‘I worry that’s what will happen to Billy. I can’t keep relying on my sister and nannies—he needs some stability. Boarding school might have to be an option.’
No, she wanted to shout. The idea of little Billy at boarding school was too awful to comprehend. He’d seen enough of institutions to last him a lifetime, she thought, but it wasn’t her place to add to Seb’s fears.
‘I survived,’ she said instead, her heart filled with an overwhelming sadness. No mum or dad to ask him how his day was at the dinner table or tuck him in at night. Limits on Robot Savers. That beautiful personality quietly stifled. Despite what she had said to Seb, though she had thought it all right at the time, with the benefit of hindsight it had been awful. It was there that she had learnt to hide her feelings, waving Mum and Dad off at the start of term. Kids needed their parents. She knew that now and was painfully aware of what she had missed out on.
The conversation flowed easily, and although they were only drinking diet cola Lucinda found herself telling Seb things she hadn’t even thought about in years, letting him in on a side of herself she rarely if ever revealed. He was an amazingly good listener, and by the time the curry had been eaten and the remnants packed away there was only one thing they hadn’t yet shared. Seb seemed to read her mind as the night came to a conclusion. For a moment the room was quiet, except for the hum of sexual tension, and then he gave her a small smile.
‘You look beautiful tonight. I like you in that dress. It’s very feminine, not that you need any help with that.
‘I’m not all power suits and fitted dresses,’ she lied, thinking this was the one garment she possessed that wasn’t fully lined and dry-clean only.
Slowly, purposefully, Seb walked around the desk. Taking Lucinda’s hands as she stood up, he pulled her towards him.
Lucinda was tall and in her espadrilles, despite Seb’s height, her eyes were nearly level with his. He hardly had to bend his head to kiss her and their lips found each other easily. His hands, warm through the flimsy material, pulled her closer yet and she melted into his embrace. He was truly wonderful to kiss and Lucinda lost herself in the moment until he gently pulled away.
‘I’d better go. It would be very easy to go and do something really silly here.’
Lucinda gave a little grumble and laid her head on his chest. He was right. She knew they shouldn’t make love, not here and not so soon, but her resistance around this man was practically zero.
‘Like what?’ she said huskily, not wanting the evening to end, but his answer to her seductive question came as such a surprise that for once she was completely lost for words.
‘Like fall in love.’ He gently kissed the top of her head. ‘I’d better get back.’
Dumbly she nodded, and stood quite still as he left. He felt it, too, it wasn’t just her! How on earth she wondered, was she supposed to sleep after that?
CHAPTER FIVE
DESPITE the success of his surgery, Billy wasn’t ready to go home by Monday. His asthma was still proving difficult to control and at the ward round it was decided to keep him in for a few more days to change his medication and continue with the aggressive physiotherapy. So far he hadn’t developed a chest infection, but all the ingredients were there for one to manifest and it was safer to keep him in.
Seb’s only concern was for his son and he ruffled his grumbling son’s hair. Gemma, however, looked far from pleased by the news, but the round moved on before she had a chance to voice her objections. The rest of the round went fairly smoothly until they arrived at Bianca’s bedside on PICU. Lucinda had to bite her tongue as Pete Hughes described his version of Saturday night’s events.
‘I popped into the ward in the evening to review the patients and Sister Benton seemed somewhat concerned about young Bianca. I reviewed her thoroughly but I couldn’t find anything wrong. She seemed fine.’
‘Very good.’ Professor Hays nodded as he peered through the thick file that contained Bianca’s notes. ‘A lot of blood tests were done—excellent.’ He carried on reading. ‘I see you reviewed her as well, Miss Chambers?’
Lucinda gave a short nod, inwardly seething. Pete had let the professor assume it had been him that had taken Bianca’s blood when in truth he hadn’t even bothered to go anywhere near the patient. But to say anything here would be wrong. She would deal with Pete privately. ‘That’s right. I couldn’t find anything significant either. She arrested just after I left.’
‘Well, let’s hope a donor becomes available soon for Bianca, though realistically I think we’re getting past the hoping stage with Bianca. She really isn’t a suitable candidate and the heart and lungs might be better suited to someone with a more realistic chance of survival.’
‘No.’ The words escaped from Lucinda’s lips before she even realised she had spoken. Everyone turned and stared, surprised by her passionate outburst. But Lucinda knew that for Bianca her eleventh hour had come. She was fading fast and her life was governed now by the machines she so hated. Paralysed and sedated by drugs she had no chance to fight now, it was up to Lucinda to do it for her.
She recovered her composure quickly. ‘I actually think Bianca will do very well, given the chance. Her strength is amazing—that’s the only reason she’s survived as long as she has and the reason that, despite the rapid progression of her disease, she was still deemed “too well” to be at the top of the list for a transplant.’ Lucinda went on, her outburst quickly forgotten as she argued Bianca’s case in an almost detached manner, relaying medical and technical details with such an air of authority that she knew as she concluded her persuasive speech she had won the argument—for now.
‘Well, let’s hope something comes up soon,’ Professor Hays said, and Lucinda breathed an inward sigh of relief. He turned to Pete Hughes. ‘Excellent work. It’s good to be seen at the weekends. Patients are still sick. Perhaps you’d like to operate tomorrow, we’ve got a couple of interesting cases. Maybe it’s time to see how much I’ve taught you. Miss Chambers and I will assist, of course.’ Professor Hays marched off to his office as the entourage dispersed.
‘Just a moment, Pete,’ Lucinda called as he made his way down the corridor. ‘If I might have a brief word.’ Pete gave a small nod and walked towards her, meeting her head on. She saw that his surly face had a look of defiance. ‘In my office.’
She closed the door but didn’t sit down. Dispensing with any niceties, she cut straight to the chase.
‘You just popped in to check on the patients? You reviewed Bianca thoroughly? Are we talking about the same night here? How about you were hanging around the ward waiting to pick up your latest girlfriend and you had a cursory glance at her notes? That would be somewhat nearer the mark.’
‘I had more than a “cursory glance” and Bianca was dozing. I thought it better to let her rest.’
‘Oh, come on, Pete, that’s no excuse and you damn well know it,’ Lucinda snapped, furious at his indifference.
‘You said yourself there was nothing abnormal to find. You’re the great consultant. What makes you think that I, a mere registrar, would have found anything different? Why do you think that I might pick up something you missed?’ So Seb had been right, that was what his problem was. Well, it was time to deal with it.
‘Oh, that’s the last thing I’m thinking, I can assure you of that. We both know you think this should be your office, that you should have got the job, but at the end of the day you didn’t, and in my opinion the best doctor won. If it’s a consultant’s position you’re after, Pete, you’d better start lifting your game. Next time a nurse is concerned, particularly one as senior as Ann Benton, try looking at the patient, not the notes.’
‘Have you finished?’ He spat the words through gritted teeth.
‘For now.’ She stood back as he brushed past and marched out of the office. Sitting at her desk, she put her head in her hands and took a deep breath. Lucinda had taken no pleasure in the confrontation, but Pete had to be brought in to line. She n
eeded him and relied on him too much for him to be slacking off. If he missed something, then potentially so did she. But there wasn’t time to dwell on her argument with Pete, for just as a watched kettle never boiled, the one time since Saturday night that she hadn’t been consciously wishing it would go off, the shrill bleeps of her transplant pager broke the silence. Grabbing the phone, she dialled the numbers. Please, let it be for Bianca, please, let it be for Bianca, she prayed silently as she calmly went through the motions. Someone must have been listening. Bianca’s ship had just come in—a near-perfect match!
All animosity with Pete was put firmly aside as the transplant team swung into action. More blood was taken from Bianca and the final checks were made that would determine if she was going to receive this precious chance. Flight teams were despatched to retrieve the organs, and in the hospital everyone came together. Each played their essential part, working alongside each other, from the professor down to the domestic staff who would prepare her post-operative room in the intensive care ward, meticulously cleaning and sterilising it to ensure the chance of post-operative infection was minimised. Each had a vital role to play and all did their best.
But finally when the arduous operation was completed it was left up to Bianca. The perfusionist weaned her off bypass and all held their breath as the new heart and lungs perfused. No matter how many times this operation had been performed, for all the staff watching it was still like seeing a miracle take place. Before she had even left the theatre Bianca’s colour was better than it had been in ages. Her oxygen readings reached new highs.
But her little body’s reserves were woefully depleted. The last few days had taken their toll on her already fragile health and there wasn’t much left to guard her for the long battle that lay ahead. Finally she was wheeled back to the huge sterile room in the intensive care unit, through the heavy double doors that would hopefully help to keep out infection which, along with rejection, was her biggest enemy.
Lucinda spoke with Bianca’s parents, but she was guarded with her optimism. Bianca had been given a chance but there was still a very long way to go. And then it was back to Bianca’s bedside where she spent the next few hours working alongside the anaesthetist and the nursing staff in the impossibly warm room, made worse by the gown, hat and mask she had to wear. Only when she was sure Bianca was stable did she leave her side and make her way to the on-call coffee-room.
Exhausted, she leant back on the sofa and closed her eyes for a moment, glad of the peace without the constant bleeping of monitors and hiss of the respirator, glad to be alone. But when she opened them, Seb was standing there like a beautiful mirage and Lucinda realised that she didn’t really want to be alone, and Seb was the one person she wanted to see.
He understood how fatigued she was, that the day had taken its toll.
‘You did a great job. I came and watched for a while from the viewing gallery.’
She gave a half-smile.
‘I wish it had been a few days ago. Bianca would have been so much stronger then.’
‘I know, but there’s more takers than givers—we can only do our best with what’s available. She’s got a chance now.’
Lucinda didn’t reply, she knew what he was saying was right. Bianca had received a precious gift, but in a perfect world she wouldn’t have had to wait so long. But then again, she reflected, in a perfect world she wouldn’t have been born with CF and the donor’s family wouldn’t be crying tonight, too, in agony over the death of a loved one. Lucinda’s heart went out to these unknown people, who in the depths of despair had made the bravest and most generous of decisions, who had somehow managed to rise above their grief for a moment and give hope to another family.
‘What are you thinking?’ His words gently broke into her thoughts.
Normally she would have stiffened and given some vague reply about her workload or charts that need to be written, but under Seb’s gaze she could only be honest. ‘About the donor’s family.’
Seb didn’t say anything, he just walked quietly over to the coffee percolator and poured her a cup.
‘How’s Billy?’
‘Good, thoroughly spoilt. I’ll need a second mortgage to pay for all the Robot videos he’s demanding.’
‘How are you?’
He shrugged, his hand pausing a moment too long as he went to pour the milk. ‘Getting there. Gemma went to Sydney this afternoon.’
‘I thought she wasn’t due to go for another week or so.’
Seb nodded. ‘You know how much she hates the hospital. She’s gone to get the move started and then she’ll fly back once Billy’s discharged. She’s going to spend a couple of weeks with him once he’s out of hospital. It works out better actually. Isabella will still come for a month but not so soon, so I don’t have to worry for six weeks yet about babysitters. Still, it was hard for him, saying goodbye.’
And you? she wanted to ask. How did you take her going? There were so many questions buzzing in her head. Why had they broken up? Why did he have custody? And, most importantly, did he still have any feelings for Gemma? But instead of asking, she just sat there quietly, not wanting to intrude, not wanting to make things worse for him.
Seb looked at her melancholy face. ‘What you need is chocolate.’ He opened one of the on-call rooms and Lucinda followed him. ‘I’ve got a stash here, Billy gets heaps and I’ve had to ration it.’ Lucinda sat on the bed as he broke a bar in two and gave her half. In itself it was no big deal that she was in there with him. Doctors spent so much time together it was more like a firemen’s dorm than a bedroom. No one would bat an eye if they walked in now and saw Lucinda perched on the bed. After all, the door was open and they were both fully dressed. But for Lucinda it was a huge deal. She had never been particularly chatty or friendly with any of her colleagues, not like this anyway. Her on-call nights in the mess had mainly been spent with her head in a book, studying for the next lot of exams.
‘You’re right—I did need chocolate.’ She yawned suddenly. ‘I had a bit of a confrontation with Pete Hughes this morning. It got pretty nasty.’
‘I’m sure he deserved it. Pete needs bringing into line.’
‘Still, it wasn’t very pleasant.’
‘Look, I know you adore the prof, but I’m sure you’d have to agree he’s not hot on confronting people. He’s too wrapped up in his medicine to deal with the frivolities of social interaction.’
Lucinda had to reluctantly agree. Professor Hays was easily the most skilled surgeon she had ever seen, but it was becoming all too apparent he wasn’t a ‘people person’. She thought back to the time he had avoided talking with Seb and Gemma, how he had given Seb a blow-by-blow account of the surgery he had performed on his son without softening the details.
‘Maybe it’s a trait amongst cardiothoracic surgeons,’ Lucinda said thoughtfully.
Seb looked at her, bemused. ‘What on earth are you talking about?’
‘Well, let’s face it. With the best will in the world you could hardly call me a great communicator. Every time I try to show a bit of compassion I end up sounding like my mother—and if you’d met her you’d realise I wasn’t paying myself a compliment. She’s the most shallow person you’re ever likely to meet.’
‘But you’re nothing like that,’ he argued.
‘It’s how I come across—you’ve heard me.’
‘Rubbish,’ Seb said confidently. ‘You’re a warm, perceptive, caring woman. It’s just that you’re…’ His voice trailed off.
She looked up. ‘Go on, say what you were going to.’
Seb started to laugh. ‘A really bad communicator.’
She had no choice but to laugh with him. ‘OK, Mr Man of the People,’ she said finally when Seb had finished laughing. ‘What do you suggest I do about Pete?’
‘Give it to him straight—he’s got to be told he won’t get anywhere until he tries harder because the prof will just let him carry on as he is until Pete misses the promotion boat again. You’re
better off laying down the law and hopefully Pete will start toeing the line.’
Lucinda by now was only half listening. At that moment she couldn’t have cared less about Pete or the professor. The long day had finally caught up with her and the thought of sleeping held far more charm. She put up her hand to stifle a yawn. ‘I’m exhausted.’
‘Rest, then,’ Seb said simply. He kicked the door shut and, stretching out on the bed, pulled her into his arms. Too tired to resist and so tempted by his touch, she slipped off her shoes and lay back against him. And though he didn’t kiss her or try anything—both knew it was neither the time nor place—Lucinda had never felt such an overwhelming feeling of rightness and peace as she lay there in his arms. Her eyes heavy, she glanced at the bedside clock. Eleven minutes past twelve—she wanted to remember the time and the day. After all it would go down in her history as the day that both Bianca and herself had been given a new beginning.
The smell of fresh coffee and a gentle kiss from Seb awoke her. Lucinda responded warmly but, suddenly aware she hadn’t brushed her teeth for ages, then she pulled away and stretched luxuriously.
‘What time is it?’
Seb smiled. ‘Six. I thought you said you were an incurable insomniac? You snored all night.’
‘I did not,’ she said indignantly, glad of the darkened room as she felt herself blush.
‘I’m only teasing, but you did sleep well. Chocolate for breakfast?’
‘There’ll be none left for Billy.’ Lucinda laughed as she peeled off the wrapper. ‘My mother would never forgive me if she saw me now.’
‘In a strange man’s room?’ Seb said jokingly.
‘Oh, no, she wouldn’t give a hoot about that—it’s the chocolate that would worry her. I’ll need to go on a diet at this rate. Queensland’s only a few weeks away and if I start putting on weight she’ll never let me hear the last of it.’
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