by Amanda Lance
I made myself another Manhattan and then called for a taxi.
The decrepit building Violet lived in was just south of Lincoln Park and just north of livable. It was dark and ominous, with bared basement windows that were held together with cracked glass. I followed the pattern of mold on the bricks and wondered if it was acting as a mortar. If a strong enough gust of wind came along, would the entire building collapse? It didn’t seem strong enough to house a dog, let alone a flower as fragile as Violet.
I didn’t think on it further before I let myself in and searched for her apartment. Luckily, it wasn’t difficult and I was knocking on her door before I could talk myself out of it. It occurred to me then, however, that I could very well be interrupting something between her and the flatfoot.
I pounded on the door harder until I heard something stirring from within. But despite the fact that I didn’t hear any signs of another male, I still wasn’t feeling the confidence that normally flourished.
“Who is it?” she called.
I took a step back from the door and smiled. Surely, if she did have a man with her, he would have answered—as naive as Violet could be, she did have that much common sense.
“Let me in.”
I heard her sigh through the thin door as if considering whether or not to open it. I held my breath, counting down the seconds until I heard her pull the lock chain.
“What are you doing here?”
Though I only got a glimpse of her, the faint scent of perfumed soap and aloe invaded my nostrils. We were barely face-to-face and she was already overwhelming me. “I was in the neighborhood.”
“You were in this neighborhood? Doing what? Trolling for a cross-dressing hooker?”
I smiled, and steadied myself against the wall. “Hey, that was only a one-time thing.”
Violet smiled wryly and rolled her eyes before closing the door so she could unlatch the chain. I tried to reel my tongue back in as I got to see her completely, but probably didn’t do a very good job of it. Weakened by the alcohol, I was no match for the sight of her in a light pink t-shirt and stripped pajama shorts, her bare feet showing off freshly painted toenails. Yet, while I stared freely at her and all her exposed flesh, I felt her eyes focus on my face. Within an instant, her expression went from mildly amused and curious to one of concern.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
Right to the heart of it. I thought. Great.
I pushed past her and let myself into her apartment. Though small and supplied with furniture that looked at least twenty-years-old, the box she lived in was clean and organized. Vaguely, it reminded me of the chambers in a nunnery. I laughed at the mere idea and shook my head.
“I’m the best attorney in the city; why wouldn’t I be okay?”
She sighed and shut the door behind me. “All of this nonsense will blow over, Sebastian. I know it’s stressful, but you can’t let it get to you.”
“That’s not what’s gotten to me.”
Though startled by my answer, Violet didn’t hesitate to respond. “What—have you been drinking?”
“Of course I have!” I threw my arms in the air and laughed wildly. “I am on vacation.”
“And whose fault is that?” She sighed, her face returning to the soft, kind expression I loved. “I don’t want you here if you’re drunk.”
She crossed her arms and turned her back on me, but there was something else in her voice that wasn’t entirely rejection. I stared at her while the opportunity allowed and deliberately waited before making my next move. “So if I was sober you would want me here?”
She scoffed, but said nothing else, giving me more leeway for what I was about to do next. I took a step closer and tested the waters.
“What about your boyfriend?”
Instantly, her body became rigid. She uncrossed and recrossed her arms before moving to sit by the window. The only thing outside of it was the brick wall of the adjoining building but she stared at it like it was a masterpiece in an art museum.
“Matt and I aren’t that serious,” she said finally.
“What?” I smiled for an instant before trying to make myself look indifferent. Exhibiting my all around glee at the sound of this statement probably wouldn’t help my cause. But instead of responding, Violet only glared at me before returning to stare out the window. The body language was subtle, but I had the answer I wanted.
“You haven’t slept with him.”
“Yet,” she said sharply.
I couldn’t control my joy any longer. My façade broke and waves of laughter rippled through me. Instantly, she stared daggers at me, but I still couldn’t keep myself from laughing.
“I told you,” I managed to say between chuckles.
Violet stood up, clenching her fists. “Told me what?”
I calmed myself long enough to respond. “That I’d ruin you.”
“Shut up.”
The sight of her increasing anger was a beautiful one. Incapable of laughing in the face of such beauty, I quieted myself. With fiery eyes and smoke practically coming out of her ears, I had never found her lovelier. “I have, haven’t I? I’ve ruined you for other men.”
“I’ll ruin your face if you don’t shut up,” She snapped
I smiled and took a step closer. So my flower wasn’t so fragile after all.
“You miss me,” I insisted. “You miss me being inside of you.”
“I don’t miss anything about you.”
Perhaps it was her fury or my own weakness, but I couldn’t see the lie in her expression. Up until that moment, my confidence had been at an all time high.
“You’re getting to be a better liar.” I looked away from her and at the floor. What would I do if she kicked me out? I didn’t know if I could stand another night without her, let alone the rest of my life. “A much better liar.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Yes you are,” I tried. “You wouldn’t be so angry with me if you didn’t miss me.”
“You’re absurd.” She waved me away, but the promise of seeing her smile again wouldn’t allow me to give up just yet. I reached for one of the fists still balled at her sides. Instantly, it went limp under my touch and I took the invitation to pull her closer to me.
“Yes,” I whispered in her ear. “I am.”
Her gasp at the feel of my lips on her ear gave the rest of her away. I made a note to myself to compliment the advancement of her bluffing skills later, but at the moment I didn’t want to push my luck further, and the soft flesh of her neck practically begged for my lips.
Though I was sure I wouldn’t be able to contain myself, my first layer of kisses was light—they might even have been perceived as gentle in the right eyes. Violet gave in to them easily, her body becoming relaxed as she moved her arms around me. Overjoyed by this physical response, I continued my assault, moving my hands under her shirt and caressing the small of her back.
Violet’s breath became heightened at the feel of my hardening cock pressing into her pajama shorts. I smiled to myself and moved the collar of her shirt aside enough to bite into her shoulder.
“F—four ‘no’s’ and one ‘yes’ doesn’t equal yes,” she stuttered.
“Do you really want me to stop…?”
Her mouth opened but no sound emerged. I bit her once again and pulled the t-shirt over her head, pleased to see she wore no bra, her nipples already standing at attention for me.
“That’s what I thought,” I said and reached to cup both of her tits in my hands. I fingered both nipples for a moment before falling to my knees in front of her, increasingly eager to fuck her as soon as possible.
She continued to gasp as I laid kisses on her lower abdomen. I revealed in her impatience, the feeling of her hands in my hair, and the tightening of her muscles as I snaked my hands around to her perfect ass.
“Sebastian…”
I circled my tongue around her navel. “I’ve missed the way you say my name.”
From the
feel of her smooth skin to the smell of her arousal as I buried my nose against her crotch—everything about her made me weak.
I hissed as she dug her nails into my shoulders, prompting me to gaze up at her and her earnestness. I had her exactly where I wanted her.
“I need you to make love to me,” she breathed. “Right now.”
“No.” I licked my lips and inserted a single finger inside her warm wetness. “You need me to fuck you right now.”
Much to my surprise, however, she was still resistant. “No,” she insisted weakly as she tried to pull away. “Make love to me. Pretend that you truly care about me—make me believe it.”
I pulled away from her and returned to standing. Violet’s face was flushed with the sharpness of lust—that was easy enough to identify. But the way her voice cracked at her request made it clear that something was threatening to dull the serration of her desire. I tangled her hands in my hair and tried to catch my breath. Violet’s eyes were wide and shining with something that mirrored my own. Could it have been love?
Once again I kissed her, hard this time, providing extra attention to her lower lip the way she liked. Eager to abide by her request, I picked her up as if we were newlyweds walking through the threshold. And somehow, as she giggled and tried to remove my shirt, I wasn’t repulsed by the idea.
I took my time with her, peppering kisses on the upper half of her body and sliding the remainder of her clothes off. But as in many things, Violet got the best of me again as she ran her nails over my balls so gently, I swore I could have come right then and there.
“Violet—”
I was ready for it, had dreamed of it and thought about it for days. Yet as I closed my eyes to the impended pleasure, Violet brought me back to her.
“No.” I heard her breathe the word before she took my face in her hands and forced me to look at her.
“Look at me—please,” she whispered. “Make me believe it.”
I kissed her cheek as I aligned my pelvis with hers. I entered her slowly, looking into her eyes during each thrust, gripping her hips tighter as the pleasure continued to build. As I hoped, she wrapped her legs around me, unwilling to let go as her hips rose to meet me. Within moments our moans were nearly synchronized, and if we did break eye contact it was only to merge our lips together.
“Ah…”
I was making incoherent noises of my own, but as the first trembles of Violet’s orgasm began to run through her, I was rejuvenated to hold out a little longer. Her body contorted violently, giving me a prime opportunity to reach up and once again run my thumbs over her sensitive nipples. When my own release came, I plunged my tongue deep into her mouth to avoid calling out her name.
A moment later we pulled apart, shaking and smiling equally. But before she could try and kick me out, I settled myself behind her, resting my arm around her.
“Good job,” she said with a giggle.
I kissed the back of her shoulder and smiled. “No kidding.”
“Not about that, well that, too” she added with a smile. “But I was complimenting you on your ability to play pretend. You did a great job making me think you care.” She threw in a scoff for good measure. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you even loved me.”
Yes, if you didn’t know any better.
Chapter 5
Violet
To complete his performance, Sebastian spent the entire night in my bed, combing his fingers through my hair while I fell asleep. And though he was gone before I woke up in the morning, he’d left a kiss on my cheek that I was certain I hadn’t dreamed.
Maybe I should have made the effort to wake up while he was still in my bed, but I would have been lying to us both if I’d said that I knew what to say to him after such a night together. I was relatively new to confrontation, and not only did I not have the stomach to shoo him away, I had already made it obvious that I was easily persuaded by a gentle touch and a few kind kisses. After giving myself away, or showing so much weakness—as Sebastian might say—I was certain my attempts to get rid of him wouldn’t be taken so seriously.
Regardless, I regretted not at least saying good-bye to him before he left. With my feelings in turmoil, I pictured it throughout the day, hardly able to focus while I delivered coffees and answered phone calls at the office. Sebastian had clearly made a solid effort last night and yet nothing had been resolved between us. Or had it? Sebastian had clearly tied on more than a couple before showing up at my apartment, and while he looked as though something was genuinely bothering him, he never told me what it was and probably had no intention of doing so. Without decent conversation, our intimacy had obviously been nothing more than a booty call.
Booty call or otherwise, I couldn’t deny the fact that being with Sebastian again was exactly what I wanted. The feeling of him inside of me had been more than pleasurable; it had released over a week’s worth of tension and the ominous feelings that had been brewing inside of me. And though my initial thoughts filled me with guilt, I knew that pretending I didn’t feel something for Sebastian wouldn’t be good for me.
I called Matt and promptly broke up with him.
Though I’ll admit to feeling bad about it, there was an undeniable relief associated with being honest with Matt. He was an incredibly nice guy who didn’t deserve to be led on. I emphasized this along with the fact that if we had met in a different time and place, I could have easily fallen for him. And when he asked me if it was because I had feelings for someone else, I was honest about that, too.
Overall, he was nice about it—which made me feel worse than better—but I managed to shrug it off by the time I left the office, assuring myself that it was better for me to do it as soon as possible rather than put it off. That way, by the time I got home I could bask in the experience Sebastian and I had shared the night before. At this point I seriously doubted we could ever have anything other than a physical relationship and frankly, I wasn’t sure if I wanted anything more than that. I was still thinking it over when my phone rang, bringing me out of my thoughts.
“Hello?”
Silence was the only thing that greeted me. So I waited a few seconds before trying again.
“Hello?”
There was a slight pause before I heard a heavy breath on the other line. Then, a shiver ran down my spine just before the line went dead.
Chapter 6
Violet
“Did you just call me?”
“No” Even over the phone I could tell Sebastian was smiling. “Did you want me to?”
I put down my bag and took a seat on my couch. “I just got a hang-up. I thought it might have been you.”
“Wishful thinking, I’m sure.”
Smiling, I kicked off my shoes and sighed. “Does that ego of yours ever take a break?”
He answered my question with another question. “Am I going to see you tonight?”
“I—I didn’t know you would want to.”
“Well, they say the first sign of alcoholism is drinking alone—I’m really trying to avoid that.”
I laughed and considered my options. “Well, I guess I could help you with that.”
We met at a wine bar called Eno, a trendy little place that wasn’t as crowded as I’d expected it to be—making him easy to spot on a lonely barstool. Even from far away, I admired how sleek he looked in his dark blue button-down shirt and khaki pants. And instantly, I wondered if my black blouse with white polka dots and red skirt wasn’t too juvenile. Still, I held my head up high and twisted the metal bracelets around my wrist before approaching.
Despite my uneasiness, it all melted away the second Sebastian saw me. With his gaze running up and down my body, I could have sworn I saw his eyes briefly pop out of his head. He quickly looked away, however, gesturing to the bartender before staring into the abyss of his glass.
“It’s about time,” he said gruffly.
I rolled my eyes and took the seat next to him. “Nice to see you, too.”
Sebastian smiled and commanded the bartender to ‘fetch’ me a glass of chardonnay. I opened my mouth to protest, to remind him that he didn’t have the right to order for me, but since a glass of chardonnay was exactly what I wanted I decided to keep quiet. I’d have to choose my battles.
“You should have let me pick you up,” he said.
I thanked the bartender for my wine and took a long sip before responding. “I agreed to get a drink with you, not fool around in my apartment again.”
Sebastian just grinned and stared into his drink.
“What?” I said with a laugh. “Did I read your mind?”
“You shouldn’t be traveling around this city by yourself—not so late at nigh,t anyway.”
“Thanks, but I can take care of myself.”
He moved his glass in a circle around the coaster. I was almost certain it was just the low lighting, but I could have sworn that his smile expressed more sadness than amusement. “Tell me about this hang-up call. Was that the first one?”
“I’ve gotten more than usual lately.” I shrugged and took another sip of my drink and continued to try and study his expression. The sudden change in subject seemed strange to me, but what was even odder was his choice of distraction. Sebastian was knowledgeable about a vast number of topics but he was interested in my phone bill? “Why do you ask?”
“I want you to be more careful,” he said, more seriously than I would have liked. “Don’t leave your apartment alone after dark; watch who gets into an elevator with you—”
There was something dark in Sebastian’s voice and demeanor than I didn’t like. Was he messing with me again? Trying to get under my skin because he was afraid I would jump on the lawsuit bandwagon?
I cut him off. “I don’t like the direction this is going in, Sebastian. If you’re still pretending to care about me—”
“Maybe I’m not pretending.” I watched his body tensed. I didn’t understand this game, and I wasn’t willing to learn it.