‘What’s the story?’ Seb said sharply, instantly taking charge as he took over Bianca’s airway, suctioning her deftly. ‘Stop the compressions,’ he ordered as he expertly inserted a tube down her throat and inflated the cuff, thus securing her airway.
‘She’s in asystole.’ Lucinda said as she checked the monitor.
‘I checked her and she seemed fine. I went back less than a minute later to say goodnight and found her like this,’ said Ann, resuming the cardiac massage. ‘Thank God I went back.’
With Seb in control of Bianca’s airway, Lucinda was free to concentrate on her heart. ‘So she hasn’t been down long?’ Lucinda said as she inserted various drugs into Bianca’s intravenous line. ‘Keep up the massage for a minute, Ann—give these drugs a chance to work.’ Ann pumped away as the cardiac arrest team arrived, but they didn’t take over as the team already working on Bianca was far more senior. Instead, they assisted, all working together to save this precious young life.
‘OK, stop,’ Lucinda ordered. Every eye was on the monitor. A rhythm was picked up. ‘Sinus bradycardia,’ Lucinda said. ‘Give me some more adrenaline.’ A syringe containing the cardiac stimulant was immediately passed to her.
‘Adrenaline 1 in 10,000—3 mls,’ Lucinda stated as she gave the drug. It was duly charted, along with the time given, by a nurse. Bianca’s heart rate picked up. ‘Normal sinus rhythm,’ Lucinda said with a note of triumph as she looked around the bedside. ‘Well done, everyone.’
‘She’s fighting the tube,’ Seb said. ‘I’m going to sedate her and we’ll get her over to Intensive Care stat. It’s all right, little lady.’ Seb spoke tenderly into Bianca’s ear. ‘You’re going to be OK now.’ The sedative drugs took effect and Seb, Lucinda and the arrest team wheeled Bianca to the PICU as the other staff set about tidying and replacing the equipment on the resuscitation trolley and settling the other children, who had been awoken by the commotion.
The cardiothoracic physician arrived shortly after they got to PICU and Lucinda handed over to him.
‘Poor kid,’ he said when she’d finished. ‘And her poor parents, too. Ann just rang to say they’re on the way. I’m not looking forward to talking to them.’
Seb had walked over to join them and Lucinda suddenly found herself momentarily tongue-tied.
‘Not the nicest part of the job, I guess, but someone has to do it,’ Lucinda said crisply, and then inwardly kicked herself. It had been an emotional night and in an attempt to maintain her composure she had again come across as clinical and uncaring.
The look that passed between the two men didn’t go unnoticed by Lucinda.
‘I’m just going to check on Ann,’ Seb said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. ‘She’ll be pretty upset by what’s happened.’
Lucinda heard the inference and in an attempt to redeem herself offered her assistance. ‘I’ll come along, too.’
Seb merely shrugged and didn’t say a word as they walked across to the ward. Only when they got to the doors did he speak. ‘Just go easy on her, Lucinda. They’re more than just patients to Ann.’
‘Fancy another coffee?’ Ann offered, her voice heavy.
Lucinda nodded her acceptance and took a seat. Over and over the evening’s events Ann went, picking Lucinda’s brains, desperately searching for a reason for Bianca’s sudden crash, but Lucinda simply couldn’t come up with an answer. Finally it was Seb who put the night’s events into perspective.
‘Who knows why, Ann? It isn’t always clear-cut. Maybe the blood cultures will show up a massive infection, maybe it was a mucous plug, perhaps her little body had simply had enough.’
‘Maybe she was just unlucky,’ Ann said, and Lucinda saw the sparkle of tears in her eyes.
‘She was bloody lucky if you ask me,’ said Seb in a firm voice.
Lucinda and Ann turned to him questioningly.
‘I’d hardly call her lucky.’ Ann said sharply.
‘Oh, I don’t know. If she was going to arrest anyway, what are the chances of having a cardiothoracic and an anaesthetic consultant ten seconds away, along with a charge nurse with a hunch who hovered around all night instead of going home? I tell you this much—if ever my number’s up I wouldn’t mind having such a crack team in the vicinity.’ Ann gave a small smile and Lucinda knew Seb had made her feel better—herself, too, for that matter—but Seb wasn’t done cheering Ann up yet.
‘You know Ann’s nickname, don’t you?’ he asked Lucinda.
“Don’t, Seb,’ Ann begged, but he wasn’t going to be deflected.
‘The Resuscitator!’
Lucinda let out a throaty laugh. ‘I’ve been called worse.’
Ann joined in the laughter, visibly better for the lighthearted banter that might have seemed callous to some, given the previous tragic events, but when you dealt with life-and-death situations regularly black humour was almost mandatory to save you from going under. Ann picked up her bag. ‘I’m off. I’d better find out what my feral teenage sons are getting up to without Mum on a balmy Saturday night. If you think Billy’s causing you sleepless nights now, Seb, just wait until he hits puberty—the fun really begins then. My boys will turn me grey.’
Ann bustled off.
‘She’s great, isn’t she?’ Lucinda stated.
‘Golden. I asked her to change her annual leave when Billy’s op was brought forward so she’d be on duty while he was a patient, and she did. Nothing against the other staff, of course, but Ann really is one in a million.’ He stood up and flicked the venetian blinds. Lucinda watched his strong profile illuminated by the ward lights as he gazed out at his sleeping son, and she felt the familiar knot of tension in her stomach that occurred when Seb was around. ‘I feel so guilty,’ he said out of the blue.
‘Why?’ Lucinda demanded.
‘All the time I was running to the ward I was just praying that it wasn’t Billy.’
‘Of course you were. Billy’s your son.’ Lucinda recalled the conversation she’d so recently had with Bianca and felt her throat tighten. ‘Just because you were wishing it wasn’t Billy, it doesn’t mean you wanted it to be Bianca.’
Seb turned and gave her a thin smile. ‘I need some air. One week exclusively breathing the hospital’s air-conditioning is sending me crazy. Will you join me?’
They took the lift and then the stairwell up to the roof. The air seemed to hum with tension and Lucinda wondered if she was imagining things. Could this beautiful man possibly be feeling the same way about her? Had he felt that instant attraction, too? Surely not, she reasoned. He had his mind on other things at the moment and evidently he thought she was as hard as nails. But as he took her arm and led her across the roof she was acutely aware of his touch, and Lucinda was positive his hand lingered a moment as they came to stand on the roof’s edge.
Her legs felt somewhat unsteady, and it had nothing to do with vertigo, Lucinda acknowledged as she leant against the wall and looked out over the City. The view was almost identical to the one from her apartment. Flinders Street Station was lit up like a fairground, the arts centre like a miniature Eiffel Tower. It was stunning and so much better shared.
‘Times like this I almost wish I smoked.’ Seb said, his voice carrying in the night air.
‘No, you don’t.’
For an age Seb stood quite still, drinking in the view. Finally he spoke. ‘Billy will be home next week, and the week after that I’m expected back at work.’
‘You and Gemma will manage,’ she said with more conviction than she felt.
He turned and faced her then and Lucinda saw the pain in his features.
‘Gemma’s leaving to live in New South Wales, a job offer she “simply couldn’t refuse” came up.’
Lucinda gasped. ‘Does Billy know?’
‘Yep, we’ve known for a couple of weeks. It hit him pretty hard. She’d made her mind up before we knew that Billy’s operation was going to be moved forward. It’s all too far gone for her to put it off and, anyway, I think that now
Billy knows it’s going to happen it might just be better to get it over and done with so we can all start to move on. It’s been pretty tough for a while on all of us.’
‘Seb, that’s awful. I don’t know what to say,’ she said truthfully.
‘Not so awful. I got Billy out of it. I’d go through the whole thing ten times over for that—all I want is for Billy to be happy.’
‘But how will you cope?’ She voiced his fears for him.
‘I don’t know,’ he said heavily. ‘I just don’t know. Since we divorced, Gemma’s hardly been around but any help is better than none. My sister Isabella is coming down for a month when I have to go back to work, and she’s bringing her kids. She lives in Ballarat, though. I can’t keep relying on her—she’s got a life, too. I’m going to have to do a lot of thinking. There’s going to have to be some changes. Anyway,’ he said, ‘that’s enough about me. What about you, Miss Chambers? You look like a woman who knows where she’s heading. So what’s it to be—professor, chief of staff? What is it you want out of life?’
Lucinda hesitated. Seb had been so open, so honest that she wanted to tell him her dream, but how could she when it was something she hardly dared admit even to herself? How could she tell him that a part-time GP juggling too many children’s packed lunches sounded good from here? He would never understand. ‘We’ll see,’ Lucinda said noncommittally. ‘Consultant will do for now.’ She shivered suddenly. ‘It’s windy up here. I’m cold.’
‘That can be fixed.’ Seb’s voice was deep and she was sure she could hear an invitation in his words, but Lucinda wavered, filled with uncertainty. The temptation to slip into his arms, to be warmed and comforted, was overwhelming; but what if she was wrong? What if she had misread the signs? If he moved just an inch, gave some further indication as to what he was implying, she would have gone to him without hesitation. But instead she stood there, staring at him for the longest time, until it was Seb who dragged his eyes away.
‘We’d better go back down’ he said eventually. ‘Billy might wake up.’
Lucinda managed a smile. ‘You go,’ she said quietly. ‘I might stay up here a while, take in the view.’
‘Later,’ he murmured, and then he was gone.
Lucinda hugged her arms to her chest, colder now without him near. Careful, she warned herself, tread carefully. Sebastian Carlisle would be very easy to fall in love with but he came as a package—Seb and Billy. It was a serious consideration, one that could only lead to complications, and Billy was simply too precious to even consider hurting.
CHAPTER FOUR
CONCENTRATING on her stroke as she cut through the empty pool, Lucinda found a temporary escape from the jumbled emotions that had kept her awake for most of the night. After ten laps she climbed out of the water, making her way to the poolside shower. The icy cold jets were refreshing and invigorating. For a moment she contemplated using the gym equipment—after all, the endless take-aways had to catch up sooner or later. Instead she dried herself and dressed casually in khaki shorts and a linen blouse, tying her damp hair back with a scrunchie.
Southbank was setting up for the day, and a few revellers were stretching out Saturday night, buoyed up by their casino winnings, and were singing as they walked along the riverside. Lucinda bought the Sunday papers and settled herself at a cane table shielded from the early morning sun by a large umbrella. She ordered a café latte and as she had done ten lengths of the pool succumbed to the waiter’s suggestion of warm croissants with butter and honey.
Melbourne was awakening. Joggers and power-walkers strutted their stuff along the riverbank, effortlessly avoiding the pavement artists who were touching up their work. The huge turrets that flanked the casino were shooting flames half-hourly in an impressive performance that seemed to go unnoticed by the regulars, but to the uninitiated like Lucinda it was breathtaking. Bianca would love it here.
In that instant Lucinda acknowledged the real reason for her insomnia. The time she had spent with Seb last night had been pleasantly unsettling to say the least, but it hadn’t kept her awake. If anything, she had longed to go to sleep just to relive those moments again. No, the real reason she had tossed and turned had been a little girl who had been given only the smallest shot at life. Lucinda felt the sting of tears in her eyes and grappled in her bag for her sunglasses. Why couldn’t they just stay nameless? Instead, it was Bianca, Billy, Kimberley and countless other children who had come before them. She remembered the name of every child that had died in her care, and it hurt. It really hurt. Reaching for her mobile, she started to dial the hospital’s number then decided against it. Bianca deserved a bit more than a phone call so instead Lucinda settled her bill and made her way across the bridge to the hospital.
Instead of going straight to Paediatric Intensive Care she made her way to the cardiac ward, with the excuse that she was checking on all her patients. But deep down the thought of entering PICU and not seeing Bianca there was too upsetting. The news, if bad, would be gentler coming from Ann.
She didn’t need an excuse. Ann knew why she was there as soon as she saw her.
‘Couldn’t sleep, huh?’
‘How is she?’
Ann gave a small shrug. ‘Still alive, but only just. She had a massive MI in the early hours. Thirteen years old and she’s had a heart attack.’
‘Why wasn’t I called? She could have—’
Ann shook her head. ‘They’re treating her conservatively or you’d have been paged long ago. She’s not a candidate for surgery—she just wouldn’t survive. What she needs is a transplant. She’s been moved to the top of the list, so maybe a match will come in soon. Don’t go too far this weekend—hopefully we’ll be needing you. You’ve got your pager?’
Lucinda lifted her blouse slightly and showed the pager, used only for transplants, strapped firmly to her belt. ‘Glued to me. I’d better go over to PICU and have a look at her.’
Ann nodded. ‘Her parents want to talk to you.’
‘To me? Do they want to go through the transplant procedure?’
Ann shook her head. ‘No, it’s a bit more personal than that. I told them how you’d watched a film with her last night. I guess they just need to hear how she was.’
‘I’m not exactly dressed properly,’ Lucinda said somewhat formally, in a vain attempt to delay the inevitable.
‘I’m sure that’s the least of their concerns,’ Ann said. ‘It would mean a lot to them if you had a quick word.
Lucinda nodded her assent, and turned to go.
As she made her way out of the ward an angry little bundle dressed in pyjamas and a dressing-gown rushed past her, just about sending her flying.
‘Whoa, there.’ She grabbed hold of the dressing-gown and turned the little boy around.
‘Where are you off to in such a hurry, Billy? You shouldn’t be running on the ward, you know.’
He gave her an indignant look.
‘I was going to the toilet, but there isn’t any paper,’ he said accusingly, as if it was her fault.
‘Well, I’m sure the cleaners will be here soon, or the nurses will be out on handover in a while.’
‘But I need to go now,’ he said simply.
Lucinda looked around. Not a domestic in sight, and the only nurse left on the ward was giving some intravenous drugs to a patient. Lucinda picked up a box of tissues from the nurses’ station. ‘Here,’ she said. ‘Use these.’
Billy looked at her as if she’d gone completely mad.
‘I can’t use these. Ann said we weren’t to waste tissues.’
‘I think she was referring to the paper aeroplanes you were all making with them the other day. I’m sure she won’t mind.’
But Billy wasn’t going to be deflected.
‘I need some toilet paper.’
His little face worked up as if he might start crying and Lucinda sensed the urgency in his demand.
‘OK,’ she said with a sigh. ‘You go on to the toilet and I’ll bring you s
ome.’
‘You won’t forget?’
‘Cross my heart.’ He hurried off and Lucinda spent the next five minutes trying to locate the store cupboard. Finally she found it and, rummaging around, she gave a little laugh. This was ridiculous. She was a consultant, taking orders from a five-year-old. Still, when you had to go…
Finally she found the paper and made her way back to the toilets in time to find Billy at the sink, washing his hands.
‘Here you are.’
‘I found some,’ he said. ‘On the window-ledge. But thanks.’ He took the roll and placed it under his dressing-gown.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m going to keep it in my locker—they’re always running out here.’ He turned and stared directly at Lucinda. ‘Is Bianca dead?’ he asked completely out of the blue.
Lucinda hesitated, somewhat taken back by the directness of his question. ‘No, she’s been moved to the intensive care ward.’
‘That’s what Ann said, but I thought she was just trying not to upset me. Is it her heart?’
Lucinda nodded. ‘Sort of.’
‘Well, if it’s her heart, why can’t you fix it? You fixed mine.’
‘It’s a bit more complicated than that, but I am going to try. I’m going to talk to her parents now.’ Billy finished drying his hands.
‘Bye, then.’ He gave her the benefit of his cheeky grin and ambled back to his bed, carefully depositing the precious paper in his locker first.
Lucinda shook her head and smiled. Really, he was just too cute.
She put on a theatre gown and washed her hands before she entered the PICU. The next half-hour was spent with the registrar, going over Bianca’s results. From the workstation she could see Bianca, her thin body covered by a sheet, attached to the monitors she so fiercely hated. Her terrified parents and brother were sitting rigid at her side, willing her to hold on, to fight to stay alive. It was indeed a heartbreaking scene but Lucinda pushed aside all emotion and concentrated on the task in hand. Bianca needed her medical skills, no more, or so she thought. When her discussion with the registrar concluded and they both resignedly agreed that all they could do was continue the current treatment and wait for Bianca’s ship to come in, she asked the charge nurse to bring Bianca’s parents to the interview room. Outside the door Lucinda took a few deep breaths before she knocked and entered. The sorrow in the faces that greeted her was familiar.
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