Jenna blushed and then shrugged, “Yeah, I guess I was. But don’t judge me too harshly. I’ve spent the last six and a half years under the impression that everyone in this town wrote me off! I can’t just undo all of those emotions and such because you said I was wrong to think that way!”
Trey softened his facial features and stepped closer to her, “Jenna, I’m not asking you to do that, but I am asking you to give us a chance to help correct your thinking.”
Jenna looked up into his brown eyes and let her eyes slowly drift over his facial features. Truth be told, she’d never felt this connected to a member of the opposite sex. In fact, she hadn’t even felt this connection to Teresa, and she considered her the only true friend she had. What is it about this man that seems to speak to my soul?
Shaking her head to dispel the questions she wasn’t sure she wanted answered, she turned and picked up her suitcase, “I’m ready whenever you are.”
Trey smiled at her, took the suitcase from her hand and then grasped her hand in his free one before she could pull it away, “Come on then. I’ll run you over to the house before I head back into work.”
Jenna shook her head, “No. How about I take a walk over to my old home and look around for a bit while you finish working? I can stop by the diner and say ‘Hi’ to the girls and then join you at your house?”
Trey considered her plan and then offered a compromise, “How about I join you at the Diner? I have to eat too. And then we can both head on out to the house?”
“Okay.” Jenna took a breath as they stepped off the bridge and headed back into town. Why did you say you wanted to look around your old house? Are you crazy? Jenna kept up the running dialogue in her head as she dropped Trey off at the bank and then walked the other two blocks and turned onto Aspen Street. As she neared the end of the street, she caught her first glimpse of her childhood home and stopped to stare.
* * *
Chapter 8
Nothing has changed! Well, nothing appears to have changed about the house! The white clapboard home, with its majestic roof line, dormer windows decorating the second story, and dark green shutters framing each window, was both a welcome sight and a curse. A white picket fence surrounded the front yard, with a higher wooden fence protecting the back yard.
The Colorado Blue Spruce tree that her mother had planted when she was still a little girl had grown into a majestic pine tree that seemed to be acting as sentry for the property as it rose above the house and cast its lengthy shadow across the front door.
Trey had stopped her at the front of the bank while one of his assistants grabbed the key to the Baxter home from his office. Trey told her the bank had been paying for the upkeep on the premises, but as she gazed at the perfectly manicured lawn, well-tended flower gardens, and the freshly painted exterior of the house, she finally started to realize how much the bank had done for her. I shouldn’t have any trouble selling this! Even if I only sell it to someone for a summer or winter retreat, I should be able to get rid of it in a short amount of time!
She stepped up onto the small porch, dropping her suitcase off by the front door, before she wandered over to the chairs that had been placed on either side of the large picture window that looked into the living room of the home.
She let herself drop into one of them and she sighed as she sat back and contemplated what she was about to do. The words of Teresa came to her mind – You need to learn to distance yourself from the situation, remove the personal emotions, and see it for what it truly is, not what you’ve made it out to be.
She closed her eyes and told herself over and over that this was just a home she was about to enter. There was nothing inside that could physically hurt her, and she’d already dealt with the negative emotions attached to the things that had happened in this place. She could go in and observe her surroundings, knowing she was safe from further heartache! Pull yourself together, Jenna. How are you ever going to help other young women face their pasts if you can’t even face your own? It’s just a house. Focus on the good things you remember about this place instead of the bad.
Taking one last breath, Jenna pushed herself from the chair and made her way back to the front door. Using the key Trey had given her, she unlocked the door and then pushed the door open. She stood on the threshold of the doorway, letting her gaze take in the familiar décor as a wave of emotion swamped her.
She slowly stepped inside the house and slowly began to walk through the downstairs rooms. The living room hadn’t changed at all, and as she approached the fireplace mantle, with its myriad of family pictures, she noticed none of the furniture was covered with dust, as she would have expected. Someone’s been taking care of this house. But, who would do that?
She looked at the pictures of happier days. Her mom with her arms wrapped around her shoulders up by Silver Lake. Her parents on their tenth anniversary trip to Las Vegas. Jenna smiled as she remembered the fuss her mother had put up about her father’s choice of destination.
She hadn’t known at the time she was fussing that the trip included show tickets to see her favorite female singer perform. Jenna remembered how happy her parents had been when they returned. Life had been so simple then. Her mother had continued teaching first and second grade in town, while her father had gone back to managing the guide service he had started the same year she was born.
Jenna put the picture back on the mantle and wandered through the rest of the downstairs. When she came to her father’s office, she started to step inside, and then stopped herself. Maybe I’ll check out the rest of the house and save that room for later.
She turned around and headed for the large wooden staircase, pausing at the bottom as the images of the last time she’d been in this house flashed through her mind. She saw herself falling down the stairs and could hear the angry, bitter words her father flung at her. Amazingly, the words didn’t have the same impact they would have had several months ago. I’m finally getting past that! Jenna smiled and started up the steps.
At the top of the landing, she turned and entered her bedroom, amazed to see that it looked just like it had when she’d left. Father didn’t change anything! She wandered around the room, trailing her fingertips over books, her desk, the lamp that sat on the round table next to her bed.
Bending down, she peered beneath the bed, smiling as she found the leather box tucked away there. She pulled it out and then sat down on the floor as she ran her hands lovingly over its mottled surface. Flipping the catch open, she lifted the lid and looked at the contents.
Memories assailed her as she looked through the various keepsakes she had stored there from the time she was a little girl. Pictures taken with school friends, a pine cone she had collected as a memento of having climbed her first fourteener with her dad. I was only nine and so proud of myself. Dad had been proud of me that day as well!
Putting those items aside, she pulled out a locket that had broken, but she had saved in hopes of getting it fixed one day. At the bottom of the box, lay a small cluster of dried roses, given to her by her father upon the occasion of her first church solo. The red of the roses had faded to a much deeper color, but as she closed her eyes, she remembered the pride she had seen reflected in both of her parents’ eyes that Sunday morning.
Jenna had been fifteen at the time, and after being pushed by her friends to try out for the solo part in the choir’s number for that week, she had proudly lifted her voice in the midst of family and friends. She still remembered the song – His Eye is on the Sparrow – and as the words to the song came back to her memory, she felt the sting of tears behind her closed eyelids.
*****
Trey hadn’t been able to concentrate after arriving back at the bank. When Mrs. Withers had inquired about Jenna, and he had told her Jenna’s destination, the censure in the older woman’s eyes had helped him decide the correct course of action.
He’d only been about twenty minutes behind her, and he was slightly alarmed when he arrived at
the Baxter residence to see her battered suitcase still sitting next to the open front door. He entered the house, calling for her softly, “Jenna?”
He wandered through the main floor, expecting to find her in her father’s office digging through paperwork, but she wasn’t there. When he heard a slight movement on the wooden floors above his head, he headed for the staircase. As he reached the landing, he turned to his right, having been in the house enough times to know where her old bedroom was located.
He stopped in the doorway and observed her as she sat upon the floor, looking through a box she held on her lap. She seemed peaceful and lost in pleasant memories, so he casually leaned against the doorjamb and watched her.
Her brown hair fell down her back, having fallen out of the ponytail that had secured it at the nape of her neck earlier in the day. The soft waves of her hair hung almost to her waist, and Trey was fascinated at the variety of colors he saw as the light from the window shimmered over her.
When the soft sound of her singing captured his attention, he pushed off the doorjamb and took a step closer, wanting to hear the beautiful voice he remembered from the past. Jenna had been given the voice of an angel, but it wasn’t until she had entered high school that she had realized her true gift. He had been sitting next to his sister that Sunday morning years ago when Jenna had made her debut with the church choir.
As she started to sing louder, he realized she must be remembering that day as well. She’s singing the same song! Walking even closer, he wanted to listen, but he didn’t want to startle her or cause her to stop singing.
* * *
Chapter 9
Jenna was completely unaware that she was being watched. The words of the song spilled forth, and as she finished the first verse, she raised her head slightly and allowed the full force of her voice to come forth. Her voice was raspy due to her unshed tears and years of silence. She hadn’t sung since she’d left Cathedral Hills, closing that part of her life away as well!
I sing because I’m happy. I sing because I’m free. For His Eye is on the Sparrow, and I know He watches me. His Eye is on the Sparrow, and I know He watches me.
Her voice broke as she ended the last note of the chorus and she hung her head as tears flowed from her eyes. The words of the song having touched a part of her she thought she’d lost along with her mother. Tears that brought cleansing and a release of the emotions that had swamped her since first stepping foot back into Cathedral Hills. The catharsis had been a longtime coming, but now that she had released her fisted hold on her emotions, she couldn’t seem to stop the flood as it burst forth.
“Jenna?” Trey whispered, hearing her voice catch and seeing her shoulders shake as she poured out her grief and sadness. Squatting down in front of her, he reached out a hand and smoothed the hair back from her face, “Jenna, it’s going to be okay.” Please quit crying. Trey couldn’t stand seeing a woman cry, and the Good Lord knew this woman had more than enough reasons to cry a flood of tears!
Jenna looked up, shocked to realize she hadn’t been alone. “Trey? What are you doing here?” she asked as she wiped her tears with her fingertips. Jenna hated letting anyone see her cry. It had taken her months of counseling sessions before she was able to let loose her emotions enough to cry in front of Teresa!
“I thought maybe you could use some moral support on your first trip back home.” He gave her a gentle smile and then nodded to the box, “You were remembering the first time you sang in church?”
Jenna was stunned! “How did you know that?”
“I recognized the song. I’ve never forgotten how your voice sounded that day.”
“Really?” Jenna asked, not believing him for a minute. “I sincerely doubt that. You forget I know how well Michelle sings…”
“But I’ve heard Michelle sing all my life. Hearing you that day was so special. You have such a unique quality to your voice. It’s hard to forget.” It was the first time I really saw you as someone other than Michelle’s school friend.
Jenna looked at him in wonder. Singing had become as much a part of her life after that moment, as writing had been. Until that night when everything about her former life had been taken from her. “Thanks?” she answered hesitantly.
“So, what do you have there?” Trey asked, indicating the open box on her lap and trying to give her something else to think about. Something that would bring back her happiness of moments before.
“Just a box full of memories.”
“Happy ones?” Trey asked, leaning closer to see what was left in the box.
Jenna looked down at the items scattered around and in her lap and then smiled softly, “Yeah. All of them from before…After my mom died I didn’t have anything to put in the box.”
Trey lowered himself down to the floor, leaning his back against the mattresses and stretching his long legs out in front of him. “So, I was worried you wouldn’t come inside.”
Jenna met his eyes, her heart doing a little somersault at his nearness. What’s that? With a little shake of her head, she admitted, “I sat on the porch for a while before I could make myself open the door.”
“But once you did, not so scary?” Trey questioned, reaching out and taking the hand that rested on her lap. He brushed the back of her knuckles in a soothing gesture as he waited for her to answer. Seeing her so vulnerable had touched a place in his heart that he hadn’t even known existed. He didn’t take time to analyze the emotion, but it was more than compassion. Maybe later I’ll have time to figure out what it is.
Jenna wasn’t sure what to think about Trey’s touch. It was soothing, but also confusing and had her stomach doing funny things. As she watched his thumb brush the back of her hand, she realized that what she was feeling was attraction. It caught her completely unaware and she cocked her head to the side as she tried to catalog the feeling and decide if she liked it or not.
Having her teenage years upset so thoroughly, Jenna hadn’t gone through the normal rituals of dating, having a boyfriend, her first love, or her first breakup. Her life had consisted of surviving from one day to the next. Some of the other girls in the facilities where she had become an adult had used their bodies to gain a momentary rise in their living situations, but Jenna had never gone down that path. Not for lack of opportunity, but something inside her had always held her back.
Thinking about it now, she was so thankful for God’s protection during those years of her life when she’d done everything but live as she’d been raised. Don’t start in with the guilt again! You’ve already asked for forgiveness and you’ve forgiven yourself. It’s time to start looking towards the future. Start by re-evaluating your thoughts and be willing to allow for the possibility that things weren’t as you assumed.
Jenna kept up the running dialogue in her head as she looked at Trey and tried to figure out what to do next. After several seconds, she pulled her hand away, placed the keepsakes back in the box and then prepared to lever herself up from the floor.
Trey had already anticipated her desire to get up off the floor and when she started to rise, she suddenly found a set of hands on her shoulders, physically elevating her from the floor and holding her still while she unwound her legs and found her footing. Her body was tingling where his hands held her, and she stepped away from his touch, hoping he would only see it as a natural movement needed to leave the room.
“I’m going to go check out my parent’s room.”
“Okay.” Trey watched her leave the room without meeting his eyes. He had felt her body’s reaction to his touch, and stayed behind for a few minutes to control his own reaction to being so near to her. At the age of twenty-five, Trey wasn’t a stranger to attraction, but he’d watched his parents’ marriage and compared it to those of his friends.
He’d seen the devastation that came with binding yourself to the wrong person, and had determined to wait until the right woman came along before he invested another piece of his heart. He’d been engaged to his college girlfrie
nd, a beautiful young woman from California who had come to Colorado on scholarship, but most definitely hadn’t shared his same sense of values. He’d been sure that she was the one woman whom he would grow old with and had ignored the warnings his parents and his subconscious had thrown out there. He’d been blinded by the feeling of being in love and figured she would fall in line with his value system once they were married and away from the allure of the college party lifestyle she seemed to favor.
Instead of a lifetime of happiness, he had gone on a hunting trip with his buddies, and come home a day early to find her entertaining an old friend from high school. In his bed; in his apartment. He had only recently asked her to move in with him as they finished up the last semester of the senior year of college, and she had convinced him that there was no harm in living together, as they were engaged to be married two months after graduation anyway.
He’d grabbed a clean change of clothes, calmly asked her to remove all of her possessions from his apartment by the next morning, and left the apartment closing the door softly on that relationship. Michelle had been outraged when he’d shown up at his parents’ house.
Trey had learned a very hard lesson and it had definitely stuck with him. He had abandoned his values, to make someone else happy, but the load of guilt that had plagued him each day, had made him miserable. That feeling of being in the wrong, accompanied by the heartbreak of her betrayal had taught him that his values and Christian beliefs meant more to him than any one thing or person. He’d asked for forgiveness and vowed to be true to himself, no matter what!
Taking a cleansing breath, he said a soft prayer under his breath and followed after Jenna. No matter what feelings he might be starting to feel for her, she needed a friend to help her navigate the years of misperception and hurt. She needed the healing of home, and he was determined to give that to her!
A New Start Page 10