by Susan Stoker
Bailey wanted to reject the other woman’s words, but for some reason she couldn’t. There was something in her eyes. They were haunted, just as Bailey’s were. Felicity might come across as brash and confident, but underneath her exterior shell, there was . . . something.
“You’ve been there?” Bailey asked after a moment.
Felicity nodded. Her voice dropped. “I thought I was alone in the world. That I’d never be safe. That no matter what decision I made, it’d be the wrong one. Unlike you, my nightmare didn’t start in my teens. It was later, but ever since then I’ve kinda had a knack for being able to recognize a kindred soul. First Grace, now you. Anything you say will stay between us.”
Bailey’s mouth opened, but the waitress chose that moment to appear with their plates. “Here ya go. BLT with bacon and mayonnaise and a side of fries for you, and a cheeseburger with the sweet-potato fries for you. Anything else I can get for you ladies?”
Bailey looked down at the huge burger on her plate, and her mouth watered. With Nathan around so much, she wasn’t skimping on meals as much as she once had since he insisted on paying or cooking most of the time, but the cheeseburger in front of her looked absolutely decadent.
“We’re good. Thanks,” Felicity told the waitress.
She gave them a perky nod, twirled on her feet, and walked away to greet the guests just seated at a nearby table.
Felicity picked up her sandwich as if she hadn’t just rocked Bailey to the core.
“I’m not good enough for Nathan,” Bailey blurted.
Felicity didn’t react other than to put down her sandwich and wipe her mouth. “Why?”
“Why?” Bailey asked, confused.
“Yeah. Why aren’t you good enough for him? What makes him so much better than you?”
“Um . . . everything?”
“Come on, Bailey. Specifics. Give it to me.”
Bailey lifted her hand and counted off on her fingers as she spoke. “I’ve slept with just about everyone in the Inca Boyz. I almost got my brother sucked into the gang. I’m a coward who ran rather than turn in Donovan to the police. I barely graduated from high school, and Nathan is some kind of genius. Oh, and I’m not sure I can give him what he wants.”
Felicity took another big bite of her sandwich and chewed. After she swallowed, she said, “Okay, let’s tackle those one at a time. Your brother isn’t in the gang, so that one is a moot point. Nathan is the least likely man I’ve ever met to hold your lack of a degree against you. He couldn’t care less about that sort of thing. And now for the harder ones.”
She reached across the table and grabbed Bailey’s hand. “Sometimes the bravest thing a person can do is run. When you can’t handle things on your own, and you know if you try, it’ll only end up biting you in the ass and ending badly, running’s the only thing you can do.”
Bailey stared at the woman across the table from her. Felicity’s black hair fell in sheets around her shoulders, and her blue eyes seemed even brighter against her pale face. For the first time in a really long time, she felt as if someone truly understood. Truly got her.
Felicity continued. “And as far as sleeping with people goes—when you first met Donovan, was he an asshole? Did he force you to have sex with him?”
Bailey shook her head, her lunch forgotten. “No. I wouldn’t have gotten involved with him if he was. At least I’d like to think I wouldn’t have. He was nice. Walked me home from school. Kept some of the bullies from fucking with me.”
“And did you like it? Was it good?”
“Yeah,” Bailey whispered.
“Do not be ashamed of your sexuality,” Felicity ordered. “Just because you enjoyed sex doesn’t make you a bad person. The double standard regarding sex in our society is disgusting. There’s no reason why men are allowed to fuck anyone they want and they’re considered studs, and women are labeled as sluts and whores if they do the same thing. Having a healthy sex drive is nothing to be ashamed of.”
Bailey licked her lips and thought about Felicity’s words. She knew she was right, but it had been so hard not to think of herself as a whore when Donovan had tattooed the words right on her skin.
“Do you think less of Nathan because he doesn’t have the same experience as you?”
“No, not at all. I . . . just wish I was pure for him.”
“That’s bullshit,” Felicity declared, sitting back in her seat with a huff. She looked around the restaurant as if to make sure no one was listening, then leaned forward again. “All being pure would mean is that sex would hurt the first time, and you wouldn’t know what you liked and what you didn’t. Bailey, you’re going to be the expert when you’re with Nathan. You have the chance to show him what you like. Think about that. You can help him be the kind of sexual partner you want. You want sex once a month? Great, that’s what you can train him to expect. You want it twice a day? Great, show him that’s what you want. You’re holding all the cards. And I have a feeling in your situation, that’s a good thing. Right? Have you ever been the more experienced person in bed?”
Bailey thought about it. “No.”
“Right. So now you are. Big deal. But Bailey, the bottom line is that you’re allowed to like sex. You’re allowed to be upset about your past, but that’s just it. It’s in the past. Let it go. Embrace your future. You absolutely are good enough for Nathan. In fact, you’re perfect for him. You’re exactly the woman he needs. Trust me, he’s a good man. One of the best. I’m just sorry there aren’t any more Andersons left for me.” She chuckled after the words left her mouth.
Bailey returned her smile.
“All I’m saying is that you have no reason to be ashamed of your past decisions. You were a kid. Cut yourself some slack. Let yourself be happy now. With Nathan.”
Bailey had already come to the same conclusion, but hearing it from Felicity went a long way toward making it truly sink in. “You’re right. I didn’t ask to be raped. Just because I liked sex with Donovan didn’t give him the right to pass me around to his friends. I didn’t deserve what he did to me. He was wrong, not me.”
Felicity’s eyes got wet. “Exactly.”
“Are you okay?” Bailey asked, alarmed at her new friend’s tears.
“I’m good. I’m just so happy that you’re as strong as you are. Believe me, not every woman who has been abused by her boyfriend is,” Felicity said with only a small wobble in her voice.
Bailey wanted to ask Felicity who she was talking about, but was feeling pretty raw with everything they’d shared and wasn’t sure how much more she could take. “So, Nathan says that you know some good tattoo artists.” She gestured to Felicity’s arms. “I love your ink. I’ve been thinking about getting some more, maybe covering up some of the gang stuff.”
Felicity reached out and turned Bailey’s arm over as she examined the tattoos there. After a while she said, “Most of these are pretty good. There are only a few I’d get covered if I was you. If you’re serious, I do know of a couple of artists that are amazing at cover art. I could introduce you if you wanted.”
Bailey took a deep breath. Then asked, “I’ve got one on my lower back that I’d love to change up. It’s big, though. Can they work with big art?”
Felicity nodded. “Yeah. They’re awesome at it. I haven’t needed to get anything changed, but I’ve seen some before-and-after pictures in their shop, and you’d never even know the old art had been there.”
“Even if it’s big?”
“Even if it’s big,” Felicity confirmed. “I’m happy to go with you anytime, any day. All you need to do is ask, and I’m there.”
“Thanks,” Bailey said, then took a deep breath. “I’m starving. All this heavy talk isn’t helping either. How long have you known Grace?”
And with that, the conversation lightened up. They chatted as they ate. Bailey learned more about Grace and Felicity’s friendship, how the gym she co-owned with her friend Cole came about, and some of the plans they had for the future of
their business.
It felt good to talk to another woman about everyday things. Bailey didn’t feel as if she was in competition with Felicity for anything, as she always had with the girls who hung around the gang. She felt comfortable. For the first time in her life, Bailey felt as if she could become anyone she wanted. And what she wanted at the moment was to be a supportive friend to Felicity, Grace, and Alexis . . . and to be more than friends with Nathan Anderson.
She’d made the first move the other night, but Nathan had backed off after their intense conversation. She wanted to get back to where they’d been before she’d freaked out at his touch. She wanted to embrace her sexuality once again. She had enjoyed sex once upon a time, and she was ready to again. With Nathan. Now she just had to convince him she was ready.
Chapter Eighteen
“You guys want to spend the night?” Nathan asked in what he hoped was a nonchalant tone. He didn’t want to move too fast with Bailey, but after their conversation the other night, and after she’d had lunch with Felicity, she seemed to have gained a lot of confidence. She’d begun to touch him more, and even had initiated an intense make-out session the other night.
Nathan wanted her. Badly. But he wanted her to be comfortable, ready for a sexual relationship more than he wanted to assuage his own needs. After what she’d been through, he didn’t want to do anything that would bring back bad memories. He’d continue to let her take the lead when it came to anything sexual . . . although he’d do whatever he could to spend time with her. Including asking her and her brother to spend the night with him.
“Really?” Joel said excitedly before turning to his sister. “Please? That’d be so cool!”
Bailey frowned at both of them. “I don’t know . . . it’s a school night.”
“I promise to go to bed right at nine,” Joel pleaded. “We’re over here most evenings anyway.”
Bailey tried again. “We don’t have any of our stuff.”
“Joel can wear one of my shirts to bed,” Nathan said easily. “We can stop by your house before school tomorrow so he can grab clean clothes, and I can drop you off so you can change before work.”
Bailey smiled, and Nathan let out a silent breath of relief. She was caving.
“And what about toothpaste and shampoo and stuff?”
“We can run down to the pharmacy. It’s close.”
Bailey was silent for a moment, and Joel begged, “Please, Bail?”
“No pressure,” Nathan said softly. “I know I kinda sprung it on you. But I can tell you’re both tired, and I’ve got the room. I swear I’ll get you both to work and school on time tomorrow.”
Finally, Bailey nodded, not taking her eyes off Nathan. “Okay. If you’re sure it’s all right with you.”
“It’s more than all right with me,” Nathan reassured her.
“Yay!” Joel shrieked. “A sleepover!”
“I don’t have your game player here. You gonna be okay not playing for a night, buddy?” Nathan teased.
“Yeah. I can last one day. I’ll just play tomorrow after school. I have my new book from the library, and you said you were gonna show me math that didn’t have base ten.”
Nathan grinned at Joel. He loved the little boy’s curious mind. Loved that he wanted to do math problems with him. And absolutely loved that he was excited about spending the night. If he had his way, this was the first of many nights both Bailey and Joel would be sleeping under his roof.
“Let’s make the run to the pharmacy now before it gets too late. Then we can come back here and I’ll start by showing you base six. Depending on how fast you pick it up, we can maybe get into addition and subtraction with it.”
“Cool,” Joel breathed before running off to find his shoes he’d taken off the second he’d entered the house earlier.
As soon as he was out of earshot, Nathan turned to Bailey, suddenly considering his home. It was small, but a perfect size for just him. Nathan’s house was about twelve hundred square feet. It had a functional kitchen, a living area, a utility room that had a door to the side of the house, a master bedroom and two smaller guest rooms, two full bathrooms . . . and that was about it. There was a one-car garage and a yard that bordered an open piece of land. Nathan had planned on fencing it, but hadn’t gotten around to it yet, enjoying the view of nature as far as his eye could see.
But now that Bailey was in his life, he realized that it wasn’t big enough. He needed a home office, and Joel needed a place where he could play. Maybe a media room so they could watch movies or Joel could play video games and have friends over. He wanted at least a two-car garage, but a three-car would be better. Bailey should have space to tinker with a vehicle if she wanted to, and the extra space would give her room to store any tools that she might need. They also needed a bigger backyard. Joel might not be the most athletic kid, but it would be good for him to have space to run around so he stayed healthy and kept a balance in his life.
Most important, the master bedroom needed to be away from Joel’s room. The last thing Nathan wanted was the little boy hearing his sister having sex . . . if nothing else, Nathan didn’t want it to bring back any bad memories for the little boy.
As soon as the thoughts flitted through his head, Nathan shut them down. It was way too early to be thinking about the kind of future with Bailey that would include a new house. Sure, it seemed like she wanted to be with him, but he wasn’t sure if it was just because he was there . . . with her all the time, or if she had more permanent feelings for him.
But just because he didn’t know didn’t mean he wasn’t going to give their relationship everything he had and try to make sure Bailey fell as much in love with him as he already was with her.
“Thanks for letting us stay,” Bailey said quietly, interrupting his silent musings.
“It’s my pleasure,” Nathan told her, the sincerity in his voice coming through loud and clear.
Bailey smiled then—a small, wicked smile that immediately made Nathan’s cock hard. “I noticed you said that Joel could sleep in one of your shirts, but you didn’t address my lack of clothes except for what I’m wearing.”
Looking back toward where Joel disappeared, Nathan moved into Bailey’s personal space, backing her up until she hit the counter. He bracketed his hands on the hard granite behind her, caging her in, and leaning toward her until their foreheads almost touched and his eyes held hers in an intense gaze. Her hands came up and rested on his chest, her fingers digging in as he spoke.
“You have a choice, Bailey. You can wear one of my shirts or sleep in your birthday suit.”
“Hmm,” she teased, “I typically sleep nude, but since I’m not at home and will be sleeping in a room next to my brother, I suppose I’d better wear your shirt.”
“In case this wasn’t clear,” Nathan told her, standing up and putting some space between them, but leaving his hands where they were, “you will be in my bed. Not the second guest room. Not the sofa. My. Bed.”
She looked taken aback for a moment before asking, “Where will you be?”
“Wherever you want me to be,” Nathan answered immediately. “You know I want you. I want to feel every inch of your body next to mine. I want to be inside you more than I want to breathe, but it’s your choice. It doesn’t have to happen tonight. We’ll go at whatever speed you need to feel comfortable, but I do want you in my bed. On my sheets. If you’re not comfortable with that yet, I’ll take the couch. But if you don’t mind me sleeping next to you, but you’re not ready for more, that’s okay too. I’ll take whatever you can give me.”
Bailey’s breath hitched, and Nathan hurried on. “There’s no pressure. None. I’m not like the assholes you’ve been with in the past. If we make love tonight, great. If not, great. As long as I know you want it to happen at some point, I can be patient. I’ll sleep on the couch every night until you’re ready.”
“Are you doing this because of Donovan? Because you think he’s going to make his move?”
Nathan tensed, but forced himself not to move. Earlier that day he’d talked to Bailey about the discussion he’d had with his brothers about Donovan. She hadn’t been happy to hear it, but hadn’t really been surprised either. They both knew he was coming sooner or later.
“Absolutely not. I won’t lie—sleeping under the same roof as you and Joel makes me feel better. But that’s not why I want you.” He moved a hand then, brushing the back of his fingers down her cheek lightly, then tangling them into the jet-black hair at the side of her head. He held her still as he looked into her eyes.
“I love you, Bailey Hampton. Without having made love with you. With Donovan waiting in the wings to fuck with you. I love how caring you are. I see the sacrifices you’ve made for your brother, and I know you’re going to be an amazing mother. I don’t even know if you want children, but the thought of you being round with my child makes me want that even more than I want my next breath. And I’ll kill anyone who tries to take that from me.”
When her eyes got wide with shock, Nathan hurried on. “My love for you has no bounds, and I hope someday you might return even a fraction of the love I have for you, but there is absolutely no pressure. And if after the Inca Boyz threat is behind you, you find you want to move on, I’ll step aside.”
“Nathan—” Bailey began, but he interrupted her by putting his finger against her lips.
“I mean it. No pressure. My love for you isn’t dependent on you making love with me. Or sleeping with me. Or anything. It just is. Like we need air to breathe, water to drink, and food to eat.”
Just as she opened her mouth to respond, Joel burst into the kitchen.
“I’m ready to go, Nathan!”
He quickly took a step away from Bailey, reluctantly taking his hands off her, and turned to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water—more for something to do than because he actually needed a drink.
“That’s great, buddy,” Nathan told him. “Bailey just needs to put her shoes on, and we’ll go.”
He straightened and met Bailey’s eyes for a moment. He had no idea what the emotions were that were swirling in her gaze, and her words didn’t give him any clue either.