Alex broke into my thoughts. The Authority found out about Leiv’s past and they said they could never approve a turning. They sent the information to Angus too. It’s not likely he’ll ever approve it now, not after finding out.
I decided to converse silently for Leiv’s sake. What did they find out that was so bad that he can never be turned?
Leiv has schizophrenia.
“I know you’re talking about me,” Leiv said. “You’re both too quiet. If he doesn’t turn me I’ll get old, he’ll get sick of me, he won’t love me anymore. I won’t be this way forever, Rachel. I’ll die alone, without him. I may as well die now because I can’t stand the thought of him going away. I won’t live through losing him.”
I took a deep breath searching for the right words to say. Alexander’s love for Leiv wouldn’t be deterred by this. I knew that and so did Alex, but Leiv, it seemed, needed some convincing. “Don’t you think you’re selling Alex a little short? You guys have been together five years and you know how much he loves you. There’s still hope you could be turned, you never got a formal no from Angus, but even if you do, it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.”
“It would be the end of my world,” he screamed at me.
“Leiv, Alex isn’t going anywhere. You two love each other and that’s all that matters. Do you know how much he would suffer if you died? It’s true it’s not like a blood bond, but you’re bonded nonetheless, and your bond is strong. He’ll suffer forever if you decide to do this. We all will. You might not live for hundreds of years but he will. His suffering would go on for centuries. You don’t want that for him, do you?”
Leiv seemed to understand for the first time what his death would do to Alexander. His eyes shifted now, becoming a little calmer. “Put those things down and let us get you some help so you can be well. Alex needs you well, Leiv.”
After another moment of hesitation he dropped both weapons and slid to the floor, sobbing loudly as he did, apologizing. Alexander scooped him up and took him to the bed while I retrieved what he’d dropped and discarded it. A bottle of medication sat on the bedside table and Alex handed it to Leiv who took two of them, followed by a long swallow of a glass of water that looked like it had been sitting there for a few days.
We all sat in silence for about half an hour, until the medication began to take affect and Leiv was sleeping peacefully. I motioned for Alex to follow me downstairs so we could talk and as we sat in front of two cups of tea we began our silent conversation.
I said, How long has he been off his meds?
Alex replied: I think at least a few weeks. That’s what I gathered by counting the doses. I didn’t know until a few days ago that he’d gone off them.
He should be in the hospital until he’s back on track. Why didn’t you email me? I asked.
I wanted to but he locked me out of the computer. He’s been trying on and off to convince me to die right along with him. He figured it would be easier that way. He’s really sick, Rachel. I’m scared, he said.
It’s alright. I reasoned. I saw people like that all the time when I was in and out of hospitals. He’ll be ok, he just needs to be in the right place. He’ll be right as rain again in a few weeks I’m sure. As long as he gets the right help. He seemed to be pretty stable before so he must be someone who’s really treatable.
Alex peered deep into his cup with a guilty look. He was. I had no idea until we had our hearing. I found out when they confronted him on it that day. Honestly he doesn’t have that bad of a case, he’s way better off than some people. I’ve only seen him this way since he stopped taking his medication.
Well, when he wakes up we’ll take him to the hospital and make sure they give him a bed. I said.
What if he doesn’t want to go?
I’ll blood influence him if I have to. The doctors too.
Rachel, I don’t know how to thank you. I don’t think he would have sat there much longer, he was getting really close. If he did it I’d have had to turn him, then we’d be on the run. I don’t want that. I just want to be with him in peace.
I knew exactly what he was saying. “Well, don’t worry about it. I think he’s on the road to seeing reason. Everything will work out.” I squeezed his hand.
What made you show up anyway?
“Oh, I just had a bad feeling,” I said, remembering my dream. “I get antsy when I don’t hear from you. I wish you guys would move to Soldiers Cove so I could see you more. Oh, hey your mail is piling up out there.” I stood and retrieved the bundle overflowing from the mailbox just outside the door. “There should be a wedding invitation in there for you from Holly.”
Alexander forced a smile. I knew the feeling all too well. Well, at least someone is happy. I’m glad for her.
Me too.
Just then we heard Leiv stir upstairs. Alex went to check on him and a few moments later we were all in the car heading for the emergency room. My stomach growled. Sitting in an emergency room full of sick people, some of whom were probably bleeding, wasn’t going to be pleasant for a pregnant vampire. It was going to be a long night.
Chapter ten
I returned home at about three o’clock in the morning and as I set foot in the house, realized I had forgotten all about calling Gavin. He stood, closing his laptop as I came in. “What the hell happened?”
“Long story. Leiv was in trouble and we had to take him to the hospital. I think he’ll be there for a while but he’s ok.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re home,” he said kissing me on the cheek. “I saved dinner for you. You want me to heat it up?”
“That would be amazing. I need a shower.” Gavin got to work as I headed upstairs and when I came back down he was taking a plate out of the oven. Despite the fact that we had a microwave Gavin still gravitated toward the old way of doing things. Watching him take the plate out and sit it down on the table reminded me of just how old he really was.
“You know the microwave would have done that for you in about three minutes.”
“It tastes better this way, and besides, I don’t trust microwaves.”
I laughed. “Yeah, microwaves. They might kill us. Quite a health hazard for vampires.”
“Are you making fun of me?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.
“Yes, old timer. I’m making fun of you. Thank you for the dinner. I’m starving.”
As I ate we talked about Leiv and Alexander and I filled him in on the reason they’d been denied a turning. “Well, well, doesn’t that sound familiar,” Gavin said, his tone turning into a snarl at the memory. “No turning because of a mental illness. You’d think vampires would be more enlightened, but sometimes I think we’re worse.”
“There is a difference though, Gavin,” I said. “I wasn’t actually mentally ill, I just thought I was. Leiv really is. Wouldn’t that be a risk?”
“Oh, Rachel, we’re all a risk. We’re creatures that if not handled properly will kill simply for sport. Even the most docile among us is like a wild animal, and as far as I’m concerned not one of us is any better than the rest. Look at Duncan.”
“What about him?”
“Well, he was reasonably behaved for hundreds of years, until your mother died that is. Then he started killing for sport. It was like a drug to ease the pain. We’re all capable of it, even the ones who think they’re too good for that kind of behavior. Have some kind of catastrophe happen to you with nobody to keep watch while you’re reeling and you can end up taking lots of lives. Even Holly, I’m sure, would have succumbed to that if she’d not had my parents and the sanctuary to protect her. They should let Alex turn him, he’ll be miserable for the rest of his life if they don’t. Leiv might live another seventy or eighty years, but Alex will live for centuries if he’s lucky.”
“That’s funny, that’s what I just told Leiv to stop him from killing himself. I told him he had to live to spare Alex the pain of losing him.”
“Of course, but it won’t actually spare him. It will ju
st postpone the inevitable.”
“Well, Holly turned her lover and married him and she still lost him. It looks like it’s not a guarantee either way. No matter what we do, we always lose those we love in the end, don’t we?”
Both of us stopped cold as the words hung in the air. We had been talking philosophically a moment ago, but now, we were being hit with the reality. It was true. Everything and everyone you love, you lose. Turning Ryan might be postponing the inevitable too for all we knew, and certainly we had come close to losing each other.
Having had enough I began to put down my knife and fork. Gavin took them from me and placed them gently down. “No more of this talk tonight,” he said, pulling me along into the living room. We sat together in the couch wrapped in each other’s arms. “For now, you’re here, and I’m here, and Ryan is here. Soon we’ll have a new little one to take care of too. Right now at this moment, Rachel, all is right in our world.”
Hearing him say that was both comforting and frightening. Comforting because it was true. Frightening because it wouldn’t last forever. At some point, our luck would refuse to hold and we’d be free floating through some type of loss that would rock us to our very core. Little did we know just how soon it would be.
Chapter eleven
Holly’s wedding came and went that December and it was beautiful. Alexander and Leiv were there, along with all the rest of the family. It was rare for a human to be granted access to the sanctuary grounds but seeing as how Leiv had worked in the blood den he wasn’t witnessing anything he hadn’t known about. Some of the others balked at the invitation of a ‘blood whore’ to their sanctuary, but it was Holly and Kenzie’s wedding and so Angus allowed it.
Now it was March and I was due any day. Holly was pressing on my belly checking the baby’s position. I was laying on the bed, Gavin watching nervously in the corner. “Gavin, you look scared. What’s the matter?” she asked.
“I am scared. My wife is pregnant. Aren’t all men scared when their wife is pregnant?”
“You realize your wife is a vampire don’t you? Nothing bad will happen. Her birth will be easy as pie. It’ll probably happen even quicker than with Ryan. Call me as soon as it starts. I wanna be here. Even if I’m not you can totally do it on your own, but I want to deliver this kid. I’m going shopping for a present today. I just wish I knew what color to buy.”
Gavin and I had opted not to find out the sex, much to Holly’s frustration. “You’ll just have to wait. What did you do in the olden days?”
“Wrap them in fox fur and put them in a burlap sack,” she said. Gavin and I laughed until we realized she was serious. “Don’t look so shocked. Babies are way more durable than people give them credit for. Especially ours. You’ve seen it yourself with Ryan. Has he ever been sick a day in his life? No. And he probably won’t ever be. This child is the child of two vampires. Human yes, but with a super strong immune system and toughness that’s hard to beat. Really, Gavin, you need to get hold of yourself.”
“What?” he said from the corner.
“You’re frowning so hard you’ll be the first vampire to give yourself a worry line.”
Gavin ran his hand over his face, forcing his brow to smooth over. “Sorry,” he said.
“Well the head is down so it won’t be long now. You’ll probably drop sometime in the next few days and then it’ll be go time.”
I sat up, pulling my top down over my belly and jumped off the bed. “Thanks for stopping by Holly,” I said, walking her down the stairs. “I’m sure Gavin will be all business once the time comes. We’ve got you on speed dial.”
“Good stuff. I’m excited for you,” she said, “and for me,” she giggled as she slid into her shoes.
“What?”
“We’re not telling anyone just yet, but I’m pregnant too.”
I couldn’t help the squeal I let out. They had been trying since they got married three months prior and it had happened. “Holly, that’s great! Congratulations. Kenzie must be exited too.”
“He is. Our kids will be able to play together. They’ll be cousins. It’ll be fun. Ok I gotta run, he’s waiting for me. I’ll see you soon.”
Gavin came around the corner just as Holly was leaving. “What was all the girl noise about?”
“I can’t tell you,” I smiled.
“I’ll have to dig it out of your head then,” he said, coming up to me and fussing my hair.
“I don’t think you want to dig around in the mind of a pregnant lady. You’d only find strange cravings and thoughts about being able to wear jeans again.”
“Well, that’s as it should be,” he said, picking up the car keys. “Only good thoughts from now until the baby gets here. Alright, I’m on my way. I’ll see you later.” Gavin was going to town for more food. Our refrigerator was emptying at an alarming rate in the last few days.
“See you when you get back,” I said.
With that I sat down to check email. Alexander had messaged, updating me on everything that was new. Since Leiv had received the proper treatment and gotten back on his meds things had been pretty quiet. I insisted he email every other day and let him know that if I didn’t hear from him at least that much that I’d be in the car headed for Sydney. I didn’t want what had happened with Leiv to ever happen again. For both of their sakes. Neither one had mentioned the idea of Leiv turning, and so I assumed they had either given up on the idea or were taking a break from it at least. I wanted to ask, but didn’t want to pry and so I left it alone.
I had just closed out my email and shut the laptop when there was a knock on the door. I saw Kenzie on the other side and waved him in. “Hey,” I said. “You just missed Holly, she said she was on her way to meet you.”
“Actually,” he said, “I didn’t come to see her, I came to see you.”
“You did? What about?”
Kenzie dropped his eyes to my belly, saying nothing for an awkwardly long moment before walking slowly up to me and placing his hand on my stomach. There were no words, he simply stared as if in awe. “Do you think it will be soon?”
I felt a great unease and my first instinct was to back away, but I didn’t, trying to convince myself that I was misreading the gesture. I persuaded myself I had to be. “Holly says it will be any day now.”
“Good,” his said, his voice dropping to a whisper. “I’ll…I mean you’ll be relieved when the time comes I suppose. To have it over with, to be done with it.”
I swallowed hard, trying to hide my discomfort but it was growing by the second. “Um, perhaps. I mean if I was a human I guess it would be worse, but I really don’t feel too bad. I’m not bothered by it.”
“And the boy?” he said, continuing to hold my stomach. The moment was turning from simply uncomfortable to feeling like a violation of some kind, although at the time I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was. Something in the way he was touching me was making my skin crawl. “Were you bothered with that pregnancy? Was it hard for you? Was it hard for your husband?”
His hand that had laid still now began rubbing in small circular motions, his gaze becoming more fixed on the bump, as if he only need to look hard enough to actually see inside. “Um, Kenzie…that’s a little personal, don’t you think?”
Whatever spell he’d been under when staring at the protrusion seemed to break with the asking of the question and he took his hand away as quickly as if he’d been touching hot coals. I backed up a few steps. “I’m sorry,” he said, finally looking me in the face. “I’m just a little nervous I guess. I haven’t been a father in a long time.”
“Oh,” I said. It was possible. Impending fatherhood made men act strange, I’d certainly seen it with Gavin. “Well, don’t worry. I’m sure it will all come back to you. And, hey, our kids are going to be cousins. I’m sure we’ll all end up helping each other out as they grow older.”
His eyes grew sad just then and I was thinking of a way I could ask him what he was thinking when Ryan came quietly in
to the room. He stood at my side, hugging me around the leg and laying his head on my belly, as if to protect the life inside. Although neither of us could verbalize it, we both knew that the small being had come under some kind of threat.
“You love your mother a lot, don’t you?” Kenzie said, looking at Ryan with his sad eyes. Ryan simply nodded. “Yes, and she loves you too. In fact, she’d do anything for you. There’s nothing she wouldn’t do to keep you alive, keep you safe.” Suddenly it was as if he’d said too much and he hung his head as if in shame. “I must get going. I’ll see you soon.”
He was out the door before I had a chance to respond. Ryan nuzzled his little cheek up against the baby as it flipped and kicked around, responding to the warmth of his touch. Then, looking up at me with his large, dark eyes, said to me in a tone that was beyond his five years, “Mom, she’s frightened.”
“No honey,” I said trying to dissuade his own fear. “She’s just a tiny baby, she doesn’t know what’s going on.”
“Yes, she does. She’s frightened, she doesn’t want to die.”
“Ryan, why would you say such a thing? Why are you talking like that?”
“The man I dream about told me we should be scared for her.”
“Man you dream about?” I crouched down to his level, looking him squarely in the eye. “Tell me.”
“The man, who is a man, but he’s not. He has long hair and big eyes. He has muscles like Thor and legs like a goat.”
A flush of ice cold came over me as I crouched there, our eyes locked. How could it be? “Does the man say anything else?” I asked. It was taking everything I had in me not to tremble. I didn’t want to frighten Ryan by giving more importance to the dream than he already had assigned to it, but I knew it was serious, and on some level, so did he.
“He says I need to be ready. That when I’m older he’ll come for me, and that until then I should look after you.” His eyes, his voice, his manner. He had always looked like Aries but never more so than at this moment. We had sworn to shield him from his father but it looked like he was getting through to him somehow, whether we liked it or not.
The Vampires of Soldiers Cove: Progeny Page 8