blunt Nathan could be.
“No, not really.”
When Nathan merely raised his eyebrows at her, she relented. “Okay, there were times when I wasn’t in the mood, but I went along with it, but that’s not the same thing.”
“The fuck it’s not.” He leaned into her so their noses were almost touching. “If you didn’t want to, and he did it anyway, then it’s rape. If he took what he wanted without making sure you were one hundred percent with him, and ready for him, it was rape.”
“Nathan,” Bailey breathed, not sure what she wanted to say with that one word.
He leaned back, giving her some space, then took both his hands off her body and stretched them out so they were lying on the back of the couch on either side of him.
Even though it was what she wanted—him to stop touching her back—it sucked. She immediately felt cold and awkward perched on his lap without him touching her.
As she swung her leg over his legs to sit beside him, he said in a low, rough voice, “I have never, and I will never, force myself on a woman. Especially you.”
“I know you wouldn’t, Nathan, and seriously, it’s me, not you.”
“Wrong. It’s not you. It’s that asshole. I’ll leave if you need me to. I never want you to associate my touch with anything he did.”
“Don’t,” Bailey said immediately, resting her hand on his arm before he could get up. “I don’t want you to go.”
He looked at her for a long time, making her feel like a bug under a microscope, before he said softly, “I’ve wanted to know what your lips tasted like since I first met you. But I haven’t pushed. I waited for you to make the first move. And tonight you did. I’m still not going to push, but you have to know I want you. That this changes things between us.”
Bailey nodded.
“But here’s the thing. I want you to want me for who I am. Not because you feel sorry for me or some other fucked-up reason. I’m a big boy, Bailey. I can handle being with you and Joel and only being friends. It sucks, I won’t lie, but I can do it. But what I can’t handle is you letting me touch you, kiss you, make love to you, if it brings back bad memories. I can be with you without anything physical happening between us. I can wait for as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable with me. I can go as slow as you need, even if that means years. Decades. I like you, Bailey.
I’m here right now because of the person you are inside. Not because of what you look like or because I’m hoping we’ll end up in bed together. I’ve fallen for you. Head over heels. There isn’t one thing about you I don’t admire. I’m perfectly aware you and Joel have issues to work through as a result of the Inca Boyz. I don’t doubt it for a second. But I’m not them. You don’t have to be afraid when you’re around me.”
“I’m not scared when I’m with you,” Bailey said immediately. “It is me. I just . . . he marked me, Nathan.”
“Marked you.”
Nathan’s nostrils flared and his fists clenched at his sides. But as she’d just said, Bailey wasn’t afraid of him. Not like she would’ve been of Donovan. Nathan didn’t make a move toward her. It was obvious he was pissed off for her, not at her. As sick as it made her, Bailey loved this side of him. Made her feel as if she was a virgin princess from a kid’s movie, and the handsome prince wanted to keep her safe from all the bad that was out in the world. It just sucked that he was too late.
She looked down, away from his eyes. “He branded me, Nathan. Put a tattoo on my back that I didn’t want. That I hate. It’s . . . awful and I’m ashamed of it. Of what I’ve done, of who I was.”
“That fucker,” Nathan swore, then took a deep breath through his nose. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. You want to talk about it?”
She shook her head. “I’d really like to forget all about it. But I can’t. I feel it every time I move. It’s like it’s burned into my skin and it’s still raw and painful like it was right after they did it.”
“They?”
“Donovan and his buddies held me down. I wasn’t exactly willing,” Bailey said softly.
“Can I please hold you?”
It wasn’t what she was expecting him to say. Bailey looked up at Nathan. She wasn’t sure what she expected to see. Maybe more of the pissed-off dragon. Maybe pity. But all she saw was compassion. And caring. She needed that.
Bailey nodded and snuggled into his side, noting that Nathan was sure to keep his hands on her upper back this time as he drew her into him.
They sat like that for a long moment. And with each minute that passed, Bailey realized that she felt stronger. Nathan wasn’t talking, he wasn’t trying to blow off what happened to her, nor was he trying to pretend he knew what she had gone through. He was merely being there for her. Letting her work through her feelings in her own way.
After long minutes went by in silence, she said, “Donovan wasn’t always an asshole. In the beginning he was nice to me. He helped me finish high school. Made me feel good about myself. I felt as if I was a part of something. The gang was fun to be around, slightly dangerous, but nothing too terrible.”
Nathan hugged her, but let her talk.
“The first time he wanted sex and I told him no, he was okay with it. But when it happened again, he wasn’t as happy. Eventually, sex became all about him. He didn’t care about me or what I wanted at all. He began to see me as his property. Which is why I think he put that tattoo on me.”
“I don’t care what that asshole put on your skin,” Nathan said. “What’s on your back isn’t who you are. But with that said, it’s obvious that it hurts you. If you want, I’ll hook you up with Felicity. She knows a lot of great tattoo artists who could probably get it covered for you.”
She stiffened in his arms. “It’s bad, Nathan. It’s not like throwing a rose over it will work.”
Nathan moved until he was cupping her face. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead in a touch so gentle, so loving, that tears came to Bailey’s eyes. “I hate this. I’d do anything to turn back the clock and fix this for you.”
“You can’t. I made the decisions that led me here. I have to live with them.”
“You said it yourself, pixie. Donovan wasn’t always an asshole. And you were a teenager. They aren’t exactly known for making the most rational of decisions. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. We all have things we wish we’d done differently. I’m so in awe of you it isn’t funny.”
Bailey pulled back a fraction and looked at him with her brows drawn down in confusion. “Awe? Of me?”
“I saw some of the women who hung out with the gang, Bailey. I saw how they were. You aren’t anything like them. Not even close.”
“I was,” Bailey protested.
“No. You weren’t. If you were, you’d still be there. At Donovan’s side. You would’ve worked with Kelly to abduct Alexis. You would’ve laughed at what Donovan did to Grace. Instead, when things got to be too much, you got out. That takes guts. An inner strength made of iron.”
Bailey really thought about what Nathan said, instead of blowing it off. Was he right? She thought about Kelly. The woman had been mean and manipulative. She would’ve done anything to be in Bailey’s shoes, to be with Donovan. She wouldn’t have cared who suffered in the process. If she had a brother, she probably would’ve used him to get what she wanted in the gang.
And she had been young. She was still only twenty-four, but she felt as if she’d lived a lifetime in the last ten years. If she could go back and tell her fourteen-year-old self one thing, it would be to stay far away from Donovan and the Inca Boyz. If she was advising a teenager today, she’d tell her the same thing. So why was she still beating herself up about her past? She was trying to do the right thing now. Get back on her feet. She wasn’t a bad person.
For the first time in a really long time, Bailey felt lighter. Felt as if she could finally move on. Maybe she would get the tattoo on her back covered up. She hadn’t asked for it. Didn’t ask to be treated like shit.
The night had started out with her wanting more from Nathan. Wanting to be with him sexually. She wouldn’t let Donovan take that from her. She wasn’t ready to have sex right this second, but for the first time in a long time, she had a feeling that she’d get there. With Nathan.
They sat in each other’s arms for a moment before Nathan sighed and kissed her on the forehead again. “I gotta go.”
“You can stay,” Bailey blurted, and almost melted at the tender look on Nathan’s face.
“I appreciate that, but no. I want you to really think about this. About us. Be sure you want to be with me, pixie. I meant what I said, I can be your friend for as long as you need me to. I don’t need the physical relationship between us to be with you.”
“I’m sure, Nathan. You’ve done nothing but show me the last couple months what kind of man you are. You won’t force me to do anything. You’re gentle, caring, patient, hard when you need to be, but you relent just as often. You don’t let Joel or anyone else disrespect me, but you don’t care if someone makes fun of you or says shit to you. I like it. I like you, Nathan. I’ve fought it for months, but I’m done. If you want me, I’d be an idiot to continue to keep you at arm’s length.”
He didn’t respond verbally, but slowly lowered his head to hers.
Bailey lifted her chin and met him halfway.
They spent another ten minutes kissing. And it was just as passionate as it had been before they’d stopped earlier. Bailey wasn’t so far gone that she didn’t notice that Nathan made sure to keep his hands away from her tattoo. He was incredibly sensitive.
He wouldn’t take whatever he wanted and ignore her needs.
He’d let her tell him what felt good and how to move.
And she’d get the chance to return the favor. Show him things he’d never experienced before. God, was that a turn-on. He’d told her more than once that he didn’t have a lot of experience, and she wondered if anyone had ever sucked his cock. Her mouth watered at the thought. She wanted to be his first.
Oh yeah, she wanted Nathan Anderson.
Bailey felt her libido come back to life. When she’d first fled Denver, she’d thought she’d never want to have sex again, but what she didn’t realize was that all it would take was the right man to change her mind. And Nathan was the right man. She was sure of it.
It was Nathan who pulle
d back. Bailey had once again straddled his lap while they were kissing, and she ground herself down on his erect cock. He moaned, but smiled at her as he grabbed her ass and pulled her harder down on him.
“You’re gonna have to do something about that tonight,” Bailey joked, looking down at his lap briefly before smiling down into his eyes.
“Nothing I haven’t done every night since I’ve met you,” he said quietly.
Bailey’s eyes opened in shock. “Really?”
“Really,” he confirmed.
“Wow.” Then in a softer voice, she said, “Me too. At least for the last couple weeks or so. I kinda . . . like sex . . . and you’ve grown on me.”
The smile on his face was one she’d remember forever. Part smugness, part awe, and a lot of pleasure.
With one last squeeze of her butt cheeks, Nathan gently pushed her back a few inches. “I really do have to go, and you need to check on Joel. It’s been an hour. He should be in bed.”
Bailey smiled.
“What?” Nathan asked, tilting his head.
“You. You’re horny as hell, but you’re still thinking about my brother and what’s best for him.”
“I care about him, Bailey. He’s a good kid.”
“Yeah.”
Nathan leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose before gently pushing her all the way off his lap.
Bailey stood up and let him take her hand as he stood. He walked them both to the door and keyed in the alarm code before opening it. He squeezed her hand once more, then let go and took a step back. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
He always said that, and he always had.
“Okay.”
“Sleep well, pixie.”
“You too.”
“’Bye.”
“’Bye.”
Bailey watched from the doorway as Nathan walked quickly to his car and climbed in. Then just as he did every time he pulled away, he turned to her and waved enthusiastically. Dorkily. Embarrassingly. But Bailey loved it.