by Aja James
Didn’t know how to be a Pure-male.
There were times he fell into deep despair, feeling trapped again inside the fourteen year-old boy who’d been brutalized and traumatized. Wanting to claw his way out of his own skin, yet feeling as if he would just get dragged back down, further and further into the abyss. Into a black void of pain and hopelessness.
When they’d retired to their chamber earlier in the night, he’d awkwardly offered to Service her. She gently declined, saying she wished to sleep and that all she wanted was for him to hold her.
But he could see the strain of exhaustion and weakness in her eyes, in the small white lines around her mouth, the way she barely held herself upright, the translucent paleness of her skin.
If there was one good thing he accomplished in his long existence, Valerius wanted to ensure the Healer’s strength and vitality. Rain’s strength and vitality. There was only ever Rain. He dared not think of her as his, but he knew from the first time they met that he was unequivocally hers. He’d only been delaying the inevitable. Denying the very reason for his being.
Tentatively, he trailed a hand down her side, over her slim hip and along her thigh to the edge of her filmy silk nightgown. He eased the material upwards and over her sleeping form, moving her limbs easily to pull the gown over her head, leaving her body naked against his own.
She stirred a little, but remained in slumber, curling more tightly into a ball, her arms crossed over her small, pink-tipped breasts as if she were cold or shy.
Valerius fitted himself closer to her huddled form and smoothed a large hand over her body, soothing her enough to relax gradually and reveal more of her front to his delicate touch.
As she’d taught him, he covered her pubic area with one hand, cupping her gently between her thighs. With his thumb he began a fluttering rub, back and forth across her special spot, encouraging it into a hard little button.
Rain sighed deeply and instinctively widened her legs a fraction to give him better access. He took it as a welcome and delved one finger slowly into her damp heat.
Her hand came over his but she exerted no pressure, merely holding onto his wrist in anticipation. As her arousal and readiness increased, giving off a heady fragrance, his own body tautened incredibly in reaction, his mating scent joining hers.
Before long, her body shuddered in delight, the walls of her tight canal spasming around his finger, making his engorged cock jerk in jealousy and torment against her backside.
When her shivers slowly subsided, she turned around in his arms without opening her eyes.
“You’re making it impossible to resist you,” she complained in a teasing tone. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you’re sore and bruised in the aftermath.”
“No,” he agreed, “just let me make love to you. Let me give you what you need.”
Vaguely, it occurred to Rain’s still sleepy subconscious that he’d said “make love,” not “Service.” Somehow she recognized the significance in the distinction, but immediately forgot all about it when she felt his erection probe between her thighs.
“Hmmm,” she purred, wriggling against him until the satiny lips of her vagina rubbed teasingly over the swollen head of his penis, wetting it in an intimate kiss.
Valerius shuddered at the sensation, but kept himself still, letting her slowly gyrate against him, pleasuring herself with the pressure of his cock.
With a shaking hand, he raised her chin and leaned his face closer to hers. When their lips were but a whisper away, he inhaled her scent deeply as if to brace himself, harnessing inner strength.
And then his lips met hers in a graze so light, Rain felt tickled. She edged her mouth closer and wound a hand behind his neck, barricading a potential retreat.
One slight graze became two brushes. Two brushes blossomed into arduous strokes. And still his lips remained closed against her slightly open ones.
He was driving her slowly mad.
But she wanted him to take his time, like waiting patiently for a wounded tiger to approach. Wherever he led, she would follow. She wanted to be blessed with the gift of him rather than take him as if she had every right.
Which she had. As the rules of the Phoenix Cycle dictated.
But she never viewed her Consorts as possessions, or even as her servants, though technically they were for the duration of the Cycle. She always viewed their Service as a privilege to be honored, even cherished. Each one deserved her affection, admiration and respect.
Rain was so caught up in Valerius’ generous mouth that she forgot for a moment everything else. Her hips stilled in their undulation against his. With all her being she concentrated on his tentative, excruciatingly gentle kiss.
Finally his mouth opened slightly and he began to pull at her lips more strongly with his own, sucking and releasing, nibbling and rubbing. She’d never felt so aroused because of a simple kiss. Maybe it was his tenderness. Maybe it was his shyness. Or maybe it was the anticipation of more to come that built urgently within her, igniting every cell and nerve. For she’d never been kissed with so much…
Love.
There was no other word for it. It was as if he was pouring his heart and soul into this one act, his body literally vibrating with the intensity of it.
Again, Rain felt a sting of alarm. But Goddess above, this felt so good. So right. She never wanted him to stop.
And then she felt his tongue lightly lick her upper lip. Oh please please please come closer, said the spider to the fly. Unconsciously, she squeezed the back of his neck in urging. Please please please come inside.
All at once, he did, inserting his tongue into her mouth with a voluptuous sweep. They both moaned at the sensation and struggled to get even closer though they were already glued together, front to front.
Thoroughly, methodically, he explored her mouth with his tongue and lips, surging inside and retreating over and over and over. Both their hips mimicked their mouths, pushing against each other, undulating, arching.
It seemed to go on forever. She wanted it to go on forever. But still she needed more. Craved him at her core.
Suddenly Valerius broke away with a shuddering breath, chest heaving and heart pounding.
“I want to be inside you,” he whispered, his voice so deep and husky and carnal she broke out in goose bumps in response.
“Yes,” she answered with exalted relief. “Please.”
“I-I don’t…” Valerius’ body tightened into a bowstring as he struggled for words. “Show me how,” he finally said, a wave of embarrassment and pain washing over him.
She didn’t hesitate, the hand at the back of his neck gliding down to his shoulders, over his chest and abdomen, roamed possessively over his hip and around to his buttocks, squeezing and kneading gently as if to prepare him, but also to delay a few moments to give him time to change his mind.
Valerius brought his mouth urgently back to Rain’s, plumping her lips with small desperate bites even as he grasped her hand firmly in his and brought it to his groin, cupping her fingers around him. Wordlessly, he urged her on with his mouth, his body.
Please, Goddess, don’t let him fail her.
Still entwined with him, both on their sides facing each other, Rain gripped his thick length as firmly as she could, her fingers only able to meet around his girth halfway, and brought him to her entrance.
She moved him back and forth against her nether lips, wetting him with her excitement, wetting herself with his dew. She did this for endless moments, torturing both of them, until Valerius couldn’t bear it any more.
“Do it,” he gasped into her mouth, “now.”
She shifted her hips, and with a slow undulation, took the plump head of his penis inside.
His body racked with shivers, and he made a low sound of pain. Rain immediately stilled, opening her eyes, and saw that his eyes were tightly shut, his face contorted with anguish.
As if sensing that she looked upon him, he turned his face inward toward
the pillows, hiding from her penetrating gaze. Without warning, he pushed his hips into her, gaining another inch.
Even as Rain moaned in pleasure at the fullness of him, her body stretching to accommodate and to take more of him, she was distinctly aware that his shivers had become jerks, as if someone were hurting him so severely he couldn’t control his reaction. She saw the tendons in his neck strain against his skin and his jaw clench repeatedly, saw his Adam’s apple bob once, twice, as he swallowed, as he struggled to breathe.
And she saw one tear leak out of the corner of his eye.
Her heart broke.
Nothing was worth the pain he suffered. Not her Nourishment, not her vitality, and right this moment, not even the Pure Ones’ survival.
She tried to pull back, tried to let go of him, but he held her tightly to him, a steely arm around her back.
“No!” he pleaded, his voice breaking with emotion, “you need this, I want to –“
“Look at me, airen,” she ordered softly, but powerfully. She reached up to hold his cheek, her thumb rubbing the moisture there away.
He refused to give her his eyes, pushing again with his hips. But she’d anticipated him and eased back at the same time he pushed, thwarting his efforts.
“Look at me, Valerius,” she urged again, her voice deep with heartache. “Don’t do this to yourself. To us. Talk to me.”
His eyes suddenly opened wide, staring bleakly, heart-wrenchingly into hers. Shining with his barely checked tears, he bared his soul to her scrutiny for one brief moment.
What Rain saw there devastated her.
And then the glimpse was gone. He removed himself from her body, scrambled awkwardly off the bed and shut himself in the bathroom in two long strides.
Rain lay still on the bed, bereft without his warmth, and listened to the sounds from the bathroom. The shower had come on. But there was nothing else. She was torn between going to him and staying put. What if he didn’t want her comfort? What if he rejected her?
It didn’t matter, she thought with conviction. She couldn’t let him be alone.
Not now.
Carefully, she got up from the bed and padded silently to the bathroom, stopping just outside. The bathroom door remained open a crack, and she gingerly pressed it open some more, revealing the tortured warrior inside.
Valerius was hunched over the sink counter, his head bowed in defeat, his body bunched in agony. Suddenly he looked up at his reflection and unleashed a powerful fist against the mirror, shattering it and breaking through to the wall behind, cracking the mortar with his knuckles.
He exploded again and again, hitting the same spot over and over until the entire wall length mirror shattered to pieces, the wall behind it flaking apart, the exposed bricks stained with his blood.
He would have continued with the destruction and self-abuse had Rain not rushed forward to wrap her arms around his waist, holding his back to her front. But he was heedless of his surroundings, too caught up in his own nightmares, and at the feel of someone behind him, their skin touching his skin, Valerius went berserk. He twisted his back to buck her off and swiped an arm under hers to break her hold on him.
The force of the action sent her flying backwards against the wall and she hit it with a loud thud and a startled gasp of pain.
Valerius whirled immediately around at Rain’s sound of distress. The sight of her crumpled naked body curled against the wall broke through the red haze of pain that blinded his vision.
“No!” he choked out, kneeling before her on the floor, bringing her body into his with wildly shaking hands. “No no no no no no,” he chanted despondently, cradling her close and rocking back and forth.
She stirred in his embrace and put a slim hand on his cheek. “Don’t worry so, my warrior,” she whispered weakly against his chest. “I’m all right, I’ll be all right. Come back to bed with me. Talk to me.”
Valerius obeyed after checking her thoroughly for the extent of damage. Finding no broken bones or twisted ligaments, he turned off the water and carried her to their bed. But he hesitated to join her, and she saw in his face self-hatred and despair.
There would be no more of that, Rain determined once and for all. She would not let him fall back into the abyss. She opened her arms to him and waited.
For long moments, he stood there, frozen with fear and self-doubt.
And she waited.
With a shuddering sigh, he joined her in bed and pulled her tightly against him, hugging her like a frightened child clutching his teddy bear on a dark, stormy night.
“Talk to me,” she repeated on a whisper.
An eternity passed by, but he remained silent.
Still she waited, stroking softly the arms that wrapped around her protectively, reverently, regretfully.
And finally, she heard his voice, raw and broken beside her ear. She could even hear the child within, crying, hurting, but trying desperately to stay strong.
Rain wept silently for that child and for the incredible, vulnerable, beautiful warrior he’d become despite the tragedies of his past. Against all odds, he’d conquered his demons. For Valerius Marcus Ambrosius was first and foremost a good man.
He was the very best male she knew.
Chapter Nine
10 years ago…Hangzhou, China.
Valerius did not want to stay one more day than necessary.
For thirty days he’d loitered around, presumably doing surveillance and making sure the Sanctuary was secure. But really he was waiting.
Waiting for Rain to take her Nourishment from her chosen Consort. Waiting for her to take another male’s body into hers over and over and over again.
No matter where he was in the Sanctuary, Valerius could smell the scent of her passion. His body trembled in sympathy whenever hers found release. He knew it was all in his sick, twisted imagination. In reality, he could hear nothing coming from her Enclosure. The walls were too thick and too well sealed for scents to escape. And yet he somehow felt it all, as if she were taking her Nourishment at his vein, fulfilling her needs with his body. He was painfully swollen most of the time, reduced to nothing but a walking erection. So yeah, he’d really like to leave as soon as possible.
As in today. As in now.
But his preference was overruled when the child Queen lit up like fireworks at the invitation from the Healer to stay for the beginning of the Mid-Autumn or Moon Festival where she would get to sample countless varieties of moon cakes and view the dazzling display of multi-colored floating sky lanterns at the night market.
Just what he needed, Valerius thought with a scowl, protecting three females in throngs of strangers amidst a loud and chaotic celebration and through meandering streets and alleys. What’s more, the festival occurred on the night of the harvest moon, a full moon closest to the autumnal equinox—one of vampires’ favorite hunting periods.
Fantastic.
Sophia was out of bed before dawn that morning, too excited with anticipation to sleep. Ayelet rose as well to help the little girl dress in traditional Chinese silk robes, a red and gold vest with a matching skirt, elaborately decorated with flower and phoenix embroidery.
Wan’er also came to help the visitors start their day, bringing with her a large tray of food and longjing tea, a delicacy of the area. She laughed with pleasure when she saw the child queen’s exuberance and adorable costume, bringing Sophia to stand between her knees as she sat in front of the antique Chinese vanity to comb through Sophia’s long chestnut hair and proceeded to braid it into coils on each side of her head.
While the females chatted cheerfully and readied themselves for the day, Valerius partook of the sumptuous breakfast, but was too concentrated on studying maps of city streets and terrain to savor the taste.
And then the Healer, Rain, entered after a soft knock at their chamber door. Valerius abruptly choked on his red bean bun and hastily swallowed it down with gulps of tea.
The Healer looked radiant in her light blue d
ress, a simple style somewhere between traditional and modern, but every inch of feminine appeal. The conclusion of the Phoenix Cycle had left her with glowing milky skin, youthful pink-tinged cheeks, luminous large phoenix-tail eyes that tilted alluringly at the corners, and plump red lips.
Valerius took the transformation in with a wildly thumping heart. He had never seen anything more beautiful. And then he noticed the last detail:
She’d shaven all of her hair.
He could see the shadow of black roots that were already starting to grow. Without the curtain of hair shielding her face, her ethereal beauty was all the more stunning.
She glanced in his direction and caught him staring like a lummox. Self-consciously, she smoothed a hand over her shaven head and looked down with a blush.
It occurred to Valerius that she mistook his scrutiny for something other than utter fascination and enthrallment. Instead of correcting her misconception, he remained silent, letting her think what she would.
Rain looked up at the warrior again and saw that his gaze had become stoic once more, as if he were looking through her rather than at her. As if he didn’t wish to see her at all. Squaring her shoulders, she decided to approach him despite his impassive expression, a veritable mask of unwelcome.
“Did you have a good night’s rest, Protector?” she greeted when she stood not two feet before him.
He appeared startled that she’d spoken to him. Wasn’t he used to being greeted to in the morning?
“Aye,” he answered in that deep, husky voice.
Rain involuntarily shivered at the sound. She’d just spent thirty days and nights in feeding and orgy with a robust Pure-male. Normally, she wouldn’t feel even a hint of attraction to another male until closer to the time of the next Phoenix Cycle.
But this time was different. Over the course of the thirty days, she’d taken the Nourishment of one male but dreamed of another. When she closed her eyes, all she saw was his face in her mind, his naked body next to hers, inside of hers, filling hers. She’d tried and tried to concentrate on the Consort she’d chosen, tried to give that honorable male all her attention, affection and devotion during the time they spent together, but deep down she wished he were someone else.