by Alexie Aaron
Alan looked away as Mia moved downward. Ash and chunks of oily soot fell on his shoulders.
“I’m going to lower myself. I’d appreciate a hand,” Mia requested, and when Alan’s large hand caught her by the crotch, she refrained from commenting. She didn’t want the embarrassed lawyer to drop her.
“I got you,” he said and let his other hand move up her body as she lowered herself. Once he had her full weight, he ducked and stepped out of the hearth.
Audrey started to laugh.
Alan put Mia down and asked, “What is so funny?”
Audrey could only point to the mirror on the wall, having no words to explain what she was seeing.
Mia and Alan turned at the same time and viewed their reflection.
There standing, staring back at them were two soot-covered people. Mia looked up at Alan and sang, “Chim Chiminey.”
“Are we having a Disney moment?” Audrey asked in between gulps of air.
Alan rubbed the soot from around his eyes which made Audrey laugh harder.
“What’s going on?” Albert asked from the doorway. He stepped in the room, looked at Mia and Alan and started to laugh. He had a full robust laugh that brought with it warmth. He looked over at Audrey who was now mortified. “Don’t worry, no offense was meant, and none was taken.”
“I was in the chimney,” Mia explained.
“Either there or in Mr. Davis’s shoe polish,” he teased. “Mr. Stewart sent me up with the blueprints and drawings you asked for. Sissy told me you were most probably up here.”
Mia looked at Albert’s protector who had her hands on her hips, looking at the pair of white folks in black face with disgust.
“I better wash up before handling those,” she said. “Oh, I found this,” she said, pulling a swatch of sooty cloth from her pocket. “And I think I may have an idea what your corpse was up to, or at least where he came from,” she said, handing the cloth to Albert on her way to find a bathroom and a bar of soap.
“Excuse me, I better clean up too,” Alan said, leaving quickly behind her.
Albert looked at Audrey and held up the piece of cloth with his fingertips. “I don’t mean to complain, but that woman does like to keep you in suspense.”
Audrey smiled uncomfortably and nodded. “Yes, she does.”
~
Mia looked at her reflection as she scrubbed her face and neck with Mr. Davis’s company soap. She regretted soiling his towels and made note to replace them when they had finished with the investigation. Her hair she would wash once they were back at Ralph’s apartment. Until then she combed the black soot-streaked locks back into a tight ponytail, securing it with a rubber band she found around a bag of potpourri under the sink. She would have to toss her clothes. As with many of Ralph’s suggested fashions, they didn’t hold up well to investigations, especially when one climbed a chimney or two.
Alan tapped on the open door. “Mind if I go next? I thought one set of ruined towels would be enough,” he explained.
“Sure. Hand me your jacket, I’ll try to shake off the ash,” Mia offered.
He removed his phone from his pocket and handed the suit coat to Mia. She took it into the kitchen, held it over the trash can and brushed away most of the clinging ash. A few shakes loosened most of the soot from the wool weave. Fortunately for Alan, he had chosen a charcoal suit that morning. Mia briefly wondered what Ted would look like in a suit. She wrinkled her nose as she imagined her techie husband in Armani. He would look amazing, but he wouldn’t look like Ted.
She walked back into the bath and stopped dead in her tracks. The vision before her was staggering. Alan had taken off his shirt and undershirt and was soaping his head with shampoo. The water dripped down his neck and traveled down the sculpted Adonis body. Mia shook her head, reminding herself that she was Sadie Sadie Married Lady. She hung the jacket on the doorknob of the open door quietly and went in search of her willpower.
“Are you okay?” Audrey asked when Mia joined her in the music room. She and Albert had unrolled one of the blueprints using what was left of the piano top as an impromptu desk.
“Sure, just fighting my own demons. What do you have there?” Mia asked to draw attention away from her.
“This is the seventh floor,” Audrey said. “Alan mentioned that there is supposed to be a safe built into the steel girder construction of the place. We were just trying to locate where Mr. Davis’s would be.”
“I didn’t even know about the safes, and I’ve worked here five years,” Albert admitted.
“I don’t think the residents would want to discuss them casually, do you?” Mia asked. “Albert, call me a cab, I have to get my diamonds shined before putting them back in the safe,” Mia mimicked a society matron.
“Why, Miss Muckity Muck, I thought you had them shined last week,” Albert said playing along.
“Someone breathed on them. Someone unworthy,” Mia drawled.
Audrey shook her head. “Back to work, you two. Everyone knows you don’t have to shine diamonds.”
“I didn’t know that? Did you?” Mia asked Albert.
“Don’t have any to shine,” he admitted.
“What don’t you have?” Alan asked, walking into the room. He had dressed, and his hair was clean and combed.
“Any diamonds, sir,” Albert answered.
“We were discussing safes,” Audrey explained. “Here.” She tapped a spot on the paper. She looked around to get her bearings and said, “I think that Mr. Davis’s safe is in the wall between the kitchen and his bedroom.”
“So why did they destroy the fireplace?” Mia asked.
Alan walked out of the room and was back in a few minutes. “I found the safe, and it appears to be locked. It was located behind a painting, and by the cobweb clinging to the back of the frame, I’d say they didn’t try for the safe,” he said.
“So robbery wasn’t the aim of all of this?” Albert asked, turning around and looking once more at the ruined room.
“Let’s not be too hasty. Remember Mr. Davis caught them and went for help,” Mia reminded the others. “Audrey, can you find me the print of the eighth floor?” Mia requested.
Audrey, with the help of Albert, unrolled the plans and picked out the eighth floor. She unrolled it and secured the edge with pieces of brick she had been using as paperweights. “Here it is, why?”
“When I was in the chimney I saw… Yes, here it is. I think the person that ended up in Mr. Davis’s chimney came from or was heading to this apartment.” Mia put her finger on the plan.
Albert looked at the spot and informed them, “That’s 8B.”
“Who lives there?” Alan asked.
“Mr. Howard Duff. He’s been here about a year,” Albert said. “Mr. Stewart would know who he purchased the place from.”
“Mia, why do you think the, for lack of a better name, cat burglar’s aim was this apartment?”
“It’s in the plan. See, the safe of this particular condo backs the exhaust system of the chimney. All a burglar would have to do is cut through the ductwork and then through the back of the safe.”
“Seems a lot of work,” Alan said, scratching his head. “But if the prize was worth it… We need to find out who lived there ten years ago.”
“If the goal was 8B, why did they do all this to 7A?” Albert asked.
“I don’t know. Perhaps they were working off of bad information or rumors,” Audrey suggested. “Think we need to have a conversation with Mr. Stewart about the history of 8B.”
“Mind if I sit this one out?” Mia asked. “I’ve got to change before I soil some precious rug that I can’t afford to replace. I’ll go back to Ralph’s to get cleaned up and meet you back here in an hour or so?”
“I’ll call you a taxi,” Albert offered.
Mia blushed at the attention. “That’s so kind of you, Albert,” she said, reverting back to her society matron personage.
“Make sure you reflect your appreciation, Miss Muck, with
your tip,” he said snootily.
The two burst into laughter as they left the apartment.
Alan looked puzzled. “What was that all about?”
“I’ll tell you later. Right now we have a building manager to talk to,” Audrey said.
Alan nodded and the two left the room. They stepped across the crime scene tape, and Alan locked the door behind him.
As the lock fell into place, the room became very chilly. Two spirits moved out of the walls and into the room. It took a while for the large one to form, and the thin man waited impatiently.
“Did you hear that? You tore apart the wrong fireplace. The boss is going to be livid when he finds out,” the thin man said in a high, reedy voice.
“I only did what you told me to do,” the large man replied. “You’re da brains, I’m da brawn, remember.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“What’s with da chick in the chimney?”
“I don’t know, but she’s nosing around where she ain’t wanted,” the thin man declared. “If she’s not careful, she’ll meet her end just like Parker.”
“Where’s Parker?”
“Probably scamming St. Peter out of those pearls on the gates,” the thin man replied and laughed at his own joke.
It took a while before the large man got the joke. “Pearly gates!” he bellowed and laughed.
Audrey stopped before the large elevator. “Did you hear that?” she asked Alan.
Alan nodded. “Laughter. Deep voice.”
“There’s not supposed to be anyone on this floor, Alan.”
“I think we don’t need Mia to tell us the obvious, Audrey. This place is haunted.”
“Perhaps it’s time to call in the others,” Audrey said as the elevator door opened.
Alan waited until she entered and used the keycard to access the back door to the ground floor before speaking, “We’ll have to run it by Mr. Stewart first. Two investigators are one thing. The complete compliment of PEEPs is another thing all together.”
“It’s either publicity or a fee situation,” Audrey reminded him. “Just like the Gruber mansion.”
“God in heaven, I hope this is nothing like the Gruber mansion,” Alan said paling.
“Me too,” Audrey admitted as the elevator stopped and the doors opened.
~
Mia put in a call to Ted who didn’t answer his phone. This in itself was odd, but considering how focused he was on the project, it was understandable.
“Just checking in. Audrey and I’ve had an interesting afternoon, I’d like to discuss with you. I’m going to be taking a shower. Call me when you get the chance,” she said into the voice mail and hung up.
She took off and discarded the clothes she ruined in her chimney exploration. Mia gathered some expensive hair products out of Ralph’s bathroom and walked naked through the apartment to the guest bath. She started the hot water and thought about Sissy and Naomi Seeley and their connection with Mia’s grandmother. As she stepped into the steamy shower, she wondered why her grandmother didn’t tell her more about the talents she had when Mia was living with her. Tarot cards? Parlor trick surely. No one can tell the future, unless. “She had been to it,” Mia said aloud.
Chapter Six
“Go baby go!” Cid cheered as Centipede crossed the ceiling of the workroom and traveled down the wall.
“That’s impressive,” Burt said, watching the device from the doorway of the PEEPs office. “What’s its application?”
“Wait and watch,” Ted said as he tapped a request out on his iPad.
The moving rectangle of treaded components curled into a ball and began turning.
“Look over at the monitor on the work bench,” Ted instructed.
Burt walked over and saw to his amazement the ball was filming the interior of the barn in four spectrums. The movements were a bit jerky, but considering the speed in which the information was being sent, gathered and displayed on the screen, Burt was very impressed.
“You built a PEEP,” he declared. “You’re an effing genius Ted.”
“Cid helped in the mechanics. It’s a joint venture,” he clarified.
“What’s it run on?”
“There’s the rub. The fuel cells are very similar to the energon cubes I make for Murphy. The device can be drained by a clever, observant ghost.”
“It still could be used for exploration. A drone that can travel into spaces that our Mia may have a hard time reaching,” Burt said thoughtfully.
Ted wasn’t sure he liked Burt referring to his wife as our Mia. She wasn’t Burt’s or Cid’s and, god help him, Mike’s Mia. Plus, she wasn’t an asset, she was a person. Perhaps he meant it fondly, like one of the family.
Cid looked over at his friend and pondered the silence. Ted could be stuck in thought or was it something else? Cid decided he would find out soon enough and gave his inventing partner some space.
“This is a prototype. The intended size of the Centipede should be able to curl around Mia’s arm until needed,” Ted explained. “I may control it, but she will carry it. Right now, as you can see, it’s too heavy and too big. It fits around her waist though.”
“Mia calls it Curly,” Cid blabbed.
Burt chuckled. “She would. It’s her payback for you giving all the cameras girl names,” he elucidated. “Do you think it also could be used by other investigators too?”
“Yes. Although, I just assumed it would be used by La Cucaracha,” Ted said, using the pet name he gave Mia when she was investigating the spaces and passages between the walls of the buildings they investigated. “I will have to make adjustments for wearers with larger circumference arms,” Ted said and walked over to the computer to make note of the request.
“Where is Mia, by the way?” Burt asked.
“She and Audrey are house sitting for Ralph and Bernard,” Ted answered and explained the circumstances of the favor.
“I didn’t think Mia would volunteer for a week in the city. It’s nice of Audrey to keep her company,” Burt commented.
“Speaking of Audrey,” Cid started. “How’s the budding romance going?”
Burt lifted an eyebrow at the investigator. “That is none of your business,” he said flatly.
“That bad, huh,” Cid said, refusing to let the subject be dropped.
“I think she wants a commitment from me, but I’m not ready to travel that road yet,” Burt admitted.
“How old are you?” Cid probed.
“Again, that is none of your business,” Burt said, shutting him and the subject of his love life down.
Ted pulled out his iPhone, typed a quick message to Cid and hit send.
Cid’s pocket vibrated. He pulled out his phone and read: Leave it alone. Cid accepted the good-natured warning and dropped the subject.
Ted’s phone listed a missed call and a voicemail message. He looked at the sender and read Missed Opportunity. He checked the number and recognized it as Mia’s. “That’s funny,” he said aloud.
“Funny as in ha ha or strange?” Burt said, looking over his shoulder.
“See this caller ID?” Ted turned the phone’s screen to face Burt.
“Missed Opportunity,” Burt read aloud.
“It should say Mia Martin.”
“Maybe Mia was screwing around and meant it to say Miss Opportunity. You know how irritating predictive text can be,” Cid said, approaching the men.
“When we were investigating the Dew Drop Inn, I got a phone call from Audrey, and it said Last Chance. I didn’t ask her about it because I assumed she was using someone else’s cell phone.”
“Maybe your cell has become sentient,” Cid teased. “With all the improvements you made with the operating system, it was only a matter of time.”
“Fuck off,” Ted said, regretting the harshness of his reply.
Cid let it roll off his back but did stop teasing.
Burt looked at Ted and frowned. He had rarely seen the tech in a grumpy mood. He must be miss
ing his wife. “Seems to me, Mia left you a message. Why don’t you listen to it and give her a call back. Come on, Cid, I feel the need to do some film editing. Want to give me a hand?”
“No,” Cid said, not getting Burt’s hint.
“Give Ted some space, moron,” Burt said.
“Oh, yes, I’d love to help you with the editing,” Cid said robotically and left the workshop.
Ted listened to the voicemail and immediately dialed his wife.
“And then we looked at ourselves in the mirror, and yep, we were covered in soot,” Mia said. “I didn’t think about what it must’ve looked like until Albert walked in.”
“Political correctness has never been a strong suit with you. I’m sure Albert’s cool with it.”
“He was fine. It’s his minder I’m worried about,” Mia admitted and described the purple-clad woman to Ted.
“She sounds formidable. I’d watch your mouth and back. Speaking of which, you want us to drive over and give you a hand? I’m sure Murphy could be convinced to take a ride into the city if only to check out those mammoth icicles you spoke about.”
“If it was up to me, yes, but I’m kind of stuck in between Audrey selling us two as consultants and being a loyal PEEP. Perhaps if Alan can convince the building manager that he has a big problem on his hands, they will either cough up a big fee or agree to let us air the investigation.”
“In that case, maybe you should give Mike a heads-up. I’ll let Burt know you and Audrey may have a lead on a possible investigation. We have to be careful not to ruffle the partners’ feathers.”
“That’s very good advice. How’s Curly doing?”
“Centipede has passed the mobility test. It can climb the walls, walk across the ceiling, and most of the filming bugs have been worked out,” Ted reported happily.
“I miss you, Teddy Bear, and it’s only been half a day. I’m going to be a basket case by tonight,” Mia complained. “I think I’ve got the Cooper curse.”
Ted smiled to himself. He enjoyed the warm feeling that came over him when Mia talked about her obsessive love for him. “It’s the best curse in the world from my perspective, Minnie Mouse.”