It’s been over two years since my heart turned cold and stopped working properly. Two years since I’ve seen Anna or held her in my arms. Two fucking years since I’ve looked into her bright blue eyes. Two years, and it still feels like yesterday. Some people say I should move on and let my grief go. But it’s not just the grief I hold on to. It’s the guilt of lying to Anna and not keeping my promise. The regret for not being there when she needed me. The rage for not killing the bastards that took her away from me.
Yes, I still grieve for her with my whole being and have not let go of her, but she hasn’t let go of me either. It’s like there’s still a connection between us that can’t be severed.
I grip the cool black metal in my hand tightly and bring it closer to my face. I flipped the safety switch so the little red dot is visible. Red means fire. With shaky hands, I bring the barrel of the gun up under my chin. My finger slides across the trigger and rests there.
Of their own accord, my eyes flicker over to the picture I have on the nightstand. It’s of me and Anna. I have my arm wrapped around her neck. Her head is tilted up, while mine is bent toward her, our foreheads resting against each other’s. I had just pulled away from kissing her.
I squeeze my eyes shut and try to block out the picture, but it’s no use.
I take a deep breath and apply light pressure to the trigger. I know at this point asking for forgiveness is useless, but I still send up a silent prayer, asking Anna to forgive this one last sin.
Gathering my courage, I squeeze the trigger the rest of the way…
Click.
All I hear is a fucking click.
I pull the gun away from my chin and look down at it. I didn’t chamber a damn bullet.
A big rush of air leaves my lungs, and I glare down at the gun. Knowing that I won’t have the courage again tonight, I put the gun back down on the nightstand and pick up the bottle of Jack instead. Uncapping it, I take a big swallow and relish the burn it leaves in my throat.
Anger and disappointment rush through me. With a roar, I rear back and throw the half-empty bottle at the wall. It connects with a loud crash and the amber liquid goes everywhere.
I’m angry because I couldn’t follow through. My beautiful Anna is dead, and I’m left here. I was the one who was supposed to protect her. I should be the one in a cold grave. Not her. I’m the one who failed her.
I get up from the bed, ignoring the mess across the room, and walk the short distance to the bathroom. Once I’m in front of the mirror, I grip the edge and look at my reflection. I look like shit. My eyes are bloodshot with shadows under them from drinking too much and lack of sleep. My face is pale and gaunt. My eyes travel to my naked chest and stomach, and I notice that I’ve lost weight. The muscles are still there, but not as bulky. My stomach is starting to sink in.
I release my grip and turn to the shower. Once the water finally turns hot, I pull the shower curtain back and step inside. The hot water does nothing to settle my nerves or help the never-ending sorrow.
Knowing I need to present myself halfway decently, I start the task of doing just that. The last thing I need is people knowing just how dark my world has become. I have to mentally prepare myself for what’s to come and the pitying looks I know I’ll receive.
Because tomorrow I go home.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alex Grayson is originally from the south, but has recently moved to Northern Ohio. Although she misses the warmth of Florida and often detests the cold of Ohio, she absolutely loves living in the north. She and her husband bought a house on two acres of land and live there with their daughter, son, one dog, two cats, and eight ducks, and four chickens. She hopes to eventually get a couple of goats to add to their country way of living. Besides her family and home, her next best passion is reading. She is often found with her nose obsessively stuck in a book, much to the frustration of her husband and kids. On more than one occasion, Alex found herself wanting a book to go a certain way, but it didn’t. With these thoughts in mind, she decided to start writing stories according to her own visions. Although this is a new endeavor for her, she hopes that readers find her concepts on romance intriguing and captivating. Alex welcomes and encourages feedback, of any kind. She can be contacted at [email protected].
Connect With Alex:
Website:
https://alexgraysonauthor.wordpress.com/
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/Alex-Grayson-Author-447316145407080/timeline/?ref=bookmarks
Goodreads:
https://www.goodreads.com/AlexGayson
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/AlexGrayson10
For exclusive giveaways and sneak peeks of the series, sign up for Alex Grayson’s newsletter:
http://eepurl.com/bAxPLf
Unveil Me (The Jaded Series Book 3) Page 22