by Beth Rinyu
"Yeah well, he's got his brain so involved in this case and possibly other things -"
"Nicole, stop. Dailan is completely in love with you. Don't you dare let that little bitch make you doubt him."
"Yeah, I just feel so stressed out right now."
"How's your mother-in-law?" She giggled.
"Actually, I had a very nice day with her today. I really don't think she means anything with her little digs. That’s just how she is. She’s the same way with Dailan, so I’m not taking it personally anymore.”
I finished up my coffee and couldn’t stall any longer. I needed to get to the store to get Ella’s formula or Kitty would have no choice but to give her milk.
I pulled into the driveway and took a deep breath. I walked in the house, telling myself that I was going to confront Dailan in a calm manner. I bit my lip and held back everything that I wanted to say when I looked into the living room and saw him holding Ella on his lap while playing a video game with Ryan. They both looked so happy to be with him and I didn’t want to ruin it for them by getting into it with him now. So I would put on my best forced smile for their sake and bottle it up until we could be alone. “Hey, Ryan, when did you get home?”
“I picked him up while you were gone for two hours, picking up formula,” Dailan answered rather sarcastically.
Oh, God forbid I leave the house and take a few hours to myself. I raised my eyebrow and stared at him intently. “Oh, I’m sorry; I stopped off at Donna’s. I didn’t know that I needed your permission first.” Ryan looked at me and then at Dailan. I knew that he was sensing the tension between the two of us. Stop, Nicole. You’re not going to do this in front of Ryan.
I took a deep breath and went into the kitchen, where Dailan’s mother was making her best attempt at cooking. “Kitty, what are you doing?” I asked.
“Well, it’s been a long time since I tried my hand at cooking, so I figured I’d try my mother’s famous chicken recipe for dinner.”
I grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and poured us each a glass. Kitty cooking was bad enough, but Kitty cooking under the influence of alcohol was just a stomachache waiting to happen. We were on our third glass of wine when Dailan walked in with Ella. “Are you planning on feeding her dinner or are you too busy drinking wine?”
“Stop getting fresh with your wife,” Kitty said, smacking him with the dishtowel in her hand.
I literally bit my tongue to stop myself from responding the way I really wanted to. “I think I’ll continue to drink wine. I trust that you can feed her dinner just as well as I can.”
I knew he didn’t appreciate my sarcastic comment back, just by the way he glared at me. I stared right back, letting him know that I wasn’t too pleased with him either right now.
I got through the rest of the night avoiding any more confrontations with Dailan. I was in bed, reading, when he finally came upstairs. He got into bed and I put my book down. Round 1, I thought to myself. “So, why was Rachel Wiser in your car today?” I asked.
“What?” I could tell that I took him totally off guard.
“Your car reeked of her nasty perfume.”
“She had a flat tire and I gave her a ride home.”
“Did she ever hear of Triple A?” He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “So did everyone else work today or just you two?”
“Why the fuck do you always want to start these conversations right before bed, when I’m exhausted?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because that’s the only time I ever see you anymore.”
“Nicole, I’m sorry if right now my job is taking priority and I’m not around like I should be. But don’t start accusing me of shit, just because you have some axe to grind with this girl over something that happened ten years ago.”
“Oh, sorry if I get a little pissed because my husband is spending more time with some bitch that he knows I hate than he is with his wife and family.”
“Grow up, Nicole.”
This time, I didn’t care who knew I was sleeping on the couch. There was no way in hell that I was sleeping with him tonight. I grabbed my pillow and a blanket. “You have no idea what I went through with her. And I’m sorry if I’m asking too much just to have my own husband be a little sensitive to my feelings about this. You know, Dailan, sometimes I really hate you.”
I walked out the door and headed down the stairs to the couch. I realized that what had happened was a long time ago, but the feelings were still so deep. She not only hurt me, but she tried to hurt Ryan with her actions as well. I was just starting to drift off to sleep when I was awakened to someone nudging me. I jumped when I saw Ryan standing over top of me. I rubbed my eyes and tried my best to focus.
“Hey, Ryan. What’s the matter?”
“I had a bad dream that woke me up. I just came downstairs to get something to drink. Why are you sleeping down here?”
“Oh, Uncle Dailan was snoring.” I didn’t want him to know that anything was wrong. Ryan was super sensitive whenever Dailan and I would get into any disagreement at all.
“Oh,” he said, looking a little relieved.
I sat up and he sat down on the couch next to me. “So, did you want to tell me about this bad dream? Sometimes it’s easier to forget if you talk about it.”
He took a deep breath and began to speak. “Well, this scary-looking monster thingy came into my room and he took me away and I was screaming for you and Uncle D, but you guys couldn’t hear me.”
I hugged him tightly and kissed him on the head. “That was definitely just a dream, Ryan. I promise you I would never let a monster take you away. I would die before I ever let anyone hurt you or Ella. Do you want to sleep down here with me?”
He nodded as a smiled stretched across his face. We both lay down on the couch and I wrapped my arms around him tightly. I kissed him on the head and it was only a matter of minutes before he was drifting off to sleep. I was so glad that I was able to comfort him and put his fears to rest. He didn’t need to know that I feared that monster just as much as he did.
Chapter 31
Nicole
The week flew by. Dailan and I were still not on the best of terms. It wasn’t hard to avoid each other, since he basically lived at work. I found that the less we said to each other, the less of a chance of us getting into a fight. I was dying to know if he had responded to that attorney regarding Ryan, but I knew if I were to mention it now, it would only start up another argument. He had it all under control, or so he said.
His mother was leaving tomorrow night and he had spent zero time with her. Much to my surprise, I had enjoyed this past week with Kitty. We seemed to grow a lot closer in our time spent together. I was so not looking forward to going to this work party with Dailan. I would have much rather preferred to be spending the night with Ryan and Ella. As much as I hated to admit it, Dailan and I were becoming complete strangers and I hated it.
I gave myself one last look in the full-length mirror. Kitty did well with her choice of dress for me, a hunter green colored, short sheath sleeveless sweetheart dress.
“Look at your beautiful wife, Dailan,” Kitty said as a smile stretched across her face when I walked down the stairs.
He flashed me that crooked little smile, the one that I loved so much and hadn’t seen in so long. “You look hot.”
Kitty smacked him on the shoulder. “You don’t tell your wife she’s hot; you tell her she’s beautiful.”
I gave Ryan and Ella about a thousand kisses before heading out the door. “You really do look beautiful,” Dailan said once we got into the car.
“Thanks.” I managed a smile.
We arrived at the restaurant and I was immediately greeted by Debbie. “Oh my goodness, Nicole! I love that dress!”
“Hey, thanks!” My smile quickly faded away when I saw Rachel approaching, dressed in a fringe type dress that hugged every inch of her body.
“Hi, Debbie,” Rachel said, sounding a little too enthusiastic.
; “Oh, hi, Rachel. Don’t you just love that dress Nicole is wearing? Of course, it helps when you’re so tiny. I’m so envious that I can’t wear stuff like that,” Debbie said.
“Well, Nicole always was tiny. That’s why she always made the best flyer on the cheerleading squad,” Rachel said, giving me a smirk. I looked at her blankly. I could honestly say that I hated her guts!
“Well, if you’ll excuse me, Debbie,” I said. I walked off to find Dailan, who was talking to his boss.
“Nicole, it’s so nice to see you again,” Mr. Allan, Dailan’s boss, said, giving me a kiss on my cheek.
I stayed close by Dalian the whole night. I felt a little unsociable, but the last thing I felt like doing was having any more conversation with Rachel. But she seemed to be popping up everywhere. I wanted to throw up when I heard her going on and on to Mr. Allan about what a wonderful boss Dailan was and how she worked late all this week helping him out with this case. Even though Dailan seemed to be paying her no mind, I was still seething inside. Every time she would make one of her comments, she would look at me with her sly little grin. I looked down at my watch and realized it was close to nine. I wanted to call Ryan and tell him good night before he went to bed. I was getting horrible cell phone reception inside the restaurant, so I decided to walk outside to make my call. I stood in the outside gazebo that overlooked the bay and placed my call. Kitty answered the phone and assured me that everything was under control. She had just put Ella down and she and Ryan were finishing up a movie. She put Ryan on the phone so I could tell him good night. I hung up the phone and stood by the water for a little while longer. I wasn’t much in the mood for socializing. I had so much on mind. Ryan, Dailan, my marriage, just to name a few. I took a deep breath and turned around to head back inside. I jumped when I saw Rachel standing behind me, lighting up a cigarette.
“Nasty habit, I know,” she said as she exhaled the smoke out. I completely ignored her and continued walking. “Nicole, maybe if you stopped being such a bitch, your husband would actually spend more time at home than at the office.”
I was doing a good job avoiding her and ignoring her all night, but this - I just couldn’t let it go. I turned around and gave her a sarcastic faux smile.
“I’m only a bitch to the people that I hate. So if you think I’m being a bitch, then I guess I’ve achieved my goal.”
“Score!” she said with that arrogant smirk that made me want to smack her head off her shoulders. She blew the smoke out of her mouth extra hard so it went in my face.
“Oops, hope you’re not pregnant again. You remember how secondhand smoke can affect the baby.” She laughed.
“Go to hell, you fuckin’ bitch.” I turned around and walked back into the restaurant. I was done putting on a happy face. I just wanted to find Dailan and leave.
Chapter 32
Nicole
The past…
It was my last day of school. My home tutoring was to begin next week. My stomach was expanding and I now looked pregnant, causing the whispers and stares to begin once again. I was counting the hours until I could get out of the fish bowl full of piranhas. I was finding that as my belly grew, my bladder was becoming weaker. I was running into the bathroom in between every class. I had closed the door on the stall when I heard Rachel and Kirsten enter the bathroom. I heard the window crack open and immediately smelled the burning of a cigarette. Oh great, I thought to myself as I continued to pee.
“Oh my God, Kirsten, I feel like I need to not eat for like five days now. Jonathan is picking me up after school and you know he’s gonna want to have sex, and I feel so fat.”
“Rachel, you have a killer bod,” Kirsten said. She was so brainwashed by Rachel, it was pathetic.
“Well, cigarette smoking may be bad for you, but it curbs your appetite,” Rachel said as they both began to laugh. I tried to wait it out for as long as I could in the stall. But if I wanted to make it on time to my chemistry class, I couldn’t wait any longer. I took a deep breath and told myself just to ignore her. They were both puffing away on their cigarettes, making a poor attempt at inhaling when I opened the door to the stall.
“Oh, Nicole, you won’t rat us out, will you?” Rachel smirked. I didn’t answer. I just washed my hands as if they weren’t even standing there. “I’m really sorry; I shouldn’t be smoking in front of you. Secondhand smoke can be very harmful to an unborn baby.” She looked over at Kirsten and they both began to giggle. I dried my hands as if the two of them were invisible. I was just about to make my escape, but not before Rachel took a huge puff of her cigarette and blew it right in my face.
“You are a fuckin’ bitch, Rachel Wiser - I hope you die!”
“Oh no! She hopes I die!” Rachel laughed. “And I hope your baby is born with cancer!” She and Kirsten both began to giggle. I was seriously about to haul off and punch her just as Mrs. Finley, the cheerleading coach, came walking into the bathroom, catching her and Kirsten red handed, puffing away on their cigarettes.
“Miss Wiser and Miss Hanley, down to the principal’s office now!”
“This is such bullshit!” Rachel said as she and Kirsten put out their cigarettes and walked past me.
“Are you okay, Nicole?” Mrs. Finley must have seen the tears in my eyes.
“Yeah, I will be once I get away from her for good.”
“Look, Nicole, I know she’s been giving you a really hard time these past few months and you’ve handled it like a lady. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in college, honey. You are a really great kid and don’t let anyone try and tell you otherwise.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Finley. That means a lot.”
“I’m going to miss my best cheerleader next year, Nicole.”
“Yeah, well, sorry I let you down this year and couldn’t be on the squad.”
“That’s okay. You had more important things to take care of,” she said, rubbing my belly.
“Shoot!” I shouted as I heard the bell ring.
“Come on; I’ll walk you down to Mr. Bryne’s class and tell him I’m the reason you’re late.”
I headed out of the bathroom and down the hallway. I rubbed my belly lightly. Yes, I did have more important things to take care of and he was the most important thing in the whole wide world.
Chapter 33
Nicole
The car ride home was mostly silent. I wished now that I had stuck with my original plan of not going. I hated seeing the way that Rachel spoke about Dailan as if she knew him so well, and the fact that he was even cordial to her made my stomach turn. I had wondered just how many overtime hours she had been putting in with him. I scolded myself for wondering if all those hours were strictly business. I trusted Dailan; it was Rachel that made me have such thoughts.
“What’s the matter with you?” Dailan asked when we were almost home.
I shook my head and continued to look out the window. “Nothing.” I knew that if I had told Dailan about my little altercation with Rachel earlier, he would just roll his eyes and tell me to get over it; which in turn would just piss me off. So in order to avoid a fight, I said nothing.
I was so glad finally to be home. I immediately went upstairs to check on Ryan and Ella, who were both fast asleep.
I was exhausted both mentally and physically. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and changed into my pajamas. I crawled into bed next to Dailan and kissed him on his cheek. “Good night.”
He pulled me closer to him and whispered in my ear, “I can’t even remember the last time we had sex.”
Neither could I, but sex was the last thing on my mind right now. And the few times that I had tried to initiate it over the past few weeks, Dailan was too busy on his laptop with work. “Yeah, well, sorry,” was all I could muster.
He hovered over me. “Well, we need to fix that,” he whispered as he began to kiss me.
“Dailan - your mother.”
“Nicole, her bedroom is downstairs on the other end of the house,” he said as he
continued to kiss me. I was so not in the mood for sex tonight, but I didn’t want to start another argument. He lifted my shirt over my head and began to tease my breasts with his tongue. I knew it was horrible for me to be thinking the way that I was, but I just wanted to get it over with. I was so tired, all I wanted to do was go to sleep. He removed my pajama bottoms and I was both happy and surprised when he quickly entered me. That was so unlike Dailan; normally he would get me to the point where I was practically begging for him. I tried my hardest to relax and just enjoy it, but my mind kept wandering to Ryan and this whole custody thing, my constant arguing with Dailan and his lack of presence as of late, and Rachel and the late nights and weekends that she had been spending with him, working on this case. As hard as I tried, I knew there was no way that I could block out all of those thoughts; I knew that Dailan was ready and just waiting for me. So, do I fake it? Or do I just tell him the truth, which I knew would be a huge blow to his ego – this had never happened before. I decided that honesty was the best policy. “Dailan, it’s just not going to happen for me tonight, so you could just go ahead and…well, you know.”
He stopped moving. “Come on, Nicole, just relax.”
“I can’t, Dailan. It’s okay, really it is,” I reassured him.” He began to move again quickly. I helped him out even more by kissing him on his neck. I finally felt the warmth of him inside of me. He was breathing heavily. I ran my hands up and down his back. “I love you,” I whispered.
“I love you too,” he said as he rolled over on his side of the bed, seeming a little angry.
“Hey, what’s the matter?” I asked, resting my head on his chest.
“What the hell was that all about, Nicole?”
“Oh my God, Dailan, this has been the first time this has happened with us ever. Tell me that you’re seriously not upset over it.” He didn’t respond. I hugged him tightly and kissed him on the chest. Being in the comfort of his arms was more gratifying than sex for me tonight, knowing that Dailan was here with me for the present moment, not focusing on work or all of the other things that seemed to have him preoccupied lately was all the satisfaction that I needed.